Chapter 19
Uncertainty flooded Teddy. Byk had been released from the hospital only a few hours ago. He should be sleeping, building up his strength. Was it wrong for Teddy to try to claim him, especially now? Then he looked down into the hopeful gaze, and his resolve melted like snow.
“Byk, I?—”
“Please, don’t say no,” he implored. “I…. I can’t explain it. I know what I mean in my head, but it won’t translate well.”
“Try. For me.”
A heavy sigh slid out of Byk. “My whole life I’ve been nobody. Cooper was the cool one, the funny one, the beautiful one. I was everything else. When Coop was around, no one saw me and it was easy to fade into the background. Then Hyde took us, and I spent years alone, praying to the Maker to save me or let me die. She chose to send you to me. The day I met you, my bull knew there was something it wanted, and it took my brain a while to catch up. You made me feel safe. After so many years of being alone and scared, you made me feel whole. My bull fell in love with your kindness and caring. It wasn’t long after that I followed behind. I want nothing more than to belong to you, and?—”
He wanted to, Maker knew his bear certainly did, but Teddy wasn’t ruled by his beast. “But you’re supposed to be resting. If we do something, it could hurt you.”
“And I could die, but at least I’ll go to the Maker knowing I belong to the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I know it would suck for you, but?—”
His heart full to bursting, Teddy bent down and kissed Byk. He held his face tight, unwilling to let go. He couldn’t lose this man, but he knew the choice wasn’t his. Everything came down to whether the Maker would allow Teddy and Byk a bit of happiness. If she wouldn’t, then he had to take it where he could find it, and that was in Byk’s arms.
“I love you, and nothing would make me happier than to be your mate,” he whispered in Byk’s ear.
He rubbed a hand over Byk’s far-too-skinny legs. Teddy was not a small man. If he had sex with Byk, would he break him? His mate seemed so fragile, and even though he was eating regularly again, it had still been intermittent, and with him being on machines for so long, he’d lost some of what he’d gained back.
Then he remembered what Alp told him about the way Mal mated with him. There was no way it would hurt Byk, and he could still give pleasure to his mate. He patted the bed, and Byk scooted over. Teddy stood and stripped off his clothes, aware that Byk’s gaze was locked on him.
“Are you nervous?” he asked.
“N-No” came the stuttered reply.
“We don’t have to?—”
“I’m not nervous,” Byk insisted, the flush bright on his cheeks. “It’s just… when I was a kid, I used to wonder about men, you know? I fantasized about them being naked and things we could do. Only this is way better than any daydream. They were always some nebulous person, but you? You’re the reality.”
Byk had poetry in his soul, Teddy was certain. He returned to the bed and grabbed the second pillow, which he placed under Byk’s head so he could watch.
“I don’t understand,” he said.
“You will when the time is right, I promise.”
Teddy got on the bed with Byk and knelt by his outstretched legs. Byk’s cock stood proudly, and Teddy was gratified to see Byk found looking at him pleasurable. He peered up into dark gray eyes he’d come to love so very much. “If you get scared or if I do something you don’t like, tell me. I promise to stop.”
“I’m not afraid,” Byk said. “Horny, yes. Afraid, no. You’re the first person to touch me besides myself. I don’t want you to find me… you know, lacking.”
Teddy wrapped his fingers around Byk’s shaft. “Trust me, no one would find this lacking.” Then he leaned down and took Byk in his mouth.
He’d once told Byk he loved sweets. Chocolate was his favorite. Or had been, until he tasted his mate. After today, every dessert would pale in comparison to the rich, earthy flavor of Byk. It filled Teddy’s mouth, then made its way through his nervous system and flooded his body. This was Byk’s essence, and Teddy already wanted more.
“Oh, Maker! Teddy!” Byk cried out, putting his hands on Teddy’s head. “Stop! Too good! Too good!”
He’d heard Ivan make people cry out like that, and Teddy now understood his brother’s cocky attitude. He felt as though he was fifty feet tall, so proud of himself for making Byk feel good. He swirled his tongue around the head of Byk’s cock, then went down, taking as much as he could into his mouth. It wasn’t more than half, and he knew if he tried to go deeper, he’d choke, but already Teddy was making plans to practice on Byk daily until he could take him to the back of his throat and really make him fly apart.
“Teddy, please….”
If he didn’t have Byk in his mouth, Teddy would smile. When Byk pushed his head, Teddy was confused. He looked up to find Byk scrambling away.
“Is something wrong?”
He twisted on the bed until Teddy let him go. “I have to move. Please.”
It surprised Teddy when Byk didn’t get off the bed, but shifted to his side, angling his body until they were nearly parallel. What shocked him even more was when Byk leaned in and Teddy’s cock was engulfed in sweet heat.
“What are you doing?” he asked, uncertain why Byk wasn’t simply enjoying the attention.
Byk leaned back a bit and turned his gaze on Teddy. “Cooper said it was called sixty-nine. It’s where we can both suck at the same time.” He reached up and put a hand on Teddy’s head, now pulling him back down. “Now shut up and keep going.” Byk opened his mouth wide and took Teddy in again. He combined tongue, lips, and hand as he stroked, sucked, laved. He seemed to be everywhere at once. Not to be outdone, Teddy followed suit, imitating what Byk was doing. When Byk put his hands on Teddy’s ass and caressed it, Teddy couldn’t hold back any longer. He grunted and thrust forward, his orgasm shooting through him and out the head of his cock. Byk didn’t move, but Teddy could feel his throat muscles working, taking his seed into Byk’s body. When Byk’s spurts filled Teddy’s mouth, he swallowed down the sweet, salty fluids, delighting in the nutty flavor.
They lay there a few moments, each panting hard. “That was….”
“Hell yes, it was,” Teddy agreed.
It was then Teddy realized the problem. Unlike many shifters, bears couldn’t simply have their teeth drop. For them it was an all-or-nothing shift, and that meant his mouth would engulf Byk’s shoulder, and the resulting scar would be enormous.
“Byk, I?—”
“I know, but I still want it. Please.”
He sounded so certain, but Teddy still doubted. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”
Byk smiled at him. “Yes, I want your bite.”
“You claim me first. That way if you change your mind, it can be before I shift and?—”
“I won’t be changing my mind. You know that bulls don’t have sharp teeth, right?”
No, Teddy hadn’t thought about that. “It never occurred to me.”
“So my bite will hurt like yours, and when we’re done, we’ll each have an interesting scar.”
“But there should be no pain for you!” Teddy shouted, then caught himself. “I’m sorry. I vowed to never hurt you.”
“Oh, sweet Teddy,” Byk murmured as he stroked a hand over Teddy’s arm. “This isn’t about adding pain. It’s about sharing the pain I already have with my mate. Our hearts and souls will be entwined, and the love I get from you will lessen any pain I’ve experienced. Please.”
Teddy pulled Byk up to him. “Claim me, my bull.”
Byk sniffled. He got off the bed and ambled to where Teddy stood. Then he shifted and became the beautiful bull Teddy’s bear found so captivating. Teddy bowed and tilted his head so that Byk could have access to his shoulder area. He didn’t wait long, because only a moment passed before a wave of pain jolted when the bull’s teeth sunk into his shoulder. He didn’t cry out, though. He would be strong for his mate.
When Byk withdrew his teeth, he flicked that big tongue over the wound, soothing Teddy. The pain diminished to an ache that Teddy relished. He’d done it. Become mated to Byk. Already he could feel the pull of his mate, the need to be closer.
“Teddy?”
So caught up in the swirl of new emotions, Teddy hadn’t even been aware that Byk had shifted. He stood before Teddy, wringing his hands.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m spectacular,” he said, reaching up to touch the now-healing wound. “And I had an idea. What if I claim you in your bull form? The bite will be spread out over a larger area, and I’m far less likely to hurt you.”
That made Byk grin. Without a word, he again shifted to his bull form, and Teddy couldn’t help but sense the pheromones in the air. Byk wanted him in the worst way. A quick shift, and Teddy lumbered to where Byk stood, his head proudly raised. The woody, crisp, clean scent made Teddy’s shaft slide out. Never in his life had he wanted to take someone in their animal form, but right now his bear would be delighted to mount the bull. Maybe one day they’d have to explore that.
He leaned in and scraped his tongue over Byk’s fur. The earthy flavor inflamed Teddy’s senses, and he knew the moment had come. As carefully as he could, he opened his jaws wide and placed them over the fleshy part of Byk’s shoulder. His bear was demanding the bite, but Teddy wouldn’t hurt Byk. He closed his mouth and pressed gently until the soft skin yielded to sharp fang and sliced the tender area. He was surprised when Byk’s blood flowed into his mouth, but what was more surprising was how much he loved the robust flavor.
When Byk leaned against him, Teddy withdrew his teeth, then urged Byk to lay on the floor. As soon as he did, Teddy curled beside him and licked his ear. Warmth rushed through him as their blood began binding together, creating something wholly unique. He knew no matter where they went, no matter what happened in the future, right now he had a mate.
And he loved him.
Listening to Teddy’s soft snuffles made Byk insanely happy. He slid his fingers down Teddy’s arm, then took his hand. All his life he’d been lonely, but now, thanks to this amazing man, he’d never be alone again. He could feel Teddy in his heart, in his mind. That empty space had finally been filled.
You’re weak. No one will ever love you.
He sat up, anger coursing through him. He’d always been the meek one. The submissive one. His parents told him he was never going to make a bull, he should have been a cow, and that hurt. Who said bulls had to be aggressive? Who said everyone had to be like Cooper? “Fuck you,” he snarled quietly.
“Byk?” came a sleepy voice as Teddy reached out a hand. “What’s wrong?”
He rubbed his palm over Teddy’s chest. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Teddy sat up and flicked the light on. “What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing, I?—”
Teddy smiled. “We’re mated, love. You can’t hide things from me now. I can feel your anger, your pain. You need to talk to me.”
He didn’t want to talk. He wanted this whole thing to go away. To just live a life with Teddy and the rest of the Wald pack. That broken and amazing group that Mal and Alp were cobbling together. Byk had never seen so many shifters in one place. Lions, rabbits, wolves, corvid, and so many others, building a life together.
“I don’t want to die,” Byk finally admitted. “I know I said that I prayed to the Maker for it, but I don’t want that anymore.”
Strong arms wrapped around Byk and pulled him back down onto the bed. “I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to make sure that nothing happens to you. They’re reaching out to ask experts and?—”
“There are no experts, and I think you know that as well as I do. Maybe if Dr. Frankenstein was still alive, but not for this. What they did here was beyond horrific. They violated people. Killed them in the most heinous ways. And they all said it was in the name of science. This was nothing like I learned in school. This was….” The emotions finally overwhelmed him, and Byk tucked himself into Teddy’s arms. “I’m sorry.”
“For what? You’re a survivor. This place, this nightmare, impacted everyone who lives here, and yet you all came out of it stronger than ever.”
“Stronger? I’m a constant source of tears.”
“Do you think crying makes you weak?” He kissed Byk’s head. “Damon once told Alp that he should not mistake Cece’s tears for weakness. It was to give her emotions an outlet before she killed someone. Being upset is not a crime. Neither is being afraid. If you didn’t cry, I would be far more worried. You were held for years, and nothing, not even a mate, can take that away. It’s your choice, but I would like you to talk to one of the therapists who have been helping the others.”
Byk wanted that. He wasn’t foolish enough to think it would all go away, especially seeing as they’d done something to his brain. There wasn’t any way to determine how long those effects would last.
“What’s going to happen to me?”
Teddy squeezed tighter. “I don’t know. I wish to the Maker I had an answer, but I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty: no matter what, I will be by your side.”
And Byk believed that, but…. “I can’t let you suffer with me. I never should have mated with you.”
Saying the words aloud was harder than if he had simply ripped his heart from his chest. It made breathing difficult to think that he could have walked away from Teddy.
“I know you’re upset and anxious, and I’m going to remember that. I won’t take it personally, and so you know, you can’t push me away so easily. Even if we hadn’t mated, I wouldn’t walk away from you.” He kissed Byk’s temple. “I love you, and I have since my bear first laid eyes on you.”
“Do you think if our animals weren’t part of us, it would be different?”
Teddy tightened his grip. “If it wasn’t for my bear, I would still have fallen in love with you. Yes, it would have taken me longer, because I’m pretty inept socially, but you? You’re like a magnet pulling me in your direction.”
He still would have fallen in love? “I would love you too.”
“I know. I’m awesome,” he teased.
“You are. I wish I had known you when I was younger.”
“Want to hear the truth? I wish I had known you my whole life, because I had years without you, and I can’t wait to make them up.”
Byk’s heart thumped a bit harder and heat rushed into his cheeks. “We should sleep.”
“Yes, we should. Can I hold you?”
“I’d be heartbroken if you didn’t.”
They lay down and pulled the blanket up. As soon as Teddy wrapped his arms around Byk, peace settled over him. He loved the feel of warm breath on the back of his neck, of strength and dominance in Teddy’s grip.
“That’s not sleeping,” Teddy murmured.
“Sorry. It’s just… I’ve waited my whole life to have someone as a mate. And now that I have you? Like you said, I wish we had known each other longer.”
“We’ll make up for it. I see trips in our future. Think of places you’d like to go, and we’ll make it happen.”
Byk sighed. “Do you want to know the dream I’ve had for my entire life?”
“I do,” Teddy answered solemnly.
“You have to promise me you’re not going to laugh.”
“At you? Never.” He trailed his fingers over Byk’s stomach. “Tell me your dream.”
“As I said before, I wanted to go to school to learn to bake. I loved the idea of making things people would enjoy, to make their days a bit brighter with nothing more than a sweet treat. My teacher used to show me all kinds of things, but I wanted to know everything, you know?”
“Who says you can’t still do that?”
“What?”
“It’s not like you’re no longer capable. You have training, a background, and you like making people smile. What’s stopping you from fulfilling your dream?”
Beside the fact that he might die? “Nothing, I guess.”
“No, nothing. Let’s find courses you can take, if you’re still interested.”
Then Byk understood. “You just want me to bake things so you can eat them.”
Teddy chuckled, and the vibrations went through Byk. “Busted.”
Still, it was a good idea. “Can we do that? What if I have to leave to go somewhere for school?”
“Then we’ll go together.”
“But your job?—”
“Is nowhere near as important as my mate. Now, shut up and sleep.”
Teddy would go with him? “Yes, dear.”
The man kept making Byk’s life better and better. He wanted that lifetime with Teddy, and he would do whatever he had to in order to get it.