Chapter 33
33
I didn’t want to sit around in the bar drinking all afternoon. I’d spent literal years doing this when Michael and I were together. My mum would look after the kids for a night, and Michael would whisk me away for what I thought was a romantic break, but more often than not ended up with us sitting in a golf hotel with his golfing friends.
I looked around the table at the empty glasses already there. I wasn’t a huge drinker and the bubbles from the glass of Prosecco that I’d had when we came into the bar had fizzled out a while ago. I laughed to myself while thinking that was a metaphor for my marriage.
Seamus looked a little uneasy so I asked if he fancied going for a walk in the grounds. He jumped up straight away and said he’d love to stretch his legs. Claudia didn’t seem to be able to take her eyes off Seamus as he stood and stretched. God, as if taking my husband wasn’t enough…
As we reached the foyer, we shimmied past the receptionist, who nearly broke her neck trying to speak to Seamus, and headed outside. The late-afternoon sun was still warm and felt wonderful on my body as I let out all the pent-up tension I’d been holding in my shoulders and neck. Seamus also rolled his shoulders, so he must have been feeling the same.
‘I’m sorry. I should never have asked you to do this for me,’ I said. ‘What was I thinking?’
‘Well, firstly, Jo Jenkins, you didn’t ask. I offered. And secondly, I get to spend a couple of nights in a hotel with a hot lady. What’s to complain about? It’s the most exciting thing to have happened to me in literally years.’ His eyes crinkled when he smiled at me and reached out for my hand, which incidentally fitted perfectly in his. It felt nice to hold hands with someone after all these years. Another thing that disappears after a few years of marriage and when your children grow up and don’t want to hold your hand any more. One day it just stops with no warning. I had missed the warmth of another hand in mine more than I realised.
He dropped it as soon as we walked past the window. Oh. I hadn’t realised it was all for show. I tried to hide the disappointment. All of this fake emotion was messing with my head. Here was a gorgeous man, who had offered to pretend to be my date, and he seemed to genuinely like me and find me attractive and funny. Hot, he even said earlier, and that was when we weren’t in company either. Yet the last person he lived with was a man. Was he gay? Bisexual? Who knew what people’s preferences were these days? When I was last ‘courting’, as Mum called it, there weren’t many gay people around in our little Staffordshire village. In those days, we were very un-diverse. I’m sure it was different in more cosmopolitan cities. But these days, when you met a man, you had no idea about his sexuality.
My mind wandered off to how I would feel if I discovered that Seamus was bisexual. I honestly didn’t know how I’d deal with that. It was not something I’d had to consider before but I supposed it could be a possibility. It was all very complicated and I couldn’t afford to get my hopes up so pushed it to the back of my mind again. Gosh, this new style of dating in the 2020s was too bloody confusing for a girl like me.
When Seamus stopped and looked at me, waiting, I realised that he had asked me something.
‘Sorry, I was away with the fairies then. What did you say?’
‘I was just asking what you wanted to do about getting ready to go out. Would you like me to get ready first or would you like to? Or do you want to get ready together?’
Honestly, I didn’t know how this was going to go. If he got ready first, where would I go? I didn’t want to be left alone somewhere while I waited. And if he got ready first, then it’d be the same for him but worse because he didn’t know anyone here. Also, it would look weird. I should have asked Emma and Michelle to come today instead of tomorrow. It would have been so much easier if I could have gone to theirs.
‘We could just be grown-ups and get ready together.’
‘What? In the same room? At the same time? Wouldn’t that be a bit awkward?’
‘There’s only one way to find out, I suppose. But only if you promise to cover your eyes with your hands when I’m walking around naked!’
I fiddled with my necklace, and could feel my face getting a little hot.
‘Don’t worry, Jo Jenkins. Come on, let’s go and get it over and done with.’ He turned to walk away. ‘And I don’t normally walk around naked. My underwear of choice is a gold lamé thong, so at least the front will be covered up, even if you have to see my arse cheeks hanging out.’
And with that he walked away from me, leaving me with a very odd expression on my face, wondering whether he was telling the truth or not.
Having a long relaxing bath was now off the menu; a quick shower seemed more apt under the circumstances. As the water cascaded over my body, I realised that I was stressing over everything and really needed to calm myself. I took a deep breath and told myself to be brave, walking back into the bedroom, wrapped in a towel that barely covered me up and another tied turban-style around my head. Seamus was lying on the bed in his clothes, looking mighty comfortable. A sexy little snore indicated that he was indeed very chilled. Watching his chest move up and down was peaceful for me in itself. He really was handsome and I struggled to drag my eyes away.
A knock at the door made his eyes spring open and I immediately went to open it, pretending I’d only just come out of the bathroom and hadn’t been staring at him.
My other daughter, Melissa, stood there in the hallway. She’d arrived late, much to her sister’s disgust apparently, and was just popping by to say hello. When she saw Seamus lying on the bed, she raised an eyebrow at me, and a look of horror passed on her face.
‘Really, Mother. Do you have to be so blatant? I’ll see you in the restaurant at 7.30p.m.’ She stomped off, clearly disgusted at the thought that her mother might be even contemplating being in a relationship with anyone who wasn’t her father. A clear case of double standards, I’d say.
Seamus, who was now awake, grimaced. ‘Sorry, Jo Jenkins. Have I got you into trouble? We must have looked a picture, to be honest.’
I laughed. ‘I do think my daughters sometimes forget that I get to have a life too. And forget that I’m a woman, with… you know… needs of my own.’
‘Do you indeed? Is that anything I can help you with?’ He bit his lip and raised an eyebrow at the same time and I could feel warmth spread through my body. Maybe I was imagining that he’d started flirting with me again. Anyone else might think that he was being totally serious. You shouldn’t mess with a woman of a certain age. God only knows what trouble you could end up in.
Totally flustered and getting hotter by the minute, I excused myself and headed back into the bathroom to get my brush.
‘Bathroom is all yours.’ I couldn’t quite meet his eye.
‘Thanks, babe.’ I turned round but he was gazing out the window. This time it didn’t seem like he was putting it on.
Once I heard the shower switch on, I got dressed in super record time, before I heard it go off again. I didn’t know how long he might be. Maybe he was being polite by taking a while, or maybe just being thorough in cleaning his body. Oh, gosh, not a time for me to thinking about that. I needed to get myself ready.
I flicked on the TV, trying to distract myself from thinking about his body, and when he appeared, with a towel slung low around his waist, drops of water glistening on his torso, I had to take a deep breath and concentrate hard on the screen.
‘Sorry, Jo Jenkins. I forgot to take my toiletry bag and clothes in. Nearly done.’ He headed back into the bathroom.
I dried my hair and applied my make-up. I could hear the spraying of deodorant and then he appeared, poking his head around the door.
He whistled.
‘You look amazing . Sorry, it’s probably not the done thing to wolf-whistle at women these days. But trust me. Your ex-husband is going to wish he’d never traded you in for that scutter when he sees you looking like that.’
‘Do I really look all right?’
He approached me and took my hands in his.
‘You look absolutely stunning and any man would be proud to have you on his arm tonight.’
I chewed the inside of my cheek. I was feeling quite apprehensive about the pre-wedding meal. I knew that a lot of our old friends would be there.
He walked over to the bed and bent to put on his shoes. When he patted the bed next to him, I took the place and sighed.
‘Come on. Out with it.’
‘With what?’
‘Whatever is on your mind.’
I looked around me at the huge room and the bed. The thing that we’d not spoken about since we’d been getting ready. The elephant in the room.
‘Where are we going to sleep, Seamus?’
‘Well, I’m not sure about you, but I’m adult enough to sleep in a bed with a friend without wanting to jump their bones. How about you? Think you can resist me?’
‘Yeah, probably, to be honest.’
‘Flattering. Thank you.’
‘You started it.’
He prodded me in the side and I poked him back. He fell onto his back and I turned to look at him, his eyes flicking from mine, to my lips, and back again. Our eyes locked. It felt like ages had passed when he pushed himself up.
‘What are you really worried about? Is it just the bed?’
There was so much going through my mind right now. I was feeling really confused and it was giving me a headache.
‘I don’t know how my old friends are going to react when they see me. I’m old, fat and frumpy.’ My shoulders slumped.
‘You are absolutely none of those things. You are gorgeous and you look amazing. Maybe you should be thinking about how you are going to react when you see them ? How do you want this to go? You can be in control of this situation with a bit of thought.’
‘You think?’
‘I do. Maybe you’ll be happy to see them. Maybe you’ll want to stay away. It’s entirely up to you and we are going to do this your way. You just let me know what you need me to do.’
He dipped his index finger under my chin and lifted my face up to his.
‘I wish you could see what I see. You’re amazing.’ He bent his head towards me and I could feel his warm breath on my face. I closed my eyes and felt his lips brush against my cheek.
I was so confused. This felt like he did like me after all. Had I got this whole thing wrong?
‘We should go. Ready?’ He held out his hand and mine fitted it perfectly. I took one huge deep breath and then let it go noisily.
‘As I’ll ever be. Let’s do this.’