18
Ella
Christmas 2015
“H ey, bro!”
A taller, blonder, more muscular version of Matt opens the front door with a smile on his face.
“Nick, man, Merry Christmas!” Matt greets and I watch the two brothers hug. If I ever wanted to watch Matt hug himself, this would be it.
“Ah, this must be the infamous Ella I’ve heard everything about! Merry Christmas!” Nick smiles and engulfs me in a hug before I have time to say anything.
His hold feels familiar, but different from Matt’s. He’s tighter with his hugs, and he has a very different scent. He’s comfort rolled in one, and I’d be happy with him as a brother-in-law.
I wish.
“Hi! Merry Christmas!” I reply when he releases me. He invites us both into the lounge, where a golden Labrador stands up and bounds straight for Matt.
“Bailey! Hey girl!” Matty greets as the dog leaps at him, licking his face.
“I hope you like dogs!” Nick snorts.
“Love them! It’s all good,” I admit as the dog turns her attention on me and jumps up. I bend down to greet her soft head. “Hey, girl.”
“I’ve just got to go check the potatoes quickly,” Nick says and runs out of the room. I stand up and take in the large lounge painted in cream and red. The massive green Christmas tree takes up a big portion of the room. The decorations are mainly red, with a few personalised decorations that look like they were made by children. Nick and Matt’s names are written in pen, along with the various years they were made.
“These are cute,” I point out.
“Our parents kept them. We found them when we went through the old house.” Matt smiles. “I made this one when I was ten.” He points to a paper chain with snowflake confetti stuck on it.
“I used to make tons of stuff for our Christmas trees, but Dad took them down when I snuck them onto the tree after school. I never worked out what he did with them, but I never saw anything I made around the house,” I tell him sadly.
“That’s awful, Ells.” He puts his hand on mine and squeezes hard for comfort.
“It is what it is. I think none of it went with the theme of the year.” I shrug as Nick walks back in.
“Dinner won’t be long, probably about half an hour. Which means it is officially present time!” He claps his hands, and I can sense the same level of enthusiasm in Matty. They both act like excited kids on Christmas morning – ironic.
The three of us sit around the lounge with Bailey lying in the middle. I stare at the presents dished out between the three of us as Mariah Carey blasts out from the radio. I have one, Matt has one and Nick has one. Despite us agreeing to ‘no presents’, I have two separate ones in my handbag for Matt later.
I glance around at the small fire he has on, the photos on the mantlepiece, holding a memorial of sorts to their parents. I feel a small tinge of regret in the back of my mind that I chose to be here instead of with my parents. They think I’m at Lily’s; I told them she was lonely because her parents died. Only a small white lie considering I’m with Nick and Matt who are both orphans.
I check my phone and see a few messages from Mum and Dean wishing me a Merry Christmas and to enjoy my day with Lily.
“I know we’ve only just met, Ella, so I do admit to getting some help from Matt about what to get,” Nick mentions with a nervous laugh.
“You didn’t have to get me anything! You’re cooking dinner!” I exclaim as I hold it. We all grab our gift and start unwrapping simultaneously, the way they did this as kids.
When I was growing up, I would have to open my gifts on my own in front of everyone, and I dreaded all the attention being on me; the pressure to make sure I sounded grateful, that I investigated every gift and provided the correct impression. This way we all have the excitement for ourselves and each other.
I unwrap a jumper and scarf: an off-white patchwork roll-neck jumper and a gorgeous pink designer scarf that doubles as a shawl.
“I know it’s not the most exciting present in the world, but Matt did help, and I couldn’t not get you anything,” Nick says.
“Nick, they are gorgeous, thank you so much!” I enthuse, popping the scarf around my neck.
“I’m glad you like them.” He smiles as he investigates the pile of books and beer Matt and I got him as a joint gift. I notice Matt is suspiciously quiet as he looks at his present.
“Man, this is… lovely, thank you,” he gushes, and the two of them hug it out. While they do, I look at the photo frame of a younger-looking Nick and Matt and their parents.
“It’s the last photo of the four of us before they died,” Matt explains as he wipes his eyes. Nick gestures to the kitchen as he and Bailey walk out to go and check the dinner, but I can tell it’s an excuse for him to cry over the photo.
∞∞∞
I take the opportunity as both Matt and I do the dishes after dinner to give him his presents. I tap his shoulder and pass him the envelope and box.
“What’s that? I thought we said no presents.”
“Yeah, I know,” I tease. “But I couldn’t help myself. Now, the actual present is at my house, but this bit is kind of crucial to it, as is this.”
He takes them both and sighs. “You got me two presents? Ells—”
“The one in the envelope cost me nothing! I swear!” I grin, and he nods, undoing that one first. He brings out a keyring with two keys on it.
“Do you have a secret—”
“No, you idiot! It’s a key to my place.” I snort. “Now, you can come over whenever you want and stay however long you like.”
He smiles, putting the keys in his pocket. He turns to the small box in his hand and undoes the top to reveal a car key.
“Ells Bells, what have you done?” He raises his eyebrows at me.
“It’s to go with the key to my place, kind of. You can combine them to make three keys,” I joke, a smile of pride and excitement on my face.
“What is this?” He drops the box and holds the car key out in front of me. “Please tell me you didn’t—” He doesn’t finish the sentence.
“Buy you a car?” I suggest and he nods. “Maybe?”
“I told you no presents!” He puts his hand around my waist, and I turn what I know is going to be a tickle into a cuddle.
“I just thought as much as we love Betsy, her air conditioners packed up, and with this car, you have sat-nav and a proper radio and you can connect your phone—” My voice trails off as he kisses my shoulder blade. “I don’t expect anything back, I just thought instead of you getting Betsy serviced, I’d do that.”
“I’ll call it Betsy two-point-o,” he mutters into my hair. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me, it’s partly mine, too!” I grin and he shakes his head before laughing.
“Well, now I feel a little less guilty, for getting you this…” He walks off into the lounge and quickly comes back holding a small box with a blue ribbon on it. “This didn’t cost me anything, so don’t you dare get mad at me.”
I grin as he pops it into my hand. “Hey, I couldn’t be mad at you, even if I tried.”
“Good. Open it.”
I open the box and a small silver necklace sits in it with a heart pendant. I put my hand over it, feeling how light it is.
He smiles sadly. “I understand if it’s not your thing, but it was my mum’s. Obviously, Nick and I don’t have a use for it, but I talked to him about… well, us and the situation and we both thought it would be appropriate… if you want it. Our dad gave it to her on their wedding day as her ‘something new’ and she barely took it off. The heart represented how she had a little piece of his heart with her wherever she went. In their will, she wanted one of us to give it to someone we loved so much that we wanted to be with them wherever they went. So… if you’ll have it, here’s a little piece of me to have with you wherever you go.”
The single tear that runs down my cheek drips off my chin and onto my hand. “Matty, that’s – I don’t have words.”
He chuckles. “Honestly, if you think it’s too cheesy or you don’t like it, I won’t be offended.”
“No, I love it. It’s an honour!”
I kiss him. He takes the necklace and does it up around my neck. I put my hand to it and feel it sitting there, ever so lightly but with the weight of the memories it encompasses and everything between us. “Thank you.”
“I love you.” He puts his hands around my waist, pulling me into him for an embrace that holds a thousand words. “We will be together forever and always, somehow.”
I squeeze him back, showing him that I’m thankful for his words, but somehow, I can’t bring myself to say anything back. Behind everything we are and everything we have; I don’t know if there is a way for us to be together when the countdown stops.