Chapter 12 #2
The word hit me like a physical blow. Careless. That's exactly what I'd been. Not malicious, not intentionally cruel, but utterly careless with the most important person in my world.
Every time you brought another she-wolf to dinner, you told the pack she didn't matter, Ranger said relentlessly.
Every time you ignored her when she tried to talk to you, you told her she wasn't worth your attention.
Every time you laughed off their cruelty, you told them it was acceptable to treat your mate like garbage.
"I was going to change," I whispered to the empty room. "After her eighteenth birthday, I was going to be different."
Were you? Ranger's voice was bitter. Or were you just going to expect her to be grateful for the scraps of attention you were finally willing to give her?
The question hung in the air. I'd planned to claim her, complete the bond, and then... what? Go back to my normal routine while she tried to rebuild her shattered self-esteem? Expect her to smile and play the perfect Luna while carrying the scars of years of psychological torture? No. I had planned to put all that behind me and be the Alpha and mate she deserved. Why didn’t anyone else realise this?
She loved you anyway, Ranger said quietly. Despite everything, she loved you with her whole heart. And you threw it away because you couldn't remember one night of actually treating her like she mattered.
Two weeks of inactivity, of wallowing in guilt while my pack suffered and my mate and child were somewhere out there, alone and afraid.
Do something, Ranger demanded. For once in your miserable life, do something right.
I reached for the phone on my desk, then stopped.
Who could I call? What resources did I have to find one pregnant girl in a country of over 300 million people?
But I had to try. I had to do something other than sit here, drowning in self-loathing while everything I cared about slipped further away.
The pack council meeting was brutal. Twelve senior pack members, their faces ranging from disappointed to disgusted to coldly calculating. They wanted answers I didn't have, solutions to problems I'd created.
"The pack needs leadership," Elder Theron said bluntly. His words were not surprising since he served as my father’s beta before becoming an elder when Jackson and I took over leadership of the pack. "Not an Alpha who hides in his office for weeks at a time."
"We need a Luna," added Sarah Mills, one of Scarlett's supporters. "A real Luna who can handle the position."
"We had a Luna," snapped Elder Maeve. "A good one, who this Alpha threw away in a fit of prideful rage."
The room erupted into arguments, pack members taking sides based on their opinion of Annalise and my treatment of her. I sat at the head of the table, listening to them tear each other apart over my mistakes.
"ENOUGH!" I finally roared, my Alpha command silencing the room. "You want to know what I'm going to do? I'm going to find her. I'm going to bring my mate and my son home. And then I'm going to spend the rest of my life making up for what I did."
"You think she'll come back?" sneered Cole Webb, another Scarlett supporter. "After you called her a whore in front of the entire pack?"
"I don't know," I admitted. "But I'm going to fix it."
"What if she refuses to return?" Elder Samuel asked quietly.
"Then I'll make sure she's safe. That she and my son are somewhere where they are safe and cared for."
Our son, Ranger corrected fiercely. Say it right.
"Our son," I said aloud, and some of the tension in my chest eased slightly.
The meeting ended with no real resolution, just more division and more pressure. But for the first time in two weeks, I felt like I had a purpose beyond wallowing in guilt.
That evening, I finally went to see my mother.
Her quarters were dark, the curtains drawn against the setting sun. She sat in her favorite chair by the fireplace, staring into the cold ashes with empty eyes.
"Mom?"
She looked up at me, and I was shocked by how much she'd aged since I saw her last. Her face was drawn, her usually perfect hair disheveled, her clothes wrinkled as if she'd slept in them.
"Marshall," she said quietly. "I was wondering when you'd come."
"I'm sorry," I said, the words feeling inadequate. "I'm sorry for all of it."
"Being sorry doesn't bring her back. It doesn't undo the damage you've done to that sweet girl."
I sank into the chair across from her, feeling like a child again. "I know I can't undo it. But I'm going to fix it."
"How?"
"I'm going to find her. Hire investigators, use pack resources, whatever it takes."
Mom was quiet for a long moment. "Do you know what she said to me the night before you banished her?"
I shook my head, not trusting my voice.
"She asked if I thought you'd ever love her the way she loved you. She was so hopeful, so sure that once the baby came, you'd realize what you had." Mom's voice broke slightly. "I told her that love couldn't be forced, but that you were a good man underneath all the pride and fear."
My head snapped up. "The night before? You knew she was pregnant then?"
Mom nodded, her eyes filled with a deep, weary sadness. "I knew, Marshall. That's my grandpup. Of course, I knew."
"Why didn't you say anything?" The question came out as a raw accusation, a desperate attempt to shift even a fraction of the blame, although I knew it was all my fault. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It wasn't my news to share," she said, her voice sharp with a mother's disappointment.
"It was Annalise's. Neither of you had said a word about being together, and you were still parading Scarlett around the pack house.
I assumed you were both keeping it quiet, waiting for the right time to announce it.
I thought you were trying to be respectful of tradition, waiting until she was eighteen.
It never occurred to me that you were simply too blind to see what was right in front of you. "
I flinched as if she'd slapped me. She was right. My behavior had created the very secrecy that had allowed this disaster to unfold.
"I told her you were a good man," Mom repeated.
We weren't good, Ranger said with devastating honesty. We were selfish and cruel, and she deserved so much better.
"I was wrong about you being good," Mom continued. "A good man doesn't throw away his pregnant mate. A good man doesn't choose pride over love."
"I know—"
"Do you? You've treated that girl like an obligation since the day you claimed her.
You've ignored her, dismissed her, humiliated her with your parade of other women.
" My mother's voice grew sharper. "Do you know what Scarlett said to her at the spring festival?
She told Annalise that you were just waiting for her to turn eighteen so you could reject her properly and choose a real Luna.
And you know what? Annalise believed her because you'd never given her any reason not to. "
The words hit me like physical blows. I could picture it perfectly—Annalise's face crumpling as Scarlett delivered her poison, the hope dying in her green eyes.
"She's been enduring years of psychological torture from those she-wolves," Mom continued relentlessly.
"They systematically destroyed her self-worth, convinced her she was worthless, made her believe she was just a placeholder until you could find someone better.
And you let them do it. You enabled it by treating her like she didn't matter. "
"I was going to change after her birthday," I said weakly.
"Good for you." My mother's voice was bitter. "You were careless, Marshall. Careless with the most precious thing you'll ever have. You thought you could treat her like an obligation and then flip a switch when it was convenient for you."
The word careless hit hard. That's exactly what I'd been—not malicious, but utterly, devastatingly careless with something irreplaceable.
"And when she finally tried to tell you about the most important thing that ever happened between you, you destroyed her."
Each word was a knife to the heart, but I deserved every cut.
"I can't change what I did," I said quietly. "But I can make it right."
"Even if you find her, even if you grovel and apologize and promise to be better, why should she believe you? Why should she trust the man who called her a whore and banished her while she was carrying his pup?"
I didn't have an answer. There was no answer, no justification for what I'd done.
"I have to try," I said finally. "I owe her that much."
"You owe her a lifetime of happiness that you stole from her," Etta said sharply. "You owe that pup a father who deserves him. You owe this pack a Luna they can respect and an Alpha they can trust."
She stood up, moving to the window that looked out over the pack territory.
"Find her, Marshall. Find her and spend the rest of your life proving you deserve a second chance.
But don't expect her to make it easy for you.
Don't expect forgiveness just because you're finally ready to do the right thing. "
"I won't," I promised.
"Good. Because that girl has already proven she's stronger than all of us thought. She survived years of your neglect, she survived your cruelty, and she's somewhere out there building a life for herself and your child. The question is: are you strong enough to deserve a place in that life?"
I left my mother's quarters with her words echoing in my head and a determination I hadn't felt in weeks burning in my chest. The time for wallowing in guilt and self-pity was over.
Now, I will continue the search for Annalise and my son.
Now, I will begin the long, probably impossible task of earning redemption.
It won't be enough, Ranger said sadly. But it's a start.
"It's a start," I agreed.
I’d been careless, but now I had to try to put the broken pieces of my relationship with my mate back together.