Chapter 5
5
Before I walked back to the house, I decided to cross the road and sit on the beach wall and just take in my new surroundings. Still quite overwhelmed by the fact that this was my new life, I hadn’t noticed that there was a man sitting just a little further up the wall. When he raised his travel mug at me, he caught my eye.
‘Afternoon.’
My first thought was that no one left you alone here. Everyone spoke to you. But I couldn’t complain because back at home I went for days without seeing a soul. It would take some adjusting to, but I needed to embrace it and make as many new contacts as possible along the way. Mum had given me a pep talk before I moved here, saying that every new person you encounter could either be or know just the person that you need to meet.
‘Good afternoon,’ I replied. ‘Lovely day it’s turned out to be.’
‘It has. It’s a funny old place where you get all seasons in one day. Not seen you around Sandpiper Shore before. You here on holiday?’
I had forgotten that in a small place where everyone knew everyone else a stranger in town was probably one of the most interesting things to happen.
‘I’ve just moved here actually. Literally. This morning.’
‘Ah, then you must be the lady that’s moved into Coop’s old house.’
I smiled. Seemed like everyone knew June.
‘That’s right.’
‘Blimey! You’ve got a job and a half on your hands.’
‘I do, but I’ve always loved a challenge,’ I answered.
‘Hope your husband is good with his hands.’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Hope your husband is good at repairing stuff. You are going to need a lot of work doing up there.’
I sighed. People still assumed that if you were a certain age then you were in a couple.
‘Is your wife good at cooking?’ I replied, feeling quite prickly.
‘No. She’s dead.’
‘Oh, Christ! I’m so sorry.’
‘No need. She was a right old cow.’ I smiled and my eyes met the man’s as he winked at me. ‘Sorry, love. Didn’t mean anything by talking about your husband.’
‘Ah, that’s OK. I’m just feeling a little bit oversensitive today. I’m here alone actually.’ I sighed. ‘Just me.’ It had taken me a while to get used to saying that. For nearly twenty-five years, I had been part of a couple, and a family. The structure and dynamics of the family had changed significantly to something I didn’t even recognise and I was still adapting.
‘Gorgeous, isn’t it?’ He nodded to the view. I looked out towards the horizon and took in the cloudless blue sky, the twinkly sea, and the golden sand, and once more, the feeling of peace in my heart suddenly felt quite overwhelming. I turned my face to the sun, feeling the warmth on my face, and sighed loudly.
‘It really is.’
A comfortable silence fell.
‘Do you live here?’ I asked after a while, finding myself intrigued by this friendly stranger.
‘I do. Been here for more years than I wish to count. I was an engineer all my working life. Hated it. But my old dad used to say that if you had a job that you could do for forty-odd years or more, you could eventually retire and live the life you want. When my wife died, I knew I couldn’t face the ten years I had left until my retirement day doing the same thing day after day. And being alone.’
He took a deep breath and stared out to sea. I looked to see what he was looking at but there was nothing there apart from maybe his memories. After the long pause, he continued.
‘I’d always loved nature and, as a boy, used to mess around in the woods. Bloody loved it, I did. I felt an unexplainable pull to do something different and knew that I wanted, or probably needed, to be immersed in nature. So, I did all that I could to come to Cornwall and be by the sea. So I bought a ramshackle old bungalow that my son helped me do up and now I have my own forest next to my house and a view of the sea from my lounge and my bedroom window. What more can a man ask for? If I die tomorrow, I’ll know that I’ve lived my best life.’
That was exactly how I was feeling now. That it was time for me to be doing the same.
The man shuffled over. I wasn’t sure of his age. His craggy weather-beaten face could have put him at a bad sixty or a good eighty. It was hard to tell.
‘Bill Shaffernakker. Nice to meet you.’
An unusual name which I recognised because I’d seen it before on one of the cards that was up in the shop. Not the type of name you forget.
‘Jo. Jo Jenkins. Good to meet you too.’
‘I’m down here most days. Grab myself a coffee from over there.’ He nodded to the café on the corner. ‘Maybe one day you’ll join me.’
‘I might just do that, Bill, thank you.’
‘You’re welcome, m’darlin. And if you need any advice on the house, let me know. My son is an electrician, and knows a lot of people in the trade. He might be a useful contact for you.’
‘Thanks, Bill, I’ll bear that in mind.’
‘Welcome to Sandpiper Shore, I hope you’ll be very happy here.’
I hoped so too.
I didn’t realise what a rabbit hole I could go down when I began to unpack. It was as if every time I opened the lid of a box, memories came floating out and hit me like a ton of bricks. Sitting on the floor and sorting through photographs was probably not the best use of time. Not only was it nostalgic, it wasn’t making me happy and when I had made a decision to move to the seaside, Mum had made me promise that if things didn’t make me happy I wouldn’t do them. I’d only got through two boxes in as many hours, when I knew that I needed to get up and stretch my shoulders and back.
As I stood, stretched, and looked around, I decided to make several separate lists. These days, thoughts popped out of my head as quickly as they popped in so I knew the only way to unclog my brain and remember the important things was to put them on a list. Part of the reason that so many things felt overwhelming, I’d recently realised, was because you hadn’t yet made a decision. Once a decision has been made, that overwhelm goes away. The new Jo Jenkins was going to be much more decisive.
The first thing on my list of things I needed to buy were noticeboards. A very good friend of mine, an incredibly inspirational lady, was a life coach and a master of vision boards. She always said that if you are looking at things regularly, they’re far more likely to happen than if they’re tucked away and only spotted occasionally. It made sense and I thought that it could only help. Now that I lived alone, I could do what I liked without someone constantly asking questions or ridiculing my ideas. She had also told me to look through some magazines and when something caught my eye, cut it out and pin it on the board. Part of the vision board process for some people was to visualise the things that they wanted. I wished now that I’d thought to buy some magazines while at the shop. I added that to the list of things to do.
The little resort of Sandpiper Shore didn’t have many big shops, and the nearest town was about a fifteen-minute drive away; there was still time to get there before the bigger shops shut. There was a large supermarket there near a small retail park, which I was sure I would come back to when I needed to do a big shop. The car park was busy, but it didn’t take me long to find a parking space with people constantly going in and out of spaces. I found it quite liberating to be shopping and, finally, only to be considering my own tastes. This house was going to be all about me and my wants and desires. It reminded me of another conversation I’d had with my mum when I was dithering about the decision to move to the seaside.
‘Darling, your job as a mother and a wife is now over. You’re not being selfish to want your own life back. The time has come. By now, you’ll probably have totally forgotten what you even like. You’ve been putting everyone else’s needs and wants before your own and it’s time to take your life back now and live it.’
‘Is that what you’ve been doing, Mum? You make it sound like you hated that part of your life, you know.’
‘Oh, Jo darling. You couldn’t be further from the truth. I have loved every single second of being your mother. It honestly has been my favourite thing that I’ve ever done. However, you get to an age where you need to spread your wings and it’s a mother’s job to let your babies go out into the world and fend for themselves. I spent years putting you and your father first. And that was absolutely my choice. But, until someone once asked me who was putting me first, I hadn’t realised how much of myself I’d lost along the way. This time of your life is all about you now. You should cherish and savour every moment. Throw caution to the wind. Join clubs. Learn about what you like and don’t like. Try foods you’ve never tried before. Visit countries you’ve always wanted to go to. Make new friends. Sleep with strangers if that’s what you want to do.’
‘Mum!’
‘That’s just a suggestion, darling.’
One that horrified me. I’d only ever slept with Michael. Only ever kissed Michael. We’d been together since we met at school and I couldn’t ever imagine taking my clothes off in front of anyone else, let alone doing anything far more intimate. I shuddered at the thought. Although maybe I’d never have to shave my legs again unless I wanted to. However lonely I felt, I always tried to find something to be grateful for. Maybe there were benefits to being on your own after all!
The make new friends option was an interesting one. I’d never found it particularly easy to do that. I was quiet and inoffensive and found that because I’d never worked, I didn’t really have a lot to talk about to people. That was one thing that had scared me about moving to a new place, but like Mum had advised me, I was going to have to put myself out there. Here, as the new Jo, I could be anyone or anything that I wanted to be.
In that moment, I realised that I was actually looking forward to discovering the me I was these days as well as finding out about local clubs and meeting new folk. Hopefully, not all of them would tell me off for taking food away from the ‘pegs’.