Chapter 24 #6
I leaned my arms on the table and took his hands in mine even though I still felt like strangling him.
But his questions and comments were heartfelt and I wanted to encourage him.
“Tesoro, I don’t question the whys. Whether I’ve never loved before you or I’ve declared love to twenty other guys before you, makes no difference.
Loving someone evolves and either grows over time or diminishes.
Isn’t that why people cite falling out of love with their spouses when they get a divorce?
Even if we stay together now, we can promise each other forever and we’ll mean it at the time.
But ten years down the line, for whatever reason, one of us might want out. It’s the risk we take being together.”
“Why do you think I ran?”
I brought his hands to my mouth and kissed his knuckles. “I think fear got the best of you. A fear that had been building for a week before. I knew you were anxious. I just didn’t realize the extent. You tend to keep your feelings close to your chest.”
Jude gestured for me to look behind me. The server showed two couples to their respective tables. “We should order. Unless you want to leave.”
“No, baby, I think our conversation has been good. Did you want to leave?”
“No, Daddy. I’m glad you forced me to talk.”
I cleared my throat. “You do realize you are piling up the number of disciplinary actions. I didn’t force you, did I?”
“No, you were my Dom acting in my best interest. But really, Daddy,” he said, leaning forward and whispering, “you did give me an ultimatum.”
“To use your safeword. You made the choice to talk, which I know was hard for you, rather than have me call red and leave you. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“I think I’m afraid to answer,” he said.
I pulled a face. “Try.”
He thought for a long while but I sat patiently, which was a fucking miracle by then.
Finally, he said with the first smile I’d seen since we arrived, “I didn’t want you to leave so I overcame my fear.
” For the next words his voice was unsteady and questioning.
“That I don’t want to lose you… that I love you. ”
I saw the server hovering and said to Jude, “Let’s order, baby. We’ve been here a while.” I looked at the menu just to check they offered my go-to entrée at an Italian seafood restaurant. “Perfect.”
“Do you know what you want?”
“Linguini with calamari and mussels al sugo di pomodoro.”
Jude put down his menu. “I’ll have the same as you, Daddy.”
I turned around and motioned to her that we were ready. “Are you ready, gentlemen?”
“Yes, we’re both going to have this one,” I said and pointed to the entrée of our choice. “Please have them cook it al dente.”
“Of course,” she said, picking up the menus and glancing at our wine glasses, which we’d hardly touched.
I lifted my wine glass to Jude. “To the man that will always be my sweetheart, my baby… I love you.”
“Say the last part in Italian, Daddy.”
“Lo sarai sempre il mio tesoro, mio tesoro.”
“Did you use tesoro twice because using the word baby in a romantic sense means the same as sweetheart?”
“Exactly, which finally brings me to my good news.”
“Daddy, we have to drink to your toast to me and I have to say one to you. Then your good news.”
I let out an exaggerated sigh with a tone of drama to it. But for fuck’s sake, I had mind-blowing news that I desperately wanted to share. I kept my cool while Jude raised his glass.
“Daddy, thank you for coming after me. And please don’t get tired of me.
My doubts and fear. In the end, they are no reflection of you.
When I say I love you, Daddy and ask if I say it because you expect it, I can state truthfully that’s not the case.
I love you from my heart. Happy Valentine’s, Daddy. ”
Jude always learned from his screwups, and that’s why I kept going after him. Just like he came after me when I took off after his mother’s tirade. “Ti amo, tesoro.”
Clinking out glasses, I said, “Now you say you love me in Italian.”
Jude was hesitant, then said, “Ti amo, Babbo.”
My face creased into a wide grin. “You remembered that babbo translated into father or in our case, Daddy.”
We drank and our food arrived. When our server left, I said, “Don’t take a bite until I get one sentence out,” even though the pasta with steaming calamari smelled delicious.
Jude sat with his hands folded. “I’m listening, Daddy.”
“We’re going to Italy.”
Jude’s hand flew to his mouth. “Daddy,” he exclaimed. “For real?”
“Yes, for real. I’m so stoked, Jude. I’ve been longing to return.”
“Tell me everything.”
“Mangiare, and we’ll talk.”
I repeated everything that Artemis told me, and my heart expanded a hundredfold with Jude’s first reactions, which proved to me that amid his fears and doubts, he loved me.
“I’m so excited. I can learn the language and be able to speak to you in Italian and I’ll get to see where you come from. How far is Agrigento from Modena?”
“Mm…” I tried to recall from when I traveled the route when I was apprenticed at Maserati. “If I remember correctly, about eight hundred miles. I flew, but if we went, I’d suggest we take a train and you’d really be able to absorb a sense of the landscape as we travel through the unique regions.”
Jude put his fork down and pressed his hands to his flushed face. “I have the chills, Daddy. And all this will happen in six months?”
“Yup,” I said, loving Jude’s enthusiasm.
“My start date is on Monday, September 1. But I’m given a paid week, giving us a few days to move into our new quarters.
And since you won’t be working there, I’d depend on you to get us settled in.
” I stopped short and modified my statement.
“That is, if you’re with me. I don’t want to assume. ”
“Daddy, not for nothing, and I don’t mean for you to think you’re my sugar daddy or anything. But shit, Daddy, you’re offering me a life that… is right out of a fantasy playbook.”
I observed Jude’s expression when I asked, “And if Isabella is with us?” I threw a curve ball at Jude and held my breath waiting for him to answer…