TWO
Cassie
Six Months Ago
Biting my lip, I regarded my best friend’s boyfriend with skepticism. He was holding out all of my favorite treats, his eyes pleading with my own, the look I’d only ever seen on his face when he was looking at his favorite person, my best friend, Mick.
“What’s the deal, then?” I asked, not giving in yet, though I would. I was a sucker for many people. I was too nice, too friendly, too forgiving.
Or at least, that’s what my two best friends, Victoria and Mick, said.
“I have a player who’s struggling in his creative writing class. If he doesn’t pull his grade up, I’ll have to bench him.”
For the briefest of seconds, I saw Tanner fidget. Tanner wasn’t a fidgeter, he was a very sure man, knowing exactly what he wants and how he wants to get it. Hence, him secretly dating my best friend.
That was my major secret. I’d never held a secret this detrimental before, and this was one I would take to the grave, mostly because it wasn’t about me.
“How bad is his grade now?” I asked. My hands itched to take the goodies out of his hands. My weakness was chocolate, and somehow Tanner knew that, bribing me with it whenever he came to see his girlfriend.
He may or may not know I was a terrible secret keeper and was trying to keep me calm.
“He’s on the verge of failing, but I think with your help, we can save his grade. We can’t lose him as a player. He’s too valuable.”
I paused all my movements, my breathing, blinking, and toe-tapping ceased. “Valuable, huh? What position does he play?”
For the first time since I’d met Tanner, he hesitated. He lost his aloof coolness.
His eyes averted when he cleared his throat. “He’s really important, Cass, and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t vital. It’s…” His eyes dart to Mick’s room and back to me. “Important that he stays on the team.”
My eyes glanced to Mick’s door and back to him, my arms crossed slowly. “No way.”
“I wouldn’t ask—”
“If it wasn’t important, I know. I get it. I don’t have any ill wishes toward your hockey team, Tanner. I may not like hockey—” His eyes become incredulous. “I mean, I don’t not like hockey, it’s just not my favorite thing to watch. Anyway, I’m getting off track.” I paused and took a deep breath. “I cannot work with him, Tanner. We hate each other.”
“I know you do,” Tanner sighed, slumping in early defeat. I frowned, not expecting him to give up so easily. “It’s fine, really. I will just have to break the news to Mick that not only can we not tell her family we’re dating, but her brother is going to hate me because I have to kick him off the hockey team, dashing his and his family’s hopes and dreams for him to become a professional hockey player.”
My heart gets locked in my chest, and I gaped at the man standing in front of me.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am.” He shook his head sadly. “I can’t exactly keep him on the team without his grades improving, and you are his only chance.”
I found that hard to believe, but Tanner was really laying on the guilt. “You’re trying to trick me. It won’t work.”
“Okay, no. Seriously. I get it.” He nodded his head, taking back the offer of the chocolate he was going to give me, and moved toward Mick’s door. His head was slightly bowed as he walked, slower than normal.
I crossed my arms more firmly, biting my lip and keeping the words in my mouth. I furrowed my brows.
I couldn’t work with Lincoln Ellis, the devil brother of Micayla Ellis, even though she was my absolute best friend in the entire world and I would do anything for her.
Except put up with her brother.
I can’t.
I won’t.
I refuse .
Tanner put his hand on Mick’s door. “Wait.”
Turning back to me, there’s a sliver of hope resting in his eyes. “Yes?”
I groaned and stomped my foot. “Fine! I’ll do it. But only one hour a week.” I hold up a finger. “And I demand chocolate for every session.”
“You’ll also get paid,” he said as if I hadn’t thought about that. “The school offers incentives for all the athletes’ tutors.”
“Good,” I replied.
“And I need at least three hours a week. He has a test in a few weeks he needs a B or better for.”
I shook my head. “I can’t handle three hours of Lincoln Ellis, captain of the douche squad.” Tanner gave me a look, and I winced. “Sorry, I just mean…well, you’ve met him, right? I mean, I can’t be alone in this.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen two people dislike the other more than you and Lincoln do, but I’m just asking you to do a job for me. You don’t have to like him.” Tanner tilted his head back and forth like he was considering something. “Actually, the meaner you are, the better. Don’t let him walk all over you.”
In that moment, I wished I could have said, “Of course he won’t.” I wished I could act like he wouldn’t walk all over me, like I wouldn’t allow him to act shitty toward me, like I wouldn’t just bite my tongue and look the other way.
But that’s exactly what I’ll do, because fighting with him, having confrontation, made hives break out on my neck in fear of anyone hating me.
The only reason I allowed our hate for each other to continue was the hurt that I couldn’t seem to let go of.
But, instead of being honest with Tanner, I just said a quiet, “Okay.”
“Great.” Tanner gave me a soft grin and held out the chocolate for me to take. I took it, putting it into the pocket of my hoodie, and pulled my sleeves down over my hands.
“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go see my girlfriend before she passes out on me.”
I nodded and bid him good night, taking my new treat to my bedroom and quietly shutting the door. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror hanging beside my door and sighed. My pale skin had a red sheen to it, typical for me after getting worked up over something, and my blonde hair was still in its frizzy oversized bun on top of my head, my black hoodie swallowing me.
I shuffled to my bed, making sure I had my current read handy, and collapsed into the pillows.
For a moment, I stared at the ceiling, covered in the glow in the dark star map I bought for myself that mimicked the sky of one of my favorite fantasy novels.
I closed my eyes, wishing I could escape my current reality and go there right now, to a land that would give me purpose, to a place where I would find a group of friends that would treat me like family and a man who would treat me like a queen.
I opened my eyes.
Still home.
I love my friends in the real world, I would do anything for them and them for me, but I would absolutely take that fictional boyfriend who handed me the world right about then.
I sat back against the mountain of pillows I had for myself, stripping the leggings off my legs and admiring the dozens of tattoos that covered them.
It was one of the only things I loved about myself, the art I chose to decorate my body with.
Otherwise, I was a plump girl with too wide of hips, cellulite, and a soft belly. Not average like my two besties, but “oversized.”
So instead of hating that about myself or trying very hard not to hate that about myself, I leaned into it.
I worked out, ate healthy, took care of my mental health, and read fantasy books to escape from the real world. Oh, and I got tattoos to cover up the fact that I was insecure.
Some might take offense to my best friend’s boyfriend buying me candy to ply me with, but it was only because he knew they were my favorites, and because Tanner is such a great guy, I knew he did that because he genuinely wanted to make me happy.
I sighed, thinking about that, thinking about how much I would love a boyfriend who showed me the world of love like Tanner did for Mick. He loved her. Loved her brain and her soul and her entire freaking being enough that he was willing to risk his entire career for her.
If only that was something normal, if it was the norm for men to always go above and beyond for women.
I shook my head and sighed, leaning back into my pillows and picking up my book beside me, ready to dive back into the best part of being a human, fictional boyfriends, and trying not to think about how soon I was going to have to face the one person who has hurt me more than anyone else.