Chapter 23
Hanna
With fumbling movements, I open the bag of brioches and place one on the plate. The night was exhausting. Images of Vico kept appearing in my dreams, images that shouldn't even exist.
Images of him whispering tenderly in my ear. Caressing my hand. Cradling the baby in his arms.
The coffee machine hums, and I take a cup from the upper cabinet. I don't even have to open the door because the glass panel is missing. No one replaced it, even though the Olivettas seem to love this estate wholeheartedly. At least everyone except Vico.
The ringing of my phone pierces my ears. It must be Florian. His name indeed appears on the display. Immediately, guilt grips me. "Buongiorno, mio carissimo."
"What?" he asks bewildered.
"I wished you a good morning, my dearest," I explain in German because the feeling nags at me that today I need to put in extra effort to show him my affection.
The creaking of a chair is heard. "Are you okay?" He sounds suspicious.
"Of course." I pour the coffee into the cup and carry it to the oversized wooden table, the center of the kitchen. "And you?"
His response is a grumpy murmur. "Have you received any updates? Are there any cost estimates?"
Yesterday, the first quotes from an electrician and a plumber arrived. "No," I say, even though I don't understand myself why I'm lying to him. "In Italy, these things take a little longer," I add apologetically.
"Then you need to push them, Hanna. We can't wait, you know that." I can tell he's trying to control his voice.
He's not happy with me. I lower my gaze to the worn stone-tiled floor. I could have told him the truth. No, I should have forwarded the quotes to him directly. "I'll do that."
"I know you're doing your best."
Oh God, no, I'm not. Quite the opposite!
My throat tightens, my stomach clenches. I place the brioches back into the bag.
"It's really important that you stay focused," he continues. Thank goodness there are hundreds of miles between us. If he could see my face right now, he would surely realize what a terrible partner I am to him. "Hanna?" he asks with an accusing tone. "Are you daydreaming?"
"Of course not," I reply shrilly, as if he had actually caught me daydreaming.
For a moment, I only hear his strained breathing. He's probably considering whether to press further. "Alright then. Back to the craftsmen. Call them again today and insist that the quotes must be ready by tomorrow."
Even though I know he means well, his tone puts me under pressure. Nervously, I pace back and forth in the kitchen. "Will do."
"And what about the Olivettas? Have you found out anything about them yet?" he asks next.
My gaze falls on the torn curtain, and the window behind it is covered in a thick layer of dust. "I'm working on it," I say because I simply don't know what else to tell him.
I could never reveal to him how much I've come to feel for the sisters. And I definitely can't voice my innermost wish that they would keep the estate. That Vico would stay here, that their fractured family would find peace, and that they would produce the finest olive oil in the region once again.
"Isn't our future important to you anymore?" A wave of disappointment comes through from the other end of the line.
"Of course, it is!" I respond as firmly as I can. Perhaps I've forgotten it at times in the past few days, but that doesn't change the fact that it's true. "We are building the foundation for a wonderful life here." I swallow. "Together."
"Together, we are strong," he says affectionately. "I need you, Hanna. I can't do this without you. You know that, right?"
My heart skips a beat. "You can count on me," I confirm, as the guilt overwhelms me. Immediately, my migraine returns, accompanied by a ringing in my ears. I squint my eyes and massage my temples.
"Thank you," I hear Florian say from the bottom of his heart. "We'll talk again tomorrow."
"Mm-hmm," I mutter, sinking onto one of the rickety wooden chairs. I urgently need my pills because when I face Vico today, I must have a clear head. I can't allow him to unsettle me like he did yesterday. And not just because I can't afford any further distractions from my mission.
***
Suspiciously, I gaze at the zip line that stretches over the entire length of the canyon. "Are you serious?" I ask.
"Sure," Vico replies, shrugging so casually as if it's the most natural thing in the world to race twenty yards above the ground at who-knows-how-many miles per hour between rugged rocks. "It's perfectly safe. And a lot of fun."
I observe the teenagers daring to try the devilish contraption, only protected by orange helmets, as they cheer with joy. They truly seem to be experiencing something they won't forget easily. "I'll note it on the checklist and we'll take some pictures." That should be enough. Unfortunately.
"But how do you expect to promote the zip line to your guests if you don't even know what it feels like yourself?" He raises his eyebrows, urging me on.
Since we left the estate in the morning, I've been trying to keep enough distance between us. It's not easy at all, even though Vico seems reserved today as well. He constantly crosses his arms and steps back, even when our paths don't come anywhere near each other.
"Look, now it's a child's turn," he points with his finger upward. Indeed, I see a girl about ten years old enthusiastically strapping into the safety harness. "Would they allow the kids to do it if it was really dangerous?"
"Probably not," I admit, kneading my fingers.
You're different from them, Hanna, don't forget that , my mother's voice grumbles inside me.
He claps his hands enthusiastically. "Great, then let's do it."
Once again, I look up at the zip line. The girl pushes off from the platform, spreading her arms jubilantly as she descends.
"You can't get hurt, no matter how clumsy you might be otherwise," I hear Vico say. Not for the first time, it's as if he knows what's going on in my head.
Why is he so insistent on doing something adventurous today? He has tried several times before, but I always managed to convince him otherwise. Could he be craving an adrenaline rush?
Maybe it would be kind of nice…
That's not for you. Better safe than sorry, you know that , Mother interferes again.
"We could also go straight to the restaurant; after all, we need to test it too," I say reluctantly. The sooner we get through everything, the sooner I won't have to deal with what his presence does to me. The tingling in my stomach when he smiles and the warmth in my chest when he looks at me.
Suddenly, he takes a step closer to me. "Come on. It'll be unforgettable. I promise."
He's too close for comfort.
Life is meant to be enjoyed , whispers my own inner voice, as if trying to counterbalance my mother's voice.
I nod hesitantly. "Okay."
Before I can change my mind, I walk to the small wooden cabin next to the starting platform. We receive a safety briefing, helmets, and harnesses, and then join the line of people waiting for their turn. Until it's our turn, we barely speak to each other. Vico is frantically tapping on his phone, and I try to distract myself by observing the surroundings. I didn't know there was a canyon in Tuscany. The rocks are as rugged as those back home, though not nearly as high. A turquoise river winds through the valley below us. Even the vegetation here is different from the rest of Tuscany. There are real forests, and I even spot some fir trees.
"Prego, Signora," the young man with hiking pants and a carabiner in his hand calls me over, but I remain rooted to the spot.
Nervousness wells up inside me. Is it really safe? The ground seems miles away, and I'd have to jump from the platform into nothingness.
If the hook comes loose, you'll plummet into the river. Or worse, you'll land on the sharp-edged rocks of the canyon.
As my mother rages in my head, Vico steps beside me. With a penetrating gaze, he nods at me. "We'll jump together," he tells the employee, preparing for the jump as if he does it every day.
"Bene," the Zip line staff member smiles at me. "May I?" he asks politely.
Two women behind me clear their throats loudly.
"And nothing can happen, right?" I ask Vico again just to be sure. Just because he claimed it earlier doesn't necessarily mean it's true. And just because there's no danger to our bodies doesn't mean it's safe for my heart. Especially not when we're jumping together.
Vico nods decisively. "I guarantee it."
My palms become sweaty. The waiting crowd murmurs irritably. Everything is fine. There's nothing I should worry about. I want to give it a try. I want to enjoy it. Beads of sweat form on my forehead, yet I allow the man to secure me. Afterward, Vico stands behind me, and the employee connects our harnesses together.
"Ready?" he whispers in my ear.
I catch my breath. Not just because of what will happen in a moment, but more so because of what is happening right now.
My pulse quickens. "Ready," I confirm, my voice trembling.
"Fall into the harness and start running," the employee instructs, his words blending with the excitement coursing through my entire body. I feel him gently give us a push, and Vico wraps his arms around me tenderly.
I feel the heat. Almost instinctively, my feet start moving on the ground, and then I lose contact with it.
I squint my eyes shut, and Vico cheers so enthusiastically that I can feel the vibration in his chest against my back.
Faster and faster, we zoom through the air. The rushing wind brushes against my skin, tugging at my T-shirt. I dare not look down and grip the rope tightly. Is the rushing sound in my ears from my blood or the air rushing past? I don't know. But what I do know is that pure adrenaline is coursing through my body.
It tingles everywhere. It's in my head, in my toes, and even in my stomach. It overwhelms me. And it feels incredible.
A scream escapes my mouth, followed by another one. Because letting out my emotions like this is so liberating that I no longer care if anyone judges me for it.
Then I open my eyes.
We're flying.
The view of the world below is breathtaking. The turquoise water, the orange-brown rock formations, the lush green trees. I can't get enough of it all, savoring every second, nestling into Vico's arms, wishing the ride would never end. Here, on this zip line, there's nothing else but the two of us and the feeling of being completely myself. Worries, questions, and obligations no longer exist.
For the first time, as far back as I can remember, I have no fear. On the contrary, I feel a deep strength within me.
Anything is possible.
And even though the end of our ride is already in sight, I want to hold on to this clarity. We race toward the terminal, the speed decreases without any effort on my part, until we come to a stop. I sigh and rest my head on Vico's shoulder, looking up at him.
He beams at me.
Unconsciously, I smile back and turn a bit more toward him.
We draw closer, feeling the magical pull between us, outshining any other emotion within me.
Anything is possible.
With a blissful expression, he opens his arms. Before I comprehend what's happening, I've fully turned to him and press myself against him. His scent surrounds me. My heart races, his breath is fast.
"That was… incredible!" I blurt out, unable to keep it to myself. "Thank you for convincing me."
"You're welcome," he pulls me closer and gently strokes my back.
In no time, it feels like I'm flying again. A lightness envelops me.
"I'm incredibly proud that you dared to do it," he whispers in my ear.
"I owe it to you." I take a deep breath of his scent and surrender to the way he clouds my thoughts. He gave me this moment of happiness, despite my initial resistance.
Inevitably, I think of what Camilla told me the day before on the Hollywood swing, that Vico couldn't handle commitments. But the way he holds me right now, everything within me refuses to believe it.
"You are wonderful," I hear myself say. "Why do you pretend to your sisters that relationships mean nothing to you?"
"Because it's better that way." His voice sounds fragile.
My intuition didn't deceive me. "Your family is important to you. And also your home, right?"
He shakes his head slowly. "It used to be that way. But today…"
"Why?" I ask, although with every passing second, I feel the adrenaline in my veins subsiding. I increasingly realize how wrong it is to be in his arms and feel more secure than anywhere else.
His embrace loosens. "Family just isn't for me. I prefer to enjoy life, do what I'm really meant to do."
Do I hear wistfulness in his tone? Or is it rather resistance, as my questions spoil the mood?
"But family is…" I interrupt myself. This is pointless. Imagining that Vico could be fundamentally different is just wishful thinking. I need to stop seeing things that don't exist. Moreover, this leads nowhere. Except to guilt, and I already have more than enough of that.
It was wonderful. For a moment when both our realities seemed far away. But now, it has to be over.
I peel myself away from his embrace, release my harness, and try to put on a determined expression. "Shall we test the restaurant?"
Immediately, he takes a step back, running his hands through his hair. "Yes, definitely," he says hurriedly, turning away.
As soon as he puts distance between us, I breathe a sigh of relief. I must ignore the part of me crazy enough to miss his proximity.
Even if I were unattached. Even if I weren't about to buy the Olivetta family estate and thus permanently destroy his family. And even if Vico wanted a relationship—with a daydreamer like me. Vico and I, that can only end in disaster.