Chapter Thirteen #4
“Don’t act surprised. I bet those patients of his would help him stage something too.
I’m a little nervous about the cult-like following he’s developing over there, but that’s the least of our problems right now.
Thankfully, I got Eli to agree to keep the shenanigans at bay, but only on the assumption that The Android is gone before he gets out.
With that, I have to agree. As much as we need him home, it’s just too risky to leave you in there alone with that psychopath.
But I plan to have him out of there much, much sooner than that.
I’ve already been talking to your lawyer, and he agrees this situation is unacceptable. But first we should—”
“I wouldn’t let Eli stay in this shithole even an hour longer than he has to.”
“That’s what I told him, but I doubt it’s the last we’ve heard on the subject.
Anyway, when he gets out, I guess we’ll get by the way we’re doing now.
Visits, phone calls—but holy shit if you don’t keep your nose clean in there, I don’t trust Eli not to do something crazy.
Even if you promise to be on your best behavior I don’t know how I’m supposed to get him to sleep.
He might just camp out near the prison on a hunger strike until they release you.
But we’ll deal with that when it comes. In the meantime, you can—”
“No.”
He stumbled back and got yanked to a stop by the cord.
“Samuel—”
“You don’t get to say shit like that!”
“Shit like what? Take a breath and talk to me. What’s bothering you?”
What was bothering him? What was BOTHERING him? He kicked the phone stand and slammed the receiver against the top of the box. “You’re so full of shit! You’re so fucking full of shit!”
A hand grabbed his arm before he could slam the receiver down a second time, and an arm circled his waist. He fought it, thinking it a CO.
Probably Jameson. Fucking Jameson. Though it didn’t matter who it was.
His chest was bleeding. It had to be bleeding.
It hurt so bad, but he couldn’t move. Not Jameson.
Jameson wasn’t that strong. He couldn’t move.
He couldn’t think. It only served to fuel his rage.
“Samuel, stop!”
The words almost didn’t register. He was too upset. But he recognized Eli’s body, Eli’s scent. Eli.
He fought harder.
“It’s your fault! I wasn’t like this before. I didn’t feel like this before!”
“Hey!” Alvaro. Now it was Alvaro. He recognized that stupid frog voice. “What are you two doing? Break it up!”
“Don't,” Eli said. “We’re fine. He’s fine.” And then lower, “Come on, puppy. I don’t want him to hurt you.”
But he couldn’t stop. It was like his body was acting on its own. And he couldn’t think. He just couldn’t think. And then he heard a tinny shout.
“Eli!”
Eli’s grip slackened for a moment. Just a moment. “Nathaniel?”
It was enough. He elbowed his way out of Eli’s hold, getting him good in the stomach. He only meant to free himself, but Eli’s inhale meant pain. He’d hurt him.
It was unthinkable. He sank to his knees and covered his head with his hands. “Your fault,” he tried to say, but he didn’t believe it. He didn’t know what to believe anymore. His chest hurt. It wouldn’t stop hurting.
Arms appeared around him. Eli’s arms. But they weren’t restraining this time. “Don’t touch him,” Eli said, but he wasn’t talking to him. “I’ve got this, so don’t touch him.”
“Well shut him up then,” Alvaro said, but he didn’t sound as confident. Maybe it was the gravel in Eli’s voice, or maybe now that he was close, he realized just how big the two of them were and that he didn’t have any backup.
Samuel tightened the cage of his arms. He was afraid to make any more noise when he didn’t know what kind of words would come out. And he’d hurt Eli. He’d already hurt Eli.
“Nathaniel, what happened? What did you say to him?”
Eli was still holding him, but he must have taken hold of the receiver as well, because he could hear the low buzz of Nathaniel answering. It was too muffled to make out, and he didn’t want to hear it anyway.
“I see. No, I don’t think you did anything wrong.
It’s just, with his history, he’s gone through a lot and.
..no, he didn’t hurt himself, I don’t think, but I can ask.
Puppy, are you hurt anywhere? Did you bruise your wrist?
Nathaniel’s panicking. He wants to speak to you.
No, I think he needs a minute. Let’s all take a minute.
We can—what? No, it’s not your fault. I’m the one who, because of what I did earlier, I might have triggered him.
My poor puppy. He’s not having an easy day, and after everything he did for me.
I didn’t get a chance to tell you, but he organized a full changeover of the kitchen.
Gluten-free. But I’ll tell you about it later. For now, let’s—”
He shoved at him. It was the gentleness in that voice that forced it. Why did the man always have to choose gentleness? He didn’t want to be forgiven. The both of them—stupid idiot husbands. Didn’t they know forgiveness would only make the guilt worse?
“Samuel. Wait— Wait . I won’t touch you if you don’t want it, but right now—”
“Of course I want it!”
He was on his feet now, but he didn’t feel stable. The earth was splitting under his feet .
“I’ve always wanted it! Even when I was afraid of you, I wanted it! And now? Fuck . My body thinks it’ll die if I don’t have you. So don’t say I don’t want it!”
Eli was still crouching with the phone pressed to his ear. His eyes were wide.
He felt like he was trying to breathe through a tube half-clogged with saliva, but even gasping he felt the words bubbling out of him, more important than breathing.
“You don’t know the first thing about what I want.
If you did, you’d never touch me again. And your husband, Christ, where to even start!
Do you know what kind of shit he says behind your back?
The first time we met he was already offering to give you to me.
Whoring you out. As if you were some kind of addict who’d want the first piece of ass you met just because you were in prison. ”
“Samuel—"
“I lied to you! I didn’t mean to, but I lied.
It wasn’t pretend. None of it. And you know the sickest part?
I’m glad The Android came after me. Because now you never leave me alone, and I get to pretend it’s because you want to be with me.
That you like it as much as I do. And I know it’s stupid!
I know it’s just because you’re too nice, that you just don’t want to see anyone get hurt.
I’m not an idiot. But then Nat has to come and mock me.
Saying shit like buying a bigger bed. As if you’d have any reason to be with me once you had your life back.
As if any of this stupid charade means anything.
Well, I’m sorry you had to touch me earlier.
I didn’t mean to make you cheat on Nat, even if it was just pretend.
I’ll apologize as much as you want, so don’t let him say things like that to me.
I know he’s frustrated, and I’d want to kill me too. But I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“Oh, puppy…”
“Shut up! And don’t look at me like that! Like I’m just having some kind of tantrum. I love you! Can you get that through your head? You’re not my friend. You’re not my brother. I’m in love with you, so fuck off. ”
It was when he should have stormed away. That was the plan. But Eli was fast for a man in his thirties. Faster than him. Faster than anyone in the prison, maybe. The man grabbed his wrist and yanked him back around.
“I know.”
Oh, how that pissed him off. That fucking sympathy. That understanding. If he could have laid a hand on that beautiful face, he would have hit him. “You don’t know shit!”
“I do know. I’ve known for a while, but I didn’t think you wanted to talk about it. You cut me off for so much less, and I figured I could wait. I thought there was no harm in waiting. Forgive me. I shouldn’t have made that decision on my own.”
“Forgive you?” He tried to yank his arm free, but he was so weak, and his chest was killing him, like his ribs were crushing inward, sinking into organs, forcing him to breathe blood.
“Do you think I’d be like this if I could forgive you?
Or even be angry at you? Since the moment I saw you, I didn’t know what to do.
I had to stay away, it was so dangerous, but I couldn’t.
I couldn’t do anything. Why did you do this to me?
I was handling things. Getting through the days.
But what am I supposed to do now? You already have Nat. How dare you do this to me!”
For a moment they just looked at each other. He couldn’t help it. Eli was making a face he’d never seen before.
And then came the interruption. “Thompson, if you don’t shut your man up, he’s spending the night in solitary.”
He turned his head. There was backup now. Chesterson and Mendez. Oh, how he wanted to take a crack at Chesterson. His body well-remembered the tasing, and he’d just been handed the perfect invitation. A night in solitary? He was about to earn himself a month in solitary.
Eli’s hand clamped over his mouth at the same time the arm crossed over his chest. “He’s not hurting anyone.”
“Pardon me if I’m not reassured,” Chesterson said. “ Jameson is right, he’s a loose cannon, and he’s not going to the dorm until you’ve calmed him the hell down.”
He tried to twist his way to freedom, but Eli was molded to him like a glue trap.
“No, puppy.” Eli’s breath was on his neck again. The bastard had to be doing it on purpose. “Think of Jenny and shut it down.”
It almost wasn’t enough. Why couldn’t he even have the freedom to self-destruct if he wanted to? All he did was cause her misery anyway. The murderer brother in prison. She’d be better off without him. If he just died, she’d be able to move on with her life. They all would.
He went slack. Eli’s arms caught him as he slumped, dead weight.