Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
KAI
Silas
Is it true?
I closed out of the message without replying. Exactly as I had every time I’d opened it over the past five days.
You are such a coward.
I’d thought walking away from Silas was the hardest thing I’d ever have to do.
But as we approached Heathrow Airport, I knew the worst was yet to come. Now, I had to face Silas. Face the consequences of my actions.
Knowing how much I’d hurt him by ignoring him all this time.
I thought it’d be better for both of us. A clean break so we could learn to live without being in the shadow of the other.
That hadn’t worked. Not for me, and from what Ruby told me, not for Silas. But still…I couldn’t go back there. That was the one thing I’d taken from this experience.
It had hurt to be apart from Silas. It had felt like a physical wound in my chest that ached day and night. Four months had felt like an eternity.
But it was nothing compared to loving him up close. To touching him and knowing he didn’t feel the same. To spending every waking minute with him and suffering because he would never feel the same.
No. I wasn’t going back to that. Thanks to the band, Silas would always be a part of my life.
But I was going to make sure he wasn’t all of it. This break had been brutal but for the best.
If I could keep him at a distance, maybe I could protect my heart better than before.
“You okay?”
I forced a smile in Tristan’s direction. He peered up at me in concern, his delicate hand on my forearm. The filming itself had been boring. The schedule long and drawn out.
Tristan had been the single bright spot, the one thing that had kept me going.
“Yeah,” I said. “As okay as I can be.”
“This is for the best,” he said. His perfectly styled dark hair didn’t move as he shook his head.
I didn’t know what was more attractive about him: his full lips, his cheekbones sharp enough to cut paper, or his vivid green eyes.
Even his South Carolina accent was the perfect blend of honey and citrus.
It was a combination that had film studios and audiences alike drooling. “You know that.”
“I know.”
Tristan and I concocted this plan two weeks ago after consuming our weight in tequila.
Well, Tristan’s weight, maybe. If we’d consumed mine, we’d both be dead.
It started when Tristan walked in on me staring at a photo of my last birthday.
My whole family were around me, watching me about to blow out the candles on my cake.
But I could only see Silas. His grin. His dimples. The easy adoration as he stared at me.
It’d been so easy to mistake that adoration for something more.
Given how it wasn’t the first time he’d walked in on me moping over my phone, Tristan had declared an intervention.
That was code for tequila and this harebrained plan.
“I’ve hurt us both so much by doing this,” I told him, my voice choked with unshed tears. “If I let things go back to how they were before, what was the point?”
“That’s why my plan is so good,” he exclaimed, gesticulating wildly.
“If you have a ‘boyfriend’, it’ll make Silas respect your boundaries.
You won’t need to explain that living that codependent lifestyle with him touching you all the time is killing you.
With me there, you’ll settle into a more normal friendship. ”
“And what’s in it for you?”
Tristan’s eyes were sad as he stared out over the ocean. “Hopefully? Freedom.”
The plane made a swooping motion, dragging me back to the present. A fortnight later, I still wasn’t sure if this was the best plan. But I’d try anything if it meant I got to have a normal friendship with Silas.
Tristan gave an alarmed moan at the turbulence. I reached over and patted his hand. “Thank you again, for all of this.”
“Please, hun, you’re doing me a favour.” Tristan steadied his nerves by taking a deep breath. “Like I said before, I’ve got my own reasons for doing this.”
I tapped his beautiful face. One seen on magazines and billboards almost as often as Luca’s. “What reason could you possibly have for needing a fake boyfriend?”
“One I’m not prepared to share, so quit it.
” Tristan playfully nipped at my finger, keeping up the pretence while we were surrounded by nosy members of the public.
We’d decided against chartering a jet, opting instead for a commercial flight.
It’d seemed like a good idea at the time as it would get us back faster, but I hadn’t accounted for the fact we’d need to keep up the facade for the entire ten-hour flight from Mexico.
“Maybe I can help,” I said, keeping the fake smile on my face. “If you tell me what the problem is, maybe I can come up with a solution.”
The smile Tristan gave me was equally as fake. “Trust me, this ruse will be enough.”
I sighed internally. I liked Tristan a lot…just not in the way we’d led everyone to believe.
Nothing to do with him. The only thing he had missing was the fact he wasn’t Silas.
His friendship was all that had got me through the past four months.
We’d bonded on our first day on set, and over the following weeks, I’d found myself opening up to him.
The pain I’d kept hidden for so long came pouring out.
Tristan became my confidant. Every time Silas texted or called, I’d go to Tristan.
He’d distract me with wild tales from Hollywood, tours of the local area, or even celebrity parties.
And when all else failed? He’d break out the tequila.
It was clear Tristan was hiding pain of his own, but no amount of alcohol would make him open up. The diva persona everyone believed he had was exactly that—a persona.
The real Tristan was sweet. Caring. Protective.
The fact he was here proved that.
We entered Arrivals and were met by an onslaught of paparazzi.
“Shit,” I grunted, automatically putting my arm around Tristan to shield him. Being my size meant I was used to doing this for my bandmates, so it was natural to extend the protectiveness to Tristan.
“Keep smiling,” he said through gritted teeth, waving from under my arm. “Remember, we’re in love. We’re happy.”
Following his lead, I forced my lips to twist in what I hoped was a passable attempt at joy. Where the fuck was Dylan?
Like I’d summoned him by thought alone, Dylan appeared in the midst of the crowd. At his side, nudging his way through to us, was Rhys. Why was Silas’s guard here?
My heart stuttered. Was Silas here too?
“Car’s waiting,” Dylan said. “Good to see you, Kai.”
I gave him a thin smile before stepping closer, ensuring no one else could hear. “Is Silas here?”
Dylan evaded my gaze. Rhys was chatting to Tristan while taking his baggage from him. “No.”
“Then why is Rhys here?”
Dylan gave a cough, his cheeks flushing. “We thought it best for us both to come, given you were arriving with Tristan.”
“You’re a terrible liar.” I hadn’t informed anyone that Tristan would be returning with me. The press being here was just rotten luck.
Dylan gestured at the paparazzi and gave me a pleading look. “Can we discuss this later? Right now, I’d like to get you out of this situation before it runs out of control.”
“Fine,” I ground out before stalking over to where Tristan and Rhys were waiting a few feet away.
Sliding my arm around Tristan’s shoulder, I fixed on my smile and allowed Rhys and Dylan to steer us through the crowds.
“Okay?” Tristan breathed through his own smile.
“Never better.”
We hadn’t even made it onto the M25 before my phone started vibrating in my pocket.
“Silas?” Tristan asked as I pulled it out and checked the screen.
“No, Luca.” Was I disappointed it wasn’t Silas? I had no reason to be. I was the one who’d ghosted him.
And after I hadn’t responded to his message about Tristan…I hadn’t heard from him again.
“Hi, Luca.”
“That’s all you’ve got to say to me. ‘Hi, Luca’?”
My lips twitched at his melodrama. “Sorry, is there some script I should be following?”
“Hmm, let’s see.” The sarcasm was strong with this one. “How about my boyfriend will be accompanying me home? No, you’re right. You should’ve told me that before you landed at Heathrow.”
My eyes flew across the car to where Tristan was staring out of the window. “How’d you even know about that? There’s no way it’s hit the press yet.”
“Ollie picked it up off the wire,” he grumbled. “And it might not have hit the press, but it’s certainly hit Twitter. He has Google alerts set up for all of us.”
“Bit creepy.”
“No, sensible when you pull shit like this.” Luca paused. “Although I found out he had mine set up a long time ago, way before our tour. I’ve decided that’s adorable rather than creepy though.”
In the background, I could hear Ollie cursing him out. There was a muffled noise like Luca had put his phone over the speaker. No doubt so he could kiss Ollie thoroughly without me hearing.
I was happy for him. For both of them.
But I didn’t love the reminder of what I’d likely never have.
“Anyway, like I was saying,” Luca said when he returned, slightly out of breath. “You could’ve given us a heads-up that Tristan would be coming back with you.”
“Why? It doesn’t matter, does it? It’s not like he’d be in the studio with us.”
“No, but…” Luca fell silent for a moment. “Listen, have you spoken to Silas?”
Shame rose like bile in my throat. “Not recently.”
“Maybe you should.”
“I don’t see why. My love life is none of his concern.”
Tristan reached across the car and laid his hand on mine. I flipped my palm and squeezed, grateful for the support. He shot me a sympathetic smile before returning his attention to the window.
“With most friends, that’s true…but this is Silas. I’ve never known you to so much as buy a new shirt without getting his opinion first,” Luca said.
“Things change.”
“Hmm.” Luca was clearly unconvinced. “Have you spoken about the kiss?”