Chapter 15 #2
He held the back of her head so their cheeks were touching. For so long he held her, swaying with her while she breathed in the same freezing air as him. When he finally released her, he looked deep into her eyes and smiled. “It’s not snowing.”
Tears filled Sadie’s eyes and spilled onto her sweatshirt. She couldn’t stop smiling. This time she put her hands on his face,
and they came together in the sweetest kiss. He was here—her soldier was home. “Are you okay?”
He never looked away from her. “I’ve never been better.”
She giggled and turned back to her mom. “Did you know about this?”
Her mother shook her head. “I had a feeling.”
Sadie nodded. Of course her mother had a feeling. This was something her dad had done when he was given a last-minute trip
home. More than once he had shown up on this very porch surprising the two of them.
Her mother walked up and hugged Hudson. She was half laughing, half crying. “Hudson Rogers. Have you been home to see your
mama?”
“Yes, ma’am. I stopped there first.”
“Good boy.” Her mother patted Hudson on the back and led the way inside. “We made cookies! Sadie used the heart shape.” Her
mom grinned back at Hudson and Sadie. “I’m thinking she did that for you, Hudson.”
They all laughed and Sadie hadn’t been happier since she’d been home. She loved this. Things with her mom finally felt normal.
And Hudson was no longer looking at her through a computer screen. He was here and whole and home for Christmas.
What more could she want?
Over coffee and cookies, the three of them caught up, and Vanessa told Hudson about the antique dealer who had almost certainly located her Christmas ring. They celebrated the fact, and then Hudson asked about the military dance. “Is everything all set?”
“Close.” Vanessa sighed. “My friends are helping this morning, and Sadie and I were going to head over to finish the baskets.”
“Why don’t we take care of that?” Hudson looked at Sadie. “I’d love to help.”
Vanessa smiled at the young man. He’d been wired to help others since he was a young boy when he spent half the day looking
for Sadie’s missing kitten. “Hudson, you just got home. I think you’re good to take a chair and watch.”
“Nah.” He chuckled. “I’m fine.”
After a few more cookies, Hudson and Sadie headed out to the Veterans’ Hall. Vanessa promised to follow soon. But first there
was something she had to do. When the house was quiet again, she went to the living room, sat on the floor, and pulled her
memory box close once more.
She looked at her left hand, at the wedding ring she’d worn since Alan placed it on her finger twenty-two years ago. “I said
till death do us part,” she whispered. Tears formed in her eyes. She didn’t try to stop them. “But even then, I didn’t want
to take off the ring you gave me.” She sniffed. “I wanted to wear it forever.”
Like they’d done so many times before, memories of that terrible day flashed in her mind again.
She’d been putting away a bag of groceries, humming a country song by Hillary Scott—“Thy Will”—when there was a knock on the door.
Sadie was at school. Cheer practice. And Vanessa hadn’t been expecting anyone.
She could still see herself. A spring in her step as she opened the door. And there they stood. Two uniformed soldiers. One
of them held a piece of paper. “Mrs. Mayfield.” He stepped forward. “I’m so sorry.”
It was hard to remember exactly what happened after that. The soldiers came inside, and she fell into the arms of one of them.
Not her Alan. Not the medic, the one who had always helped everyone else. In a secret place of Vanessa’s heart, she had always
assumed God would give Alan a pass when he was in battle.
Because he was the one helping the other soldiers live. So certainly God wouldn’t take Alan. Never Alan.
The soldiers stayed until Sadie got home. Her daughter took a moment to grasp the news, and then . . . her wailing and sobbing
began. Vanessa could still hear the way Sadie yelled for her daddy. The horror of it all had stayed with Vanessa every day
since.
Time would move them on to new chapters, but it would never erase the way it had felt to lose Alan. To acknowledge that there
had been no sweeping goodbye, no final hug or date or last laugh together. No chance to hold him close in his final moments
and tell him no one would ever love him more. No assuring him that Jesus was with him.
He was gone. His body would be returned to them days later, and he was buried in the uniform he loved.
Vanessa lifted her eyes to the window and looked beyond it. Another Scripture came to her. Psalm 121, the first verse. “I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
I can’t do this without You, Lord. She ignored the streams of tears forging paths on either side of her face. Even if she never talked to Ben again, it was
time to move on from the past. Time to acknowledge the reality she’d been living since losing Alan. They were no longer married.
Her time with him had come like a very rare gift, and it had ended too soon.
Sadie was right. Alan would want her to take this next step. She sighed and very gently slid her wedding ring from her finger.
The black velvet box it came in was still in the cardboard container of heartfelt mementos. Vanessa found it in the mix and
opened it.
Then she did what she never imagined doing. She set her wedding ring inside, studied it once more, and closed the lid. She
set the ring at the bottom of the box and set it back in the cupboard beneath the television.
A myriad of feelings came over her as she looked at her bare left hand. The deepest sorrow and the greatest certainty. But
she felt something else, too. Something she hadn’t thought she’d feel. After four years of missing Alan and longing for him,
she felt free.
And now, regardless of what Ben chose to do today, Vanessa Mayfield was doing the one thing she definitely wanted to do. She
was going to call Ben and see if he was okay. Then she was going to the Columbus Cares Military Dance.
With Ben or without him.