Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
JACK
I was early getting to Luca’s, so I easily nabbed a spot on his driveway. Despite the size of it, it’d be packed within a couple of hours.
Everyone wanted to be seen at the party of the biggest rock band in the world.
Jogging up the front steps, I nodded at Rhys, Silas’s guard, as he opened the door. “Any issues?”
He shook his head, stepping aside to let me past. “Nope. Guest list has been triple checked. We’ve swept the perimeter fence—all secure.”
“Great. Where am I stationed?”
“We’re taking a room each. You’re in the green room.”
Luca, typical rock star that he was, had so many rooms that we’d given them all names over the years.
Strangely, Arlo hadn’t followed this trend. His house was still on the grand side, but far more understated than Luca’s. This place, for example, had seven bedrooms. Arlo’s, however, only had three. One for him, one for guests, and the other…
Well, the other had been mine. A very long time ago.
Forcing him out of my mind, I smiled at Rhys. “How about tomorrow? Everything sorted?”
“Yep.” He grinned conspiratorially. “Kai’s not gonna know what hit him.”
That was true. After loving Silas from afar for so long, none of us had expected them to end up here.
We turned to walk into the house. “Simon here yet?”
That wasn’t what I was really asking, and we both knew it. Fortunately, Rhys didn’t call me on it. “Not yet. Arlo needed to make a stop to pick up his date.”
I stumbled on the carpet. “Oh.”
The inevitability of our situation washed over me. Of course he had a date. He wasn’t going to wait for me forever.
There was nothing here to wait for. Not when I couldn’t be what he needed.
Rhys reached over and squeezed my arm. “Sorry, man.”
“Nothing to be sorry about,” I said gruffly, my good mood evaporating like mist. “I’ll be in the green room.”
My position in the corner of the green room gave me a prime viewing spot of Arlo when he entered. I paid no attention to his outfit, too caught up in his facial expression to notice.
Arlo was laughing at something his date had said, his whole face shining like he was lit from within. My stomach sank even as a sad smile touched my lips.
I hadn’t seen Arlo laugh like that in a very long time. I liked it.
Even if I wasn’t the one causing it.
When I could finally tear my eyes away from him, I turned my attention to the man whose arm was linked with his. Surprise and confusion slammed into me as I instantly recognised him.
Louis towered over Arlo, all long limbs and lean muscles. Ink covered every inch of his exposed skin, which made sense, given his profession as a tattoo artist. Fuck, the guy had put several on my own body.
I couldn’t believe it. Was Arlo really dating Kai’s brother?
For one, I thought Louis was straight. Then again, up until recently, I’d thought Silas was too.
My stomach plummeted even further. Louis was a good man; one I had a hell of a lot of respect for.
He not only ran his own business, but he’d stepped in to care for his family while Kai went on tour.
He was a pillar of the community, his shop running various fundraisers and schemes helping young adults escape poverty.
I’d seen Arlo with many men over the years, but never one who was truly worthy of him. One I knew would treat him well and give him the life he deserved.
Nausea rolled through me as the pair worked the room. I tried so hard to keep my face impassive, to scan the crowd and not focus just on them.
But it was impossible. My facade was finally cracking, and what I’d been ignoring was forced to the forefront. It was too late. Everything was too late. We’d been doomed from the very start.
Now Arlo was going to find the happiness he deserved.
Just not with me.
I should have been fine with this, right? I couldn’t give Arlo what he’d asked for. Nothing had changed in that regard.
I should have been happy that he was happy. That he was with someone worthy of him.
But I wasn’t. I wasn’t that fucking selfless.
And now I was breaking.
My shirt felt too tight around my neck. I slipped a finger around my collar, trying to loosen it, but it didn’t make a difference.
Air. I need air.
Lifting my wrist, I quietly let my colleagues know that I was taking a break. Dylan’s voice sounded in my ear, confirming he’d take my place until I returned.
I slipped from the room, not stopping until I felt grass beneath my shoes. Tilting my head up to the stars, I inhaled deeply.
It didn’t help. Staring at the night sky never did. It just made me think of the hours I’d spent sitting beside Arlo on sea walls, talking long into the night. No one to witness our conversations except the stars.
Footsteps echoed behind me, and I tensed.
“Jack? Is something wrong?”
Taking a final steadying breath, I turned to face Arlo. He had his arms crossed over his chest. I might’ve assumed that was against the cold, if it hadn’t been for his teeth worrying at his lip. “I’m fine. Just needed a bit of air. You can go back in to your date.”
Arlo frowned. “My date?”
“Louis,” I said, waving at the house. For some reason, words kept bubbling out of me. Ones I fucking knew I shouldn’t say, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. “He’s a bit younger than I thought you’d go for, but he’s a good bloke. You shouldn’t keep him waiting.”
Arlo’s face transformed, steel appearing there, reminding me he was a different man from the one I once knew. “A bit young? That’s rich coming from you. Louis is four years younger than me. Quite different to the decade between us.”
My cheeks flushed. “Yeah, but we weren’t…”
“Fucking?” Arlo supplied, stepping closer. His arms weren’t folded now, his hands in fists at his sides. “Because that’s how I remember it.”
He was angry. I stumbled back a step, unsure how to deal with this version of Arlo. This was unravelling so fast. “We weren’t fucking, we were just…”
“Your cock was in my body,” he said bluntly. “I’m not sure what you class it as, but to me, that’s sex.”
I swallowed, unable to find my voice with him so near. It was just like being in that corridor with him all those months ago. He got this close and I lost the ability to think. To function.
“And not that it’s any of your business, but Louis isn’t my date. His car broke down and I live closest to him.”
Something unknotted in me so fast that I literally sagged forward. “Oh.”
“That’s all you have to say? Oh?”
He was glaring up at me now, his hands on his hips and eyes sparking. God, I was fucking this up so badly. I just needed a minute to think. A minute to figure out what to say.
You’ve had all the minutes, Jack. Six fucking months of them.
Helpless, I gestured broadly. “What do you want me to say?”
“Oh my god,” Arlo said suddenly, his hands going into his hair as he whirled away. “I can’t believe I’m doing this again. What the fuck am I doing?”
Alarmed, I reached out to touch him. “Arlo, what—?”
“No,” he barked, stepping out of my reach. “Don’t touch me.”
I lowered my arm slowly, a muscle jumping in my jaw.
“I can’t keep doing this, Jack.” He looked wild, his hair sticking up in every direction and his eyes wide. “I can’t keep repeating this same bullshit with you over and over again. I told you to take your time to come up with a decision, and it’s been long enough.”
I swallowed around the sudden lump in my throat. This was it. This was the moment it came down to.
“What’s it going to be, Jack?” His lip wobbled, but his jaw was set. “Are you choosing me? Or are you going to walk out of my life?”
“Surely those can’t be the only options?” I pleaded. “Can’t we just…find a way to go on?”
Arlo’s face transformed before my eyes, shutters closing him off from me. “No. I won’t compromise on my happiness anymore, Jack. And it’s fucking unfair of you to ask that of me.”
I bowed my head in shame, blinking back the film covering my vision. What was fucking wrong with me? “I’m sorry. About everything.”
“Me too,” Arlo said bitterly. “But if you wanna show me you’re sorry, you need to do one of those things. Either be with me, or don’t. Don’t leave me in this limbo any longer. It’s cruel.”
His choice of words stabbed me in the chest, flaying me open for all to see.
Cruel. I’d been cruel to him.
Will and Alex were right. Arlo deserved so much more than what I’d given him. And I knew, I fucking knew I couldn’t be what he deserved.
Stepping close to him, I brushed my lips over his curls. “Goodbye, Arlo.”
He was silent as I walked away, the only noise coming from my shoes scuffing over the patio. I tried so hard not to look back at him.
But as I got to the gate, I caved.
Arlo stood exactly where I’d left him, his face turned away so I couldn’t see his expression.
I wavered. Should I go back to him?
Just then, someone spilled out of the back door, drunkenly calling Arlo’s name.
He spun to face them, a smile tilting his lips. It wasn’t a full one, nor did it seem completely real.
But nonetheless, it was a smile. One that morphed into a true grin as the man said something to him that made him light up.
How long had it been since he’d lit up for me?
He would be happier without me. I had to let him go.
The first tear fell as I slid behind the wheel.
That man in there was my whole world, and I was walking away from him.
It was the right thing to do. It was what he wanted.
It was for the best.
The road outside was blurred the whole way home.