Chapter 31
31
Because my daughter had booked her wedding in the Cotswolds for a Monday, I didn’t think it would take us too long to get there. What I didn’t account for, however, was the volume of traffic which would be on the motorway coming away from Cornwall on a Sunday afternoon.
My heart was thumping in my chest as Seamus’s car pulled up in the car park of the Grove Country House Hotel and Spa. While I was trying to compose myself, he got out and came round to my side, opening the door and offering me his hand.
He winked. ‘Just in case anyone is watching.’
I took a deep breath and got out. When I mentioned hiring a car, he said to trust him. That he’d got it covered. What I didn’t realise until this morning was that his van was what he used for work. His flame-red Jaguar two-seater sports model was his pride and joy and what he’d turned up in to pick me up.
His breath brushed my skin as he leant forward and kissed my cheek while whispering in my ear. ‘Smile, Jo Jenkins. Remember we’re meant to be in love.’
A shiver ran down my spine when I felt his hot breath on my face. I had to pull myself together and not imagine something that wasn’t there; reminded myself that this was just an act that we were performing. I turned to him and it was probably more of a grimace than a smile.
‘Relax, Jo. It’s going to be OK. I’ve got you.’
We stared at each other for a split second, before he took my hand firmly in one of his, and slammed the door shut with the other and then we walked round to the boot which he sprung open with the key fob, our hands disconnecting so that he could retrieve our luggage.
When he was holding my hand, I felt safe. Now he’d let go, I felt vulnerable and small, not knowing who was looking at me from the hotel windows. As I turned towards the imposing reception foyer, with huge stone pillars either side of the glass doors, Seamus grabbed the two bags and winked again. Even though I was apprehensive about the whole day, I did feel safe with him around me and was really glad he had come. I reached up and kissed his cheek.
‘Thank you for doing this.’
‘You’re so welcome. Ready?’
As we headed for the foyer, my larger-than-life ex-husband came bowling out. I took a long deep breath to prepare me for what came next. Michael had never been a particularly quiet person, he was one of those that I constantly wanted to say ‘inside voice’ to, so that he didn’t show us all up. When the kids were growing up, they had to learn to accept him for who he was, yet I still found him loud and embarrassing at times and just wanted him to turn it down a bit, but he was more of a ‘I’m here, look at me’ type of personality. They say that opposites attract and maybe that’s why we’d stayed together so long. Either that or a sense of duty for me – that that’s what married couples do.
Michael’s feet crunched across the gravel driveway as he approached us, and he shouted over his shoulder, alerting me to the fact that she was right behind him. She followed in his shadow while wobbling precariously on three-inch-high strappy sandals.
‘Joanna, darling. So great to see you. Looking as gorgeous as ever, I see.’
He wrapped me in a bear hug and, despite my stiffness, my senses betrayed me and rapidly reminded me of everything about him. How he felt. How he smelt.
When he stepped back, I saw how he looked too and it was hard to admit it to myself but he looked good. The golden tan suited him, although he had more laughter lines around his eyes than I remembered. She obviously made him laugh more than I ever did. His open-necked pale blue shirt and beige chino trousers gave him a relaxed look. Even the no socks and boat shoes looked good on him. Not that I’d ever say that, of course.
‘Hello, Michael.’ I was determined not to ask questions like ‘How are you?’ just to be polite.
‘And you must be… Sean, was it?’ Michael smirked, purposely using the wrong name, I guessed, to put my friend on the back foot.
‘Seamus. Nice to meet you, Mark. What a stunning venue. A fabulous choice for a wedding.’
I coughed to cover up Seamus’s deliberate faux pas.
Seamus stepped forward into his space and held out his hand while beaming at Michael, whose smirk had immediately disappeared. The two men shook hands and were quite obviously sizing each other up. Michael then seemed to suddenly remember that Claudia was behind him and he turned and grabbed her wrist, pulling her towards him and proprietarily throwing an arm around her shoulders.
‘And of course, Jo, you already know Claudia.’
He laughed. I didn’t.
I gave her a nod. I wasn’t going to be rude, but I also wasn’t going to treat her like she was still my best friend. She gave up the right to that title when she shagged my husband.
‘Hi, Jo, lovely to see you.’
My heart was pumping ferociously and I was betrayed again when I realised that it was almost lovely to see her face. One which I knew every part of. That was so familiar to me. I had to fight the urge to say, ‘Nice to see you too,’ which I would have said to anyone in a meet-and-greet situation but kept my mouth shut for once and instead smiled falsely.
We all stood and looked at each other uncomfortably until Seamus took control of the situation, saying, ‘Shall we go and check in then, babe?’
I raised an eyebrow at him and he kind of grimaced back, before picking up both of the bags and the suit carriers.
‘Here, let me help you, Seamus. Nice motor, by the way.’
Michael had and always would be a total and utter charmer. People who had met him over the years adored him. I had always felt that he exhausted himself being so nice to others, that when I got him at home at the end of the day, he had nothing left for me. And after taking care of the girls single-handedly, I hadn’t got a lot left to give either. Running our daughters to school, keeping house and running errands, picking them up, taking them to two different classes, to meet their friends, to parties when they got slightly older, kept me as busy as having a full-time job. That, along with a constantly filled washing basket, which I was convinced actually had more clean clothes in it than dirty, which had just been discarded from the wardrobe and chucked in the washing because they couldn’t be bothered to pick them up, left me with no time for myself.
I didn’t realise until after we’d split up and I’d had hours and hours to myself, micro-analysing our lives, that our marriage had stagnated, hard though it was to admit. It was no wonder he went off with someone a few years younger, more beautiful, more confident. More exciting. Someone who put him first and clearly made him smile more than I even did, because he really did look happier than I think I’d ever seen him. Maybe I should want that for him, I thought, but there was quite a large bit of me that wanted him to have thought he’d made the wrong decision and want me back. He clearly did not.
Maybe having someone who probably shaved her armpits and legs every time she had a shower, prepared with her best undies on at all times to have spontaneous sex at any time, was what every man needed. I was someone who was constantly knackered after doing everything for everyone else and only made the effort to do it if I thought there might be the remote chance of some bedroom action. And even then it felt a bit more like a tick off on my mental to-do list, rather than something that we were doing because passion took over.
As Michael grabbed Claudia’s hand to walk back towards the entrance of the hotel and she turned to smile at him, it made me think of all the times that he used to do that with me. Despite what had happened between us and all the things that I felt were wrong in our relationship, seeing him now made me remember that there were amazing times along the way too. I recalled the times when he did make me feel like I was the only woman in the world for him, and how we were a team in everything we did. It’s almost like your brain wipes out the bad times and replaces them with the good and those times seem to be multiplied by one hundred to make them the only things you can think of.
Michael turned, dropping her hand, and took the suit carriers from Seamus. Then they walked ahead of Claudia and me. As we made our way into the hotel, she was constantly chattering to me, about the building I think, but to be honest I didn’t really pay any attention to what she was saying. My head was aching already; a buzzing in my ears; the stress getting to me. All I was thinking was that Michael would see straight through mine and Seamus’s fake date for what it really was. One good man, supporting a friend in need.
As the automatic glass doors opened into a minimalist foyer where the modern furniture perfectly complemented the character of the old gothic building, giving a trendy but sophisticated and luxurious vibe, I could absolutely see why Lucy had picked this hotel for her special day.
The young receptionist, who was standing behind a part-wood, part-glass desk, raised an eyebrow when she saw Seamus, clearly appreciating a good-looking man when she saw one. A tinge of jealously struck me. How bloody dare she? If we were actually together she really would have been openly flirting with my man. I could feel my nostrils flaring, feeling properly riled.
‘Can I take your name, please?’
Michael boomed from behind. ‘Mrs Michael Jenkins and partner. This is the booking where I asked you to upgrade the two rooms to a suite. On me.’
‘Oh, you didn’t have to do that,’ I said, secretly cursing him for putting me in this predicament, which now sounded like Seamus and I would now have to share. I just hoped that they’d respected that we’d originally asked for two beds.
‘My pleasure,’ he replied to me. ‘Can’t have my former wife and her,’ he indicated speech marks in the air, ‘“boyfriend” in a shitty room now, can I? What sort of man would that make me?’
Resisting the urge to tell him what sort of man I thought he really was, I smiled sweetly again, wondering if a genuine smile would appear on my face.
‘Why don’t you go up to your room, freshen up and meet us in the bar shortly?’ Michael said. ‘We’ve already got Lucy with us and I’ve told them you’ll join us in there.’
I nodded and the receptionist informed us that she’d get a porter to take our luggage up immediately.
The large sweeping wooden staircase seemed like a mountain as we began to climb and I could feel eyes boring into me from behind but was determined not to look back. My head was already hurting and we’d only just arrived. I could feel a huge pressure hanging over me, even though I’d been telling myself that I just had to stop stressing about the whole situation and enjoy the occasion.
The porter came to a stop outside the room and Seamus stood back to let me follow in first. I smiled at the porter as he doffed his imaginary cap and stepped out before Seamus entered. We looked towards the huge bed in the centre of the room and mouthed the word ‘Oh!’ at exactly the same time but mine in an ‘Oh-my-God!’ tone and his in a ‘Look-at-the-size-of-that’ voice.
I looked around the room for another door and, on finding two facing us, I let out a sigh of relief. But when I approached it, and tentatively turned the handle of the first one, it opened into a huge bathroom, with an enormous bath as the central point and beyond it, a window which overlooked the rolling Cotswold hills. There was a double sink set in granite countertop, a shower big enough to have a party in and a toilet in the corner.
Moving back out into the other room, I opened the other door, looking forward to seeing what Seamus’s room was going to be like. Unfortunately, that door opened up into a huge dressing room and nothing else. My heartbeat sped up and I turned to Seamus, who was biting his lip, trying not to laugh.
I huffed louder than I’d ever done in my life. And that was hard because I was a good huffer!
‘It’s like the scene from a romcom movie. There’s only one bed.’
He managed to keep his face from breaking into a grin.
‘And you know what always happens in those romcoms, don’t you?’
‘That’s really not helping my anxiety at the moment, Seamus.’
‘I’m sorry, Jo. I’m just trying to make light of the situation. I’ll go and see the receptionist and see whether we can change rooms. I’ll be back in a mo.’
Managing to mutter my thanks at him, I plonked myself down on the sofa which overlooked the main bedroom window, the beautiful greenery outside calming my nerves slightly. Opening the window, I breathed in the fresh air and the sound of the birds singing in the garden below calmed me a little, and I started to feel myself relaxing once more.
A cough from behind me alerted me that Seamus was back and when I turned, his face looked quite dejected.
‘They’re fully booked, this is the only room they have, Jo. There’s nothing more that we can do.’