Chapter 18 #2
Xander’s heart sank. It had all been too much for Etta, too soon. He should have eased her into it gently. Not landed Immy and a new baby on her as a fait accompli. He had cocked this up spectacularly and he had no idea how to fix it.
Immy lay in bed waiting for Xander to come in.
Her heart hurt. She had heard everything Etta had said inside the tree and her heart broke for her.
Etta was a scared, confused little girl thanks to what Brook had done.
Although her and Xander’s relationship and impending baby hadn’t helped.
She had nothing but sympathy and compassion for Etta but that didn’t stop the pain Immy was feeling.
She had got carried away with slotting herself into this perfect little family, she had got caught up in a wonderful love story where she would get her happy ever after, married to Xander, raising Etta and their baby together.
Impossibly, she had fallen even more in love with him over the last few days so saying goodbye was going to be utterly heartbreaking, but it had to be done, for Etta and for Xander.
Xander walked in the room looking absolutely exhausted.
Shortly after Etta had declared she wanted nothing to do with Immy, Xander had coaxed her out from under the tree and they’d come home.
He’d briefly chatted with the police, his brothers and Margaret and Tom before sending them all away.
Immy had been waiting for him to send her away as well but that hadn’t happened. Yet.
He’d given Etta a bath and then sat next to her bed, stroking her head until she fell asleep.
He looked emotionally and physically wrung-out.
He undressed and climbed into bed, snuggling up next to Immy with his head on her chest. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.
‘I don’t ever want to go through something like that again. I’ve never been so terrified in all my life,’ Xander said, sliding his hand under her pyjama top and absently stroking her stomach.
‘I know. It was very traumatic for all of us, but mostly you and Etta. She must have been so scared too. Not just of being alone in the dark, but of losing you.’
‘Yeah, I think I might have to look into some therapy for her, to help her deal with these emotions, because clearly I’m doing a terrible job of helping her.’
‘You’re not doing a terrible job. You’re doing the very best you can.
But this is a very hard and unique situation.
Not many five-year-olds have been told by their mum that they were hated.
And then to lose you as a dad in the same conversation is just devastating.
’ She paused. ‘How are you doing with finding out the truth tonight?’
‘Surprisingly, I’m OK. I think because I dealt with the grief of technically losing her as my biological daughter eighteen months ago.
But I made peace with it. She is still my daughter and I knew it didn’t change anything.
I just wish Etta could see it that way.’ He looked up at her. ‘I’m so sorry for what she said.’
Immy ran her hand through his hair. ‘It’s OK.’
‘It’s not, not at all. But you were right when you said it was happening too fast for her. We should have done it more slowly, and now I feel like I’ve cocked everything up and I don’t know how to fix it.’
‘We’ll talk about it tomorrow.’
Xander popped open a few buttons on her pyjama top and kissed across her belly up towards her chest, opening more buttons as he did. ‘I’m trying to balance what I want more than anything with what she wants and someone is going to lose and get hurt.’
He was trying to break up with her or at least pave the way for that discussion. She didn’t want to make it hard for him.
‘It’s OK, I get it.’
He kissed across her breast and she let out a little gasp of need. ‘I think you’ll have to go home tomorrow. Or stay at Alex’s.’
‘I know, I had already decided to do that.’
‘It’s going to break me not having you here.’
Her voice caught. ‘It will break me too. I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I have been this past week, being with you and Etta. I felt like I belonged but I don’t. I got carried away with being part of your family but it’s your family, not mine.’
He crawled up her so they were eye to eye and that was going to make it so much harder. She didn’t want him to see her cry.
‘You belong here. I want you here. And I’m going to do everything I can to fix it.’
She stroked his face. ‘Etta has to be your priority. She needs you now more than I do.’
He frowned and she leaned up to kiss him. He responded instantly, kissing her back hard. His hands stroked over her arms, her body, her shoulders as if he simply had to touch her in some way.
Immy pulled back to look at him. ‘Make love to me and we’ll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.’
He nodded and kissed her again. Her pyjamas and his shorts were discarded very quickly as if he was desperate to touch her.
As the kiss continued, he hooked one of her legs round his hip and then moved his hand between her legs.
She’d dated quite a few men in her life but no one knew how to touch her like Xander did, as if he instinctively knew exactly what she needed.
No one knew how to bring her to the edge so quickly as if her body responded to him and him alone.
Every touch was heaven, his kiss turning passionate and urgent, and she loved that he was clearly enjoying it as much as she was.
She stroked the back of his neck, his shoulders and down his spine but as that feeling tightened she found herself clawing at his back, gasping against his lips, desperate for a release.
He took her higher and higher and then pulled back slightly to watch her soar over the edge as she clung to him as if doing so would never part her from him. If only that was true.
Before she could catch her breath he hooked her other leg round his other hip and with her arms still wrapped tightly round his back, he suddenly shifted, rolling back so he was kneeling on the bed, and she was wrapped around him.
He kissed her and she cupped his face, kissing him hard.
He moved his hands to her hips, shifting her slightly, and in one exquisite move he was inside her.
She pulled back to look at him and she could feel that connection between them that was so much more than sex.
She stroked his face, wanting to tell him that she loved him again but she couldn’t do that, not when tomorrow she had to end things between them.
But then he nodded as if she’d said the words out loud and he understood.
Or maybe even that he felt the same way.
He kissed her and they started moving against each other, perfectly in sync, as if they were made for each other.
He moved his mouth to her throat, grazing her with his teeth, then he kissed below her ear, across her shoulder, before taking her breast in his mouth.
She cried out, something clenching inside of her.
‘Xander.’
He looked up at her with dark eyes.
‘You’re everything to me.’
He frowned. ‘Don’t you know how I feel about you?’
She kissed him because she didn’t want to hear it. It would make tomorrow so much harder if he declared his love for her.
She moved against him faster and that feeling spread throughout her body. She felt his body tighten beneath hers and then they were both soaring. She held him tight, his face pressed against her neck so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes.