Chapter 15 Silas #2
Fuck. This space was tight.
Kai’s mouth was only inches from mine. He suddenly felt much bigger than me, his breath rasping as his gaze dropped to my lips.
I’d spent years grinding my body against Kai’s in front of millions of fans and thought nothing of it. But this felt so much more intimate. Our bodies weren’t even touching, yet my cock was growing stiff just being in his proximity.
The game was forgotten as we waited for one of us to take that step. To cross the line into something new. Something different.
Something necessary.
“Si.” He breathed the word, half a plea, half a curse.
I tilted my head, holding my breath as I waited. This was it. I wasn’t dreaming or fantasising.
This was really happening.
“Players, you have one minute remaining.”
We jumped apart as the outside world crashed in. Kai’s eyes were wide with horror as he stumbled away and out of the small space.
Running away. Just like he had the first time.
An alarm began to shriek, warning us that the end of the world was imminent.
I felt numb as I stared at the red cable in my hands. I could plug it in and win the game. Kai and I would go back to being friends, and no doubt it’d never be mentioned again.
Or I could say fuck it all and let the world burn.
And pray we’d still be standing at the end of it.
I continued to stare at the cable, counting out the final seconds in my head.
When it was over, I joined Kai in the main room, hands shoved deep in my pockets. He was leaning against the desk, his arms folded over his chest and his head bowed. Everything about his posture screamed that he didn’t want to talk about what had happened.
So we stood in silence until the game master entered. He frowned at us both, scratching his head. “You were so close. What happened?”
Wasn’t that the question of the hour?
Over the next few weeks, Kai and I slipped into some warped version of the friendship we’d once shared.
I had no idea what was going on inside Kai’s head…and I hated it. Did he want us to just be friends? The way he acted suggested yes, but I couldn’t forget the near kiss in the escape room.
As usual, Kai hadn’t mentioned it. Any time the subject came close, he changed it.
It was driving me fucking insane. I wanted to grab him by the collar and insist he told me what he wanted. What was going on in his head.
I couldn’t do it though. I wasn’t that selfish. I couldn’t bear the thought that I might’ve inadvertently hurt Kai in the past…I wasn’t about to force him to talk when he wasn’t ready.
No, I wasn’t going to force him to talk…but I was going to try and force his hand in other ways. I hadn’t missed the way Kai watched me whenever he thought I wasn’t looking.
For someone who had a boyfriend, he sure was interested in checking out my arse.
Just yesterday, I’d waltzed out of his shower in the skimpiest towel I could find, and Kai had full-on choked on his coffee. I swear I caught a glimpse of a bulge in his shorts before he hastily turned away.
Okay, maybe I was stepping over several boundaries, trying to get a rise out of Kai this way. But we’d never been good at respecting those.
So until he told me otherwise, I fully intended on encroaching on his space as often as possible. I was still pissed at him for ghosting me, but that wasn’t what was important.
Making sure Kai would stay a part of my life was.
To my utter frustration, the one part of our friendship that hadn’t returned to normal was the touching.
After our near miss in the escape room, Kai treated the air around me as a no-go zone.
He was careful to make sure he didn’t so much as brush his arm against me as he passed.
And as for hugs when I arrived or left? They were a thing of the past.
Fucking ironic that he’d stopped just as I’d realised I never wanted him to.
Tonight, we were at a bar opening in Soho.
To my dismay, Tristan had slipped into the car after Kai.
Judging by the expression on his face, he was as happy to see me as I was him.
But for Kai’s sake, I kept things cordial.
I still didn’t believe they were in love or serious, but I had to be respectful.
Tristan, however, hadn’t got the memo. He barely waited until Kai went to the bar to get us drinks before rounding on me. He had a lazy grin, but it did nothing to detract from the barb in his words. “Why are you here? Don’t you have better things to do than gatecrash your friend’s dates?”
“Can’t say I do,” I said, not taking my eyes off Kai at the bar.
He was wearing a silver shirt that clung to his muscles.
Like he was trying to torture me, he’d rolled up the sleeves, leaving his forearms on display.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t noticed how hot he was before.
For fuck’s sake, I’d helped him pick out that shirt.
Didn’t think I’d be watching him in a bar months later, imagining stripping him out of it.
Seemed wild to me now that I hadn’t. All this time we’d wasted because I’d been so fucking blind.
“He has a boyfriend,” Tristan said pointedly. “Me. Can’t you see this is fucked up?”
And there it was, the reminder that I didn’t actually know how Kai felt about me. All I had to go on was some vague hints. Still, I wasn’t giving Tristan the satisfaction of my uncertainty. “Nope. This is how Kai and I have always been together.”
“It’s weird,” Tristan said flatly. I could feel his stare burning into the side of my face, but I refused to look away from Kai.
He was leaning forward now to talk to the bartender, making his already tight trousers cling even more to his rear.
It’d been two hours since he’d walked out in that outfit and I’d nearly swallowed my tongue.
How had I gone two decades without climbing him like a tree?
I was here first. That was what my petty arse wanted to respond. Instead, I went with, “Take it up with Kai. If he’s got a problem with me being here, that’s down to him. Not you.”
Okay, perhaps I was being a bit shitty. But I wasn’t backing away until Kai told me to.
Besides, if I thought for a second Kai was serious about Tristan, that he truly had feelings for him, that would be different.
However, the couple of times I’d been out with them both, I hadn’t seen them do as much as hug.
Unless they saw me watching, of course. Then they’d glom together so hastily that I had to fight the urge to laugh. I knew Kai like the back of my hand. If he really liked Tristan, he had a funny way of showing it.
All I had to do was wait patiently for their relationship to run its course.
Kai came back, balancing the three drinks in his hands. His easy grin slipped as he caught on to the tension between Tristan and me. “What’s happened?”
“Nothing,” I said, relieving him of a beer and sipping it. “Tristan and I are just getting to know each other.”
“Actually, Kai, can I talk to you?” Tristan took their drinks and put them on the table next to us. “Alone?”
Kai’s gaze bobbed between us for a second before he nodded. “Of course.”
They didn’t go far. The VIP area didn’t allow for that. Wanting to at least try and give them some privacy, I pulled out my phone and opened Insta. I snapped a couple of photos of the club below, posting them to my story and tagging the club and Kai.
Ignoring the slew of notifications that started to come in, I pocketed the device and couldn’t resist checking in on Kai. They were still huddled in the corner. I had no idea what Tristan was saying, but with how Kai was glowering at the floor, it couldn’t be anything good.
He better not be upsetting him, I thought as I sipped at my beer. The idea of him making Kai happy was painful.
But the concept of him hurting Kai? That was unacceptable.
Kai’s muscles grew tenser the longer Tristan spoke. Suddenly, I couldn’t bear it any longer.
Crossing the space in a few strides, I went over to them. Tristan fell silent as I drew near, his scowl making it clear how he felt about my interruption. “What?”
I ignored him, my gaze resting on Kai’s clasped hands. His tight shoulders. “You okay?”
He jerked in surprise, his brown eyes whipping up to mine. “Yeah. Of course.”
No, he wasn’t. There was an exhaustion there I hadn’t seen in years. Not since his mum’s last scare. That knowledge itched at me like a rash. “Wanna dance?”
“What?” Tristan snapped. The little dude looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel.
“Dance,” I replied with deliberate slowness. Kai hadn’t looked away from me, his lips parting in confusion. “Friends can dance together.”
Tristan scoffed. “Since when have you two ever danced together?”
I gritted my teeth as I finally broke the staring match between me and Kai. “Every night on stage, for approximately thirteen years. Everyone knows that.”
From the corner of my eye, Kai flinched like I’d hit him. Fuck. Had our…my behaviour really hurt him that deeply?
“I don’t feel like dancing,” Kai said finally. His head was bowed as that heavy exhaustion seemed to wash over him once more. He reached out a hand, but not towards me.
Towards Tristan.
“I think you should go, Si. Tristan and I want to spend some time together. Alone.”
The flash of hurt that ripped through me was so visceral I actually lifted a hand to my chest to check. No, there was no injury.
Not one you could see anyway.
I didn’t let it show. The last thing Kai needed right now was to think he’d upset me. He was clearly going through something…even if I didn’t know what that was.
And that hurt more than anything. I used to be the person he reached out to. The person he confided in.
Now he had someone else. Someone who wasn’t me.
Maybe this was it now. I’d missed my chance.
If I’d ever even had one.
“No worries.” I clapped Kai on the shoulder to show him there were no hard feelings, even if that couldn’t be further from the truth. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Kai bit his lip and glanced at Tristan. His thumb started rubbing the back of the other man’s hand. “Actually, you shouldn’t come over in the morning. Tristan will be staying the night.”
“Lots of nights,” Tristan said quietly but firmly.
I turned my back to hide my face before quickly pushing my way through the crowd. I didn’t want Kai to know I was hurting, but I wasn’t a good enough actor to play this off.
I blitzed past Rhys in a rush, not stopping to check he was following.
Thankfully, he appeared at my side as I stepped out to the flashing of what seemed like a hundred cameras.
“Silas, are you and Kai a couple?”
“Was the kiss a stunt?”
“Are you jealous of Tristan and Kai?”
“Are you leaving early because of an argument?”
Dylan, Kai’s guard, appeared at my other side from nowhere. Between him and Rhys, they were able to cut a path through the paparazzi to where we had parked earlier.
Dylan opened the door for me to get in, using his body to keep the press back before closing it behind me. At the same time, Rhys slid into the driver’s seat.
“Sorry,” I muttered as he pulled away from the bar and onto the busy city street. “Didn’t realise I’d be leaving so abruptly.”
“Not a problem,” he said mildly. “All part of the job.”
His eyes shifted to meet mine in the rearview mirror. “You okay?”
Was I okay? In the past few months, pretty much all the constants in my life had been stripped away.
Guess that was the danger of having almost all your constants revolve around one person.
When I didn’t respond, Rhys asked a follow-up question, reminding me I wasn’t completely alone. “Arlo’s or Luca’s?”