ELEVEN
Lincoln
Present
The hockey house was silent.
That was an eerie fucking feeling to wake up to, but not a sound was being made. Last night, my teammates had thrown a raging party downstairs. People were yelling, laughing, drinking, and playing drinking games, some were even playing video games. It was a mess.
I sat in my room and put together Cassie’s basket, feeling like an absolute fool while I did it too.
I didn’t know if it would spark any momentum with her, I wasn’t even sure I should be doing it. But when I saw my chance to get the special edition book for her, I had to do it.
The woman was so obsessed with books that the old place she used to share with my sister was covered in them. Now I knew they sat in boxes in her mom’s garage.
She deserved to have her very own library full of books, and I’d let myself imagine how that would look and how I would make that happen for her.
Before I’d lost the privilege of doing things like that for her.
Rolling over, I scratch at my chest before gripping my phone in my hand. I was due to be at work in an hour and needed to get up, but I was lacking the motivation.
That is, until I look at my screen and see a text from Cassie.
Cassie: I’m not sure what to say other than thank you. This means a lot to me.
Fuck, I can’t even breathe. My heart jackhammers in my chest, and I sit up all the way, throwing my legs over the side of my bed and resting my elbows on my knees. I grip the phone in my hand, trying to think of what to say.
She actually reached out. She talked to me. I can’t fucking believe it, and the smile that is pulling at my lips right now tells me that I need to take a breath or I am going to be a schmuck about this entire thing.
You’re welcome. I knew you had to have that book.
I press send before I can talk myself out of it and let out another sigh. How do I keep this going?
My phone beeps again.
Cassie: Well, thank you. As soon as I have a bookshelf, it’s going on it front and center.
I grin like a madman, thrilled that I could finally get something right. I hate not talking to her. I hate that I fucking blew it.
This conversation makes me feel like maybe I haven’t blown it yet.
Good call. How are you?
That was a loaded question I couldn’t help but ask. I want to ask her everything. I want to know what she was doing for work. Was she helping her mom? I want to know if publishers have picked up her kickass book yet. I want to know if she got an agent. I want to know if she was excited about Mick’s wedding or if the thought of it was freaking her out like it was me.
I’ve made a lot of progress with my feelings about Tanner and Mick in the last couple of months. It was easy to see how much they loved each other, and that helped with those feelings.
As I drive to work, I think about how Tanner asked me to be in the wedding. I was stunned when he asked, knowing that he had issues with me about how I treated my sister.
I remember the first time he could level me out, and he absolutely did.
It was March, after we had finished with the hockey season, and he was getting Mick moved into his place. I had volunteered to help move her as a sort of penance for my behavior, and he gratefully accepted.
Mick was busy working on her schoolwork, and we had been at Mick and Cassie’s place right after Cassie and I had parted ways. It was the first time I’d seen the evidence of her moving out as well, unable to keep paying for the place.
That shit pissed me off, and so, I said so.
“Mick is really gonna leave Cassie hanging like this?” I said, gesturing to her empty bedroom. My gut felt like lead in my stomach just seeing it empty. It was proof that everything we had was now just a distant memory.
“Really, Ellis?” Tanner’s hard voice came from behind me, and I turned, glaring at him. “You’re really gonna fucking pick on Mick after everything?”
“I’m not picking on Mick. I just didn’t think she was the type to leave her friend high and dry.”
Tanner scoffs and steps up to me, his finger drilling into my chest. I was a big guy; Coach Mitchum was bigger. “Don’t fucking talk about her like that, I’m not kidding.”
“She’s my sister.”
“She’s going to be my fucking wife,” he growled, and I stood taller. I hated that I was acting like a prick and knew deep down it had nothing to do with Mick and him, but I couldn’t stop my foot from going into my mouth.
“Yeah, so she becomes your wife and turns into a shit friend.”
I should have seen the hit coming, and maybe I was asking for it a little bit. But fuck me, can he pack a punch.
“That’s your warning.”
“Fuck you,” I groaned out, coming at him with my own hit. Technically, it was the offseason, so he wasn’t my coach for another four months. I got in a solid hit to his jaw, and he came back with a hit to my ribs.
I spun and hit him in the chest, which was fucking made of rocks, and he took a cheap shot, grabbing my leg with his, making me go down and pinning me to the ground. His knee is pressing into my chest, and he gets in my face. “Knock it off, now.”
I choke back the blood that’s coming from my split lip, and take a deep breath. Fuck. I knew getting into it with him would fucking hurt.
“I don’t know what happened with you and Cassie, Lincoln, but I know you’re trying to do better with your sister. Don’t backpedal and make me kick your ass again.” He shakes his head and stands. “Do better.”
“I—”
“And for your information, Cassie asked Mick if they could move out. She can’t afford her portion anymore, so we took the opportunity to let go of this place so Mick could live with me. She would have never left Cassie hanging.”
The memory was actually a good one and had helped me and Tanner come to a better understanding. I know he wasn’t out to hurt my sister. Looking at them for two seconds, anyone would know they were end game.
It was jealousy that had me sticking my nose where it didn’t belong.
Jealousy was making me act on my emotions—that I’d lost someone I love, that I was dealing with so much fucking stress—and Tanner and Mick seemed to get through everything together flawlessly.
Pulling open the heavy door of the arena, I let the smell of it overwhelm my senses. Coming into an ice rink was like coming home for me. Everything about it was familiar, welcoming.
When the university said they needed to hire a coach for the little league guys, Tanner had put mine and Crew’s names in the running for that job.
Crew and I were better than we used to be, and given that our classes overlapped, it was a good thing too.
“Hey, man.” Crew slaps my hand when he sees me coming, and I nod at the clipboard.
“Got everyone yet?”
“Still waiting on Gibson and Meyers.”
I look out at the rink and see most of our students here. I grab my clipboard out of my bag, marking off who has already been dropped off and who hasn’t.
“How’s everything going?” Crew crosses his arms, watching his little guys and gals warm up. We both coached the little league, him with the four to sixes and me with the seven to nines. Watching the little kids skate around with no fear was probably one of the cuter things I’d ever seen.
I sigh and lean against the wall. “Eh, fine, I guess.” Cassie never answered my text, so it could be better.
“That’s convincing,” he says with a chuckle. I feel him looking at me and glance up.
“What?”
He bites his lip, his eyes piercing mine. Creepy blue eyes. “You talk with her yet?”
I know who he’s referring to, mostly because he brings her up every time I see him. “We texted this morning.”
His expression lightens up with excitement. “Really? That’s awesome.”
“It was nothing. She was thanking me for a book I got her.”
“Still.” He shrugs, tilting his head. “Better than nothing.”
“I suppose.”
“Come on, man. You gotta keep trying.” Crew nudges my arm, and I stiffen. I know he’s trying to be a supportive friend, but I wasn’t really thrilled with the pep talk.
“Why? You gonna swoop in if I don’t?”
His eyes harden slightly, and he nods at a parent, smiling and marking off another student. “Fuck you,” he says quietly. “I thought we moved past that.”
I shake my head, running a hand through my hair. “We have. Sorry.”
“I love Cass,” he says, making my head snap to him and his eyes hold mine. “But she won’t even hang out with me anymore because she said I’m your friend.”
“Why are you trying, then?”
His eyes drill into my own. “Because she understands a part of me no one else does. I can talk sports all day with the guys, with you, but not a lot of people want to take the book-loving jock very seriously.”
After I’d found out about him being a secret bookworm, I’d absolutely made fun of him and gotten in trouble with Cassie about it. I hurt both of their feelings with my words and had to apologize.
I sigh and try for light. “You need a girlfriend.”
He chuckles, and I relax. “You’re not fucking kidding.”
I never realized how sensitive my friend was until I found out about his real relationship with Cassie. Just goes to show that I really was a piece of shit there for a while, only worrying about myself.
“Listen, we’ve gotta get started.” He nods to his group, then turns to me. “But man, I know how much you care about her, and I know she cares about you too. Don’t give up on that, all right? She may just be the best thing that ever happens to you.”
With that, he skates onto the ice and starts to gather up his kids. I quickly sit and put my skates on, thinking over his words and wondering what I can do to make her see that I’m in this for the long run. I’ll do whatever it takes to get her to see me again.
I tug at the collar of my button-down and sigh. I was currently in dress shoes, slacks, a button-down blue shirt that I didn’t know I owned, and my hair was styled as well as I could get it.
I refuse to wear a jacket and tie, given that it was just dinner with my sister and her fiancé, plus some of his friends.
Tonight was just a simple dinner with everyone who was going to be in the wedding, minus Cassie, who had something that was keeping her from coming tonight.
Or she didn’t want to see me and came up with some excuse.
I don’t want to sound like everything is about me, though, so I kept that thought to myself.
The clicking of heels sounds, and I turn to find my sister rushing toward me, arms outstretched.
“Mickey!” I say, wrapping my big sister in my arms and spinning her around. She was so damn busy that the only time I’ve seen her lately was her engagement party, and that hadn’t exactly allowed for a lot of talk time between us.
Tanner steps up, smiling at us, and holds out his hand. I shake it, and we turn to head into the building. It was a fairly casual restaurant, with low lighting and music playing overhead. I almost feel overdressed, but a glance at my sister’s fiancé and I fit right in.
We head to a table in the back and find a group already there waiting, including Devon Halloway and his wife, Robin. Victoria, my sister’s best friend, is here, and so is our cousin, Joey, who moved here for school because she was just recruited to the women’s hockey team at Rose Hill.
I give her a huge hug and sit down next to her, draping my arm over the back of her chair.
“How is my little cousin doing?”
Jo rolls her eyes. “I’m younger by one year, Linc, don’t get a big head.”
I mock gasp. “I would never.” I tug a piece of her hair. “Glad you’re here though, you can help me get through all of this.” I nod to the happy couple that’s seated across and diagonal from us.
She smiles brightly. “Are you kidding? When Mickey called me, I was thrilled. I can’t wait to be a part of the wedding.”
Of course, she was excited. I was excited too, for sure. But…it was still a wedding. Surely, I wasn’t the only guy who felt this way.
“Sorry! Sorry, I’m late.” I glance up and choke on the water I just took a sip of.
Cassie was standing at the edge of the table, her long blonde hair in big curls and her body encased in a tan dress that hugged her curves.
She looked at me and then her eyes slid over to Joey, and her eyes narrowed slightly. The gentle curve of her lips angled down, and I glanced to where my arm is still around the back of Joey’s chair and snatched it up.
Standing, I wait until she hugs Mickey and settles into her seat before I take a seat myself.
“Good evening. Do you want to start with any drinks?” The waiter stands at the edge of the table, his eyes landing on Cassie appreciatively, and I growl under my breath.
“Yeah, iced tea, please,” I cut in, grabbing his attention.
Joey bites her lip and gives her attention to the waiter. “Same, please.”
I glance at the woman seated directly across from me and swallow. Her eyes roll, and she directs her attention to the douche who’s taking our order. “Can I get a Manhattan?” “My pleasure.” He winks and I grip my water glass tightly. This fucker wanted to meet Jesus tonight, huh?
“So.” Joey clears her throat as the waiter finally moves to the other end of the table. “How do you know Mickey?”
“Mickey?” Cassie questions, not used to strangers using Mick’s family nickname, obviously. “She’s my best friend.”
“And mine!” Victoria says from the other side of Joey, where she was already slurping down some alcohol. Two questions: where did she get hers so quickly? And why did I give it up?
I rub my forehead as Joey replies, “Oh, so you’re Cassie?”
Cassie glares at me, and I shrug my shoulders, unsure what she wants me to say. “Yes. I’m Cassie.”
“It’s so nice to meet you! I swear every other text from this one is about you.” She gestures to me with her thumb, and I freeze.
Fuck, Jo, what are you doing?
It was true that we were close, and I may have spilled the beans to Joey about my entire relationship with Cassie. It was something only she and Crew knew about me.
Everyone else was still under the assumption that Cassie and I were grave enemies, destined to fight until we the end.
I was fine with that scenario, so long as there was a little love thrown in.
“Oh really? Seems a little inappropriate to text you about me,” Cassie says casually, smiling broadly as the waiter sets her drink down.
“Oh, no. We just talk about Mick’s friends and what she’s been up to. Your name came up casually when I asked about who’s in the wedding party with us.”
Without meaning to, Cassie’s eyes narrow and she clears her throat, turning to Mick who is on her other side. She whispers in Mick’s ear, and I can’t figure out what’s being said because, at that moment, Devon stands and makes a toast, leaving no room for talking.
I raise my iced tea in toast, my eyes flicking to Cassie again. She never did text me back the other day, and I wondered for hours how I was going to get her to open up to me again.
Joey turns to Vic, giving me her back, and Cassie’s glare returns to me. “So much for the book, huh?”
I blink, confused about where she’s going with that. “What do you mean?”
She scoffs, glancing to make sure Mick isn’t paying attention to the conversation. “Come on, you send me a basket full of my favorite things and then show up with a date?”
“I—” Hold the fucking phone. She thought Jo was my date? I shake my head. That’s not what I want her to think—that I’m dating someone else. I fucking told her in my parents’ bathroom how I feel about her.
How could she doubt me?
It makes my blood boil underneath my skin. “Why do you care?” I ask, throwing a cruel smirk across my lips, and sit back in my chair like I don’t have a care in the world.
“I don’t,” she snaps, slipping into the Cassie I know all too well. “I don’t give a shit.”
Her voice is quiet enough to keep from drawing attention to us, and I lean forward, resting my forearms on the table. “I think you do give a shit.”
Fire ignites in her eyes, and if I were close enough, I just know she would press her hands against my chest and shove me as far away from her as she could. “I don’t.”
I purse my lips, giving her a slightly taunting look, and take a drink from my glass.
“I don’t,” she repeats, getting my full attention again. I can see the anger there. “You can fuck whomever you want, Lincoln.”
I glance around the table and lean forward, thankful that the table is narrow enough that I can get close to her. “That’s not what I fucking want, Cassandra.”
Suddenly, a foot strikes me from under the table, and I yelp, grabbing for my shin and biting back the curses that want to spew out of my mouth.
Mick smirks and taps her glass against Vic’s. “Looks like the same old Cassie and Lincoln wars never stopped.”
Cassie looks mortified by what she did and apologizes to Mick, standing and making an excuse for the bathroom. “Be right back.”
Yeah, she’s not getting away from me that fucking easily.
I stand, nodding at my sister, and not so casually trail after the woman who owns my stupid fucking heart.
I see her disappear into the women’s restroom and take a gamble that no one else will be in there. Following right behind her and locking the door, glancing around quickly tells me that the gamble paid off and we’re alone.
Cassie spins, her face twisting with anger and hurt, her dress moving with her in the most delicious way, and for a moment, my brain forgets the reason I came here.
“Lincoln, what the hell?”
I shrug, still feeling the sting on my shin, but when I look at her and see her eyes welling with tears, the sting on my shin is absolutely nothing compared to the way my heart breaks at her tears. “This seems to be our thing.” I gesture around the bathroom and finally see a glimpse of a smile on her face.
“Couldn’t have picked a cleaner place to confront me?” she asks, crossing her arms and protecting herself from the talk we’re about to have.
“That can be arranged,” I say, taking a step closer to her. Even in her heels, I tower over her by a good four inches. “Though you’d have to actually answer the phone.”
She bites her red-painted lips, and I can’t help the way my eyes track right to that spot. I want to bite that fucking lip.
“Lincoln, you brought a date.” Her voice cracks on the last word, and I see the devastation on her face. “How can I believe a word out of your mouth when the proof is right in front of me?”
I smile at her, taking another step to her until our bodies touch. She takes another step back until she’s pinned to the counter where the sinks are.
“You don’t remember Jo?”
Cassie frowns, and then her face falls as something dawns on her. “That’s not the girl you—”
“What? No! Fuck no.” I run a hand over my head, frustrated that I seem to have fucked this situation up more than I know how to fix it. “It’s Josephine. My cousin. She’s a bridesmaid.”
“Josephine?” Her brows furrow before a memory hits her. “Oh, right. She was only like fifteen when I met her.”
“No, she’s a year younger than me. She looks young for her age.”
“Oh,” she says, planting her hands on the counter behind her and unintentionally accentuating her chest. I don’t dare look down, no matter how badly I want to.
But I’m still standing precariously close to her.
“I don’t know how to handle this, Muscles.” Her words are quiet and soft, and her use of my nickname helps the tension release from my body, and my hands come to rest on the outside of hers, bracing myself around her, but boxing her in.
“I don’t either,” I admit, my head so fucking close to hers. I just want to lean down and kiss her again. Just once.
“Lincoln.” Her breath picks up, and I watch her eyes, they beg and plead for me to do something.
Does she want me to kiss her? Does she want me to be the one who takes control and shows her exactly what it was like when we were together?
“Sunshine,” I whisper, a question in my voice that I don’t have to voice because she nods, just barely, and it’s enough for me to lean down and take her lips with my own.
She opens for me, and her arms come around my shoulders like they used to. My arms hold her lower back, and my right hand comes up, cradling her head and guiding her the way I want her.
She tastes like smooth whiskey and the cherry she ate out of her drink, and I moan when I finally taste her again for the first time in weeks, months. God, how I missed this fucking crazy woman.
The last time we’d been together, neither of us knew it was going to be the last time. I didn’t get to savor it, I didn’t hold her tight enough or kiss her long enough.
I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. Never.
Wait. No. This wouldn’t be the last time I kissed her.
I plan to kiss her every day for the rest of our lives. I plan to kiss her when I’m signed to a pro team. I plan to kiss her when she finally publishes her book. I plan to kiss her when she’s wearing white and we’re standing in front of our friends and family.
I plan to kiss her when I’m about to take my last breath.
Cassie was my end game. Final. I would never lose her again.
Banging interrupts us, and Cassie pulls away, panting into the space between us, her eyes slightly glazed over, and I squeeze her to me, ignoring the banging on the bathroom door.
“We should go out,” she whispers against my lips, and I couldn’t stop myself if I tried to, when I lean in and kiss her fucking delicious lips again.
“Tell me something first,” I say when I’m finally able to pull away. “Tell me that this wasn’t some goodbye.”
Sadness clouds her eyes, and I brace myself for the answer.