34. Zero
34
ZERO
T here was something about holding Diesel’s hand in the tunnel of love that set off a warm feeling in Zero’s belly. It had been a long time since he had that feeling, that need to be close to someone, hold them and care for them, even if the person kept pushing him away.
He got it. He understood that Diesel had some major trust issues. He didn’t know much about Diesel’s history, but given that Diesel always met kindness with deep suspicion, he knew that the wounds ran deep.
But there was also a hint of gentleness buried deep within that facade of rudeness and selfishness. Every so often, he would get a glimpse of it.
Take the sandwich as an example. Diesel played it off as no big deal, as a simple gesture with no clear thought attached to it. But in actuality, the act was a glimpse into the man he kept hidden and safe behind a wall of indifference and mistrust. Just like Bruno, the barrier was meant to protect him. Keep his feelings and emotions away from those who might harm him.
The fact that Diesel listened, remembered that tuna and cucumber sandwiches were Zero’s favorite, and then consciously decided to pick him up one just in case he was hungry, spoke volumes.
Yes, Diesel might act like a prick to the rest of the world, but like Jared said, it was only a way to protect himself.
Jared was right when he said that people had to earn Diesel’s trust. He wasn’t a man who let people in blindly. One had to prove their worth before he opened that door to them.
Zero hoped that, with time, he would earn that trust and confidence.
“Shall we?” Zero asked, nodding to the Ferris wheel turning behind him.
The sun had set hours ago. The fair was now ablaze with all the bright colors and lights that brought smiles to people’s faces.
Behind him, the Ferris wheel danced, calling to all those who were brave enough to take a spin and lose themselves in the magic of the night.
“Sure…” Diesel whispered, staring up at the luminous structure.
There was something in his eyes. An uncertainty that didn’t usually appear on a man normally so sure of himself.
Once they were locked in their seat, a strange look fell across Diesel’s face.
Was he… scared?
Diesel’s knuckles were white as he gripped the bar that sat across their lap.
“You’re not afraid of heights, are you?” Zero finally asked, questioning whether he had unknowingly forced the poor guy to confront one of his worst fears.
“No. I… I’ve just never been on one of these things before,” Diesel chattered between clenched teeth. “How high does it get?”
Zero looked around and up, shrugging his shoulders as he wasn’t sure exactly how high they were off the ground.
“Not really sure. We’re almost at the top, I guess.”
“And then what happens?”
Wow, the poor guy sounded so nervous. He found it hard to believe that Diesel had never been on a Ferris wheel before.
“So when was the last time you were at a fair?” Zero asked, sliding his arm around the uncomfortable guy and pulling his body tight against his. Perhaps the feel of his body against his might help to relax him.
“Actually, I’ve never been,” Diesel whispered. The tension in his body seemed to lessen the longer Zero held him close to his body.
Zero’s head snapped up. “What? You’ve never been to a fair? Not even when you were a young boy?”
“Hey, my mother was poor and an alcoholic, and my stepfather was a mean old bastard who didn’t give two shits about his kids.”
“Oh, so you have siblings?” Zero asked, surprised by this revelation. “I don’t know why I always pictured you as an only child.”
Diesel shrugged his shoulders.
“Yeah, my stepfather had a son a few years younger than me.”
“That must have been cool having a sibling. I’ve always wanted one,” Zero added, placing his other hand on Diesel’s forearm.
“We never really got along.”
“How about you and your mom? Were you two close?”
Zero felt Diesel’s body begin to tense. It was hard to ignore the way his fingers gripped the bar and squeezed.
This wasn’t fear. This was anger.
If the bar had been a throat, the person would be dead by now.
“It’s hard to be close with someone who had you arrested for a crime you didn’t commit.” Diesel’s eyes had darkened, and he stared out in front of them.
“Wait! What?” Zero asked, jerking his body forward so that he could turn to face the tattooed man sitting next to him.
The seat they were in swung forward against his sudden movement.
Zero stared into Diesel’s sullen face.
He was shutting down again.
No, Zero wasn’t going to let that happen. He needed to know. He leaned back and pulled Diesel in against his side once again. He began rubbing circles along the surface of his arm. The smooth touch seemed to calm him.
Slowly, color returned to Diesel’s knuckles.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted that way. Please, tell me. What did your mom do?”
The wind whipped against their skin as the wheel continued on its endless journey.
Shrugging his shoulders, Diesel took a deep breath and then proceeded to explain how his mother had betrayed him, allowing his stepfather to pin the robbery on him, causing him to go to jail for two years. It was during those two years that Diesel was introduced to the wonderful world of cocaine. By the time he got out, he was hooked and angry at the world.
“The day I was released, no one met me at the jail. So instead of heading back to that shit hole, I took the few belongings I had in my possession and hopped a bus to London. I was living on the streets for a year before Matteo found me and saved my life.”
Zero couldn’t believe the shit Diesel’s family put him through. His mouth felt dry, and he never wanted to murder a family so badly before.
He pulled Diesel in against his body and rested his head against his.
“I’m so sorry that you went through all that. If I ever meet your folks, they’ll be breathing through tubes.”
He could almost feel Diesel smile at the threat to his parents’ lives.
“If I ever see them again, they won’t be breathing at all,” Diesel added as well.
Lifting his head, they both locked eyes for what felt like an eternity. Before he knew what he was doing, Zero leaned in, and their lips found each other.
Time fell away as the wheel continued to spin, and their tongues found themselves new homes.