Ston #2
Her gut feel was right; Lloyd hadn’t headed into town.
If she walked fast, she might just catch up with him, but her reserves of energy were at a low ebb after throwing up the evening before and not eating much today.
She needed to take it steady or she might not make it at all, and this was far too important to screw up again.
It took her the best part of half an hour to reach the split in the road just before Broce.
Which way would Lloyd have gone? She had to take a chance he’d have stayed by the water.
Dusk was beginning to fall, the long shadows of a ruined house on the inlet reaching across the road.
Traditional music drifted from a nearby terrace, but otherwise all was quiet, still.
If she remembered rightly, there was a konoba just a little further on, near the tiny harbour.
If nothing else, she needed a drink of water. Perhaps Lloyd had too.
She spotted him sitting at a table close to the quay, a glass in front of him. Not water, but whisky or brandy by the look of it. She’d never known him to drink spirits before. Natali’s voice came back to her. What the hell had she done?
“Lloyd?” He turned to look up at her, his eyes red rimmed and deeply lined.
Sranje! She couldn’t bear that her stupid, stupid actions had caused so much pain. She hated to cause anyone pain. Why hadn’t she just kept her mouth shut?
“I am just so sorry. I need to apologise … to explain…”
He gestured to the seat opposite him and she pulled it out, its wooden legs scraping on the concrete surface.
They sat in silence, looking at each other without their eyes actually meeting. It was up to her to speak, but as she was shaping the words in her head Lloyd said quietly but firmly, “I am not a thief.”
“I know. I know that now. Natali said she saw a pickpocket operating that day on Kolo?ep.”
“OK.” More silence. Ana was gasping for some water, but it was impossible to call the waiter at such a critical moment.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I do believe you. Honestly.”
Finally he nodded. “Well if that’s the case, what I’m struggling with is why you suddenly thought I had stolen the purse. Or have you had your suspicions all along? You’ve hidden it very well if you have.”
“No! Of course not. It was Friday. Only Friday. Kristina came to tell me someone was accusing you of theft. Before. When you were on Kor?ula before. Not that you ever said you’d been there.
” She battled to keep the frustration out of her voice.
If he’d been completely honest, she’d never have doubted him.
Perhaps there was fault on both sides. But all the same…
Lloyd picked up his glass, the last rays of the sun highlighting the liquid as he swirled it around. He looked at her. “You don’t have a drink. Wait…” He leant towards the waiter who was clearing the next table. “Oprostite…”
“Sto biste?”
“Another whisky for me, please. Ana?”
“Red wine … and a jug of water. Thank you.”
While they waited Lloyd said nothing, just turned his tumbler around and around in his hand as he gazed at the view over her shoulder.
Would he admit to being on Kor?ula before, or would he not?
He might just say it was none of her business.
The strip lights on the terrace had taken over from the dregs of the day, throwing his strong features into sharp relief.
A grey tinge to his skin made him look defeated, old.
It wasn’t until their drinks arrived that he spoke again. “I didn’t say I’d been to Kor?ula before because it was painful.”
“You don’t have to…” Sranje. She didn’t mean it. She needed to know.
“I do. I came here in ’91. I meant to travel around, but instead I got a job in a konoba, fell in love with the owner’s daughter … and she fell for me. But then the war came and … anyway…”
His hand was shaking as he put down his glass. She wanted to put hers over it in comfort, but she didn’t quite dare. This still all felt too raw. “It’s none of my business.”
“Not before, maybe, but now it seems it is. I couldn’t keep looking over my shoulder every Friday, Ana, I couldn’t.
I knew that after the first week. So the day I stayed on, I went to find her.
To see if she was still there, really. And the moment she saw me…
God, if looks could kill I’d have been six foot under Lumbarda quayside.
I was just pulling myself together to walk away when Kristina came along.
She lives in the village. Maybe Mirjana asked her about me.
But I swear, I absolutely swear, I stole nothing.
Not then. Not now. There must be some misunderstanding. Maybe Kristina got it wrong?”
He sounded so pathetically hopeful that Ana nodded. She needed to summon up the courage to tell him Kristina had seemed convinced, but the only words that came out were, “I believe you.”
And she did. Lloyd may be hiding things about his past, but his denial of any theft had been so complete.
And anyway, whatever he’d done as a young man shouldn’t be impacting his life now.
Or impacting the library. It just wasn’t fair.
The library affected all of them, not just Lloyd.
She needed it, Natali needed it … and she had to admit that Lloyd was the one driving it forwards.
Despite her strong desire to weep, Ana knew she had to take control of her ragged emotions.
Already her head was fuzzy with the wine, and that wouldn’t do.
She needed to be sharp, sharp. Well, as sharp as she possibly could be.
She flagged the waiter, asking for bread with cold meats and cheese, but when it came he brought another round of drinks as well.
Lloyd cleared his throat, his voice stiff and formal. “I hope, Ana, we can rebuild at least some of the trust between us. It will be a long and difficult summer otherwise. If you want me to stay, that is?”
“Of course I want you to.” Without any one of them the project would fail, and she needed it to succeed so badly. But to rebuild their trust completely … that required an answer to something else. Would Lloyd be prepared to give it? It was as if he had read her mind.
“The supposed theft isn’t the only issue, is it? You know … you mentioned … although Ivana promised she wouldn’t say…”
“I had to tell her about the theft allegations, so it came out. She said … you’d … assaulted someone.” She picked up her glass and put it down again. “Do you mind if I ask what happened?”
Lloyd sighed. “It was a pupil, Ana. I was in a position of trust, and that made it worse. Beyond worse.” He ran his hand over the top of his head. “And I do mind telling you what I did. I mind terribly.” He took another gulp of whisky. “But I will. I slammed him against the classroom wall.”
He’d done what? Ana stared at Lloyd, unable to help herself.
How could this apparently kind and gentle man have done such a thing?
And, given he had, how come Ivana had thought it was all right to employ him?
Even without her head spinning with wine, this wouldn’t make anything close to sense.
And how should she react? Sranje and sranje again.
Trust was a hell of a long way off right now.
She took a deep breath. “That’s not the Lloyd I’ve come to know.” At least that was the truth.
“It’s kind of you to say so, but it is me.
It will always be part of me, and I’ll never forgive myself.
And you did believe I could do such a thing, because you told Natali to lock her cabin door.
There’s no point denying it, just to be nice, or we’ll never put this right.
We’ll circle around it, pretending it didn’t happen, and I won’t work or live like that.
” For the first time, there was real resolve in his voice.
Ana sighed. “OK, you’re right. I did want to try to make you feel better, but that doesn’t mean I lied.
Believe me when I say I’m struggling to imagine you hurting anyone, let alone a child.
” He raised his eyebrows. “Oh come on, Lloyd, give me a break. I’m way, way out of my depth. I just sail boats.”
Lloyd nodded slowly. “I get that. You’re young, and even the most experienced of managers…
Well, anyway, I’m so very sorry you’re having to deal with this shit.
But we do need to be honest with each other, and honesty sometimes hurts.
I’m going to tell you exactly what happened in that classroom, then you can decide if you want me to stay.
There’s no need to be kind – you have to do what’s best for you and Natali.
For the library. My feelings don’t come into it. ”
The pr?ut, which would normally taste so delicious, sat heavy and greasy in her stomach. She washed it down with another mouthful of wine, then nodded.
“It was a class of fifteen and sixteen-year-olds, most of them with some sort of behavioural difficulties which made learning a challenge. I didn’t usually teach them.
Someone was off sick so I offered to fill in.
It was the sort of work my Jenny loved and did all the time, and I suppose it made me feel closer to her.
Especially as, well, this sounds silly, but …
it was the anniversary of our first date, and these anniversaries really sting, so I thought doing something positive might take me out of myself.
“We taught in the same school, always had. She filled my life, Ana, everywhere. So of course these kids knew her. And this lad, this lad … he started to say the most awful things about her. Really awful.” He paused, looking to the darkening sky as though for inspiration.
“I knew … I knew he had problems, I knew all that. But I lost it with him. Saw red. Literally. The next thing I knew I was slamming him against the wall, telling him to shut the fuck up. It was only the classroom assistant pulling me away that stopped me… I’m not sure I wouldn’t have killed him otherwise.
But it brought me to my senses, and I went straight to the head’s office and resigned.
“She was more than good about it. Said that instead I should go to my doctor and get signed off with stress, that there would have to be an investigation but she was sure she could make it right because of the circumstances, and because the lad had always been trouble. Then when I was ready, I could come back. But the thing is, Ana, it wasn’t right.
It was totally and completely wrong. I abused the position of trust the school put me in.
” He stared at the table. “Jenny would have been so ashamed.”
“I think Jenny would have understood.”
He looked up. “That’s what Ruth said. And everyone told me not to throw away my career. But I already had. The moment I touched him.” He released his tumbler from his grip, massaging his fingers. “So now I’m here. For some reason they accepted me, and it’s been a lifeline, to be honest.”
God, what he’d been through, on top of his grief, and now to have accusations of theft levelled at him too.
Ana could barely imagine how he might feel, but one thing she did know was that she had to support him through this.
However it had looked at first, Lloyd was the good man she had always believed him to be, and relief flooded through her.
Finally, she did reach out and place her hand over his. “Ivana said your references were impeccable.”
“She gave me a chance. I want to repay that.”
“Is that why you’re so passionate about making the library work?”
“In part. But mainly because I understand how good it could be for those kids.” A ghost of a smile appeared on his face.
“And I love working with them. I’ve really missed it.
” He paused. “Also because I think, deep inside, I have a point to prove to myself. I need to be part of something good and useful. It breaks my heart I can never go back to teaching, and I really need the library to be a success.”
“So do I. And the best way to achieve it is to continue to work together.” Ana raised her glass. “Let’s drink to that and say no more about it.”
They chinked across the table. They’d both made mistakes so surely they could move beyond them and put things right, despite the fact they’d probably both have goddam awful hangovers tomorrow.
Despite the fact she had no idea how to sort this out with Ivana.
But that was for another day. Even seeing Lloyd half smiling was all she wanted right now.
That and to finish the bread and cheese, then stumble back along the path to bed.