Chapter 20
“I’m sorry, Gwyneth, I can’t help you.”
All day that was what Teddy had heard. Can’t help. No way to fix it. Can’t be undone.
“What the fuck does that mean?” he roared. “You haven’t met him, you don’t know a goddamn thing, but you can sit there and say you can’t help. I say that’s bullshit! It’s not that you can’t help, it’s that you won’t .”
“Teddy, you need to calm?—”
Teddy clenched his fists so hard, his nails were digging into his palm. He could feel the warmth of the blood as it trickled down his fingers. “Don’t, Gwyneth. Don’t tell me to calm down. I’m sick to fucking death of everyone saying Byk is going to….” He swallowed hard, the words choking him. “Going to die.”
“That isn’t what I’m saying at all,” said Dr. Tanner. “I’m saying I don’t know how to help him. What you’ve sent me is so far over my head, it would be like showing advanced calculus to a kindergartener and asking them to solve the equation. I’m not even sure where they would get this kind of information, because I read every journal on the brain I can find, and I have never even heard of this. What they did is take science fiction and turned it into science fact.”
Teddy had never been good at hiding his anger, always riding so close to the surface. He sneered at the person on the screen. “So long story short, he’s going to die.”
Her features softened. “I don’t have answers. I don’t even know how to begin to find them. I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m guessing they all had the same problem. I truly am sorry, but I simply don’t know. That said, I’m more than willing to come there to see if I can do anything at all, but I’m going to be honest, it’s not likely.”
“This isn’t fair!” Teddy bellowed. “He’s a good man, and this isn’t fair!” He turned and slammed a fist into the window of the office, shattering it, the shards spreading out into the hallway.
“Teddy!”
Gwyneth took a few steps toward him, but Teddy shook his head and held up his other hand. “Don’t come near me, Gwyn. Just… don’t.”
A shadow fell over the room, and Teddy knew this was what he needed.
“What the fuck did you do?”
Teddy turned and snarled at Cece. “What the hell does it look like I did?”
“Something stupid, obviously. Talk to me.”
“Just get away from me, Cece.”
She gave him a soft smile. “Not how it works, Teddy bear. You might be Mal’s pack now, but you’re still a brother to me. I can’t— won’t —walk away when you’re hurting.”
And he was. Every call they made that failed felt like another piece of his heart was being torn out as he came closer to the realization that if these smart people couldn’t help, what could he do? He was utterly helpless.
“Teddy….” She reached out, and the rage boiled up inside him. Teddy needed a target, and with Cece there, he had the perfect one. He swung at her with all his might. It was hardly a surprise when she caught his fist in midflight and stopped him cold as she clucked her tongue. “I thought I trained you better than that? You don’t fight angry. That leads to?—”
“To what? Killing people like Hyde? You were angry then, but you still went after him.”
She gave a cold smile that chilled Teddy. “Oh, no, sweetheart. I wasn’t angry. I saw Malachi on the floor, with Alp sobbing over losing his mate, and I was dead calm. Why? In my heart, I knew the bastard had to die because he’d hurt my family, and I will never regret making that decision.”
“So now he’s hurt my family, and what? I’m supposed to be fine with it?”
He wanted to make Cece angry. He wanted her to fight him. He needed to feel something other than the cold rage that filled him. She could do it. She always did, but not this time. Instead she moved into his personal space and wrapped her arms around him. He wanted to lash out, to force her to take him down, but all the strength was drained from him. He put his head on her shoulder and wailed at the injustice of it all. He just found his mate, his one chance at a life, and now he was going to lose him.
Teddy sniffled. “I can’t, Cece. I can’t.”
She stroked a hand over his back. “You know as well as I do, the Maker will do what she deems best.”
And she would. In his heart, Teddy knew that, but he also knew one other thing. “Then I need you to make me a promise. You swear you’ll do what I ask?”
“Yes, I will.”
“If Byk dies, I want you to kill me so that I can join him.” She tensed, and he wrapped his arms around her, then squeezed. “You’ve given me your vow, and you will honor it.”
A deep sigh and she went limp. “I will,” she promised. “I don’t like it, but I can’t imagine my life without my mate. I have the boys, but…. It isn’t the same for us, is it?”
Teddy shook his head. “We—Byk and I—haven’t known each other that long, and already I can’t see a life without him and can barely recall my life before him. My stupid bear wants to crawl into a den with him and wait there until the end comes for us both.”
She kissed his cheek. “That’s how it is with animals. As humans, we can’t lose hope. That’s what separates our two halves.”
Hope? He had that once. He was sure they’d be able to help Byk, that he could be the hero in this man’s beautiful eyes. That he could look at his reflection in the mirror and forget the failures of his past, instead of seeing the worst one of all.
“Kick my ass, Cece. Please,” he begged. “I need…. I need….”
“To get out of your head for a while? I get it, I do. The problem is, I don’t think it will help you. It’s not the kind of fight you can run from, not even in a real battle. May I make a suggestion?”
He wanted the hurt to go away, but maybe she was right. “Sure, I guess.”
“If Byk—and you—have a limited time left on earth, don’t you think you should be spending it together? How do you think he’s feeling now, knowing that you’re not with him and he’s alone?”
Fuck it all to hell. He’d been so stressed, he left Byk in their room. “You’re right. I… thank you, Cece.” He kissed her cheek. “I am forever in your debt.”
She grinned and cuffed him on the arm. “We can spar later. You can bring Ivan. I haven’t kicked your asses in far too long.”
With that, he turned and rushed back to the room. When he approached it, the sound of laughter stopped him. Someone was in the room with Byk?
“And then he crawled out on the ice to pull the stupid duck in, only to find out it was frozen in the water.”
Ivan. Of course.
“Oh, no. Poor duck. Was it okay?”
A chuckle. “Much better than Teddy was when father got hold of him.” He pitched his voice low, sounding too eerily like their father. “How dare you risk your life for a duck. If it had died, it could still be dinner. They’re cheap, but good help is not.”
“Oh.” Byk sounded pained. “I’m… sorry.”
“Do not be, little Byk. Teddy has a heart as big as the outdoors, and it is easily bruised. He was never cut out to be a bodyguard. I will be honest with you, this job? It’s perfect for him. He only has to satisfy the wolf and rabbit and you. Beyond that, he is beholden to no one.” A cough. “And dear brother, it isn’t right to eavesdrop.”
Busted. He went to the door and gave a small wave. “Hey, Byk.”
“Teddy!” Byk was off the bed and in Teddy’s arms in a second. That luscious smell that could only come from Byk was amazing. He peered up at Teddy. “So what did they… oh.”
He held Byk tighter, not wanting him to spiral into pity. It was bad enough Teddy was. “No one is giving up!” Teddy stressed.
“They can’t help. I didn’t think they could. The whispers in my head keep getting louder.”
Whispers? That was the first Teddy had heard. “What do you mean?”
“I hear Cooper’s voice. It tells me how disgusting I am, how sick. He used to say it all the time, but now? It’s… there’s more. He’s filling my thoughts, and it’s hard to blot him out.”
“Then focus on me. On the family you’ve built here. Let us drown out that voice.”
Byk snorted. “What family? I only know you.”
“Should I be offended, little bull?”
He peered over his shoulder. “And Ivan.”
“And the doctor, the rabbit, the wolf. Everyone you’ve met, even when you were stuck in your bull form, is someone who cared about you. Cared for you. They all have a vested interest in making sure you’re happy. They—we—all want you to be a member of Wald pack. Our pack.”
“See? It is as I said, little bull. Teddy is madly, passionately in love with you. If I know my brother, he has been at his wit’s end trying to help. I am not a smart man. My brother likes to pretend he isn’t. If you wonder how I knew he was smart, you have simply to see your face reflected in his gaze. Never, not even with our parents, have I beheld that kind of love.”
“And Cece and Damon,” Teddy corrected.
“And the rabbit’s mother and father,” Ivan admitted. “Let me rephrase. The kind of love I see in Teddy’s eyes humbles me. It’s a rare gift, and I find myself hoping to one day know that kind of feeling.”
Ivan rarely spoke from the heart, but when he did, Teddy always found it stirring something within himself, like he had to be worthy of those words. Ivan had changed since the last time Teddy saw him. He was more introspective now, not his usual ribald self. He wanted to know what was going on with him, but right now, Teddy’s priority had to be Byk.
“Ivan, we can talk later, if you want.”
“Or now,” Byk added. “We could sit down and talk.”
A smile, but not the normal wide one. This was shy and serious. “No, but thank you. Perhaps later. I will take my leave now, so that the two of you can speak.” Ivan stood, then came to where Byk was still hugging Teddy and wrapped them both in an embrace, then kissed each on the temple. “Little brother, be good to your bull. He is charming company, and he should not ever be sad.”
Then before Teddy could agree, Ivan was gone.
“You should go after him,” Byk whispered. “I think there’s something wrong.”
Teddy was torn. He was between the two people he loved more than any in the world, and leaving either would hurt.
“Go!” Byk said harshly. “Don’t let him be alone like this. I’ll be fine, I swear.”
Permission given, Teddy took off after his brother. It took several minutes to find him, because Ivan was hiding in a storage room. When Teddy opened the door, Ivan scrubbed a hand over his eyes and looked up with a big, fake-as-hell smile.
“Little brother! Is good to see you. Come, we should have vodka to celebrate.”
Teddy stepped inside and closed the door. “We’re worried about you,” he said, sliding down the wall and sitting beside Ivan.
“Why would you worry? I’m Ivan, the life of the party. Never any worries for Ivan, no sirree Bob.” Then he choked back a sob. “You’re lucky, you know. Your mate loves you.”
“Of course he does. One day if you decide to have a mate, they’ll love you—Oh. Oh, Ivan.” He pulled his brother into a hug and sat holding him as he whimpered.
“He said he doesn’t want me here. He would prefer I go back with Cece.”
“He?”
Ivan nodded. “Da. My mate is a man. Cute as a button, he is, but with an attitude that makes Cece seem sane by comparison.”
Who could it possibly…? “Jerome. It is, isn’t it?”
“Da. My little kitten wishes me to leave.”
“Let me guess. Your bear is saying he’s yours, right?”
“What? No. My bear wants to kill him for his weakness.” Ivan swallowed hard. “He— we —are not like you. Kindness is your nature. I am a killer, and I have no qualms about doing it. I have never felt remorse for killing someone who deserved it. The only time I felt bad was when the little ones died because of Hiram, and I was not the one to get revenge for them.”
“You’re not a bad person!” Teddy sniped.
“I am. Hiram….” Ivan averted his gaze. “He had me do things on my own. Bad, terrible things. I went because he demanded it, but also because my bear enjoyed the kill.” He grimaced. “So you see, my kitten is not wrong to wish me to leave. I am unworthy of him.”
Teddy scoffed. “This isn’t the Ivan I know. When he wants something, he will find a way to get it. You say you’ve done bad things in the past. Have you done anything like that since Damon became our leader?”
“No, but?—”
“Stop. There is no but. You’re a man with a heart. You said it yourself, you wished to get revenge for the little ones. Is it also possible that you sought retribution for the things that Hiram made you do?”
Ivan still wouldn’t look at Teddy. “Perhaps. Still, my bear desires to inflict pain.”
“I call bullshit. If Jerome was someone your bear wanted to take out, you’d do it. Your bear wants to love him, to protect him. That’s what a mate is.”
Ivan’s head snapped up. “He told me to leave!”
“Of course he did,” Teddy soothed. “He’s in a great deal of agony, brother. They took his eyes, removed that which he believed connected him to the world. His anguish is great, as is his fear. He has been hurt so much, he only wishes to avoid more of that. He thinks everyone will bring him pain, so it’s easier for him to push people away.” He reached out and gripped Ivan’s shoulder. “Don’t let him get away from you, because I know you will forever regret it.”
Ivan nodded, then chuckled. “I was certain you would tell me I couldn’t have a mate. I’ve gotten laid by the most beautiful men and women around, so who’d want a manwhore for a mate? When I came here and met Jerome, there was no one else for me.”
“It gets better after you claim him,” Teddy assured Ivan. “Byk is part of my heart now, and I can’t remember when he wasn’t.”
“Do you think I have a chance with him?” Ivan wondered, his voice cracking.
“Do you think you have a chance without him?”
Ivan’s shoulders slumped. “What if you’re wrong?”
“Am I ever?”
Ivan’s eyes widened. “You did not just say that. I can name many times you have been.”
“I’m not wrong. Ask yourself. Has Jerome been around you in cat form? His animal would be yowling for you, but I think Jerome has cut himself off from that part of his life. It’s up to you to help him find it again.”
Ivan stood and drew in a deep breath. “Thank you, Theodore. You have given me much to think on.” He leaned in and brushed their cheeks together. “I need my mate.”
“Of course you do. And don’t think we won’t be discussing what Hiram had you do.”
Ivan’s face went scarlet. “I would prefer we not.”
“We will,” Teddy vowed. “And so you know, it’ll never change how I feel about you.”
A weak smile. “You’d be surprised.” He put his hand on Teddy’s side and shoved him gently. “Go back to your Byk. He needs you more than he admits.”
“I love you, Ivan. You know that, right? I will always love you. When we got to America, you protected me. Kept me safe and wouldn’t let me be afraid. It’s because of you I’m the man I am.”
Ivan waved a hand. “Oh, no. You cannot blame that mess on me.” He grinned. “If I had anything to do with the person you’ve become, it’s me who is grateful. I love you as well, brother. Now go. And Teddy? I love your Byk as well. He is perfect for you.”
And he was. The time had come to show him how perfect.