Chapter 3
I learned to smile while my heart broke a little more each day.
The late winter wind howled against the windows of the Alpha house, rattling the glass like an angry spirit trying to get in.
I pressed my nose to the cold pane, watching fat snowflakes swirl in the courtyard below.
Marshall's birthday was today. He was turning twenty, and Luna Etta had been preparing for his celebration all week.
I'd been helping, of course. It was part of my Luna training, learning to organize pack events and make sure everyone felt welcome. But mostly I helped because it gave me something to do with my hands while I pretended not to notice that Marshall had been avoiding me for weeks.
"Annalise, dear, could you help me with the ice sculpture?" Luna Etta called from the kitchen. Her voice was warm as always, but I caught the edge of worry underneath. She'd been watching me carefully lately, the way mothers watched children who'd grown too quiet.
"Coming!" I called back, leaving my post at the window. It was better to be busy.
The kitchen was a whirlwind of activity.
Pack members moved in and out, carrying platters and decorations, everyone excited about the celebration.
Marshall's twentieth birthday was a big deal.
In a few years, when Alpha Orion stepped down, Marshall would officially become our leader. Tonight was practice for that future.
Luna Etta stood over a magnificent ice sculpture shaped like a wolf mid-howl, her brow furrowed in concentration as she adjusted the lighting underneath. The ice caught the light and threw rainbow patterns across the ceiling, beautiful and cold.
"It's perfect," I breathed, meaning it. Luna Etta had real talent for these things.
"I hope Marshall likes it." She stepped back, wiping her hands on her apron. "He's been so... distant lately."
Distant. That was a nice way to put it. Marshall had been avoiding me ever since that night six months ago when I'd brought him dessert and heard Scarlett's laughter echoing from his room. I wasn’t stupid, I knew they’d had sex.
The whole floor stank of it. But since then, he'd barely spoken to me, except when pack protocol demanded it.
"He's busy with Alpha training," I offered, the excuse coming automatically. I'd gotten good at making excuses for Marshall. "And pack business."
Luna Etta gave me a look that said she knew exactly what kind of business Marshall had been conducting, and it had nothing to do with leadership. Yes, we both knew. But she didn't say anything. She was too kind to hurt me with the truth I already knew.
"Why don't you go get ready for the party?" she suggested gently. "Wear that blue dress we picked out. It brings out your eyes."
I nodded and headed upstairs to my room, passing Marshall's door on the way. It was closed, as always. I could hear voices inside, low and intimate. My steps faltered for just a moment before I forced myself to keep walking.
The blue dress Luna Etta had mentioned hung in my closet like a promise.
We'd bought it together last month during a rare shopping trip to the human town nearby.
It was the first grown-up dress I'd ever owned, with a fitted bodice and a skirt that fell just past my knees.
Luna Etta had said it made me look older, more mature.
I hoped she was right.
I was just fastening the tiny buttons up the back when my door burst open without a knock. It was a power play I’d come to expect. Scarlett filed into my room, a queen surveying her domain, with Veronica Kelly and Tiffany Brennan flanking her like wolves in waiting.
“Well, hello, little Luna,” Scarlett said, her voice dripping with a false sweetness that was sharper than any insult. She ran a critical eye over my blue dress. “Getting ready for Marshall’s big night?”
My hands stilled on the buttons. I turned to face them, keeping my expression as neutral as I could manage. “Hello, Scarlett. Veronica. Tiffany.”
I’d learned this lesson the hard way. Luna Etta had taught me that a Luna never loses her composure, never lets anyone see her rattled. It was my armor, and I clung to it.
“That’s a pretty dress,” Veronica said, circling me like a predator sizing up its prey. “Very… young.”
“It’s for a child, so of course it is,” Tiffany added with a snort. “She’s playing dress-up for a man’s party.”
My cheeks burned, but my face remained a mask. They’d been playing this game for months, a constant, grinding campaign to remind me of everything I wasn’t. Old enough. Experienced enough. Woman enough for Marshall.
“Speaking of Marshall,” Scarlett said casually, examining her perfectly manicured nails.
“We were just with him. Helping him… relax before his party.” She let the word relax hang in the air, weighted with an intimacy I couldn’t bear to imagine.
I could smell it, though. Damn enhanced wolf shifter senses.
But I refused to flinch. I would not give them the satisfaction. “That was kind of you,” I said, my voice even.
Scarlett’s eyes flashed with annoyance. She hated my composure. She wanted tears or anger, and my refusal to break only made her cruelty more direct. She sauntered over and perched on the edge of my bed as if she owned it.
“You know, Annalise, you’re what, thirteen? Nearly fourteen?” she mused.
“Fourteen in June,” I confirmed, my voice a murmur.
“Right. And you’ve made Marshall a gift, I assume?” The question was a trap, and I walked right into it.
“I made him a photo album,” I said, my voice small. “With pictures of the pack, memories from when he was growing up.”
Veronica and Tiffany burst into loud, mocking laughter. Scarlett just smiled, a slow, predatory curving of her lips.
“A picture book,” she said, her voice laced with pity. “How utterly adorable. I’m sure he’ll treasure that almost as much as the gift I’m giving him later tonight.”
“And what’s that?” The question slipped out, a product of some morbid, self-destructive curiosity.
Scarlett’s smile widened, her eyes glittering.
“Myself. All of myself. In every way a real woman can give herself to her Alpha.” She stood and smoothed down the front of her dress—a shocking red thing that clung to every curve.
“He has needs, little mate. Real, adult needs. And a man like Marshall isn’t going to wait five years for a child with a scrapbook to grow up and learn how to meet them.
Why would he ever give up what he has with us? ”
Because I’m his mate. The words screamed in my head, but they died on my lips. How could I say them when the proof of her claim was right in front of me, in the scent of Marshall that still clung to her, in the triumphant look in her eyes?
“You should finish getting ready,” I said, turning back to the mirror and away from their victorious faces.
“Oh, we’re done here,” Scarlett said, her voice smug. She and her friends moved to the door. “Have fun at the party, Annalise. Try not to embarrass him.”
They filed out as abruptly as they’d come, their laughter echoing down the hall.
I was left alone with my reflection, seeing exactly what they saw: a child in a pretty blue dress, playing a game she was destined to lose.
My heart wasn't just breaking; it felt like it was being methodically torn to pieces.
But I finished getting ready anyway, because that's what I do now. I endure.
The party was in full swing by the time I made it downstairs. The main hall had been transformed into something magical, with twinkling lights and ice sculptures and tables laden with Marshall's favorite foods. Pack members filled the space, laughing and drinking and celebrating their future Alpha.
Marshall stood near the bar, impossibly handsome in a dark suit that made his amber eyes glow like fire. He was surrounded by well-wishers and admirers, accepting their congratulations with the easy confidence of someone born to lead.
Scarlett hung on his arm like an accessory, stunning in her red dress. She whispered something in his ear that made him laugh, and the sound hit me like a physical blow.
"You look beautiful, sweetheart."
I turned to find Alpha Orion beside me, his kind eyes taking in my blue dress and carefully styled hair. Marshall's father had always been gentle with me, treating me like the daughter he'd never had.
"Thank you," I said, managing a smile. "It's a wonderful party."
"Etta outdid herself," he agreed. "She's been planning this for weeks."
We stood together in comfortable silence, watching the celebration swirl around us. I should have been part of it, should have been by Marshall's side as his future mate. Instead, I was standing on the edges like a spectator at my own life.
"Annalise?" Alpha Orion's voice was carefully neutral. "Are you happy here?"
The question caught me off guard. "Of course. This is my home."
"I know it's your home. But are you happy?"
I wanted to lie, to give him the answer he wanted to hear. But something in his eyes told me he already knew the truth.
"I'm learning," I said finally. "Luna Etta says happiness comes from duty. From serving the pack."
Alpha Orion was quiet for a long moment. "Your Luna is a wise woman," he said eventually. "But she's also been Luna for twenty years. She's earned the right to find fulfillment in duty."
"And I haven't?"
"You're thirteen years old, sweetheart. You should be finding fulfillment in being thirteen."
Before I could ask him what he meant, the music changed, and Marshall stepped forward to address the pack. The crowd quieted, all attention turning to their future Alpha.
"Thank you all for being here tonight," Marshall said, his voice carrying easily across the room.
"Twenty years ago, I was born into this pack, and every day since then has been a gift.
Your loyalty, your strength, your trust in my family's leadership.
.. these are the things that make us who we are. "
The pack murmured approval, hanging on his every word.
This was Marshall at his best, natural and commanding and born to lead.
This was the man I'd fallen in love with the moment he'd claimed me as his mate.
A fierce, painful pride swelled in my chest. He was magnificent.
And he was mine, even if only in name. Even if, right now, he felt like he belonged to everyone but me.
"As I look toward the future," Marshall continued, "I see challenges ahead. But I also see opportunity. The chance to make our pack stronger, more prosperous, more united than ever before."
His eyes swept the crowd and landed on me for just a moment. Something flickered in his expression, too quick to interpret, before his gaze moved on.
"So tonight, we celebrate not just my birthday, but our future together. Our pack, our family, our destiny."
He raised his glass, and the pack followed suit. "To the Cascade Pack!"
"To the Cascade Pack!" the crowd echoed, and everyone drank.
The music resumed, couples taking to the makeshift dance floor.
I watched Marshall lead Scarlett into the first dance, her red dress swirling around them like blood in water.
They moved together perfectly, a matched set of power and beauty.
He held her with an easy confidence he never used with me, his hand resting possessively on the small of her back. The way a mate would hold his partner.
I slipped away before anyone could notice I was crying.
My room felt like a sanctuary after the noise and chaos of the party. I kicked off my shoes and sat on my bed, careful not to wrinkle my dress. Through the floor, I could hear music and laughter, the sounds of a pack celebrating their future.
A soft knock made me look up. "Come in."
Luna Etta entered with two cups of hot chocolate, the kind she made with real cream and a touch of cinnamon. She handed me one and settled beside me on the bed, her party dress carefully arranged.
"Hiding?" she asked gently.
"Resting," I lied.
"Hmm." She sipped her chocolate thoughtfully. "You know, when I was not much older than you, I was convinced I'd never find my mate. All the other girls in my pack were pairing off, but no one seemed interested in the quiet girl who spent all her time reading."
I looked at her in surprise. Luna Etta was one of the most beautiful women I knew, graceful and elegant and perfectly suited to her role. The idea that she'd ever been uncertain about anything seemed impossible.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I learned that the Moon Goddess has her own timeline.
That the person meant for me was worth waiting for, even when the waiting hurt.
" She reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"But I also learned that I couldn't wait for my life to begin.
I had to start living it, mate or no mate. "
"How do you start living when your life is already mapped out?"
Luna Etta's smile was sad and knowing. "You start with who you are right now, today. Not who you're going to be in five years or ten years. Who you are at this moment."
"I don't know who that is anymore."
"Then that's where you start. Finding out."
I wanted to tell her that I didn't want to find out who I was without her son. I wanted to be the person who was worthy of him. But I just nodded, because admitting that out loud felt too much like admitting defeat. That was not very Luna-like.
She finished her chocolate and stood up, smoothing her skirt. "The party's going to go late. Why don't you get some sleep? Tomorrow we'll start planning your birthday celebration."
After she left, I changed out of my blue dress and hung it carefully in the closet. It was beautiful, but Scarlett had been right about one thing. It was young. Appropriate for my age.
The problem was, I didn't want to be appropriate for my age anymore. I wanted to be appropriate for Marshall.
I climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin, listening to the party continue below. Somewhere down there, Marshall was laughing with his friends and dancing with Scarlett and being everything a future Alpha should be.
Meanwhile, I was learning the hardest lesson of all: how to love someone who didn't love me back, not yet, maybe not ever. How to hope for a future that felt more like a fantasy with each passing day.
I closed my eyes and made a wish on the first star I could see through my window. Not for Marshall to love me, that felt too big, too impossible. Just for the strength to keep smiling tomorrow, and the day after that, and all the days until I figured out who I was supposed to be.
Outside my window, the wind continued to howl, but inside my room, I was learning to find warmth in smaller things. Luna Etta's kindness. Alpha Orion's gentle concern. The certainty that somewhere in this confusing, painful mess, there was a version of myself worth discovering.
I just had to be brave enough to look for her.