Chapter 45
45
Boathouse Cottage, St Aidan
When is a cupboard not a cupboard?
Thursday
N ew shops keeping Miles and I apart? So much for my unswerving instincts, I got that bit entirely wrong, but the last few days have been so full-on that I gave up worrying.
Sunday is St Aidan’s busiest day, which means I carried on as normal at the shop. Once Miles had finished cooking at the Net Loft, he went off to Jackie’s to do an afternoon of additional training with the more eager members of the new team. Apparently he’s been building up frozen dough stocks ever since he sorted the method, which proves he’s had his eye on expansion long before I accidentally showed him a way to do it. Not that I’m questioning him, but he’s confident that he can keep the supply going to the end of the season, so at least that’s one less thing to worry about.
Zofia looked after the St Aidan end again on Monday while Miles and I did another tour of the new places. When you’re only popping up for a few weeks, it’s all about minimal input and quick decisions. By the end of Wednesday Aleksy’s painting teams have white-washed every shop inside, and painted over any outside signage, Edie has made us six Betsy it was my emergency accommodation. In case sleeping on the sofa got too much.’
His face is white. ‘You’re not seriously thinking of moving here?’
I shrug. ‘Not since Scarlett ordered me to guard the cottage.’
His features relax. ‘Thank Christmas for that. I like you being there. It wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t.’ He hesitates. ‘I mean, it’s more practical, with Fudge and the business and Pumpkin.’ His eyes are wide and anxious. ‘Any time you want the bed…’
I blow out a breath. ‘I know– I only have to ask, but I’m okay as I am. And you’re right, it is easier.’ I feel he’s put himself out on a limb, and I want to do the same. ‘I wouldn’t stay if I didn’t want to be there.’
He comes in and grasps me by the shoulder. ‘Great, so we’re good. Life is better in flip flops. Shall we go to Jaggers and drink to that?’
I’m staring up at him, working out how to take this, when I’m saved by the vibration in my pocket.
‘That will be Scarlett. She’s phoned me every night since Saturday.’
Miles takes the bin bag from me. ‘I’ll clear up while you talk.’ He tilts his head. ‘Unless you’d like privacy?’
I shake my head. ‘Carry on tidying, then Fudge and I will grab a lift home.’
The moment I press accept, Scarlett launches. ‘I’ve worked out why I’ve been so single-minded and impossible. After Mum died, I was so afraid of losing control. It was such a shock, our lives disintegrated overnight, everything felt so fragile. When I held on to everything so tight, it wasn’t me being a diva. It was because if I let go, it felt like I’d lose everything else too. Making everything perfect and doing everything the way I wanted it was my way of guarding against chaos. It was my way of making myself feel better, my way of coping. And now instead of holding everything together, I’ve held on so tight it’s all spun out of control and crashed and I’ve lost it anyway.’
My heart goes out to her. ‘I’m so sorry, Scarlie. You were always so busy being strong for both of us. I need to hug you.’
She sniffs. ‘I really haven’t been fair to Tate.’ She gives a long sigh. ‘I’ve been very hard to live with and he was too nice to tell me.’ There’s another pause. ‘People dying is supposed to make you want to procreate, but I couldn’t bear to have sex for months. I had too much to deal with to even think about it.’
I let out a sigh. ‘You really have made Tate do it tough.’
‘I think I believed he loved me so much that he’d do anything for me. In the end I pushed him too far… and I never gave enough back.’
So much reflection is making me think. ‘In a funny way Mum shaped my relationships too. Whenever she had a guy around– can you remember?– the moment it was about to get serious she’d start finding fault with them for the most ridiculous reasons. That’s why I was determined never to be picky.’
Scarlett’s voice rises. ‘How did you not know? That was to protect us . She’d always think she could do it, then when it came to it, she could never bear the thought of imposing a stepdad on us. I suppose she thought she’d have her time after we’d left home.’
I’ve trained myself to talk about Mum without sobbing my heart out, but my mouth is filling with the taste of tears. ‘It’s all so sad.’
I can feel Scarlett pursing her lips. ‘If she saw either of us as we are with our relationships now, I don’t think she’d feel we’ve done her justice.’
That makes me even more sad, because from my side it’s definitely true. And Scarlett’s said that without knowing the part about Mason. As my sister she might have been the natural person to share that with, but even a lot later, when she was back from her spectacular Ice Hotel and Northern Light honeymoon, I couldn’t even begin to find the words. And if ever I had found words, I’d never have found the courage to say them out loud. It was easier to keep everything hermetically sealed, rather than shattering someone else’s peace and risking all the ripples through other people’s lives as well as mine that would result from that.
‘So what are you going to do?’
I can hear her mind working. ‘I’m going to ease off on the dates until I take it all in.’ Her voice hardens. ‘Don’t get me wrong, however much responsibility I’m taking, Tate’s still behaved like a prize bastard. We’ll still fight to the death over the assets.’
I’m blinking. ‘So you still need me at the cottage?’
‘Hell yes.’ Her voice softens. ‘How about you? You made a big impression on the guy from Ground Force.’
I wrinkle my nose. ‘You mean Zach who brings the hay bales?’
She laughs. ‘He rang me to ask why you weren’t at the Surf Shack on Saturday.’
I roll my eyes. ‘Something came up.’
‘He wanted your number, but I told him to ask you himself.’ She’s laughing more. ‘Expect another hay delivery any day. And make sure you keep this Saturday free.’
I’m shaking my head. ‘I’m flat out here. I can’t see I’ll make the Surf Shack any time before September.’
Her voice rises. ‘Flat out with what? That doesn’t sound like you.’
It isn’t like me. Since I came to St Aidan it’s like someone else has taken over my body. But I can’t get into that now, and by the time she comes back it’ll all be over anyway.
‘It’s nothing important. Talk to you tomorrow?’
I end the call and slide my phone back in my pocket, and turn back to Miles who’s got his incredulous face on.
‘Zach rang New York to ask for your number?’
I look at the ceiling. ‘I should have put her on speakerphone then you could have joined in properly.’
He gives a guilty shrug. ‘No need, even when Scarlett’s channelling her softer side she still shouts.’ He looks thoughtful. ‘I may have misjudged her– she’s more self-aware than I realised.’
It’s funny that I’ve got so old before it’s hit me. ‘Scarlett’s always been the strong one. She’s been the parent, and I’ve acted like the child. It’s sad that it’s taken her split to make her vulnerable, but it’s more balanced now. She’s leaning on me rather than always being the other way around. And it’s great that we’re talking more.’
‘But not sharing so much that you’ve told her about the business.’
I pull a face. ‘I’m working towards growing up. I didn’t say I’m already there.’
Miles smiles back. ‘I know you’ve thrown yourself into getting the shops ready, but you owe it to Scarlett and your mum. Saturday night, we’re going to the Surf Shack.’
Just when I think the worst it gets is Miles finding my secret bedroom, it goes downhill a whole lot further.