Chapter 22
Teddy awoke, surprised to find his cock achingly hard. Byk’s scent filled him, coalescing in the straining shaft. He reached around and ran a hand over Byk’s chest, delighting in the smooth skin. There was no doubt in Teddy’s mind, Byk was a beautiful man inside and out. He’d seen the outside—now he desperately wanted to experience the rest.
“Feels good,” Byk murmured.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Teddy said, but then he pressed forward and let Byk know what was on his mind. Byk sat up, stared at Teddy’s cock, then brought his eyes up to meet Teddy’s. There was so much love and trust in Byk’s gaze, that Teddy was undone. He had to admit, he wanted to make love to his mate. Wanted to feel as the two of them became one. His biggest fear was that Byk might scream and that would turn Teddy off sex forever.
“I’m sorry, it’s just?—”
“Your body reacting to mine? Don’t apologize. I’m over the moon about it.” He held out a hand. “Here, let me help.”
He took the bottle of lube from Teddy and opened the top. He held the nozzle over Teddy’s rigid dick and drizzled a small amount onto it. It was cold, at least until Byk wrapped his slender fingers around it and began to massage the oil in. Once it warmed, the feeling was indescribable. Teddy’s dick hardened more than he thought it could.
“Byk,” he moaned.
How could he ever have imagined not enjoying sex? Or maybe it was the desire to have a mate, someone to share everything with. Casual sex held no appeal for Teddy. Hell, the thought of it made him queasy. He could never understand how Ivan was so blasé about it.
When Byk cupped Teddy’s balls, that snapped his attention back to where it belonged. Those talented fingers tickled the fine hairs on Teddy’s sac, which made him even harder.
“How… how did you know to do that?” he choked out.
Byk peered through his thick lashes and licked his plump lips. “I overheard Cooper talking to one of his friends about it. He said the girl drove him wild when she did it.”
Teddy snickered. “You mean you were eavesdropping.”
“What? No, I…. Okay, fine. I was. You have to understand, though. He was talking to his friend Daniel, and I—” Byk’s cheeks went scarlet and he averted his gaze.
“You had a crush on him.”
A quick nod. “He was the only one of Cooper’s friends who wasn’t a jerk to me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t like my buddy or anything, but he never went out of his way to be an ass.”
“Sometimes those are the best people.” Teddy nodded toward his straining shaft. “Are you intending on doing something with that?”
Byk smiled shyly. “Maybe.”
He stroked his hand up and down, bringing Teddy perilously close to orgasm. Was this how it would always be? With nothing more than a touch, this beautiful man could undo Teddy? When Byk straddled Teddy’s legs, he was shocked.
“What are you doing?”
“Cooper told Daniel?—”
“That’s how you learned about sex? Me too. Only mine was from Ivan, who had no problem regaling me with his latest conquest.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have interrupted. Go on.”
Another shy grin. “Cooper said this girl from school sat on his dick, and he lay back with his hands behind his head and watched as she rode him. He said….” Byk swallowed. “He talked about her boobs bouncing and her keening. I figured it was bull—no pun—but I had to admit, it was great fodder for those nights by myself. Only it wasn’t Cooper, it was me, and I was the one sitting on….” He glanced away, his cheeks reddening.
“On Daniel.”
A quick nod, then he turned a fearful gaze in Teddy’s direction. “I’m sorry,” he croaked.
Teddy reached up and trailed his fingers over Byk’s chest, noting the goosebumps it brought. “For what? Being a horny teenager? Hardly a crime. Even if you had a history, that doesn’t change a thing. That’s the past, I’m your present and, for as long as you’ll have me, your future.”
Byk slid Teddy’s shaft around his crease, then tensed when it touched his pucker. “How about if we start with forever and see where it goes from there?”
“That sounds like a plan, and so you know?—”
Byk pressed down, the head of Teddy’s cock piercing the soft flesh and becoming engulfed in so much heat, Teddy feared he couldn’t contain himself. Byk winced, and his expression spoke of pain. That brought Teddy up short.
“Stop,” Teddy ordered, unable to think about causing harm to this wonderful person the Maker had gifted him with.
Byk gritted his teeth. “Just… shut up. Stay still, okay?” He gave a tremulous smile. “Trust me, all right?”
It was hard. He could feel the pain through their bond, but Teddy also knew that Byk was determined, and he was right. Teddy had to trust him to know his body and the limits of it. He lay there, staring into Byk’s eyes, noting the sheen in them. He wanted to stop the whole thing, but if he did, Teddy didn’t think Byk would forgive him. Worse, he worried Byk would think he was weak and couldn’t think for himself. Teddy couldn’t have that.
With a few huffed breaths, Byk slid down a bit more, taking Teddy into his slender, sexy body. Had Teddy ever thought of someone as sexy? Not that he could recall. Sure, he could appreciate someone’s looks, but nothing beyond that. When he gazed at Byk, though, it was as though a cover was torn from his eyes. Byk shone in everything he did. Smile, laugh, and even now, lowering himself onto Teddy. Byk was everything in one package.
Finally, Byk was completely seated and it was fucking glorious. He looked so… elegant and regal there, his skin flushed, a scarlet tinge in his cheeks, his big, dark eyes filled with wonder. No doubt about it, Teddy was in love.
Byk leaned forward, his forearms on Teddy’s chest, beads of sweat dotting his forehead. Yet his smile was so genuine. “So… full. Maker, there was pain initially, but now it feels so right.”
Tears dripped from Byk’s cheeks. Teddy reached up and swiped them away. “Are you okay?”
“We’re really totally mated,” he whispered, his voice filled with awe as he ran his fingers over Teddy’s bite, then placed a soft kiss where he’d bitten Teddy. “I never thought it would happen. I figured I’d?—”
“Don’t,” Teddy said gently. “I can only imagine what you went through, and here, in our room, there’s only us. I won’t bring Hiram here, and you will leave Hyde out there for us to deal with later. This is our sanctuary, our respite from the world. There’s only supposed to be love here. Deal?”
“Yeah, deal.” He hunched up a bit, then dropped back down. “Maker….”
He flattened his hands on Teddy’s chest, kneading the muscles as he slowly moved up and down, varying the speed, the tempo. As he got more into it, bliss spread throughout Teddy. He was making Byk feel good. He was showing him love. The problem was, it felt too damn good.
“Byk, I?—”
“Me too,” Byk moaned, pumping harder. “Never believed it could feel like this.”
That was something Teddy understood. Despite Ivan’s incessant need to tell Teddy about how amazing sex was, he’d lacked the urge for it. Here, at this moment? He was connected to Byk as their souls entwined, becoming one. He grabbed Byk’s shoulders and dragged him down, locking their lips together. Byk whimpered and opened for Teddy, who slipped his tongue inside.
He clutched Byk tight, loving how his ass squeezed Teddy’s cock, milking it. It was the closest Teddy had ever come to the Maker. It was transcendent.
“I love you,” Teddy groaned as he thrust up to meet Byk’s downward glide. The slap of skin on skin was loud in the otherwise quiet room.
Byk slid his hands to Teddy’s pecs, kneading them, squeezing hard. His eyes were shut tight, his face a mask of pleasure. Their movements had long since lost any rhythm, now both rutting mindlessly. Teddy grunted with each thrust, while Byk’s keening cry filled his ears, spurring him on. When he could no longer stand it, he gripped Byk’s waist and lifted him up, spun him around, and dropped him back on the bed. He grabbed Byk’s legs and spread them, opening him up. Then he wrapped a hand around his cock and pushed back inside his mate.
“Teddy… please.”
“Tell me what you want,” Teddy demanded, once again slamming inside Byk.
“I’m so close. Please, make me cum.”
Teddy was close too. His orgasms in the past had revolved around him and his hand, but they didn’t provide the same pleasures that Byk’s body was. He was going to fill Byk with his seed. Watch as it seeped out of his hole and pooled beneath him. Why was that so important now? Because he needed to mark Byk, to let everyone know they belonged together.
There were no words to describe the ripples of pleasure that seared through Teddy. He could feel Byk in his soul, and he knew he was bringing intense joy to him. As his orgasm hit him, Byk cried out and jets of cum spurted from his cock, splatting on his stomach and chest. He whimpered as Teddy continued to push in. Then he was there, on the precipice. When Byk reached up and stroked his face, that was all Teddy needed. He grunted as his orgasm crested and he shot deep inside Byk.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he panted. “Byk, my Byk.”
“Oh, Maker!” Byk nearly screamed as he clutched Teddy’s pecs. As Teddy watched, he could see the worry on Byk’s scarlet face, as his cum splattered on Teddy’s stomach, chest, and even his cheeks. The scent of Byk permeated the fluid that now ran down Teddy’s body, only much stronger.
“I’m sorry, Teddy! I didn’t mean to—what are you doing?” he asked, his voice rising.
Teddy swiped a finger through the warm spend on his face and popped it into his mouth, sucking noisily.
“Better than chocolate,” he whispered a moment before he tugged Byk down to sprawl over his body. “We need to do that again. Soon.”
“Yes,” Byk agreed. “I don’t think I could ever get tired of feeling this perfect.”
“But next time, you’re going to do me.”
Byk’s cheeks reddened. “I-I don’t know if I can,” Byk said.
“If you’re not comfortable doing it, that’s fine. If you’re nervous, why not give it a try? There’s nothing like being inside your mate. You can feel their pleasure within your own body. It’s an amazing feeling, and I would love to share it with you, if you’re willing. But, if you’re not, I would gladly share any pleasure you’d like, even if it isn’t sex.”
“What? No! This was incredible. I could feel like you said. Our souls entwining, melding together. This is what makes me believe in the Maker. She put you in my life to complete me.”
Teddy stroked a hand over Byk’s back. “No, love. No person completes another. We’re part of a greater whole, but those who don’t find their mates, or who choose to not mate, aren’t missing out on anything, because they know they’re fine as they are.”
“But you’re happy, right?” Byk asked nervously.
“Ecstatic,” Teddy said honestly. “Nothing could be better for me.”
They snuggled together, with Teddy running his fingers over Byk’s body, memorizing the curves, the dips, the muscles that were reforming. He wanted nothing about Byk to escape his notice, because no matter what happened, Teddy would love Byk until they day he died.
Teddy’s features were placid as he dozed. Byk enjoyed staring at his face. The way it smoothed out when he relaxed completely made Teddy appear so young, carefree. Byk had little doubt that as Teddy aged, there would be fine lines where the skin crinkled around his eyes when he squinted or smile, or the tautness of his lips when he was frustrated. And he had to admit, he wanted to be around when that happened. He wanted to grow old with Teddy, to raise a family, to share the love he held in his heart with others.
He gave a soft shake to the wide shoulder. “Teddy?”
“Hm?” His bleary eyes opened, and it took a moment before they focused on Byk. “Hey, going somewhere?” He tugged Byk down and wrapped around him again. “I think I’m going to hold you here all day.” He licked the side of Byk’s neck. “Maybe we’ll see about you taking a turn and?—”
“I want to see Dr. Lydia today.”
Everything stopped. Byk wasn’t even sure Teddy was breathing anymore. He reached for Teddy and put a hand on his chest.
“Are you sure?” Teddy choked out.
Was he? Yeah, he had to be. “I don’t want this hanging over me. I need to move past it, especially since my future is being mapped out in front of me.” He stroked Teddy’s fuzzy chest. “I need to be in this relationship fully, and I can’t do it if I continue to think about my death.”
“I told you, we?—”
“You can’t stop it, Teddy. I think there are answers, but they’re locked away up here.” He tapped his temple. “Dr. Hamilton might be the only one who can find someone to let me access them. I’m certain it has to do with those flashes of light I see in my mind on occasion.”
“Then we’ll do it together.”
There was no way. It was impossible. “Teddy, you can’t come into my mind.”
A devious grin as Teddy gripped Byk’s hand. “You’re my mate. There’s nowhere you can go that I can’t follow.” He stood, pulling Byk with him. “Let’s go have breakfast, then we’ll stop and visit Dr. Hamilton.”
“I don’t know if I can eat,” Byk admitted, his stomach clenching.
Teddy scowled. “If you want to do this, you have to have your strength. Not eating isn’t an option.” He grabbed Byk’s chin between his thumb and finger. “Are we clear?”
Why did Byk find this Teddy to be so damn hot? He’d always had a thing for bigger men, but Teddy was enough to make him forget every fantasy he’d had.
“We’re clear.”
Teddy took his hand and walked Byk to the cafeteria. As they entered, the sound of the kids chittering, their voices high and sweet, flowed over Byk. This was what he wanted. To sit down to a meal with Teddy and their kids. To look over at them and feel their place in the heart that had been dormant far too long. He squeezed Teddy’s hand tight.
“I want a family too,” Teddy whispered. “With you, my Byk. I long thought I would never have anyone, dared not dream of a family, but now? I want it with a desperation, and I will follow you to the gates of hell before I let go of that desire.” He pointed to an open table. “Sit. I will bring us food.”
Byk did as he was told. He gazed around the room and smiled as he found Alp herding a group of kids as they tore into their food. He glanced up and smiled at Byk, who couldn’t explain the warmth that filled him. He should hate this place, should have run as soon as he shifted back to human. Yet, now he didn’t want to leave. He wanted Wald to be a home for him and Teddy. He wanted to adopt a child, to raise them to be a good person.
He sniffled. He understood what Teddy meant about desires. He’d never had any beyond learning to bake and living on his own, but now? Every thought he had centered around Wald pack, where he’d made friends like Alp and Ivan, where Teddy lived, where so many people who understood his pain made their home without being weighed down by the past.
A big hand moved in front of him and placed a plate heaped with food down for Byk. He inhaled deeply. Spaghetti with peppers, tomatoes, onions, and mushrooms in a thick cream sauce. The smell made Byk’s stomach rumble. Maybe he was hungrier than he thought.
“The sauce is made with coconut milk, and Gael assures me it’s totally vegan.”
“Gael?”
Teddy tilted his head toward a slender man with an enormous smile who was dashing back and forth between serving stations to help people out. He had short, thick golden hair and larger-than-normal eyes that reflected bright yellow in the overhead lighting. “He oversees the kitchens. He places the orders, makes sure the dietary needs of everyone are met, and a bunch of stuff I didn’t really understand. He’s a good person with an even bigger heart. He’s a kinkajou shifter.”
“Kinkajou?” Byk questioned, then took a forkful of the pasta. It was rich, thick. Never before had he tasted anything equal to it. His mother certainly hadn’t made anything like it. He bit back a moan, but Teddy’s raised eyebrows let him know he understood. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of those.”
“Heh. That’s a little hard to explain. Gael’s parents brought him here from South America when they realized his shifter side was more dominant. It’s why he looks like he does. His features more closely resemble the actual animal, and they feared for his life. Before coming to Wald, he was in a small village that thought he was a bad omen. They moved to a bigger city, but there Gael was bullied relentlessly. Eventually they ended up in the DeSoto pack, but Gael didn’t fare much better there. Then came Wald, and the First of DeSoto called to ask—and by ask, he meant demand—that Mal take in Gael and his family. There wasn’t any hesitation. He’s only been here a month, but he says he’s never felt this comfortable anywhere.”
Wald had to be paradise. That was the only explanation for the feelings churning in Byk’s stomach. “And no one looks at him any different?”
Teddy shook his head. “He’s not a freak to us. He’s a young boy who got the short end of the evolutionary stick.” Teddy leaned in. “I honestly believe that Wald will be getting more and more so called rejects from other packs. Those who can’t or won’t fit in because of looks, sexual preference, or any other reason that some shifters look down on others. Damon said he’d talk to the packs, but Mal said don’t bother. They have room and asked why other packs should be forced to take members they don’t want, because that will only lead to hard feelings.”
“But that’s not right….”
Teddy swallowed a mouthful of the pasta and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “No, and Mal said that as well. He told Damon to work on changing the hearts and minds of people, get them to see how alike they are, rather than the differences that separate them, but not to put people into the position where they’ll be bullied tacitly.”
“Mal sounds pretty smart.”
That brought a sigh from Teddy. “He’s… different than Damon. Not better, but not worse. Just… different. I wish I could explain. They both seem to have the same goals, but when it comes to achieving them, they differ. Mal is more like someone using a scalpel to slice away the bad parts, where Damon is a cudgel, storming in and breaking heads. Both approaches have their good points, but I think they’ll get a lot more done working together on a problem.” He grinned. “I’ll tell you something, but don’t share it around. I think that Damon and, maybe, Mal are going to be tapped to be on the council.”
“Really?”
An eager nod. “The current council is grumbling about all the changes taking place. They’re upset that people are deferring more to those actually dealing with the issues instead of coming to them. Mal and Alp had an idea about creating a database with information about each shifter, so if someone went missing, they’d have early warning and word would go out through the packs so everyone was updated. Mal presented it to the Council, who complained about the logistical nightmare of creating it. So Mal went over their heads. He and Damon hired a computer expert to do the basic work. It took him and his people about ten weeks to have the structure done, and after that, it was inputting the information, which Cece is coordinating. A lot of families are happy, but the council is bitching that they weren’t involved, even though they’d been given the chance to be part of it.”
Byk sighed. “Power struggles? When everyone’s lives have been uprooted?”
“That’s what Alp said. He was pissed and got his family involved. Nura Dawkins—she’s his mother and a veritable force of nature herself—is getting everyone in their family—over five hundred people—to make calls, write letters, and the like. Cece is giving them financial aid to do it, with Damon’s cooperation, and they’re ruffling a lot of feathers as the call goes out, with more and more people demanding action. It seems that they want to know how Hiram could betray his sleuth, how the Council can be dragging their feet, and they’re demanding accountability for this whole mess.”
Byk knew it was needed, but he didn’t think it was fair to blame the Council alone for it. “What about all the Firsts who had people turn up missing? How can we blame the Council if no one told them what was going on?”
“It’s their job to know. They get updates from every pack, sleuth, crash, brood, pod, and the like.”
“But how many people is that?” Byk put his fork down. “I’m not saying the Council doesn’t bear some responsibility, but you said Damon and Mal were pushing. What stopped other Firsts from doing the same thing? I was gone for six years—so was Alp. I’m willing to bet that his parents at least pushed on until they exhausted every avenue open to them. Other parents did the same. At what point do we put the cutoff over who should have done what?”
“You don’t think your parents looked for you, do you?”
That was the heart of the matter. Byk didn’t believe they cared that he was gone, but they had to have at least looked for Cooper. “They searched for one of us,” he finally replied.
“Look, I don’t know them, but I do know you. If you want, we can go there today. Now. See them. Or you can call them.”
Bile surged in Byk’s throat. “And tell them what? I ran? I left my brother to die?” he all but screamed. Around them, heads turned in their direction, and murmurs rippled through those assembled.
“You didn’t leave him to die,” Teddy said, his voice never rising above a whisper as he gripped Byk’s hand. “You had a plan to save you both, and it was a good one. Had you stayed and fought, do you think the two of you would have fared any better? And be honest.”
Be honest? Fine. He understood what Teddy was saying. “No, because I’m too weak. I’m useless. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Byk crossed his arms over his chest. Knowing it in his heart was bad enough, but having Teddy agree he was weak? That hurt.
“Byk?”
He wouldn’t look up. He couldn’t.
“Sweetheart? Will you please look at me?”
Sweetheart? Byk tilted his head, unsure what to expect. What he got was a soft smile and an extended hand. He reached out and took Teddy’s in his.
“Can I ask something?”
A nod.
“Why would you think you’re weak? Six years and you survived. Six years you didn’t give them the satisfaction of breaking you. Not one person, even those who didn’t survive, in this hellish place was weak. They were so fucking strong, not giving up. You can choose to believe this or not, but you were far stronger than I could have been.”
No, that wasn’t possible. “You would have fought,” Byk replied, his heart hurting.
“I would have died,” Teddy countered. “After Hiram dumped us on the mountain, my heart was broken. I’d given up. Ivan kept telling me if I didn’t fight to live, I was disgracing the Maker, but I had no will left in me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw their faces. Those sweet, innocent children whom I adored so much. They were so full of light, they made anyone who met them smile. You couldn’t help yourself. In an instant, the one who should have loved them most ended their lives. In my mind, I heard their voices accusing me of failing them. When it got too cold, I slept. In my dreams I saw them, staring at me, pleading for me to save them.
“I was broken, Byk. I welcomed death. I wanted it to take me. To end the unending pain. I was too afraid to live, until Cece found us. Slowly she and Damon tried to give us purpose again. But I no longer wanted purpose. I wanted those whom I’d failed to rest at last. I thought my death would accomplish that.”
But Byk knew better. “It wouldn’t. I hear the cries of those who died while I was still living. They wanted to live, but Hyde and his people killed them. That’s on Hyde, though. Not me, not you. We can’t take responsibility for what they did, even though it hurts our hearts.” He swallowed. “I know Cooper would have died, no matter what I did. And it hurts more than I’ll ever be able to say, but I want to live too. I want….”
Teddy squeezed his hand. “What is it you desire, Byk? Please, tell me.”
The words had rattled around in his head for a while now, but this was the first time he’d say them out loud.
“I want to see if I can make a life with you.”
Maker, please let it be so.