Prologue #2
‘He is such a hateful, disdainful, haughty and arrogant man! How he revels in hurting others.’ “His misfortunes are at your hand,” cried Elizabeth with energy, “by your cruel and capricious actions, you have reduced him to his present state of poverty. You have withheld the advantages which you know to have been designed for him by your own father, his godfather, no less. He has been deprived of the best years of his life, of that independence which was his due by your own father’s wishes.
You have done all this, yet you revel in the mention of his misfortunes with contempt and ridicule.
” She hurled her words at him, anger making her cheeks a beautifully heightened shade, as all deep emotions do.
Darcy ached to take her in his arms and unleash his passion which he was desperate to share with her.
When he refocused on her eyes, it was as if he was doused with ice water.
She hated him? How can this be? The playful banter, the way she casually informed him of her daily walks.
It hit him; she had not been encouraging him.
She had been warning him. In that new light, her telling him made too much sense and he was as angry with himself as he was with her.
“And this,” he seemed to want to intimidate her as he walked with quick steps across the room, “is your opinion of me! This is the estimation in which you hold me! I thank you for explaining it so fully. My faults, according to this calculation, are heavy indeed! But perhaps,” he added, stopping mid step and staring at her from a mere foot away seeing that she was in no way cowed by him, “these offences might have been overlooked had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design of attaching myself to you. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I concealed my struggles and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination, by reason, by reflection, by everything. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections? To congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?” he demanded.
Darcy did not seem to understand that every attempt to intimidate Elizabeth Bennet made her courage rise!
Elizabeth railed inwardly as she felt herself growing ever angrier, yet she made every attempt to reply with composure.
“You are mistaken, Mr Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration to one who is not tolerable enough to tempt you affected me in any other way than as in sparing me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.” She saw him start at this but he said nothing.
“You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it. Do you think that I would ever accept one who behaves toward others as you do?”
His astonishment was obvious, and he looked at her with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification.
“From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners impressed me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others. To insult a lady whom you had never met, who had never done anything to earn your disapprobation in such a callous manner. That and your behaviour to all of my friends and neighbours that night was such as to form the ground-work of my deep and abiding disapprobation. All further instances and events have built so immoveable a dislike; I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed upon to marry.” She replied with righteous indignation.
‘She does hate me! How did I misread the situation so badly? I was certain I understood the situation, but maybe her sister…NO! It cannot be so!’ He disregarded her assertions.
“You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness.”
And with these words, he hastily left the room.
Elizabeth heard him the next moment open the front door and quit the house.
‘I would venture that no one has ever called him to account for his reprehensible behaviour before. Maybe I should have controlled my temper, but the gall of that man! To think that I would ever accept one such as he? I would sooner have married Collins than him!’ With these last vengeful thoughts, Lizzy took herself to bed.
She had no desire to see the Hunsford party when they returned from Rosings Park.
Darcy walked back to Rosings Park but not really seeing where he was going.
He was in shock, trying to process the accusations and words that she had hurled at him.
‘How could a country miss so far below me in consequence dare to treat me thusly? I am Fitzwilliam Alexander George Darcy of Pemberley! Am I to be dismissed in this callous way when she is so wrong in her accusations? I must defend myself; I will explain my reasons and at least she will know she was wrong in her assumptions and likely regret her response this day. I will write her a letter and put it in her hands on the morrow when she walks in the morning.’ His course of action determined; Darcy paid more attention to his hurt than what she had said.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
The next morning Elizabeth rose with the sun and escaped the parsonage as fast as her feet could carry her.
Charlotte Collins had knocked on her door upon their return from Rosings Park last night to enquire after her health, but Lizzy had feigned being asleep.
She had no desire to talk to anyone, so she slipped out long before any of the household stirred from their warm beds.
As she closed the gate behind her, she prayed that she would not see him this morning.
Much to her dismay, her prayer was not to be answered.
As she entered the grove, she saw him standing there leaning on a tree with one hand.
She started to retreat but he must have heard her, for he hailed her as he approached.
She stopped walking. As much as she had no desire to see or talk to the man, she would not abandon all of her upbringing and ignore him despite his evident disregard of his lessons on being a gentleman.
“Good morning, Miss Bennet.” Darcy bowed curtly. “Will you do me the great honour of reading this letter?” With that, he thrust a missive into her hand.
Her first inclination was to refuse to read his missive and tear it up into thousands of little pieces before him, then she had a thought as her inquisitive nature got the best of her.
“I will read your letter, sir, on one condition. I have a request of you in return. Meet me back at this place in three hours. It will give me time to read your letter a number of times and absorb it. This way if I have any questions, you may hear them, and then it will be up to you whether you answer them or not. And in fairness, as you have likely asked me to see your side in this missive, I demand that you hear mine if I am not yet persuaded you are correct.” She challenged, his answer determining if she would actually accept the letter.
As a preface to a sensible discussion, it could be considered less improper.
Did not Generals and those that studied histories read missives of their adversaries and allies to determine a proper course forward?
He nodded his agreement. Thinking to be done with her, he had planned a departure that morning, but as he had agreed, his honour dictated that he must return in three hours, no matter how painful it was to look upon one that he now knew he could never have.
He offered a slightly deeper incline of his head then turned and strode at speed back toward Rosings Park.
She sat on a rock out of sight of roads and crossings, removed her bonnet, then broke the seal on the letter and opened it.
Miss Elizabeth Bennet,
Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter …
To her dismay, and at first disbelief, the letter laid out his reasons for his actions in separating her beloved Jane and Bingley, his dealings with Wickham and assertions that made her feel sick to the stomach if true, but they could not be, could they?
He explained that he never meant to slight her, just get Bingley to leave him alone.
He claimed to have documents signed by Wickham and over three thousand pounds in debts that the man had left around the country!
She was ready to tear up the letter and reject it out of hand.
However, when she read the closing, and that stayed her, and made her reconsider her actions.
… If your abhorrence of me should make my assertions valueless, you cannot be prevented by the same cause from confiding in my cousin; and that there may be the possibility of consulting him, I shall endeavour to find some opportunity of putting this letter in your hands in the course of the morning.
I will only add, God bless you.
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Elizabeth’s first inclination had been to allow her anger to overrule her logic and reject all of his claims out of hand, after seeing that he was willing to show her proof, to allow her to ask Colonel Fitzwilliam to verify the events, she forced herself to reread the letter, then read it again many times over, formulating questions she wanted answered and points of clarification she would make when he returned as he had promised he would.
She did not consider the contradiction in her accusations yesterday, that no matter how ungentlemanly she thought of him, no matter how hard it would be for him to face her again, she was sure he would honour her request and return.