Chapter Eighteen
TALLY
W ith each day that passed, my stress levels rose exponentially, until I was seriously considering faking an illness to get out of this singles thing. I wouldn’t have been lying. I didn’t feel the best.
I got some exercise on Friday afternoon, like Jake suggested, which did calm me down enough to actually get ready. I was unsure what to wear, but he’d said it was laid-back and casual, so I went with a burgundy sweater and dark blue jeans.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was curled. I put on makeup for once. I felt pretty, and I got a surprising thrill of excitement. But that had more to do with going somewhere with Jake than meeting new people.
The girl in the mirror stared back at me.
“Hello, I’m Tally.” I shook my head. Too uptight. I tried again, adjusting the tone of my voice to sound more upbeat.
“Hi! I’m Tally! What’s your name?” I rolled my eyes. Since when did I talk like a Valley Girl? I took a deep breath, going for casual.
“Hi. I’m Tally … What do I do? Oh, I’m a nanny to three of the cutest little girls in the world.” I smiled because it was true, but it didn’t feel natural to elaborate when I answered a question. My instinct was brief responses to get the conversation over with as quickly as possible.
I walked out of the bathroom with the overwhelming feeling that tonight was going to be a complete and utter failure, which was a horrible attitude to have, but I couldn’t help it. I doubted a little exercise and practicing introductions in the mirror would get me over my fear of approaching someone I didn’t know and starting up a conversation.
When it was time to go, I made my way to the house to meet Jake. But I wasn’t prepared for the sight that waited for me. Jake stood in the kitchen, wearing a Rudolph sweater, complete with an actual glowing red nose.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Feeling festive?”
He feigned cluelessness. “Oh, this old thing? It’s all the rage at Christmas parties.” He disappeared into the laundry room, returned with a folded sweater, and handed it to me. “For you.”
I unfolded the sweater and laughed at the knitted snowman with lit-up buttons and a puffy orange carrot nose extending out in front. “You can’t be serious.”
“Did I forget to mention it was an ugly Christmas sweater party?”
“You may have left out that little detail.” I frowned. “I’m not wearing this. ”
“Aww, come on. It’ll take some of the pressure off and make things less serious since everyone will be wearing them.”
I sighed. “I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this.” I went into the half-bath and changed into the sweater.
Jake had a silly grin on his face when I came out.
“Don’t laugh.” I pointed at him.
He held his hands up in defense. “I’m not.”
“It’s right under the surface. I can see it on your face.”
He let out a laugh, and I punched his arm as I passed by on my way to the door.
“Ow! Heck of a right hook.” He followed me out. “You laughed at me. It’s only fair.”
Once we were on the road, my worry ramped up again, and I closed my eyes. “It’s going to be okay. I can do this. I’m not alone. We’ll go in and hang up our coats. I’ll go to the bathroom and check how I look. We’ll get some food and sit down. It’s only a couple hours. I can get through a couple hours.”
“Are you giving yourself a pep talk?” Jake’s voice broke through my thoughts.
Only then did I realize they weren’t just thoughts. I’d been talking out loud. In front of him.
My cheeks warmed. I’d never felt comfortable enough to do that with anyone but family … until now.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I said.
Jake reached over and touched my hand that was resting on my knee. “I know you can.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’ve seen you relax and be yourself. There’s a special person hidden away in there, and others need to meet her. ”
His touch was comforting, and I was sad when he moved his hand back to the steering wheel.
“Just so you know, my stomach is in knots right now. I’m way outside my comfort zone.”
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
I looked over at him, and he glanced away from the road for a moment to look at me.
“I think so.”
He smirked. “Such confidence.”
“I haven’t known you very long, but I do feel like you genuinely want to help.”
“I do. And our church is a safe place. The people are kind and easygoing. Let’s take it one minute at a time. If you start to feel uncomfortable or panicky and want to go, we’ll use a code word.”
“A code word? Like what?”
He glanced down at his chest. “Rudolph.”
I laughed. “You expect me to say Rudolph out of the blue?”
“Just work it into a sentence.”
“Right, because I use Rudolph in everyday conversation.”
“It’s Christmastime. Sing the song.”
I huffed. “If I can’t speak in front of people, why would you think I could sing?”
He chuckled. “Good point. Uh, tug your ear then.” He looked down at his shirt again. “Or pinch Rudolph’s nose.”
“Just walk up and pinch it?”
“Yeah.”
I reached over and pinched the nose. “Honk!”
His laughter made me smile, and my mood instantly lightened .
“There’s a smile.” He smiled back at me. “You can do this, Natalia.”
If only I believed him.
Jake drove into the church parking lot. There were a handful of vehicles already there, and I took a few deep breaths to keep calm.
He got out and walked around to my side to open the door for me, which I thought was a sweet gesture, but felt very much like a date.
“Making up for the pumpkin incident?” I asked as I climbed out.
“What?” His hand pressed to my lower back, which sent the butterflies back into flight.
“By being a gentleman for once,” I managed despite the swirling in my stomach.
“Hey, I apologized for that.” He gently moved me out of the way of the car door so he could close it behind me, then lowered his hand, and the butterflies scattered.
“Thanksgiving was nearly ruined without that pie. I think you still owe me.”
“Keeping score? I see how you are.”
As we walked toward the building, the faint sound of Christmas music could be heard from outside. It grew louder when a man with red and green garland and blinking lights draped back and forth across his sweater opened the door for us.
“Good evening,” the man said.
“Good evening,” Jake replied.
“Party’s straight ahead. Follow the music.”
The party was in the gymnasium at the end of the hall. I’d been there for high school youth group events with Ellie years ago, and the familiarity with the location helped some with my nerves. The room was beautifully decorated, with Christmas trees and white lights everywhere. The tables had sprigs of pine, pinecones, and white candles arranged among piles of snow made with white pillow stuffing. I took a few pictures with my phone to send to Ellie later. Being an event planner, I knew she’d love it.
People who knew Jake came over right away and shook his hand or hugged him, and he introduced me as his friend to several ladies and a couple of men. All seemed to be around his age.
He’d been right. Everyone was friendly and welcoming, and I got through those initial introductions just fine without much attention being put on me.
I quietly moved through the room in Jake’s shadow, nervous to step out on my own and approach anyone. We helped ourselves to the food and drinks and found seats across from each other at one of the tables.
I had just taken my first bite of pasta salad when I heard a familiar voice.
“Tally? I didn’t know you were coming to this.”
I turned to see The Grinch staring at me from the front of a gaudy sweater and looked up at the person wearing it—Ethan, Ellie’s brother. He set his plate on the table beside me and opened his arms.
“Oh my gosh! Ethan!” I stood and hugged him. “It’s so good to see you.”
“You, too.” He pointed at the empty seat beside me. “Can I sit?”
“Please do.”
Ethan took the seat and reached across to shake Jake’s hand. “Hey, Jake.”
“Ethan,” Jake replied. “I didn’t know you two knew each other. ”
“Ethan’s Grandma June is how I found out about the job,” I reminded him.
He nodded. “That’s right. I forgot.”
Ethan put his arm around me. “Tally and I have known each other since we were kids.”
Having Ethan there beside me filled me with relief. He was like a brother to me, and I was more at ease with him around.
“Are Ellie and Cooper coming into town soon for Christmas?” I asked him. “Last I knew, they were trying to figure out which day.”
“They’re coming a few days before, I think, and staying through New Year’s.” He took a bite of his pulled pork sandwich.
“He can get away for that long?”
“He’s famous,” he replied with his mouth full. “I think he can pretty much do whatever he wants.”
I nodded. “That will be nice, having them here for more than a couple days at a time.”
“I know. Gram is really excited about it.”
“I am too. I miss her.” I dug into my food. The stress leading up to this event had kept me from eating much all day, and I was starving.
“So, I haven’t seen you at one of these before,” Ethan said.
“He made me do it.” I motioned toward Jake.
Jake snickered. “I didn’t make you.”
“I’m trying to put myself out there and meet some new people,” I explained. “Jake suggested I come.”
Jake and I exchanged a knowing glance.
“Cool,” Ethan said. “I can introduce you around if you want. ”
I looked at Jake, hoping for some kind of direction, but all I got was a straight-faced stare. Some coach he was.
“Sure,” I replied. “That would be great.”
When we finished eating, Ethan took me over to a group congregated near one of the Christmas trees and introduced me. They seemed to be around our age, and I recognized a few of them who had gone to school with us but were either a couple years older or younger.
One guy asked if I was new to town, and Ethan answered for me.
A girl asked me what I did, and I told her I was a nanny, which she thought was an honorable profession. Of that, I agreed.
The group was soon engaged in various conversations, and I stood and listened more than participated. Being the wallflower was my comfort zone.
I could feel Jake’s eyes on me the whole time, and when I finally looked over at him, I could tell he was concerned with how things were going.
Excusing myself, I walked back to the table, where he was still sitting.
“I met some people,” I told him.
“I saw.” He pursed his lips. “What did you talk about?”
“Being a nanny.”
“What were you all talking about just now?” He lifted his chin toward the group.
“The ice storm.”
“Really? You were talking about it?”
“Sort of. ”
“New assignment,” he said. “I want you to walk over to that guy”—he pointed to a guy next to the drink table—“and start a conversation with him.”
My stomach dropped. “I met some new people without having a panic attack. Isn’t that enough for tonight?”
“Our objective has not been met.”
“We didn’t talk about any objective.”
“Meet someone new and practice your conversation skills with them. That’s the objective.”
I watched the guy by the drink table. He looked a little older than me, and from where I stood, he was shorter than me. He wore a red and green argyle sweater—nothing ugly about it—with khakis and black-rimmed glasses.
“Go on.” His tone gave away his annoyance.
“Stop being so bossy.”
“I am your boss.”
I frowned at him.
He wasn’t the only one who was annoyed. And that was enough to get me all the way across the room without a hint of nerves just so I could prove to him that I could do it.
“Hi, I’m Tally.” My voice came out a mix between casual Tally and Valley Girl Tally from earlier.
The man was startled and spilled some of his red punch on the table, which splattered onto his khakis. “Oh, look what you made me do.”
The Taylor Swift song of that title popped into my head, and I held in a giggle as I grabbed a napkin. “I’m so sorry. Let me help you.”
He snatched it from my hand. “I’ve got it.”
I stood there while he wiped at the spots on his khakis, unsure of what to say or do. Should I walk back over to Jake? Would he be upset that I didn’t talk to the guy? Should I stay and try talking to him?
The man finally turned and looked at me. He had hazel eyes, and while he was a little shorter than me and had a slight receding hairline, he was actually a handsome man. As soon as he saw me, his eyes widened.
I tried again. “I’m so sorry for startling you. I wanted to introduce myself.” I held out my hand. “I’m Tally.”
His expression softened as he shook my hand, holding the wet napkin.
“Uh …” I pulled my hand away, and he suddenly pulled his hand back and tossed the dirty napkin onto the table.
“Oh, gosh, I’m sorry.” He grabbed another napkin, gently took my hand, and wiped my palm, which was more than a little uncomfortable.
I awkwardly took the napkin from him and wiped my hand some more before setting it next to the other napkin on the table.
“Sorry for snapping at you. Red punch stains.”
“Try putting rubbing alcohol on it. If that doesn’t work, use a stain stick and make sure to rub it in there real good and let it sit. And don’t dry it before you get the stain out or the heat will make it set, and it’ll be even harder to get out.”
“Thanks.” He smiled. “It's nice to meet you, Tally. I’m Harvey.”
“You too. How long have you been going to church here?” I asked.
“About five years. After my wife passed away, I moved here. Needed a fresh start and all.”
“I’m so sorry about your wife.”
“It was cancer that took her. She was thirty- five.”
“That’s so young.”
He nodded sadly. “But that’s why I’m here.” His eyes locked with mine. “To find someone new to spend my life with.”
The nerves kicked in then. “That’s nice.”
“What are you looking for in a man, Tally?”
“I, uh …” His sudden, intense stare was unnerving, and I felt frozen in place.
“I can tell already that you’d make a great wife. You’re obviously good with laundry.”
I had no words.
“Do you know how to cook?”
“Hey there, Harvey.” Ethan swooped in like a knight in shining armor and put his arm around me, and I’d never been more relieved in my life. “How’s it going, man?”
Harvey’s eyes narrowed at Ethan. “If you don’t mind, Tally and I were having a conversation.”
“I actually do mind you talking to my girlfriend.”
“Your girlfriend? This is a singles event.”
Ethan shrugged. “We just got together tonight. Sorry.”
He took hold of my hand and led me across the room to a couple of comfy chairs.
“Hey!” Harvey called after us.
We couldn’t stop laughing as we plopped down, and Ethan kept my hand in his and gave it a squeeze.
“Harvey is our resident creeper. He’s always hitting on the ladies, trying to find a new wife.”
“I was starting to gather that.” I looked over at Harvey. “But his story is sad, losing his wife the way he did.”
“Yeah, it is sad, and I feel for him, I do. But dude, leave the ladies alone. ”
We laughed and spent the rest of the evening joking around and talking.
Every once in a while, I’d look for Jake and see him chatting with the older singles.
“This singles group has a mix of ages, huh?” I said.
“Yeah, we usually end up with the twenties and thirties in one group and the forties and up in another. It just works out that way. The singles group for our age used to be its own thing, but at some point, they started a group for older singles, too, and ended up merging us all together.”
“Do people ever meet here and start dating?”
His eyebrow raised. “Is that why you came? To find a date?”
I blushed. “Not exactly. But like I said, I’m trying to meet new people.”
“Hey, if you need a date, you know where to find me.” He grinned, and I lightly slapped his arm.
“That would be like dating my brother.”
He feigned a wounded expression. “Gee, thanks.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Besides, you don’t like me like that, Ethan. I’m not your type.”
“How do you know my type?”
I cocked my head to one side. “Your type is tall and sporty and a little on the nerdy side. She’s grumpy and sarcastic and unafraid to speak her mind.” I was not-so-subtly referring to Jessa, and he knew it.
He pressed his lips together and turned away, and I could’ve sworn I saw a blush on his cheeks.
“That is my type,” he admitted. He elbowed me gently in the ribs as he tilted his head toward the older group. “So, you came with Jake. ”
“He’s my boss.”
He eyed me. “Mm-hmm.”
“I’m a nanny to his kids.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Ethan, stop.”
“Do you like him?”
“He’s nice, and I can actually talk to him, but like I said … boss. And he’s, like, forty or something. Way older than me.”
“Why does that matter?”
I shrugged. “It doesn’t, I guess. But other people might think it does.”
“I think what’s important isn’t what other people think, but what you think.”
“I don’t know what I think.”
“Maybe you should take some time and figure that out.”
I looked over at Jake, who was laughing with an attractive woman, and I realized it was Miss Knight, Ava’s kindergarten teacher, the one Nora had told me her dad had a crush on. Knots formed in my stomach as I watched them together, him laughing at whatever it was she said, her laying her hand on his arm as she smiled at him.
“Yeah, I probably should.”
“That totally backfired.” Jake shut the car door behind him, pulled his seatbelt on, and started the car.
I looked over at him. “What do you mean? ”
“You were supposed to meet new people. Instead, you spent all night on Ethan’s arm.” He shifted the car into gear without looking at me and drove out of the parking lot.
A surprised laugh escaped me. “I wasn’t on Ethan’s arm. We were talking. I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“But the point of going to the party was for you to learn to talk to guys you didn’t know.”
“I didn’t know he was going to be there. And I did talk to someone. Harvey. Like you told me to. And thanks for that, by the way. Did you know he was so eager to find a wife before you sent me over there to talk to him?”
He didn’t reply.
My jaw dropped. “You did? What the heck?”
“It was supposed to be a learning experience.”
“You’re supposed to help me.” My stomach churned, and my heart rate picked up. “That wasn’t helpful. You know how I am, and it could’ve been traumatizing.”
“Well, clearly, Ethan saved the day. And you didn’t have to spend all night with him. There were plenty of other guys there.”
“I didn’t see you coming over to help me meet any of them. You were too distracted by Miss Knight.”
“Miss Knight is Ava’s teacher.”
“I know. She’s beautiful.”
“She’s a nice-looking woman.”
The jealousy bubbled up within me. “You obviously have a thing for her.”
“I do not have a thing for her. And even if I did, it shouldn’t be your concern. I’m supposed to be helping you find someone, not the other way around. ”
“Exactly.” My hands began to shake in my lap. “If it hadn’t been for Ethan, I would’ve been left to fend for myself the rest of the night while you were off mooning over Miss Knight.”
“I wasn’t mooning over anyone. I was talking to a group of people. She just happened to be there.”
“Nora said she saw you holding hands at school once,” I blurted.
“What?”
“She told me she saw you two after her mom left.”
He was quiet for a few beats. “That was shortly after Kate left. I was upset when I went to sign Ava up for school. Miss Knight listened to me talk, and she touched my hand because she was being kind and comforting. It wasn’t anything romantic.”
“Well, that’s not what Nora said.”
“Nora is a child.”
“Kids see things.”
“Kids see things they don’t understand and make up stories. I am not interested in her that way.”
“Whatever.”
“Whatever? Such a mature response.”
“How am I supposed to respond?”
“Like an adult, not like my nine-year-old,” he snapped.
I reached over and squeezed Rudolph’s nose on his sweater. “Rudolph!” I cried.
He looked over at me with wide eyes.
“I’m using the code word. I’m extremely upset right now, and I need you to stop talking to me.”
“Natalia.” His voice softened.
“I want to go home. ”
We spent the rest of the drive in silence, me fighting back crying the entire time.
A nine-year-old? Really?
I was angry and hurt by his careless words. I was almost twenty-eight, but sometimes I still felt like that bashful little girl. Was that how he saw me?
The moment he pulled into the driveway and put the car in park, I jumped out and headed swiftly toward my little guest house.
I’d never felt so upset with another person before. Since getting this job, I’d tried so hard to show him I was a mature, hard-working woman capable of caring for his daughters. But he made me feel like shy Tally all over again.
I heard footsteps behind me as I brushed a single, hot tear from my cheek.
My emotions were strong and just beneath the surface, like I could burst into tears at any moment, and I needed to get inside the house before that happened.
“Natalia!” Jake called out.
I glanced over my shoulder as I walked quickly to the door and fumbled through my purse to find my keys.
He came up behind me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. Things just didn’t go how I thought they would.”
I found my keys and unlocked the door.
“And I’m not interested in Miss Knight. I’m really not.”
I could tell he had moved closer because his body heat was seeping through my coat and warming me.
“Natalia, please talk to me.”
I slowly turned to face him. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what? ”
“Call me Natalia when everyone else calls me Tally.”
“Because it’s your name.” His gaze dropped to my lips, and I felt it all the way to my toes. “A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”
I didn’t know what to say or do. Part of me wanted to grab his ridiculous Rudolph sweater and pull him in for a kiss, but the other part knew that was immature and reckless. He didn’t feel that way about me, and I didn’t want to be fired for sexually harassing my boss.
“I need some space right now.” I opened the door.
“Okay.” He took a few steps back. “We’ll try again. It will be better next time.”
I wasn’t so sure.
“Good night,” he said.
“Good night.” I went inside. My heart still beat rapidly from our fight. I’d never spoken to a man that way before, except maybe my brothers. I’d never been comfortable enough with anyone to say what I was thinking. And I’d never felt such overwhelming emotions before.
I pulled my coat off, hung it up, and stared down at the stupid carrot nose sticking out of my sweater. And then the dam burst open, and I cried until I couldn’t anymore.
I needed someone to talk to. Someone to help me process these complicated feelings. I needed my girls.
The clock read quarter after ten—not too late—so I messaged our group chat.
Me: 911. Emergency !
No response.
Me: Is anyone up?
Several minutes passed, and I was disappointed not to get a single reply.
With a tear-stained face and snotty nose, I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Halfway through brushing my teeth, my phone vibrated.
Jessa: What’s wrong?
I rinsed and spit and replied.
Me: I need advice. Can you come over?
Jessa: I’m already in bed, Tal. It’s been a day. Can we talk tomorrow?
Me: Can we meet for breakfast?
Jessa: As long as it’s after ten. I want to sleep in.
I rolled my eyes and said okay. I loved Jessa, but she wasn’t the one who would give me the best advice in this situation. Jessa would rather we all stayed single spinsters together for the rest of our lives.
So much had changed over the past year. The four of us used to get together whenever one of us needed the others. Ellie and Penny had such different lives now, and it felt like it was just me and Jessa.
But at this moment, it seemed like it was only me, and that was a very lonely feeling.