Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
ARLO
Three months.
That was how long it had been since Jack told me goodbye and walked out of my life.
I wasn’t surprised. I’d known all along this would be the outcome. Hell, it was what I’d thought I wanted. Thought it would be easier if I didn’t have to face him every day.
Fuck, I’d been so wrong.
I hadn’t expected it to hurt this much. I figured that what I went through the first time was the worst. Going from having him in every corner of my life to just the shadows had been almost too much to bear.
But this? Having him disappear from my life entirely?
It broke me in whole new ways.
Unsurprisingly, I spiralled into a major depressive episode. I left Luca’s that evening and went straight home. I climbed into bed and didn’t move unless it was to use the toilet.
Barely twenty-four hours had passed before Luca and Ollie were moving into my spare room. I didn’t ask them to, and they didn’t ask permission, just showed up the following morning, saw the state I was in, and left to go grab their things.
Simon sat with me while they were gone. We didn’t speak, but he sat with his back against my bed frame, just reassuring me with his presence.
You have people, I whispered to my brain. You don’t need Jack.
I didn’t need Jack. Logically, I knew that. But I wanted him.
Fuck, how I wanted him.
I didn’t cave though. Not in those dark first days. Not in the week that followed when I dusted myself off and got my arse back into therapy. Not when the cloud of depression lifted and we started prepping for the next album.
I kept looking for him though. Every time Luca entered a room, my eyes went over his shoulder, only to see Ryan—Jack’s replacement. He was as tall as Jack, but that was where the similarity ended. He was quick to smile and chatty to anyone who engaged him.
I hated him. Not because there was anything wrong with him, but because he was in Jack’s place. Where he belonged.
You told him to go, remember?
Yeah, I fucking remembered. Didn’t mean I had to like it.
The point was, I was surviving. My career was thriving, the new album coming together seamlessly. A world-wide stadium tour was in the works for the year after next, and all signs pointed out to it being another sellout.
My personal life was good too. All my bandmates had made a point of not letting me slip too far down the slope, ready to pull me up whenever I needed. My schedule had never been busier, full of everything from casual dinners to mini-breaks in various cities.
And while I loved my friends, there was no escaping the fact I was the fifth wheel. They tried to tamp down their lovey-dovey behaviour when I was around, but there was still only so much happiness I could take at one time.
Overall though, my life was good…if you ignored the gaping Jack-shaped hole in my heart.
Oh, and the fact that my stalker hadn’t gone away.
Luca and Ollie had stayed with me long enough to find out about the…situation. Kind of difficult to hide it given the frequency with which the letters had arrived. They hadn’t needed Ollie’s detective skills, just my stupid arse leaving one of them out on the side.
The dressing down I got from the two of them, followed immediately by Kai and Silas, was a sight to behold. My insistence that I’d just been trying not to worry them had been ignored.
Suffice to say, I wouldn’t be hiding anything from them ever again.
In a way, I felt better that they knew now. I couldn’t lie, the fact that the person had kept going for this long was unsettling. I’d thought for sure he’d have given up by now.
If anything, it’d got worse. Barely a day went by without a new letter arriving.
This morning was no different. I stumbled down the stairs, grinding to a halt in the hallway as I stared down at the unopened letter. It lay innocuously on the mat, looking like any other letter.
Except for the purple envelope. The same one that accompanied all his missives. Whether it held compliments, sexual fantasies, or death threats, the outside was always the same.
I didn’t touch it, familiar with the protocol by now. It wasn’t until I hit Simon’s number that I realised there was something different about this envelope. Something that had me scrambling backwards like it might bite me.
Simon answered within a ring. “Another letter?”
“There’s no address. It came through the letterbox.
” I whispered, like the sender could somehow hear me.
Fuck, he probably could. Who knew what lengths he’d gone to?
Post wasn’t even delivered via my door these days, it was left in a lock box outside the gate instead. “Simon, he’s been to my house.”
“I’m two minutes away,” Simon said briskly. “It’s unlikely that he’s hanging around, but I want you to lock yourself in a bathroom. Do not hang up, okay?”
Shoving away from the wall, I raced upstairs. I had a bathroom downstairs, and a main one on the first floor, but I wanted to be in my en suite. Somehow, it felt safer being deeper in the house. Like there were more layers between myself and whoever this deranged twat was.
Obviously we were all aware that he knew my address—he’d been posting stuff to me for months. But this was different. He’d made it over the seven-foot-high security fence I’d had installed. He hadn’t tripped any of the perimeter alarms I’d had put in place as he did it.
While I barricaded myself in the small bathroom, I could hear Simon talking to someone else. From the sounds of it, he’d used his back-up phone to call the police.
This is good. Simon is on his way. He’ll get it sorted.
I rubbed at my chest. Fuck. I wished it was Jack I’d called. Jack who was running to save me.
He would. Even after three months of silence, I knew that if I called, he’d come. But that wouldn’t be fair. It would set me back so much.
Didn’t stop me wanting it though. Desperately wanting to hang up on Simon just so I could phone Jack. Maybe just hearing his voice would calm me…
Before I could make that mistake, Simon spoke to me again. “I’m at your door, Arlo. Don’t open your bathroom door unless I give you the code word. You remember it? Don’t say it out loud.”
“I remember,” I whispered, sinking to sit on the floor.
The code word was a new precaution. It was in case Simon was somehow taken hostage and forced to instruct me to open the door. If he didn’t use the code word then I’d know he wasn’t alone and to keep it locked.
I’d laughed when Simon had told me about it, convinced it was completely unnecessary.
It didn’t seem so funny now.
In the distance, I heard the sound of the front door unlocking and opening. Heavy, booted footsteps thundered up the stairs. I rested my head in my hands, breathing deeply and willing my hands steady.
There was a brisk knock at the door. “Arlo? Capricorn.” I flew to my feet, unlocking the door. Simon’s grim face greeted me. “You okay?”
I tried to nod but ended up shaking my head.
“Come on,” he said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Let’s make some tea and wait for the police to arrive.”
I leaned on him as he helped me down the stairs, wishing desperately that it was Jack holding me up. His bulk rather than Simon’s wiry muscles. The scent of Jack’s clean soap over Simon’s spiced cologne. His reassuring silence over Simon’s calm words.
But he’s not here, remember? You told him to go. It was the right thing to do.
Fuck, I hated that I couldn’t argue with that. It had been the right thing to do, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.
I had to move on though. I couldn’t let this fucking mess send me running back to Jack. No matter how much I missed him, that path led to more pain in the long run.
No more. I needed to protect my heart. It was broken. It was bruised.
I wasn’t letting that man shatter it completely.