Chapter Six
A Murderer’s Diet
He brought no expectations to the visit and was surprised anyway. For one, Nathaniel came right up to him and hugged him. Even before prison that hadn't been common. He was too big. Too beautiful. It scared people. And the jumpsuit didn't help.
"You must be hungry, I’m starving. I came right after classes.”
The man spent the next few minutes making coffee and stacking a ridiculous number of snacks onto a serving tray. "Just throw in whatever you want."
Samuel chose nothing, just watched as Nathaniel carried the overflowing tray to one of the rickety visitors’ tables.
His second surprise came when Nathaniel set a coffee in front of him and insisted he eat before they talked.
"That way even if I piss you off you won't have to storm away on an empty stomach,” was the reasoning.
But he was more interested in watching Nathaniel eat. Because the man could eat. He watched him suck down fifteen hundred calories in about five minutes when he felt forced to say something. "Is this how you always eat?"
Nathaniel looked down at his hands. He'd mashed a cheese and a tuna sandwich together with several layers of cool-ranch Doritos thrown in. It was his third such sandwich. "I usually try for at least one vegetable, but they don't really have those here. "
It wasn't what he'd asked, but he thought he knew the answer anyway. Nathaniel ate like a man with practice. "How are you so skinny?"
"The Pearson curse, we call it. Either that, or some kind of inherited tapeworm. It was awful as a teenager. I don't think I was properly full once during the worst of it. But never mind that. Why aren't you eating? Or did you already eat with your sister?"
He let go of his curiosity and leaned forward. "Can you get to the point?"
"The point?"
"Warning me off your husband."
Nathaniel didn't even set down his sandwich. In fact, he took another bite. "Why would I do that?" He hadn't even swallowed, just shifted the mouthful into his cheek.
He found he was angry. "Maybe Eli finds this 'playing dumb' charade cute, but to me it's just irritating. You want to pretend? I'll say it myself. I'm not going to touch your husband. I have no interest in things like that, so get off my ass."
Nathaniel blinked, still holding that damn sandwich.
Samuel reached over, thinking he was going to knock it out of the man's hands, but did something much stranger.
He grabbed the sandwich, compressed it further, and crammed almost the whole thing into his mouth.
He didn't know if that was meant to be some kind of alpha male intimidation tactic, or if he was just hungry, but either way, Nathaniel didn't seem daunted.
He just tore open another sandwich (cheese again) and proceeded to doctor it with Pringles and a Slim Jim.
"So you're like my brother. Interesting. I shouldn't have made assumptions."
The lack of a reaction annoyed him more than anything else would have. "What does your brother have anything to do with it?"
"He's ace too. "
"Ace?" The sandwich was better than he thought. He forced a swallow and reached for the one Nathaniel had just finished making.
"Asexual."
"I'm not asexual."
"But you said—"
"I said I'm not going to touch your husband.
" He took another savage bite. The second sandwich was even better than the first, but also messier.
A couple of Pringles fell into his lap. He decided he didn't care.
Neither did Nathaniel, who reached into the pile for yet another sandwich (peanut butter this time).
"I didn't come here to make accusations, Sam. But I forgot, we're not supposed to say anything on the subject in case you break someone's neck again."
"It was just a minor dislocation."
"Eli still made me promise. Do you like to read, Sam?"
Sam. Sam. Sam. He was going to smack the name right out of the guy's mouth. Except all he did was take the next sandwich from him. "This is good." Who would have thought sour worms went so well with peanut butter?
"Right? I can't take the credit though. It was Darren who discovered it."
The man didn't reach into the diminishing pile of food again, and Samuel realized he was still waiting on an answer. "Yeah, I like to read. Why?"
"Eli says you're a writer."
He shrugged. Why was Eli talking about him? "Nothing much to do here."
"I think Eli's already realized that. Me, I could sit on my ass all day, but he’s got to stay busy, like if he's not being Mr. Nice Guy for one second his permit for living gets revoked.
" Nathaniel picked up a Snickers bar, tore open the wrapper, and stopped. “I told myself I wouldn’t ask, but is Eli—”
“Not sleeping enough, and still not eating enough, but he’s okay, I think. Nobody touched him while I was in solitary.”
Nathaniel let his breath out. “Good, that’s good,” he said, sounding like he was coaching himself again.
It had Samuel wondering about the panic attack, seemingly not just a turn of phrase.
Nathaniel was older than him. He had to be, but he didn’t look it.
And he was small. Like Jenny. Like he himself had been when Mr. Edwards—
He shook his head to clear it. Nathaniel was still looking at him, the gratitude in his eyes unmistakable. Samuel had had enough.
“Why aren’t you angry?”
Nathaniel blinked. He was still holding that damn candy bar. Samuel snatched it out of his hands. Snickers weren’t Reese's cups, but they weren’t a bad second. He tore a chunk off in the hope that nougat and peanuts would ease some of his agitation.
“Your husband’s stuck in prison with a bunch of animals who think his ass is some blue-ribbon prize at the county fair. If I were you, I’d be—”
“Getting thrown into solitary to defend him?”
“No, that was stupid. Jenny says—”
Nathaniel took his hand—the one without the Snickers.
The man was smiling a little, but it wasn’t in a good way.
His eyes, Samuel noticed, were still ringed with dark circles.
“I am angry. I’m so angry I’ve been doing all sorts of stupid things, but none of it’s helping.
No one listens to me, and always I worry about just making things worse. ”
Samuel never thought to pull his hand away. He didn’t particularly like being touched. Most of the time he really hated it, but even if his skin had been crawling, he wouldn’t have pulled away just then.
Nathaniel’s teeth were clenched, but then he ducked his face, hiding everything, or rather, almost everything.
He couldn’t hide the strain in his voice.
“Eli's innocent. I know you probably hear those words a lot on the inside, but it’s true. He was framed by his business partner, a doctor he went to residency with. Someone he trusted. Who he had over for dinner many times and who came to Hailey’s birthdays.
His name was Andrew, and Eli really liked him.
Wouldn’t hear a word spoken against him. ”
The sugar in the chocolate was suddenly cloying. “And you? Did you like him?”
Nathaniel was silent for a moment. Two.
“I didn’t like how he never quite took the blame for anything, or how many times he canceled office sessions at the last minute without real apologies.
And I didn’t like the look he would get in his eyes sometimes.
I thought he was greedy, selfish, and kind of an asshole.
But Eli liked him, and he’d get upset when he thought I disapproved. ”
And suddenly he understood. “You think it’s your fault he’s in here.”
Nathaniel didn’t say anything, neither to agree nor disagree.
He let go of Samuel’s hand and put it around his coffee instead.
Samuel pushed the rest of the Snickers into his mouth, though more to be rid of it than because he really wanted it.
Absently, he licked at the melting chocolate on his fingers, his mind occupied.
He found he believed Nathaniel, and not just because he couldn’t think of a reason the man would lie to him.
He believed because Nathaniel was telling the truth.
Eli was innocent, and a part of him had already known it.
“And you’re trying to get it out. You’ve started an appeal?”
Nathaniel wasn’t drinking his coffee. Just warming his hands on it.
He still hadn’t lifted it to his mouth. “Our lawyer doesn’t think it’ll work.
Andrew covered his tracks too well, so we don’t have any evidence, though if I ever get my hands on him—” Nathaniel seemed to choke, and Samuel was nervous for a moment that he was going to cry, but that wasn’t it.
Nathaniel raised his face and the rage in his eyes was far past tears.
He’d seen Jenny look that way once, and then she’d ruined a man’s entire future.
“Nobody hurts my family.”
But this Andrew guy had hurt his family, and Nathaniel knew it. Knew it well, if those dark circles were anything to go by.
“He’ll get out soon.” It was all Samuel could think of to say. He had no faith in the justice system. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t get any added time. It’ll be two years at most.”
Nathaniel shook his head. “To a child, two years is forever. I already can’t look Hailey in the face, and now her mother won’t let me bring her.”
“You mean here? To visit her father?”
Nathaniel picked at the lid on his cup. “I think a part of me is relieved Marie’s being so stubborn about it. She says a prison’s no place for an eleven-year-old, and I agree with her. But it’s not only that.”
“You don’t want her seeing her father as a prisoner.”