31. Jess
“We’re going to have to move, buddy,” I tell Pippin, putting a teabag in my cup. I grab an apple and start cutting it into smaller pieces. “We’ll upgrade to a spacious spot, and you’ll get a deluxe, multi-level bird haven. And some friends.” I need to talk to Rose from the pet shelter. “So you don’t miss him too much.”
He ignores me in favor of preening his feathers.
Deep down, I don’t want to move, and of course I don’t want to cut things off with Sean. But the urge to protect myself is greater than my desire to stay. After taking a sip of my tea, I turn some music on my phone and set about packing things in the living room that I’m not going to need for the time being.
It’s bittersweet to say the least. I love my apartment, and I love this building. No matter how much I try to look on the bright side, sadness creeps in. I think about all the fun girls’ nights I’ve had with Pauline, or the lazy Sundays where I stretch out on the couch with Pippin on my shoulder as I read.
Carefully, I pack away my books and the little nick-nacks I have on my shelves. Only a few minutes later do I realize how stuffy and warm it’s gotten. I scoop Pippin up and put him back into his cage so I can open the balcony doors. He squawks in annoyance, but I ignore him and open the double doors, letting a breeze whip through. It’s past eight p.m. and still light out, the temperature in the beautiful mid-seventies. How I love spring. It’s a wonderful time to enjoy the outdoors.
Knock! Knock!
I jump in surprise. I’ve been so lost in thought, I didn’t hear footsteps to my front door. It’s not him. I wouldn’t have missed him. Thinking it might be a neighbor asking me to turn the music down, I quickly shut “I Will Survive” off and cross the room, with an apology on the tip of my tongue.
The diplomatic smile I plastered on my face is gone in an instant.
It’s Sean standing there, a raging storm in his expression.
“Sean? What?—?”
He pushes past me, closes the door, and tosses his jacket to the side as I stumble back and accidentally plop down onto the armchair behind me. “Jess, if you thought I was going to let you throw away what we have, you clearly don’t know me very well.”
I barely register what he says. His steps are sure and purposeful as he approaches me.
“Sean, what are you?—?”
“I didn’t get the chance to present my most compelling argument. That’s why I’m here, and you’re going to listen.”
“Sean.” He’s facing me, sleeves rolled up, both his tattooed arms resting on the armrests and trapping me in place so I can’t run away.
“This thing between us isn’t over,” he rumbles darkly. “I don’t want it to be, and I know you don’t want it to be either. What we have is special, and it has been since the beginning. We might have been able to fool ourselves once upon a time that it wasn’t, but you and I both know that’s a load of bullshit. We know we’re special, Jess. You know that and I know that.”
I stand up, forcing him to back away. “Sean, please. Not right now.”
He stands tall, his eyes a thundercloud of emotions. “Is it still about the phone call? The ridiculous fax? Because it’s not what it sounded or looked like, and I cannot believe you’re going to throw away something special over BS like that.”
“Maybe BS to you! But no, Sean. It’s not just about that, it’s everything up until this point. You say there’s more here, and I’m not denying that.”
His shoulders drop. “Then what’s the problem?”
“It’s too damn complicated.”
“Then let me make it easy for you.”
He cups the back of my neck and pulls me forward into a kiss.
At first, I anticipate a forceful kiss, but to my surprise, it’s gentle—soft, tender, and absolutely wonderful, filled with so much warmth I want to cry. I want to kiss him back so badly, but I can’t. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”
“And you think it’s easy for me?” he rumbles against my lips. “Jess, I love you. I’m in love with you. So fucking much.”
My stomach clenches and my heart skips a beat when the words come out of his mouth.
That’s not what I was expecting him to say.
“What?”
He cups my cheeks. “I love you. More than anything. More than life. More than I could ever put into words. And I know you love me too, baby.”
Deep down, I know it’s what I was hoping for, but didn’t dare let myself think that it was a real possibility. Yet even though it makes me elated to hear him say those three words, it only increases the terror.
Shaking my head, I say, “Even more of a reason to keep our personal and professional lives separate. Love and business don’t mix, Sean.”
“They seemed to mix pretty fucking well over the last month. We’re great together, Jess. We’re dynamite. And if you’re worried about Blackwood, don’t be.” He strokes my cheeks softly. “I want you to trust me. There’s a board meeting scheduled for tomorrow, and I’m determined to set things right, if that’s the last thing I do. In fact…”
He opens the envelope I gave him earlier and pulls out the paperwork. To my amazement, he rips the packet in half, tossing the papers onto the floor. He does the same to the fax.
I stand there in shock.
“See? You’re not pulling away that easy,” he rumbles.
My mind is so blown that I don’t hear the tell-tale squeak of Pippin’s cage until it’s too late. Sean notices it first, glancing past me and pointing. I spin around just in time to see a flutter of wings move past the balcony doors. The little guy somehow managed to open the door himself.
“Pippin, no!” I rush over with Sean right behind me.
I’m fully prepared just to see Pippin fluttering over the ledge with his clipped wings and down to the street below, but to my relief, he’s perched on the railing. For half a second, I watch his wings flap up, managing to gain some air and land on the molding of the pillar between our balconies.
“Shit!” Sean says, alarmed.
“I have to get him down. He can’t fly properly, and I don’t want him to fall.”
Quickly, I move toward the ledge, but then I feel a firm hand on my shoulder. Sean has stepped out onto the balcony with me, and he’s glancing up at where Pippin is stuck.
“Let me get him. He’s really high up, and I’m taller.”
“You’re going to have to climb onto the railing.”
He side-eyes me. “I’m aware.”
I remember our conversation and how he said he isn’t a fan of heights.
Before I can protest and tell him that I can do it, he’s already stepping up, clutching the pillar for support. Now my fear is doubled, for Pippin and for Sean being so precarious. He tests his footing, and when he thinks he’s got it, he starts to reach up toward the bird.
Pippin is spooked and instinctually starts to flap.
Oh no, oh no.
Sean’s body wobbles, and my heart stops as it looks like he’s about to fall. And then, it happens—he starts to slip!
My pulse pounds in my ears, anxiety gripping me.
Sean!
No!
At the last second, he manages to catch himself and wraps his hand around Pippin’s tiny body, grabbing him before he can try and flutter away. I don’t think I breathe properly until he secures his hold and extends his hand toward me.
He cradles Pippin. Relief washes over me as I take him into my hands.
“Thank you, Sean. You’re a lifesaver,” I say, grateful beyond belief. He grins, and everything is perfect. I rush inside and put Pippin in his cage.
Just as I secure the cage door, I see it happening from the corner of my eye.
Sean loses his footing.
“No!” I scream, but it’s too late. Time slows to a crawl as I watch how he plummets, and my heart leaps into my throat. Without thinking, I rush onto the balcony, and my hands grip the cold metal.
My body breaks out in alarm.
I peer over the railing, my eyes fixated downward, a surge of horror coursing through me. “Sean!”
My focus is singular: him, falling.
My heart is hammering in my chest so fast and loud I can’t think.
All emotion clutches in my throat.
No.
No.
Noooooo!
As I reel from the shock, a vivid vision overtakes me. The fluorescent lights flicker overhead as I burst into the emergency room. The sight of Sean lying there, pale and still, sends chilly panic through me. He’s in a bad condition. Critical. Guilt and fear twist in my stomach. This should have never happened. Why oh why didn’t I ensure Pippin’s door was securely closed? A loud beep resonates through the room. The monitor is flatlining.
My heart stops. Please, dear God, please.
Tears blur my sight and I want to stumble back, but instead I blink, and the vision fades. Reality crashes back in.
Leaning farther over, I find Sean grasping onto the metal fixture at the balcony’s edge. “Sean!” My hand reaches out, grasping for his, but as hard as I try, I can’t pull him to safety.
He’s hanging there, swaying.
Oh, Sean! In a sudden movement, he propels himself to the side, his feet fumbling for a surface that doesn’t exist. Desperately, I clutch onto his hands for dear life. Somehow, he finds footing on the unseen brick formation below. With a determined resolve, he steadies himself, readjusts his stance, and then skillfully maneuvers himself back up and over the railing.
ThankyouGodthankyouGodthankyouGod.
And holy fuck.
Back in the living room, I close the doors tight behind us.
Then I launch myself into his arms, tears rolling down my cheeks, my body shaking. Not only is my body shaking, but all my limbs, and organs (and, believe it or not, my hair too). Every single cell in my body feels like it’s doing the jitterbug, and there’s no sign of slowing down.
“Whoa, whoa, I’m okay,” he assures me, hugging me tight. His heart beats rapidly against mine, a clear aftermath of the adrenaline rush. “We’re all right, we’re both okay.”
Sean looks at Pippin. “No escapes in the future, you hear, Pippin?” he scolds him (softly).
“Squawk.”
I wrap my arms around him even tighter and squeeze. “Oh, my God.” I sob into his neck. “Sean, I saw you fall to the ground. I swear!”
“But I didn’t. And Pippin didn’t get away. It was a close call, but phew, everything’s fine.” He holds me close until I relax, stroking my head and shoulders, then draws back and pushes the hair away from my face as his lips turn up in an amused smirk. “I guess that means you must really love me, huh?”
I can’t even joke at this point.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, my eyes locked on his. “You’re a hero, you know that? Risking yourself for a tiny creature. You risked everything for Pippin, and I?—”
“It’s okay.” He smiles weakly, interrupting me. “Told you I still had to deliver my most compelling argument.”
I’m still not ready for his jokes.
“I’d do it again for you and that little bird,” he says, “or for anyone attempting to escape your apartment.”
“Sean, stop, you don’t understand. I was so scared! Horrified!”
He studies me with those shining, dark-green eyes. He tips up my chin. “Because you can’t live without me. Because I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Because I’m the man of your dreams. Because I’m the best—and only—man there is for you. You can’t deny it. You love me. You love your Spider-Man.” He winks and more tears spill from my cheeks. “Tell me you do.”
“I do, Spider-Man, I do! That was so epic!” Tension leaves my body. “Just kiss me already.”
I don’t need to tell him twice. He brings me close and seals his lips over mine.
The doubts I’ve been replaying in my mind, the fear and the uncertainty suddenly mean so little. In those agonizingly slow minutes where I thought I might lose him, it brought everything clear into focus. He loves me. He outright told me that he’s in love with me, and I’m undeniably in love with him.
I’m head over heels for my own Peter Parker.
He’s not just better, he’s a bit scarier too. And grumpier.
And the best thing that ever happened to me.
Who would have thought? Sean Peter Blackwood. My next-door neighbor. My Mr. Grumpy King. My kissing friendly fake fiancé. My forbidden Mr. CEO. He’s my superhero, willing to swoop in and risk everything, only to make me happy. He literally stepped out on a ledge for me, without a second thought, and showed me how much he cared, how much I can trust him.
Even though it’s still terrifying, even though I’m still scared beyond reason, not only because of what just happened, but because of what’s to come, because of us—I know that being without him would be a million times worse.
That moment of fear was enough to put things in perspective. Drawing back, I try to catch my breath while he continues to pepper my lips with beautiful, tender kisses.
“How are…we going to do…this?” I ask between kisses, my breathing quickening.
“Every way we can.” He nods, rumbling against my lips. “But probably me on top first.”
I draw back. “No. Not that. I mean, this relationship. Working together.”
Grinning, he says, “I know. We’ll figure it out, baby. Who gives a fuck? Right now, there’s something more important on my mind.”
Those strong arms of his sweep me off my feet in a hurry, and he rushes me to the bedroom. It’s like we have no more time to waste. Eagerly, I slide a hand in his hair and kiss him, reveling in the firm press of his lips. The lips I thought I wouldn’t ever get to feel again.
There are still questions that need answering, “logistics” that need to be discussed. But we can do that later. We don’t need to have all the answers right now.
Right now, all we need is each other.
In the bedroom, he lays me on the bed, his fingers deftly moving down the buttons of my blouse as he quickly undoes them. I reach to do the same to him, giving his shirt far less care than he gave mine. I yank and pull until the buttons come free, one of which flies off. Suddenly, there are far too many layers between us. I need to feel his skin. I need his heat to touch me, fill me, remind me that what’s happening is real.
His mouth finds all the right places, nipping and sucking at my neck as his hands work my pants down over my hips.
“Goddamn pants. From now on, only skirts.”
“Well…you’re not my boss anymore, you can’t tell me what to do,” I tease, breaking off into a moan when his teeth graze my throat.
“I’m the boss, here, and everywhere else.” His hand slips into my panties and I forget everything I’ve ever learned when his fingers brush over my clit. “That clear, baby?”
“Clear,” I totally agree.
We tear at the rest of the clothing that separates us, throwing things left and right. The moment he slides my damp panties down my legs with his teeth, I squirm. I’ve never felt such urgency before, and I know in my heart, it’s always going to be like this. I’m always going to want him, and he’s always going to look at me like I’m the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen.
His eyes bore into mine. “Spread your legs.”
He doesn’t even finish his line before I do so instinctively. “K.”
When his naked skin finally touches mine, I shudder beneath him. One of his arms slips around my waist, and he lifts me just high enough to line himself up. His cock is long, impatient, ragingly angry.
Finally, finally he thrusts into me.
Gasping in pleasure, my hands grip his shoulders, and I moan his name. “Sean…”
“I missed fucking you, baby,” he growls, thrusting.
“Sean…Sean…Sean…”
My mind is stuck on a loop with the same word, unable to access anything else from my vocabulary.
Each thrust inside me sends waves of pleasure into my body.
Our movements are rough and uncontrolled, both of us too eager and overwhelmed to take things slow. I can’t believe I was going to give him up. I can’t believe I was going to run. I’d been so wrapped up in my past that I almost let this amazing man get away. How could I have doubted that he really cared about me? How could I have doubted myself?
“Jess, baby,” Sean rumbles, panting, his hot breath ghosting across my ear. “You’re mine. Forever.”
“I know, Sean.”
Buried to the hilt, he grinds into me, not withdrawing for even a fraction of a second, like he can’t bear to have any kind of space between us.
It’s hours later when we finish, sweaty and panting. Even then, his arms are still around me, holding me close even when he rolls onto his back. I’m sprawled across his chest, gasping for breath while he pushes my hair out of my face. My mouth finds his in a sweet kiss, and as he draws me in, he wraps me up in the warmest embrace.
“I love you,” I say, the rest of my anxiety melting away. “I love you so much, Sean.”
“I know, baby. I can tell.”
He’s so smug.
I look up at him.
His eyes find mine, and he laughs. “I love you too, baby.” He softly places my head back onto his chest. “I love you. You better believe it, I love you.”
I smile.
“Hear that?” he rumbles.
Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
I nod, yes.
“This heart beats just for you. Furiously. Passionately. Unconditionally.” He strokes my cheek. “There’s no getting away. As long as this heart beats, I will continue to love you. “
“For the rest of our lives?”
“No. For fucking eternity.”