Chapter 41
Xander
Talking to Reina felt like a lesson.
Or the universe’s way of shoving me in the right direction.
She was still the kind, free-spirited woman I’d known years ago. Seeing her again confirmed what I felt that night I ended
up spending with Penelope. And it almost felt like fate she was here, pushing me to tell Penelope what I’d known for months,
filling me with a hope that it would end differently than it had with Reina. Penelope was conflicted between Manhattan and
Singapore, but if she felt even a fraction of what I did, she’d stay. We’d figure something out.
Reina explained how she ended up at this party. She was one of the volunteers asked to come and mingle since she’d be talking
to donors. “Well, I’ll think twice before I volunteer for the next Amherst Media Initiative,” she joked, though her eyes held
a hint of concern.
Our relationship was a lesson I needed to learn. One that I was learning sort of late, but better late than never. There were
people who came into your life to leave it and that was fine because they were never meant to stay. Reina was never meant
to stay.
“You don’t have to do that,” I assured her. I didn’t love the idea of Penelope having to run into her, but seeing her occasionally at an event, or not, didn’t really matter to me. “Manhattan is a big island and there are plenty of parties to go around.”
“Yeah, well.” She shifted her feet. “It’s never really been my scene.”
Outside of the major difference that broke us up, seeing Reina, here in this setting, gave me a clarity about her that got
foggy over the years. We were similar when we met but my life had changed drastically since we first got together—back when
I was twenty-three.
We grew in opposite directions, to a point where she felt unrecognizable now. I’d spent so long focused on holding on to her,
or the idea of her, I never stopped to see that there was nothing left to even hold on to. Based on the look on her face,
she felt the same.
I shrugged. “I don’t mind it. I sort of enjoy the parties.”
From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Penelope.
The yellow silk sparkled in the night. A thin collar held the delicate fabric around her neck and the rest flowed down along
her chest, leaving her back bare.
I knew I was staring and that it was probably incredibly rude, but I couldn’t make myself care. Talking to Reina felt like
talking to anyone else, while being anywhere near Penelope felt like being pulled closer and closer to the sun.
My chest warmed when Penelope’s eyes finally met mine.
“It was nice to see you,” I said to Reina, unable to look away from Penelope.
I could faintly hear her say something, but it was completely drowned out by my own heartbeat. My legs moved to Penelope without
instruction and, before I knew it, I was beside her. Exactly where I belonged.
Her teeth ran over her lower lip. She turned her ring around her finger.
Her ring.
My heart dipped. It was hers.
I loved watching her turn it when she was thinking, or nervous. I loved seeing it sparkle on her finger when it caught the
light. I loved knowing that where she was, a piece of me was with her.
“Poppy,” I said slowly, drawing closer.
A smile tempted the corners of her mouth. “Is the theme of this party The Night of Girlfriends Past?”
“Poppy...” I teased. “You’re not jealous are you?”
She shook her head. “Of course not.”
She had no reason to be. Whether it was in the glaringly bright lights of Manhattan or under a blanket of stars in the desert,
she was all I could see.
“Good.” I ran my hands over her hips and pulled her close.
My fingers dragged leisurely down her spine, stopping at the hem along the small of her back.
“Xander.” She ran her fingers through my hair. “Why do you have my poppies?”
I was wondering if she’d bring them up again. I wasn’t hiding them but at the same time I was advertising that I desperately
held on to the tiny pieces of her I was allowed to have.
“A piece of you was better than nothing,” I confessed.
But now a piece wasn’t enough. I wanted all of her because she already had all of me.
Her breath caught and her hands slid down to rest on my chest. “And that night, the masquerade. You were going to tell me
something.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Why?” she pressed gently, quietly.
“It’s not true anymore,” I whispered against her lips before laying a light kiss on them. I pulled back so I could look into
her eyes. “I was going to tell you that I didn’t want you to leave because I wasn’t ready to let you go.”
At the time, the only thing I knew was that I didn’t want to lose her.
“That’s changed?” Her throat bobbed with a hard swallow. She looked at the floor.
“Yeah.” I leaned my head against hers, catching her eyes again. Despite the tremble that ran through my muscles, I was never
surer about what I needed to tell her. A truth I’d known for a while. One I wasn’t going to trip or stumble over. When I said
it, I needed her to hear the resolute clarity because there wasn’t a single doubt in my mind. “Now I don’t want you to go
because I’m madly in love with you.”
I pulled back and cradled her face in my hands.
This feeling. One that was fused to my bones and every part of my being. This was love. Real love. The type you couldn’t let
yourself lose, the type you hung on to—desperately if you had to—because nothing could compare to this feeling.
And nothing could heal losing it.
“I’m thankful I can’t forget things because every smile, every laugh, every time you call me darling , they play in my head, filling the time before I see you again. It could be a day or twenty minutes but, fuck, Poppy, it’s
too long.”
My voice trembled with emotion. My thumbs stroked away the stray tears that streaked down her cheek as a quiet tremor moved
through her.
I kissed her once, unable to resist.
“Every piece of my heart belongs to you.”
It might have been riddled with cracks and haphazardly stitched back together. But it was hers.
“Xander, darling.” Her voice quivered with a shaky breath. “I love you, too.”
A feeling I couldn’t figure out washed over me. It was like coming up for air and finally being able to breathe, filling me with a hope that I’d avoided for years. One that told me I wasn’t going to lose her.
Forgetting that we were in the middle of a society event, I pulled her into a kiss.
With a soft moan, she deepened it; her hands slid up my chest and laced around the back of my neck.
“Poppy...” I whispered into the tangled mess of our heavy breaths.
I could feel her body brace as another sob attempted to break through when I pulled away. “Take me home.”