TEN
Lincoln
Five Months Ago
The straw wrapper was twisted into oblivion in my hands, but I couldn’t stop fidgeting while I waited for Cassie.
She was currently helping out her mom with the dinner rush, a job I had no idea she had, but apparently was unofficial.
I was just glad to be there.
After my game last weekend, I was sure things were going to be strained between us. I’d wanted to talk more about the fact that Crew had been lying to me, about how hurt she’d seemed when I told her what I’d heard, and about how she seemed to not hate me as much as I originally thought.
But at the end of our interaction, I saw her realize she was being nice. I saw her walls go right back up to what they were before, and I knew she needed to get back to a safe place again.
I can’t deny that being friendly with her was nice, though. Too nice. It’d been like before.
“Okay, sorry,” Cassie said, throwing herself onto the bench across from me, where her bag was already sitting.
“You okay? I can help out if you need me to.” I glanced around the diner; it was still pretty busy, but she and her mom had worked flawlessly to get everyone settled and eating.
“I’m okay for a bit, I may have to get up again, but I’m sure you don’t have all night.”
It was nice that she was worried about my time, even when hers was clearly so short. “How’s school going for you?”
Cassie looked up, pausing from organizing whatever torture she had for me. “What?”
I hated how surprised she was. I really was a bastard for not asking sooner. “I said, how’s school for you?”
“Uh, fine,” she said, arranging notecards and what looked like a schedule. “So—”
“You have to do a thesis, right?” I asked, ignoring that she was about to start our session. Was I intentionally trying to draw this out? Maybe so.
“Yes, I—” She sighed and shook her head, her big blonde bun coming partially loose. She reached up and took it out, and I found myself staring at how long her hair was. I didn’t understand why she wore buns all the time, her hair was gorgeous and matched the rest of her.
Shifting in my seat, I cleared my throat.
She continued. “I have to make some changes. I’ve been back and forth with my professor a bunch now, and I’m just ready to be done with it.”
I nodded my head, pretending I understood. Mickey was going through her last few months of work too, and I knew from winter break that it was a lot to keep up with.
I could never get a master’s degree. It would kill me.
“I’m sure it’s amazing,” I said with a small smile, hoping we could get back to that ease we found.
She stared at me for a moment, then blinked. “Whatever, let’s get down to it. I got your second semester schedule, so we can anticipate what’s coming.”
I frowned and looked at the paper. She wasn’t kidding, it was from my class with my professor’s name at the top.
“How did you get that?”
She blinked at me. “I asked.”
“Yeah, but I asked Ma—”
“Mary? Yeah, no, I asked the professor directly. Asking your slam piece is not only unappealing but not going to get you very far.”
I clenched my teeth. “She’s not my slam piece. I don’t talk about women that way.”
This put a little prick in Cassie’s side, and I could tell she felt bad for referring to another girl like that. “Sorry. I meant I wasn’t about to ask your girlfriend for a favor when professors don’t mind talking to tutors. They want to give their students the best shot they can. Well, most of them do anyway,” she said with a frown as she thought about that.
I cleared my throat, gathering her attention. “First of all, this is awesome. Thank you for getting that.” I nodded at the paper and didn’t tease her for the tinge of red on her cheeks. “Second, Mary was a one-time thing. We both agreed to that, she caught feelings, and I let her down as easy as I could.”
“How generous of you.”
I could feel my back teeth grinding. “Sunshine, how am I supposed to go about that when she caught feelings I never could catch?”
“How do you know you could never catch them? You didn’t try.”
I could tell the moment the words left her mouth she regretted it, but I didn’t pull at that string.
“I know because I know myself. I’m not catching feelings for anyone right now.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, okay.”
Obviously, she didn’t believe me, but that was okay.
“I—”
“Let’s get to work, okay? We don’t need to talk about your…extra activities.”
I gripped the pencil in my hand and sat back, gesturing to her to go ahead, and for the next forty-five minutes, we worked through what she thought my next assignment would be. A whole lot of writing that would drive me insane.
“I hate writing,” I said, rubbing a hand over my head.
“Yes, I know. But you have to.”
“Can’t I just give you the words and you write it for me?” I knew I shouldn’t have said that, but it was worth the shot.
Cassie glared at me. “No. I have enough on my plate.”
Guilt ate at me. Here she was, giving me her time—getting paid, but still—and I was trying to make her life harder. I didn’t want to do that.
“I’m sorry, you’re right,” I said, even as the thought of writing this whole fucking paper made my anxiety swirl in my gut.
Cassie’s mom was getting overwhelmed, so she popped up to bus some tables and get people their late-night coffees. It was five minutes, then ten, then twenty, before I decided to get up and help.
I started clearing tables, setting the busing bins on the counter for the people in back. Marie smiled at me and thanked me for helping, and I nodded my head at her, my eyes straying back to Cassie.
I wasn’t doing this to impress her. I wasn’t even sure she noticed I got up, but I realized as I was cleaning and refilling coffees that I did want to impress her. That’s a feeling I never thought I’d have again.
She was standing at a table of guys our age, laughing carelessly with them while she took their order, and I ground my teeth at the thought of her flirting with them. Before I knew what I was doing, I marched up behind her and growled in her ear, “We’re supposed to be studying.” Somehow, my hand ended up on her hip, and Cassie turned to me in surprise.
The guys at the table looked on in amusement, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anyone but her, and the look she gave me could have killed me on the spot.
I didn’t care about that either.
“Lincoln, I’m taking their order,” she ground out under her breath, those cheeks of hers flushed with a gorgeous pink.
“Take it quickly, I need you.” It was a stupid thing to say, but I was glad I said it as I watched her gaze soften under mine.
God, I wanted to…fuck. I don’t know. I wanted to kiss her, hold her, tell her that this whole tutoring thing was bullshit, but I only put up with it because of how much respect I had for her.
But I couldn’t say any of that.
We hated each other.
Didn’t we?
“I’ll be there in a minute,” she said with a hiss and turned away from me and back to them. I stalked back to our booth—yes, our booth—and waited with impatience.
I still didn’t know what the hell I was doing in my class, the stuff went in one ear and out the other unless Cassie was sitting right there with me. I was barely hanging on to my place on the team, and as captain, I was failing at being a good leader.
I took a moment to think while she rushed their order into the kitchen. I wasn’t being a good person to her. Yes, I sat here and didn’t miss a session, but that wasn’t because I wanted to study, it was because I liked spending time with her.
It was the only time she would actually let me do it.
But I needed to get my head out of my ass. She wasn’t going to forgive our past, she never had before. Why would she now?
Maybe, though, I could get her to see the good in me. I had good. I was a good friend when my friend wasn’t pretending to date the only woman I’d ever had genuine feelings for. I was a good brother, a good son, a good athlete.
I could be good for her. Whether that was as her friend or…more, I could be good.
I would be good.
“So, you feel ready for class? Don’t forget to note the key phrases the professor puts up on the board. They do that for a good reason, and then research the key phrases to make sure you understand them.” Cassie talked at a rapid pace, anxiously pulling at a zipper on her bag.
“I’ll be okay.” I glanced at the building that held the apartment she shared with my sister. “Is Mick home?”
“I don’t know.” She glanced at her phone, frowned, and put it down. “Why?”
“I thought I’d come up and say hi.”
“Oh, I don’t—” But I didn’t hear what she had to say before I shut my door and headed around to open hers. She seemed flustered, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of me or because I was essentially forcing my way into the apartment.
I followed her to the elevator, wondering if her flowery perfume was strong enough for everyone to smell it or if I was just homed in on the scent because I’d been around her so much lately.
I decided the thought was just a little too much to make a comment on and held the elevator door for her.
Her eyes latched onto the number as they went from one to two to three, and her grip on her bag became increasingly tighter.
“You okay?” I asked, wondering if she was regretting every minute leading up to this one.
“Fine,” she snapped, glaring at me as she stomped out of the elevator. “I just don’t know why you insist on following me home. Haven’t we spent enough time together?”
I smirked at her back, seeing that she was once again flipping into defensive mode, and I stuffed my hands into my pockets. While she was unlocking the door, I stood close behind her for the second time tonight, and because pushing her buttons was fun, I leaned down and breathed against her ear, “Never.”
She looked over her shoulder, confusion and something else written on her features, and I reached over, wrapping my hand around hers that held the keys, and holding eye contact, I twisted to open the door.
Cassie fumbled for a moment, sending me a glare, and I laughed, walking in right behind her. I turned to shut the door, and Cassie ran to Mick’s room, peeking in to see if Mick was there.
“Oh darn, Mick’s not here. Too bad.” She moved toward me, waving her hand to the door. “I guess you’ll have to try again some other time.”
I smirked and walked around her, heading for the couch. The apartment was blissfully empty, a far cry from my house right now, where everyone insisted on having people over most nights. I flopped down on the couch and sighed. “Guess I’ll just have to wait then.”
Cassie then looked at me, crossed her arms, and growled, “Haven’t we been together long enough?”
I could see under her bravado that she was uncertain about having me in her space. I understood, we went from enemies to…not, really quickly. I can understand why she was confused.
But at the same time, I was pushing myself to make her uncomfortable. I wanted to hang out with her outside of tutoring, outside of her being dragged to my games.
“Come on, we’ll watch a movie or something.”
“I don’t really want to watch a movie,” she said, her eyes darting to her room door and back.
“Okay, go grab one of your books and come read while I watch a movie then.”
“Really?” she asked. “You’d be fine with me reading while you watch a movie?”
I shrugged, trying my best to stay as nonchalant as possible. “I’m not really into reading, otherwise, I would do that with you.”
She sighed and grabbed her phone out of her back pocket. Biting her lip, she finally let her shoulders drop and said, “Fine. But I’m changing into something more comfortable.”
I raise a hand. “Fine by me.”
She disappeared into her room, and I found the TV remote, flipping it on and searching half-heartedly for something good to watch. My mind, however, was on the woman in the next room over, wondering what was “comfortable.” Was it a silk nightie? Was it lingerie? Was it boxers and an oversized T-shirt?
Moments later, my question was answered when she entered wearing her normal hoodie, this one with some words about being in a book on it, and some black leggings with sock-covered feet. Her hair, which had been up in a messy bun all evening, was now down around her shoulders, curled and kinked in some areas.
I was still watching her as she flopped onto the couch, tucked her feet underneath her, and started reading.
She was the most gorgeous fucking woman I’d ever seen.
There was something so simple about her beauty—something I knew I should probably keep to myself—about the way she presented and held herself. She wasn’t someone who overdid makeup, she kept it low key, probably trying not to draw too much attention to herself.
It didn’t take much for my attention to be drawn toward her, though. The first time I saw her, I was eighteen years old and instantly infatuated with her. I couldn’t help it then, and I still couldn’t help it in that moment, watching her find her place and instantly surge into her book.
She didn’t even look at me, and I grinned when I realized she was comfortable enough with me to just dive into whatever she would normally do. She didn’t try to make me comfortable, didn’t offer me a drink or snack or anything else. She just let me sit here and wait for my sister while she did her own thing.
And I don’t know if I realized it then, but this would become one of many favorite memories of mine.