11. Emmanuel Scrooge
EMMANUEL SCROOGE
K andi
“Hey, I didn’t expect you guys would make it,” Frances greeted.
“We almost didn’t, Ma. But Libby insisted we couldn’t miss it, so we all put on our snow boots and hoofed it,” a tall, dark-skinned man with dreads confessed.
He stepped into the house, followed by a short, dark-skinned woman with dreads and two boys who looked just like the man but with a smile that belonged to the woman.
They weren’t alone. There was another woman and a man who stepped inside after them.
The woman looked exactly like Frances’s doppelganger, and the man was a mixture of Frances and Uncle JR. I had seen pictures of both men and the second woman throughout the home, so I knew it was their children.
We had been able to see them long before they saw us. When they spotted us, there was a look of confusion on their faces and then disbelief.
“Emmanuel!” the tall, first man exclaimed as a large smile came upon his lips.
Kayn nodded almost absently, and I could feel the tension emanating from him. I wondered about his relationship with the man. But the man didn’t seem to notice or either he chose to ignore it.
“Boy, get yo’ big ass up. It’s been too many years,” he stated, opening his arms and cupping one hand, preparing to give dap.
Kayn stood, and the two men embraced. Kayn appeared to be stiff, but the first man wouldn’t let go until Kayn relaxed. Then the second woman declared, “Hey, let me get in on this loving too.”
Kayn bent down to hug her because she was much shorter than him. She kissed his cheek and then stared at him for several long seconds as her eyes teared up.
“You doing too much, My,” Kayn stated.
“Am I? Or maybe I just miss my cousin who I thought I’d never see again.”
Kayn shook his head, and the taller man chuckled.
The second man stood back shyly while the first two gave hugs, and then Kayn looked at him and spoke. “Chauncey, what’s good, bruh?”
Slowly, the second man smiled and dapped Kayn up, but they didn’t hug like Kayn and Byron had. I wondered about that.
After the greetings were exchanged, everyone remembered they weren’t alone.
Kayn turned to me, and the robotic movements of before seemed to disappear.
He became more relaxed the longer he stared at me, and I was glad that my presence seemed to bring him some measure of comfort.
He smiled at me before he made introductions.
“Baby . . .” That word sent a thrill through me because while I knew we were playing a role, it felt so natural when he said it, as though he meant it. It also brought back the memories of our two near kisses.
I stood, and he wrapped an arm around me. “These are my cousins, Byron, Myra, and Chauncey,” he introduced in the order they walked through the door. “Y’all, this is my . . . my wife, Kandi.”
“Wife? Dude! You didn’t tell anybody. You went out and caught you a good thang,” Byron declared with a chuckle while Chauncey stared on in disbelief, and Myra looked happy for Kayn.
“Yeah, she locked a real G down,” he stated softly, squeezing me to his side. He stared into my eyes as he spoke those words, and I knew that even after we resumed our normal roles, I would never forget this moment and how it made me feel.
“Well, this is my wife, Olivia, whom we call Libby, and our boys, Cayden and Camden, the twins,” Byron introduced.
We all exchanged pleasantries for a moment and made small talk before Frances and JR left to bring in snacks and drinks. They called their grandsons in to help them before they returned several minutes later.
Everyone talked and laughed and told stories about what had been happening in their lives in Kayn’s absence.
He was quiet and reserved, watching the action but not getting in on it.
Even when Frances turned on Christmas music and passed alcoholic drinks to the adults and non-spiked eggnog to the children, Kayn remained aloof.
I reached out and squeezed his hand at one point, encouraging him to speak up, but he just maintained that air that he always did at the office, observant and distant. I sighed and eventually accepted JR and then Chauncey’s invitation to dance.
Each time that I caught a glimpse of Kayn, he looked as if he would rather be anywhere else than where we were.
Even when Myra tried pulling him into a conversation, he seemed only to answer what was necessary and nothing more.
I also noticed that I wasn’t the only one observing him closely, but so were his aunt and his cousin, Byron.
Yet, they also didn’t push him one way or another but allowed him the comfort of moving the way he wanted to.
I finally relaxed when I saw him engaged with the children in a conversation about whether Santa Claus was real or not. He tried convincing the eight-year-old twins that Santa did exist. Camden believed in Santa, while Cayden clearly did not.
Probably the sweetest part of the evening was when he removed his wallet and gave both boys a fifty-dollar bill.
I realized that the staff at work had it all wrong.
Emmanuel Kayn was not Scrooge after all.
He was a big-hearted man who had gaping wounds that simply needed to be healed and loved away.
It was late before we returned upstairs for the evening, and I was definitely tired but intrigued.
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked Kayn when I came out of the bathroom, freshly showered and dressed in my nightgown.
His eyes slowly roamed over me as he took me in from head to toe. Kayn stuffed his hands into his pockets and continued to stare at me.
“Kayn,” I repeated.
“Yeah. I’m good,” he replied, his voice thick with emotion.
“I’m taking it that you weren’t very close with your cousins. Things seemed tense and strained down there for a while.”
I climbed into the bed and pulled the covers up to my stomach. He took a seat on the edge of the bed, and I rested my back against the headboard.
“Well, let’s just say that when things got tense between Uncle JR and me all those years ago, they felt the need to stick up for their father.”
“Do you blame them?”
“Can’t say that I blame them, but I can say that they made their choices, and I made mine. We’re grown men, and we know we gotta live with our choices.”
“Or maybe you can forgive, heal, and move on.”
He shook his head. “You know, I try to understand you and see things from your perspective, but life ain’t always as simple as you make it.”
“I understand that, but I also try not to make it harder than it has to be too.”
He sighed and dragged his hands over his head and down his face. I threw the covers back off my legs and moved to sit beside him. Rubbing small circles over his back, I attempted to comfort him, but I ended up only stirring up something else between us.
He slowly lifted his head and turned it so that our gazes met. Kayn’s gaze dropped to my lips, and mine dropped to his. The silence of the room was powerful and overwhelming, with only our breathing bringing any interruption into the intensity of the silence and the heated moment.
“What are you doing to me, girl?”
“I don’t know,” I replied and cleared my throat because my voice was cracking. “What am I doing to you?”
He shook his head and turned away from me again. “You’ve got me thinking and feeling things that I shouldn’t be thinking and feeling.”
“Did you say that I made you feel? That can’t be a bad thing now, can it?”
“I don’t have time for feelings in my life, Kandi. I’ve set everything up the way that it should be. That’s how shit flows smoothly, and that’s how I maintain control of my life.”
“Or maybe that is how you stay locked in. You’re so guarded, Kayn, that you don’t let anyone in, including those who love you.
I see how desperately your aunt and uncle want to break through those walls, but you won’t give them an inch.
And then there’s Byron and Myra, who don’t seem to care about your walls, and poor Chauncey doesn’t even know how to deal with you. ”
He shrugged.
“You’re not truly that callous, I know.”
“It’s easier this way, Kandi. Trust me. I’ve been through enough in my life that I know what I need to do to protect myself.”
“And what about protecting those who love you from all that anger and animosity you hold within?”
“If they stay away, they won’t get burned,” he stated sourly and stood from the bed.
“Where are you going?” I asked as he headed for the door.
“Out.”
He closed the door firmly behind him as though shutting the door on any conversation that led to discussing his emotions. My heart broke for him.