Chapter 30
30
The sun streaming in through my bedroom window was a little bit too much for even me the following morning. I was feeling the aftereffects of way too much booze last night and my bravery had definitely dwindled after a dream I’d had about the wedding and me chasing my family down the aisle as they all left me behind, and me tripping and falling down in a muddy puddle in front of the whole congregation. My heart was pounding when I woke up and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I was grumpy, tired and discombobulated, with the huge reminder of the fact that the wedding was looming.
When Seamus arrived, he seemed a little nervous. It was almost as if he kept going to say something serious and then stopped himself. When he asked me if I’d consider looking after Theo for the day, and I agreed, he didn’t give me the normal enthusiasm.
Hovering around the door, he said my name in a strange way. A question almost.
‘Jo? This wedding of your daughter’s? Is there not someone you could ask to go with you?’
I snapped. I didn’t realise how much it had been playing on my mind. ‘Of course I would. But it’s not an option, is it, at this short notice?’
‘It’s just that… oh, never mind. It doesn’t matter.’
I stared at him, my brain going into overdrive. I had thought a couple of times about asking him to come with me but then with everything else going on and then since him mentioning Al to me, I’d dismissed it again.
The short, sharp trill of my ringtone brought me back to the present. I groaned as Michael’s name flashed up on the screen and I dithered over whether to answer. I wasn’t sure if I’d had enough coffee to deal with him yet.
I pressed the red button to bounce the call.
‘It’s definitely worth a thought. Maybe… you might know someone you could ask. That’s all I’m saying.’
My phone started to ring again. There was obviously something that Michael wanted and I knew he wouldn’t go away unless I answered him.
‘I’m sorry, Seamus, but I have to take this. Let’s talk later when you pick Theo up.’
‘Fine.’ He spun round and walked out, mumbling and slamming the door behind him.
Michael had been asking lots of questions about the wedding. Things he should have been asking Lucy not me and I couldn’t concentrate and said I’d call him back later.
What Seamus had said was on my mind all day. It made perfect sense, really, but I didn’t know if I could pluck up the courage to ask him. At least if he came with me, I wouldn’t have to worry about it being someone that I’d met on a dating website and hardly knew. Anything could happen. A friend of mine had met someone recently, and they’d turned out to be a right weirdo. At least with Seamus, I did know him and I did like him. We got on really well and I knew that he’d be someone that I would enjoy spending time with. And he wouldn’t, because he wasn’t a ‘proper’ partner, put any pressure on me for anything at all. At least I knew that I wouldn’t have to be second guessing when I was supposed to do things that couples in relationships do. Whether they might expect something more than I was willing to give. There were going to be times when Michael and I would have to be together. Some of the photos would probably be of the four of us, so at least there wouldn’t be a jealous partner on my side who might make things a little bit awkward. Seamus would be perfect. I pulled back my shoulders and sighed. I just needed to get over myself and take a leap of faith and just ask him.
At around 6.30p.m. I heard the loud engine of his van pull up outside and Theo ran to the window, jumping onto the windowsill and wagging his tail when he saw his master get out. I felt like I was hopping from one foot to the other and didn’t realise until I looked down that I was clenching my fists. I tried to relax and think about another random thought instead.
How was I even getting to the wedding? Now I didn’t have the Range Rover, I realised that I’d have to think about hiring something for the day. If he did agree, then the last thing I wanted was to turn up at my daughter’s posh hotel wedding venue in a dirty old van which had ‘I wish my wife was as filthy as this van’ written on dirt in the back.
Seamus knocked on the door and walked in without needing me to answer. He was still wearing his sunglasses.
‘Hey. Cuppa?’ I asked.
‘I’d love one. I’m knackered. It’s been a long day.’ He bent down and ruffled Theo’s head.
‘In that case, would you rather have a beer?’
He dipped his head and looked at me over the top of his Ray-Bans, eyebrows raised.
‘My way of saying sorry for being a bit grumpy this morning.’ He gave me that lopsided grin of his as he followed me through into the kitchen, Theo a shadow at his side.
‘Aw, mate.’ He perched his sunglasses on the top of his head and bent down to Theo. ‘I’m sorry I’m late. I bet you’re hungry. Do you want your dinner?’
Theo spun round and sat to attention, thumping his tail on the floor.
‘Maybe you should leave an emergency stash of food here for occasions like this if you get held up. It might have been easier if I could have fed him.’
‘Yeah, I might have to forgo that beer, Jo Jenkins. I didn’t realise the time, to be honest, and it’s not fair on this one if I don’t feed him.’
I started to mooch through the cupboard I kept all the tinned food in.
‘I might be able to rustle up a tin of tuna or something. Would he eat that?’
‘You’d be his favourite person in the world if you did that. That’s his treat food.’
‘OK, why don’t you go and grab a seat on the decking with this,’ I handed him a bottle of Beck’s, ‘and we’ll go and see what we can find for you, shall we, Theo?’
Theo padded into the kitchen after me and waited patiently while I put a bowl of tuna on the floor next to the bowl I used for his water.
Watching Seamus on the decking felt a little voyeuristic. He stared out to sea and occasionally rubbed the bristles of his chin. I coughed before approaching, and sat beside him. After a moment’s silence, we both spoke at the same time.
‘About this morning.’
‘About this morning.’
We both laughed out loud.
‘Ladies first.’ He pointed his bottle at me to indicate I should speak. I rushed through the next words before I stopped myself saying them.
‘I just wanted to say that I’ve been thinking about your idea about me asking someone all day and I wondered whether…’ I took a deep breath ‘…you’d consider coming with me.’
He laughed and I tipped my head, feeling myself frowning.
‘I was going to say that I wouldn’t be insulted if you wanted to say no but that I was going to offer my services…’ He blushed. ‘As an escort I mean… Oh gosh, that sounds even worse. I’ve been dithering all day about offering because you might think it’s a daft idea and you probably thought I was an idiot to even push myself on you and your family in this way.’ He sighed as if grateful that he’d got his words out.
‘Honestly, Seamus. It seemed like a better idea every time I thought about it. Your support would be amazing. I would feel such a failure going on my own. I’d feel ridiculous in front of all of our friends.’
‘But why? You are far from a failure. Look at you.’ He looked deeply into my eyes and held my gaze. ‘And this, look at what you’ve got and what you are doing.’
I looked away, suddenly finding the label on the bottle quite interesting.
He turned to face me and reached out, lifting my chin up so our eyes met again. My heart missed a beat.
‘Jo Jenkins. You are strong and you are kind and you are funny and you are…’ He sighed. ‘You’re beautiful.’
As I stared back at him, I thought that this was just my bloody luck. The nicest, most perfect man I wasn’t even looking for had unexpectedly come into my life. It had taken me so much courage to give way and admit my feelings to myself. I had liked him a lot. And then to find out that I was not his type and that he was clearly just being nice to me would take a lot of getting used to. But it was better to have him in my life as a friend, knowing that it could never be anything more than sitting wondering whether he might kiss me, or whether he liked me. I supposed it took all the pressure away, which right then could only be a good thing.
‘Thank you. You’re very kind and you’re very lovely and I would love you to be my plus one. And at least you know that you’re safe with me and that I’m not going to make any advances towards you. With us just being the best of friends and all that.’ I grinned and immediately felt lighter. ‘Seamus Shaffernakker. Will you do me the honour of coming to my daughter’s wedding with me? Please?’
‘Can I wear shorts?’
It struck me then that I’d never seen Seamus wearing anything but shorts. But I could easily imagine him looking dapper in a suit and tie. He would scrub up really well.
‘Absolutely not.’
He chewed the inside of his cheek before breaking into a wide grin and raised his bottle to me.
‘I will.’
We chinked drinks before he spoke again.
‘This is going to be so much fun!’