Chapter 9 #3
‘Of course,’ he replied. ‘I promise I’m not going to ask you to marry me or anything like that.’
She leaned up and kissed him and he stroked down her bare back, holding her so gently and lovingly, he’d practically gone back on his words already.
She pulled back and started putting on her clothes that had been cast aside in the throes of passion.
For the first time, she noticed all the work the elves had done Christmasifying the house over the last few days, at least from the inside.
She was part of the outside crew so she hadn’t been part of this.
The tree was beautifully decorated, looking like it belonged in a high-end department store or posh restaurant.
There was nothing gaudy or tacky about this tree, there were no toilet-roll Santas or handprint angels, or footprint reindeers with googly eyes like she had on her tree.
And while this was stunning, she much preferred her own tree; it had character.
There were red Christmas throws everywhere, large exquisitely wrapped presents under the tree, a holly and pine cone garland above the fireplace and just the right amount of lights around the room to make it twinkly and cosy.
She knew the last thing they would add was a large throne for the big man himself to sit on.
‘We need to make it to your bedroom next time,’ she told him. ‘I don’t feel right about making love somewhere where hundreds of innocent children will be sitting telling Santa their hopes and dreams.’
Quinn pulled a face. ‘Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ll wash all these rugs and throws before Santa gets here. My house isn’t really my own in December, I’m sorry about that.’
‘You don’t need to apologise. It’s not like we can christen every room in my house with gay abandon either.’
‘Well if I do spend the night with you at yours, we’ll just make sure we’re quiet so Zara doesn’t hear.’
‘Oh, it’s OK for you to stay over but not for me to have a parade of random men there?’ Alex teased, referring to his little rant the day before when he found out she was dating. So much had happened since then.
‘I hope there won’t be any random men at all,’ Quinn said.
She smiled. She knew that technically he didn’t have any right to stop her seeing other men as they were supposed to be casual, with no strings attached, but she also knew she could never sleep with another man now. He had ruined her for other men.
She slipped her arms round his neck again. ‘Fortunately for you, I wouldn’t have enough time to teach multiple men how not to be bad at sex. Yours is such a bad case, it will take many months of work, so I’m going to have to work with you exclusively.’
‘And I’m willing to put the work in, whatever it takes,’ Quinn said, although she knew he was talking about a lot more than sex. ‘Come on, let me take you home.’
She pulled on her boots and her coat and stepped into the night. It was magical outside, every surface covered in a sparkly blanket. It was completely quiet, as if the world was just theirs for one night.
‘I’ll just grab my car keys,’ Quinn said.
‘Shall we walk? It’s beautiful out here.’
‘Sure, OK.’
He closed the door and locked it behind him, falling in at her side as they walked through Christmas Gardens. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to slip her hand into his. Without missing a beat, he entwined his fingers with hers.
There was no sound except the crunching of the snow under their feet.
The golden streetlights caused the snow to twinkle in the darkness.
Flakes were still dancing through the air but they weren’t falling as fast as they had been when she’d arrived.
All the roofs as far as she could see were covered in sparkly snow, looking almost blue under the moonlight.
It looked like the whole of Lovegrove Bay had been Christmasified by the elves, not just Quinn’s house. It looked beautiful.
‘Oh, I had another message from St Nick,’ Alex said. ‘And he’s a big fan of Midsomer Murders too. But also his second clue points to him being one of the elves.’
‘Wow? That reduces the pool of possible suspects quite significantly.’
‘I know, I’m so excited. Also, he’s married or has a girlfriend.’
Quinn seemed confused by that. ‘Really?’
‘Yes, he said he enjoyed watching Midsomer Murders with his other half.’
‘Ah right, yes.’
‘We’ll have to make a list of all the male elves and try to whittle it down from there.’
‘Good idea.’
They fell into silence as they walked through the quiet, snowy streets and she knew he was deep in thought.
‘Are you OK?’ Alex asked.
‘Yes, I was just thinking I wish, more than anything, I had been in your life when Liam fell off the wagon. I don’t think I could have done anything to help him as I couldn’t help him before, but I could have helped you.
I hate that you went through that alone.
If I’d known, I’d have got you and Zara out of there. ’
Alex stopped and reached up to stroke his face.
‘And I would have loved you for trying but I couldn’t leave him, no matter how vile he became.
I think you swooping in and saving me would have pushed him over the edge and it felt like he was hanging on by his fingertips anyway.
I tried so hard to help him, getting him into counselling, getting him into rehab, but he had to choose to want to get better and he never did. ’
Snowflakes were melting on his eyelashes as he looked at her. ‘You were trying to help him but no one was there to help you. I would never have let him treat you that way. And that damage has had lasting consequences. That’s why you never moved on before.’
‘Yeah, I think so. I didn’t realise it before and now I feel like there’s a mental block, stopping me from trusting someone with my heart. Liam loved me so much and look how that turned out.’
Quinn didn’t say anything for a while. But what could he say? He couldn’t turn back the clock.
They approached her house, the one Alex had shared with Liam, the one where she’d watched her marriage fall apart.
Maybe she needed a change of scenery; they could sell the house and move somewhere new.
Would that help her move on? Or was she the thing that needed to change?
She probably needed to fix herself rather than the things around her.
‘What will it take to get you to trust me?’ Quinn asked, quietly.
‘Time. There is nothing you can say or do to take away that pain but one day I will be brave enough to take that step with you.’
‘And I’ll be here waiting, until you do,’ he assured her.
And when she did she would have to be brave enough to tell him the truth about the night Liam died. If not before. She was a coward and she hated herself for not coming clean about it before. Not telling him for all this time made it worse.
They reached her back door.
‘I’d ask you in, but after the last few hours I’m pretty sure how that would go.’
Quinn grinned. ‘Yeah probably, so I’ll just say goodnight and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.’
She nodded but she didn’t make a move to go in and he didn’t make a move to leave either.
He leaned forward and cupped her face and kissed her and she smiled against his lips.
‘You need to stop trying to make me fall in love with you.’
He smiled and stepped back. ‘Never. Goodnight, Alex.’
He started walking away and she couldn’t help smiling. She was in so much trouble.