Chapter 31
CHAPTER 31
OLIVER
B eth and I sneak through the side door of the house and walk through the kitchen to go to our prospective rooms, when we notice Charlie sitting on the couch. A joint is dangling from his lips as he assesses us.
When Beth notices him, she drops my hand, something he instantly picks up on.
He doesn’t say anything though. He goes back to watching whatever is on the TV screen.
Thank the Lord she thought to grab a new shirt from her house to replace the one I ripped to shreds because there would be no justifying this if he saw her the way she was before she got the new top.
Beth walks to the stairs while I make my way down the hall and to my room, closing myself in. I don’t need anyone’s bullshit right now and I don’t think my princess does either. Hopefully, she locks the door and keeps everyone out.
We’ll deal with Charlie later, but I wouldn’t put it past the fucker to call Nigel and stir the pot.
No one likes me, but we all agree that Charlie is a piece of shit that we wouldn’t include on anything if we didn’t have to. Hell, he wouldn’t even be living here if it wasn’t for this being the original Five Families house and all of us having a claim to it.
The only one who likes Charlie is Perla and only God knows why. My only guess is that he’s hidden all the disgusting parts of himself from her and she’s completely blind about who she decided to spend her life with.
Just a few more months and then he’ll be out of here and living with her. We’ll only have to deal with Charlie when we deal with those who break the rules after that.
I’m the only one who had the balls to tell him flat out that I don’t like him at all and if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll keep his distance from me. That was when we were teenagers. Maybe I need to make it clear that’s the way it still is.
* * *
I hang my head as I sit on my bed, flipping my silver coin over my knuckles like I always do when I’m stuck inside my brain.
This coin belonged to my father, one of the few things I put my foot down about taking with me when I moved out of my mom’s house, along with the leather jacket I always wear. That was his, too. One of my fondest memories of him was of watching him spin this coin on the kitchen table, over and over. He did so mindlessly, much like the way I play with the same piece of silver.
It’s soothing and helps me focus on the chaos inside my brain, instead of the anxiety outside of it. I have the sense that something dark is coming, something not good, but I can’t place it. If I had to make an assumption, I would point my finger at my princess.
Mine.
She said she wanted to be mine, belong to me. Not Nigel. Me .
No one has ever wanted to be mine where that sentiment was returned. It took me thinking long and hard about it to determine that I felt the same way she did. I see everything cut and dry, fact versus fiction, but it’s different with her.
I’ve been attached far longer than I would be willing to admit to anyone. Before I fucked her against the kitchen wall. Before I defaced her mother’s car. Maybe it even extends to before I fucked her over the hood of my Mustang.
And, it’s fucked.
Like she said, Nigel won’t ever let her go. He sees her as his property. He’s fine with me playing with his toys, but crossing the line would be claiming his toy as my own.
I warned him that I would if he ever made her cry again, but as far as I know, he hasn’t. He was on good behavior before he left Grove Hill.
But, also, Nigel is one of the few on my short list of people I give a shit about. What I’ve been doing with Beth is a betrayal to that bond. Until recently, Nigel and my mother were the only people I gave a flying fuck about. Then, Bethany fucking Mercer walked into my life and wrecked it, destroyed the very fabric that held my psyche together.
She extended the fucking list.
The walls I keep erected around myself are still at half mast, but they are slowly coming down around her. It wasn’t something I did consciously either. I didn’t want to let her in and she didn’t force her way through. It just happened .
However, my feelings for her aren’t what I’m having to sit here and mull over. No, no, no. It’s what we're going to have to do now. I know Nigel doesn’t care if I fuck Beth, but I have no clue what Charlie will say to him if he says anything at all.
Hell, even though Gunderson walked in on us, she doesn’t even really know what’s going on. She just knows that we fuck. Plain and simple.
I go over a game plan in my head of the worst case scenario, of Nigel coming back pissed and ready to hurt my princess. I want to make sure we’re ready for it if that happens. I will grab her, put her in my car, and drive her the fuck out of here. It’s the only fucking option I have.
I can’t let him hurt her again.
I don’t deal with guilt. It’s something I’ve very rarely felt in my life, but I know that is what I feel when I think of watching him carry her up to his room that night while she screamed and begged for someone to help her.
I’m still not completely certain of what happened that night, but I know whatever he did broke something inside her. I can’t let it happen again.
I tuck the coin in my pocket and pick up my phone, ready to text her to pack a bag just in case, but then my bedroom door is thrown open and it’s not Beth on the other side.
Rage boils in my brain and lights a fire down my spine. I’m very particular about my privacy. No one comes in my fucking room, ever.
Somehow, Charlie got it in his head that he’s welcome in my space.
Fury races alongside my blood, pumping through my system as I grab him and slam his back against the wall opposite of my bedroom door. The hall light casts shadows down on us as I glare at him.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I snarl, ready to beat his face in, maybe even rip out his eyeballs if he continues to get on my fucking nerves.
“I should be asking you the same thing,” he rasps, his oxygen severely limited by my forearm pressing against his throat.
Everyone knows better than to invade my space. I like my calm, cool, and quiet with zero outside influences. He ruined that by barging in.
“What are you on about?” I sneer as Ronan comes out of his room, running over to try to break this up.
No, I think Charlie wants to die. He has to have a death wish to disturb me.
“Ollie, what are you doing? Let him go!”
“Why don’t you tell him, huh?” Charlie scowls at me, trying to push my buttons further than he already has. “Tell him that you’ve been sliding into Nigel’s place in his absence. Tell Ro how you’ve been sneaking off in the night with Nigel’s girl. Tell him!”
That’s no skin off my back. Ro already knows that I fucked Beth. He dealt with the aftermath and saw how Nigel reacted when I told him that it happened. The fucker laughed.
Nigel doesn’t care that I’ve screwed Beth at all.
“Ollie, let him go!” Ro demands as Oisin enters the hall and helps Ro in removing my arm from Charlie’s neck. The man falls to the ground, coughing and gagging.
“Stay the fuck out of my room,” I demand, making sure it’s clear that is the only reason I just choked him half to death. I have other things to deal with right now.
“What the hell is going on?” Oisin asks, exasperated.
I need to get back in my room and decompress. I can’t handle the stress of this confrontation. I need to relax and assess everything with a level head on my shoulders.
“Nothing. Kennedy needed to be put back in his place,” I grumble under my breath before turning back to my room, but then out of nowhere, Charlie slams the door closed, leaning against it as if I can’t lift him by his hair and throw him into the next room.
I swear, I’m going to kill this fucker if he doesn’t get out of my goddamn way.
“You’re not escaping this. What the fuck do you think you’re doing with her ? Nigel may not be here to defend himself, but I will. She doesn’t belong to you .”
You wouldn’t be saying that if you heard her declare the exact opposite sentiment last night.
I don’t say that though. I don’t need him causing more problems than he already is.
“Get out of my way.”
“What is he talking about? What did you do, Ollie?” Oisin asks and my head pounds from all the voices stabbing my brain.
“Look, this isn’t our business. This is between Ollie and Nigel,” Ro states.
“Like fuck it isn’t! Their business affects everyone in this house, including you,” Charlie presses, venom on his tongue. “Ollie has been screwing Beth behind Nigel’s back, sneaking off with her in the middle of the night. I caught them coming in this morning. They were all cozy and she was covered in bruises. She didn’t get those from walking to his car!”
I’m on the edge of a psychosis and those are never pretty. I try to avoid them by managing my surroundings, taking time to cool down before dealing with more stress, but the last time I went through one, I killed the two kids I was rooming with in the psych ward. The rules were different there than they are here. I don’t have my “uncle” bailing me out anymore. If I kill someone outside of the warehouse, it will land me in the warehouse.
I try to take deep, calming breaths, but they aren’t fucking working.
Nothing is fucking working. I need to get out of this fucking hall.
“Why would you do that, Ollie? Nigel is your best friend. Why would you stab him in the back like that?” Oisin presses, his voice the fucking tipping point.
Fuuuck.
“Just stop, okay!” I growl. “It’s none of your fucking business what I do with my life. She makes things easier which none of you fucking do ever. I don’t have to deal with this bullshit or being badgered for my motives. She makes things easy. She is easy!” I don’t know any other way to put it. I can’t say that I love her because I’m not sure if I’m capable of that emotion. She makes my life comfortable though. She makes the days and nights better. The chaos in my mind is manageable with her there. If that’s what someone would consider love, then yeah, I love her in that way.
All I need is to hold her and talk to her and she calms me, leaving me with the serene quiet in my mind. All that exists then is her fairy green eyes, freckles, and fire engine red hair.
All other problems just fade away.
“Really?” I look up at where the voice came from and see the one who plagues me day and night, standing at the end of the hall, looking like someone just suckerpunched her.
I have no idea how much of that she heard, but I know if she heard the whole thing, she wouldn’t be looking at me like that. She might even be moved to an extent.
The way she is looking at me is like I hurt her.
“Seriously, is that your fucking stance? I’m easy ?” She walks down the hall to me, a mixture of devastation and fury on her face. “Is that what you got to say? You were fine talking about me behind my back, but now you’re fucking silent.”
“Beth, that’s not–” Ronan starts and she immediately sends him a death glare.
“Stay out of it, Ro!”
She’s not easy in the way she is thinking. I thought she was when I first met her, but I’ve gotten to know her a little bit since then. She is the opposite and so much more than that. She’s everything I didn’t know I needed in my life.
“Is that it, Ollie? Is that how you see me? Just some easy slut?” she turns her dagger-like gaze back to me and I groan.
“No, that is not–”
Even she isn’t letting me speak, the one who is always so desperate to hear what I have to say if anything at all.
“Really? That’s not the tone you just fucking had while talking to your fucking friends. That’s not what I just heard you say about me when I wasn’t fucking here to defend myself. You said I was fucking easy!” I’ve never heard her say “fucking” so many times in less than a minute of speaking before. It would be impressive if my head wasn’t spinning. I’m barely hanging from hurting if not her than one of the others around me.
I just need it to fucking stop.
Freeze.
Pause.
Stop.
Stop…
I’m going… to fucking…snap.
“Just fucking shut up !” I’m ready to rip my hair out. I can’t even fucking breathe. It’s all too much. “You don’t have any room to judge me for anything I’ve said or done. I’m not the one who hooked up with the person Nigel hates more than anyone. That was you, princess.”
Finally, everything goes quiet and I slowly open my eyes that I didn’t realize I had closed. Nobody moves, not even Beth as I look down at her.
She doesn’t look sad or hurt or anything at all. Her walls have been thrown back up, walls I haven’t seen even a glimpse of since before I first touched her, walls I wish would go away so I could see what she’s thinking.
I don’t regret much in my life. I can think of only ever doing two things I regret…until now. I shouldn’t have said that. I threw something in her face that she told me in confidence, something I promised her I wouldn’t tell Nigel about.
Good thing he isn't here, though.
“What the hell is going on!” We all look at the end of the hall to see Nigel standing there, dropping his duffle bag on the floor. He looks beyond pissed.
I feel the color drain from my face when I realized he must’ve heard what I just said.
Oh, fuck.
Did I just not only betray her trust but also put her in fucking danger?
Beth’s head snaps around to see him there before she turns back to look at me. The look she gives me…if I had a heart, it would be breaking for her, with her.
I don’t make promises to people and I made that one to her…and I just fucking broke it. That was the most important promise I could make to her, especially with the information I have about hers and Nigel’s relationship.
“You gave me your word,” her voice cracks, betrayal, heartache, and undilated despair dripping into every syllable. “That’s what I get for trusting an unfeeling beast. I guess you really are a psychopath, Oliver.”
What does she mean by that? I’ve explained to her that I was diagnosed. What part of that was unclear?
“Beth,” I grit out her name while she turns away, but she doesn’t look at me again. She runs down the hall and dodges Nigel before darting up the stairs.
It’s not what she thinks.
I don’t think she’s easy.
I didn’t know Nigel was back or that he could hear me.
I didn’t mean for that bit about Martin to come out.
I can’t handle the stress or the external chaos they shoved me into. It wasn’t intentional.
Before Nigel has the chance to follow after her, I dash over and grab his arm, pulling him to a stop. “Remember what I told you,” I say, a growl on the tip of my tongue.
I swear, if he hurts her again, I won’t be able to control myself. I very well might kill him.
His eyes narrow at me. “You don’t have to remind me. I’m not going to hurt her. I would never hurt her on purpose.”
Wrong. You have.
“I’ll talk to you later.” He rips his arm from my hold and storms up the stairs before I head back for the hall. I try to go to my room, but Charlie blocks the door with his arm. I swear, if this fucker doesn’t get out of my way, I will splatter his brains all over the wall.
Ronan and Oisin leave quickly, but the dumb-as-a-bag-of-bricks fuckhead is stubborn.
“Move,” I hiss at him, at wits end with his bullshit.
“I will, but first, you should know that you just lost out. You’re meant to be alone. Stay where you belong.” Before I have the chance to rip his fucking throat out, he walks away and the red hue grows in intensity behind my eyes.
I honestly don’t know why Charlie hates me, but he has made it his life’s mission to push my buttons and get under my skin, in that spot between the epidermis and the muscle. He taunts my nerves and, like I said, I can’t kill him.
I really fucking want to though. If he ever breaks the rules, I’ll gladly drive the knife through his eye socket and watch the life leave his other eye.
I pull open my bedroom door and slam it behind me before I let out the roar of frustration that has been growing, stewing, and intensifying with every moment I have held it in.
Everything just exploded in my fucking face.
Then, I hear the sound of a gunshot and it’s like a bucket of glacier cold water was just dumped over my head. It was too close to not come from inside the house.
Beth.