Chapter 22 - Samir
“That was adorable!” I announced to everyone in the car, and Cole set off.
Ella blushed, and with a shy smile, asked, “Leally?” I couldn’t take her adorableness, which was only complimented by the felt and sequin costume she had on that swallowed her entire body except for her face.
“Yes, really, Ella. You were fantastic.” I turned to Cole, who nodded in agreement and looked at his daughter through the rearview mirror. “You were the best Christmas tree I’ve ever seen.”
Ella’s cheeks changed to an ever darker red and she dipped her head, as much as her stiff pine-green felt costume allowed.
“I agree. Perfect casting. You played the best Christmas tree I’ve ever seen. How about you, Samir?”
I bit down a chuckle and sang Ella’s praises, unable to help myself laughing at the absurdity of our words.
I didn’t even know why a nativity play had a Christmas tree, or why it required a kid to stand in a corner “playing” it, but it was cute nonetheless.
Especially when Ella kept waving at us and dancing to herself to a tune no one else could hear.
To say I’d been surprised that Cole had invited me to the preschool play was an understatement. I didn’t even know there was a play until yesterday when we hung out after the Grill quietened down and we were no longer needed.
Gosh, what a crazy day yesterday was. I’d never worked in a restaurant before, and after the experience at the Grill, I was glad not to have that kind of job on my résumé.
People were so demanding, so high maintenance, and the rhythms were so fast I got so stressed during the impromptu shift.
But every time Cole came to my aid, to help me clear a table or carry the tray with dirty glasses, or open the door for me to take the empty plates to the kitchen porter, it made everything okay.
I was afraid I was falling for this man fast, and I didn’t know how to stop the momentum of my feelings or of our relationship.
I mean, who could have told me a couple of weeks ago that not only would I be going on my first date with a man but also going on a series of them, some of which included a three-year-old who I was starting to adore as much as her father?
It was wild. These are the kind of things that happened in the fiction books I sold rather than real life. Yet somehow it felt… right. The pace, the time we spent together, the nature of our conversations, the chaste kisses we gave each other when no one was looking.
“I bet you never thought one of our dates would be a nativity play,” Cole said after a moment.
I shook my head and laughed.
“Admittedly not, but that was fun. Different but fun,” I said.
Cole smirked.
“We’re really burning through our dates, aren’t we? I think we’re acing this twelve dates thing.”
“Are we?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Well, yeah. We’ve been on two dinner dates, a kitty rescue, Christmas tree hunting, ice-skating, tree decorating, the shift yesterday—”
“I don’t know if I’d count that as a date.”
Cole chuckled.
“Well, it was unconventional, but I had a great time,” he said. “It felt nice having you there.”
My heart felt tighter in my chest, and a warm fuzzy feeling washed over me.
“I guess we did have a drink after so maybe it does count,” I said.
“What’s that, seven? Eight dates if you count the tree and ice-skating as a double one.”
I leaned back to my seat and looked at him in fake dismay.
“Are you counting down the dates to get rid of me, Mr. Williams?”
Cole pressed his lips together and shook his head.
“No. Of course not,” he said. “But I thought maybe you were looking forward to getting rid of me?”
I grimaced.
“Why would I want that?”
Cole shrugged.
“I don’t know. I’m a lot. I come with baggage.”
I turned to look at Ella in the back. She’d fallen asleep.
“I hope you don’t mean this little bundle of joy.”
“No,” he said. “Yeah. I don’t know. I’m a lot, and I don’t know what I want.”
“You don’t? I haven’t gotten that impression,” I said.
“Oh, really?” His eyes went wide. “Th-that’s good then.”
He went quiet, but that didn’t mean I stopped looking at him.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” He shook his head. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I won’t be offended. I mean, we’re dating. I know it’s unconventional, but if we’re not honest at this stage of our… this, then that’s not a great sign for what comes… next.”
And here I was trying to make it better, and I was pretty sure I’d stepped right into something worse.
Despite that, Cole nodded, and after a few more moments, he spoke.
“You’re right. I know you are. I never understood this whole idea of suppressing your feelings and thoughts when you’re dating someone, as if that would somehow make the relationship work better. Isn’t… isn’t the whole point to get to know the actual person and not the sanitized version?”
“Exactly,” I said, and I put a hand to his knee as reassurance, but Cole stiffened a little, and next thing I knew, he was pulling over.
I opened my mouth to apologize, but he turned to me and placed his hand on top of mine on my own lap.
“I… I’ve been doing that,” he said. “Suppressing, I mean. I… You’re the first person I dated since… since Sandra passed away and…”
“It’s hard. I understand.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I mean, yes. I thought it would be hard. I thought it’d be flipping impossible. But you’ve made it… easy. So easy that when I’m with you I forget. I forget I was ever in grief. You make me feel hope again, and that’s scary.”
My heart pounded in my chest the more he spoke until I was sure it was going to burst out of chest. But his gaze never wavered and neither did his touch that caused a wave of goosebumps to course through my body.
I didn’t move. I didn’t breathe. I didn’t blink for fear of breaking this almost holy moment between us. But I had to. At some point, I had to know more.
“What’s scary about that?”
Cole bit his lip and gulped before he spoke.
“Everything. How easy you make it. How easy I’m finding it.
I thought I’d never be happy again, let alone move on from Sandra’s death, and you not only make it as easy as breathing but you make me hope again.
You make me think that maybe… maybe we could be more than this.
That’s terrifying, and even so, I’m far too intrigued, far too invested to put an end to this. ”
I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t find the words. How could when he encapsulated how I felt so much that it was as if I were hearing my thoughts aloud?
Yeah, maybe I’d never lived in grief before, maybe I’d never loved someone like he had Sandra, but I knew what it was like thinking your whole life was pre-written, predetermined by the events that shaped your life.
“I’m scared too,” I said. “I’ve never even dated, never even… been with a man, and I was so petrified of it for the longest time, but you…”
“I… what?” he whispered.
“You… you make it feel easy too. You make me feel like I’ve known you for a lifetime. I mean, granted, I don’t know how old you were when you had your first kiss, or your middle name, or your favorite color—”
“First kiss at twelve with Enzo because we were both desperate to find out what it was like, my middle name is Jackson, and my favorite color is turquoise,” he said in what felt like one breath.
He’d gotten so close to my face, I could breathe in the air he exhaled. He was so close, I could see the marbled effect of his beautiful gray eyes caused by all the neurons and veins and… whatever the hell eyes were made of. He was so close, I could almost taste his lips.
And that was exactly what I did. I closed the gap between, brought our mouths together, and got completely and utterly intoxicated in his flavor.
This… this was what I wanted out of life.
This was how I wanted to spend the rest of my days.
Family outings, random kisses of passion just because we couldn’t contain our love anymore, simple cozy moments that looked like they weren’t much more than everyday life but were moments that we treasured because we cherished each other and what we had.
Someone behind us honked.
I was still buzzed, edging on tipsy, when Cole pulled away and turned to look at the car behind us.
He drove off moments later, but every opportunity he got, he snuck glances at me, smiling. His eyes were telling everything his lips weren’t.
“Should I pick up lunch on the way home?” he asked as we approached Carson’s Grill when his phone went off.
He grimaced.
“It’s work,” he said and tapped a button on his steering wheel.
“Williams, this is Kayla from Dispatch. We have a major incident and require immediate back-up. Please confirm.”
Kayla’s tone was sharp, short, and professional, and judging from Cole’s reaction, it was unusual.
“I…” He turned to me. “I’ve got Ella—”
I put my hand on his, and he turned to me.
“Go. I can watch Ella, if you trust me.”
Cole opened his mouth and closed it, glanced at the speaker then nodded.
“Of course I do, but… are you sure?”
“Definitely,” I said. “He’ll be right in,” I added, raising my voice so Kayla knew I was talking to her.
“Confirmed,” Kayla replied and the call dropped.
“Th-thank you,” Cole whispered, and just as I was about to tell him once again that it was okay, he drew a deep breath and stepped on the gas.
He dropped us off at his home, handed me his house keys, and told me to text Enzo or Carson if I needed anything. Then he disappeared into the distance, leaving me with a young, sleepy girl to take care of.
I could do it. I knew I could do it. It was my chance to prove to both me and Cole that I was more than just a date. That he could rely on me for things.
That I could be a partner.
A part of their family.