Chapter Twelve
ARLO
I’d barely been home five minutes when someone rang my front bell.
Seeing as Jack had a key, it wouldn’t be anyone I wanted to see right now. The tears had stopped falling, but I was far from okay. My whole body felt like it was coming apart at the seams.
Making my way into my walk-in wardrobe, I shoved the clothes on the lower rail to the sides and sat in between them. There, in the darkness, I felt a little calmer.
How could I have been so stupid?
It was the question I’d been asking myself on repeat ever since Jack had left me. My knuckles were still throbbing—another reminder of my idiocy. It’d be just my luck to somehow keep my job yet not be able to do it because I’d broken my hand.
In the distance, the doorbell rang again.
“Go away,” I muttered to myself. Seriously, who wanted to see me this badly?
I checked my phone to see if Jack had messaged.
Nothing.
I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. It was killing me not knowing what was happening. I wasn’t angry that Jack had sent me away though. I knew as well as he did that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to deal with this right now.
What if he was fired? What if we both were?
What did it mean for whatever was happening between us?
It had to be over now. I’d been waiting for a reason for Jack to realise what we were doing was wrong—this had to be it.
Maybe it’d be the push I needed to stop hurting myself over and over again.
Yeah, right. Even in my own mind, I knew that was bollocks. I couldn’t stay away from Jack. I’d been settling for the scraps he threw my way for years now. I couldn’t see that changing any time soon.
Should I call or message one of the others? Would they fight for me? For Jack? Or would they be pissed at me getting myself into this mess?
Before I could make a decision, the door to the cupboard opened. I yelped, scrambling deeper into the darkness.
“Calm down,” a deep voice drawled. “It’s just me.”
“Corey?” I poked my head out from between two heavy cardigans. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
Jack’s friend was scowling in the doorway.
The little light that showed around his massive frame threw his tattoos into sharp relief.
He had more than me and Jack combined—full sleeves on both arms that extended over his chest and up his neck.
I suspected they were in other places too, but that wasn’t the kind of question you asked a guy like Corey.
His strong jaw might have been attractive, but it also looked like he chewed nails for breakfast. In the nine years I’d known him, I’d yet to see him smile.
Little about him had changed over time. His hair was in the same short style as when I’d met him, the same layer of stubble over his face. Even his ripped jeans and plain T-shirt were a simple variation on what he always wore. It was like he’d settled on a style a decade ago and never changed it.
His hazel eyes swept over the racks of clothes. “I could ask you the same thing.”
I scrambled to my feet. As with Jack, I had to peer up at Corey. “I needed some quiet.”
“You’re literally alone in the house.”
“So? Haven’t you ever felt the need to hide away to process shit?”
He blinked. “No.”
I huffed, shoving past him. “I don’t expect you to understand. You’re probably all mature and deal with your emotions in a healthy way that my therapist would approve of.”
“Doubtful.”
“Why are you here?”
“Jack.”
Of course. He never showed up like this unless Jack asked him to watch over me. A few years ago, it would’ve pissed me off that Jack had arranged for me to have a babysitter.
Now though, it was just further proof that he cared about me. Not in the way I wanted him to, but in the only way I’d ever experienced from him.
Corey’s footsteps were almost silent as he trailed after me. I ignored him as I went to the kitchen and filled the kettle. I knew from past experience that asking him to leave was pointless.
When I’d made us both a cup of tea, I pursed my lips at Corey. “It’s illegal to break into someone’s house.”
His stony facade didn’t falter. “I didn’t break in. You left a window open.”
“You really think Jack would’ve let us leave without checking every window and door.”
The tiniest of smirks toyed at his lips as he lifted his mug. “Maybe Jack is losing his touch in his old age.”
“Aren’t you the same age?”
“He’s older by two months.”
I rolled my eyes before checking my phone again.
“So what happened?”
My eyes darted up. “What do you mean?”
“Well I assume there’s a reason Jack demanded I drop everything and get over here. Throw in finding you hiding between your clothes, and it doesn’t take a genius to realise something’s going on.”
I slumped down onto a stool. “I fucked up. Almost certain we’re both unemployed now because of me.”
Corey didn’t push for any details, something I deeply appreciated. “Where’s Jack?”
“Trying to sort it out,” I said heavily. “He seems to think he can convince them to keep me on.”
“If anyone can, it’s Jack.”
I sighed. “Come on, Corey. We both know communication isn’t Jack’s forte. The only person his persuasive skills have ever worked on is me.”
“True,” Corey said, setting his mug down with a clink. “But if anyone can save you, it’s him. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you.”
His tone had an undercurrent that I didn’t understand. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Corey shrugged. “Just saying, I wouldn’t wanna go up against Jack if you were the thing being fought over.”
I shook my head sadly. “This is a battle even Jack can’t win.”
We lapsed into silence, both sipping our tea. It truly was the British pastime—even in my shitty childhood, a cup of tea was what you drank during times of crisis.
Which, in my household, happened approximately every other day.
I’d grown up drinking a lot of tea.
Corey’s head snapped up. “Jack’s here.”
“How did you even hear that?” I was already heading for the door. “Ears like a fucking bat, I swear.”
“Wait.” Corey’s calloused hand touched my arm lightly. “I’ll go first.”
Knowing it was pointless to argue, I drifted back against the wall. Stupid, overprotective men would be the death of me.
Corey reached the door as Jack stepped through it. I didn’t hear the quiet words they exchanged, too fixated on the grim lines of Jack’s face.
Whatever had happened, it wasn’t good.
The panic I’d been suppressing bubbled away under the surface, but it didn’t break through. Now that Jack was back, I could keep a handle on it.
It was okay. He was here. Whatever he was going to tell me, we’d get through it together.
“Arlo?”
I looked up, blinking. Corey was gone, leaving the two of us alone. “Am I fired?”
Jack squeezed my shoulder. “No, Arlo. I told you I’d keep you safe.”
I sagged against him in relief. “Thank fuck.”
It was only when I realised he was tense against me that another horrifying thought occurred to me. “Wait, you’re not fired right? Because he can’t do that. We’ll fire Kevin and replace him before that happens. I’m sure I can get the others to agree.”
Well, hopefully I could. The niggling uncertainty was in the back of my mind, but I’d try. For Jack, I’d try anything.
“No, I’m not fired either.”
I pulled back to frown at him. “What, Kevin is just letting us get away with it? There’s no way.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” he replied grimly. “Come on. This conversation calls for Scotch.”
My brows hit my hairline. Jack drank Scotch twice a year—a glass on his birthday and a second on Christmas Day. Always before bed too, never while the sun was still shining.
Foreboding sparked in my stomach, working its way up my throat until I thought I’d choke on it. There had been moments in my life I knew I’d never forget, both good and bad. Moments that were etched in my brain regardless of whether or not I wanted to erase them.
My seventh birthday—the first time I got a black eye instead of a present.
Kissing Kieran Webb behind the science block.
Glancing through the window and seeing three boys setting up to rehearse.
Stepping out on stage in front of seventy thousand screaming fans.
And so many of them revolved around Jack. Laughing as he tried to bite into an overfilled cheesecake Easter egg. Him smiling at me as we sat on the sea wall eating chips out of newspaper. Crowing at him as he sulked after being beaten in a gaming marathon that ran through the night.
Him telling me to get on my knees.
All the ones involving Jack were good moments. Ones I didn’t ever want to lose.
Something told me this one was going to be different.
“What is it?” I said urgently, perching on the arm of the sofa. “What’s going on?”
Jack faced away from me, draining his Scotch in a single gulp. “We can both keep our jobs, but there are conditions.”
“Conditions,” I repeated flatly.
Jack kept his back to me as he answered. “I’m being reassigned to Luca. Simon will be guarding you from now on.”
“Absolutely not.”
Jack finally faced me, his face weary. “We don’t have a choice, Arlo. What Kevin caught us doing is grounds for instant dismissal. We’re damned lucky he’s giving us a second chance.”
“Why bother?” I asked in confusion. “I thought for sure he’d be pleased to see the back of us.”
“He wants to keep you in the band, Arlo. He’s putting pressure on you because that’s what the label wants, but he doesn’t want to lose you.”
“There has to be more to it,” I said, rubbing at my brow. “I just don’t get why he’s keeping us both on.”
“Do you have to understand? Can’t you just be happy?”
Something in his tone had my eyes narrowing. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing. We’re being given a second chance, Arlo. We should be grateful to Kevin for that.”
“I guess you’re right,” I mumbled. “I’m not happy about Simon being my detail, but at least we’ll be in each other’s lives.
It’s not like you’ll be crashing at Luca’s or anything, he’d hate that, so you can keep your room here.
We won’t be around each other every day, but we’ll spend plenty of time together… ”
My voice trailed off as I realised Jack wasn’t looking at me. His head was bowed, his shoulders rising and falling faster than normal. Alarm rippled through me. “Jack?”
When he looked up though, I thought I must’ve imagined it. His face was calm, his gaze unwavering. “We can’t spend time together anymore, Arlo. Not like that. Now that our professional relationship is ending, our personal one needs to as well.”
“No,” I whispered, my chest growing tight. Oh god, how had I thought space was something I wanted? Now he was proposing it, I wanted to fall to my knees and beg him to change his mind. “No, Jack. Kevin can’t make us do this. I won’t let him.”
“This isn’t about Kevin,” he said steadily. “This is my decision. We shouldn’t have crossed the lines we did, Arlo. It’s my fault, I know that. I should’ve reinforced those boundaries between us better. I should never have—”
“Should never have what?” I interrupted him. Anger was rising in me, and I embraced it like an old friend. Anything was better than the heartbreak wrapping around my chest like a vice. “Never should’ve told me to go to my knees? Never should’ve shoved your cock down my throat?”
Jack flinched, an almost imperceptible movement. “Yes. But it goes further back than that. I never should’ve allowed anything to happen between us that wasn’t professional. My place in your life was supposed to be a purely professional one. We should never have developed this…friendship.”
“What are you saying?” I demanded, getting to my feet. “That you shouldn’t have stayed up gaming with me every other night? Slept here more often than at your own place? Spent every Christmas here for almost a decade? What part of that shouldn’t you have done, Jack?”
“All of it,” he said hoarsely. “All of those are things I shouldn’t have done. I should have kept things strictly professional, and for that I’m sorry.”
“That’s how you really feel?” I asked him in disbelief.
“Yes.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Jack sighed, getting to his feet. “Look, I can’t work for the band if I’m still in this weird place with you. I need to focus on Luca, and I can’t do that if I’m spending all my time with you.”
His words stabbed at my heart. “Weird place?”
A huff of impatience showed he wasn’t as calm about this as he was letting on. “You know what I mean—one where we’re friends and colleagues. We need a clear distinction, Arlo. I need one.”
“Friends,” I echoed hollowly. Great, I was turning into a fucking parrot.
“We are friends,” Jack said softly. “But we can’t be anything more. Not if we both want to keep working for the same organisation.”
“This is about your job. You’re choosing that over me.” I swallowed hard, willing the tears not to fall. “Makes sense, I guess. Why would you choose me?”
Something rippled over Jack’s face as he stepped forwards. “Arlo, no—”
“It’s fine,” I said rapidly, walking backwards. “I knew this would happen eventually.”
He reached out like he was going to grab me. “Wait. Can we—”
“No,” I cut him off again. It was painful, forcing my lips to smile when it was the last thing they wanted to do. “You’re right. It’s best if we end this…whatever it is, now. You should go.”
Jack’s hand fell limply to his side. He swallowed. Once. Twice. Three times.
Then his face turned blank and he nodded curtly. “I’ll see myself out.”
I didn’t answer, my throat too choked with unshed tears. Turning on my heel, I half ran out of the door, needing to be away from him before I unleashed this wave of heartache crushing me.
I paused at the top of the stairs, gripping the banister so hard my knuckles were white.
After a few seconds, Jack’s footsteps echoed into the hall.
They paused at the bottom of the stairs.
Was he going to come after me? Tell me he was wrong?
That our “friendship” meant more to him than any other job?
No. He wasn’t.
His footsteps started up again, clipped and purposeful. The front door opened and closed quietly as he walked out of my life.
I finally let the tears fall.
I’d thought I was about to be fired. Believed I was going to lose the thing that was most important to me.
I’d been wrong about the first, right about the second.
I hadn’t lost Caffeine Daydreams, but what I had lost was so much worse.
I’d lost Jack. My best friend. My confidant.
My love.
He’d been my pillar of strength for almost a decade. How was I supposed to get through life without him? Was that even possible?
It had to be. He’d chosen his job over me. He wasn’t worth losing everything for.
He wasn’t.
I’d keep telling myself that as often as needed, even if it took years.
I’d find a way to be okay without Jack.
I would.
I had to.