Dubrovnik
Were the county offices actually designed to make people feel small?
Standing outside the tall iron gates, a severe white pillar on either side, Ana seriously considered it.
Even the row of neatly trimmed cypresses looked forbidding.
Especially as her trousers were sticking to her legs after the bus ride from the harbour and her hair was all over the place. As usual.
Ivana was waiting and she’d best get this over with.
At least she had something to look forward to afterwards.
She was meeting Meri for lunch so she’d finally be able to talk to her about Pajo and the whole knotty motherhood question.
And it was not a moment too soon; he’d messaged her again yesterday to fix up a date for dinner at his new apartment.
This was so not the time to let her mind wander.
She needed to get herself across that courtyard and through those impressive double doors, and she needed to be honest with Ivana.
And calm. That’s what she and Lloyd had agreed.
Honest. And calm. Calm, calm, calm. If she said it enough, she might just feel it.
Even though Ana was bang on time, Ivana kept her waiting before finally showing her through to the small room where they’d met before.
Ana sat down at the table while Ivana filled plastic cups of water from the cooler, then placed herself opposite.
Last time she’d sat next to her. Should she read something into that?
“So, Ana, what have you found out?” No preamble. No niceties.
Big deep breath. “I’ve spoken to Lloyd and he has categorically denied stealing anything.”
Ivana tutted. “I wouldn’t expect anything different. He’s not exactly going to confess, is he?”
Ana was tempted to say that Ivana didn’t know Lloyd, but held her tongue. Biting back wasn’t going to help anybody. She needed to stick to the facts.
“First, I think we can discount his involvement in the theft of the purse from the library, as Natali tells me there was a pickpocket operating on Kolo?ep that day. Apparently another purse was taken at a café in the village square that morning.”
“Apparently?”
Was Ivana going to question her every statement? Was that how the land lay? Ana felt her hackles rise. “Natali was nearby when it happened.”
“And it couldn’t have been Lloyd?”
“No. He definitely, definitely, didn’t leave the library.”
Ivana sat back. “Well, that’s something. It’s my judgement on the line here too, Ana, my reputation. But at least I’m in a position to put things right if we’ve made a mistake. And I’m willing to.”
Was she implying that Ana wasn’t? And what did she mean, “her judgement too”? Ana wasn’t making any judgements; she was just saying how it was. “I can only tell you what I know.” She tried to smile pleasantly, but it was hard through gritted teeth.
“And by now you should know everything,” Ivana snapped.
Ana ignored her comment and carried on with what she’d been about to say.
“As far as the historical accusations are concerned, Lloyd has no idea why the woman would make such claims. He freely admits he had a relationship with her when he was a student working on Kor?ula, but that was more than thirty years ago, and he’s adamant he stole nothing.”
“According to Kristina, the woman is adamant he did.”
“Can she substantiate the accusations? It’s a very long time ago.”
“You were the one Kristina came to, Ana. Did you not ask her?”
Sranje. Ana folded her arms. “I was far too shocked. And it was coming up to three o’clock. I needed to phone you.”
“Our office hours are eight to four, as well you know.”
Oh, that really took the biscuit. The bloody woman had actually told her she’d been on her way out of the door. It was just as well Ivana gave Ana no time to speak.
“Have you spoken to Kristina since?”
“No.”
“Then you have not come to me with the full information. I am hardly going to accept Lloyd’s denial when there’s the question of the assault in the background.”
That really was a step too far. “It didn’t bother you when you appointed him. For a live-aboard job with two women.”
“No, you’re wrong. It did bother me, until I satisfied myself it was a one-off. However, now I’m not at all sure Lloyd’s the person we believed him to be. And as I said, Ana, if a mistake was made, I will put it right.”
There could be no misreading the threat in her words. Furious as she was with Ivana’s whole attitude, Ana needed to stay focussed and say her piece.
“As his headmistress explained to you, the assault was a one-off. Lloyd told me why it happened. He’d not long lost his wife and one of the older pupils, a known troublemaker, said the most awful things about her…”
“And Lloyd attacked him? Doesn’t say much for his mental stability, does it?”
Every time Ana opened her mouth, Ivana took it the wrong way.
Talk about screwing this up. The most important meeting of her life and the woman was running rings around her.
She needed – needed – to save Lloyd’s job.
The library wouldn’t work even half as well without him.
And it had to work, to secure her own future as well as his.
Ivana was speaking again. “I suppose, if the library was as successful as we’d hoped, this might be less of an issue.
But we need it to perform on Kor?ula in particular, because it’s the biggest island.
Their contribution makes the project far more viable, and if no one there is using it, they may well be unwilling to continue with their share of the funding.
And we need it, especially given how you’ve managed to achieve absolutely nothing on Mljet, which quite frankly borders on incompetent. ”
Oh, no. Ivana wasn’t blaming her for that as well. It was so not fair. “And it couldn’t just be because you decided to put the library in the wrong place? Mljet is almost forty kilometres long, and we’re stuck at one end of it, right in the tourist zone and nowhere near most of the population.”
“It’s no good getting defensive. It’s not as though you’ve made a better suggestion.”
Sranje and sranje again. She was not prepared for this. “I didn’t know I could,” she said.
“Of course you can. You’re responsible for the project, Ana. Do you know what that means?”
But Ivana had to sign off everything. The woman’s attitude beggared belief, but ripping into her was not the answer. “I’ll research it on Thursday.” What else could she say?
“Now that I’ve mentioned it’s a problem. You and Lloyd aren’t exactly being proactive, are you? Is this some sort of extended holiday for you both? On government money?”
“No!” Angry tears smarted in Ana’s eyes but she wouldn’t give Ivana the satisfaction.
She calmed herself by speaking slowly and deliberately.
“We are doing things. Lloyd, in particular, has loads of ideas. Like the story time session at the community hall on Lopud tonight. Believe me, Ivana, we want to make this work as much as you do. More so, probably.”
“And Kor?ula? If you can’t stop the rumours and get people back to the library, there’s little point in doing anything on the smaller islands. If the numbers don’t add up, Ana…”
Backed into the same bloody corner where they’d started. What could she say? “I’ll talk to Kristina.”
“Good.” Ivana stood, and when Ana followed she found her legs were shaking. “Thank you for coming in,” said Ivana. Ana knew she should think up some polite response but it was beyond her, so she nodded, then trailed after her towards the front door.
* * *
Arriving early at the pizzeria where she was meeting Meri for lunch, Ana ordered a large glass of wine before she’d even sat down.
God, she needed it after that. She’d gone in there to defend her crew and the project, and instead she’d been ripped to shreds.
And to make matters worse, she’d almost lost it with her boss.
She’d needed to get her on side, not completely alienate her. What a goddam mess.
She’d made so many bad decisions over the last few days it was no wonder she couldn’t trust her own judgement.
More than once, she’d put the entire project in jeopardy because she couldn’t think things through and come to a reasonable conclusion.
She should have spoken to Lloyd, not ransacked his cabin.
She’d only avoided disaster because of his fundamentally good nature. Then this morning with Ivana…
Ana pulled herself up short. There was no point beating herself up about it again and again.
She had to focus on herself or she’d waste her time with Meri moaning about Ivana, not talking about her future.
Right now, she needed to set out the whole knotty question in her mind, so she could explain it properly.
She sat back and wrapped her fingers around her wine glass.
There were so many choices, but they really boiled down to one thing: should she continue to fight for Dida Krila, as her grandfather would have wanted, or retreat into the safety of the family business, maybe even alongside marriage and children, as no doubt her parents expected?
That was the nub of it, but as for which bit came first, which was most important…
It had to be parenthood, right? That was a lifelong commitment.
Lifelong. And full-on too, for the early years at least. No taking off on Dida Krila whenever the mood took her, and even just the thought made her feel sick inside.
But wasn’t being a mother what every woman was meant to want?
What if she’d struggled to find fulfilment when she was younger because she’d been ignoring the obvious?
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Ana looked up, blinking, moments before Meri threw herself onto the chair opposite. “For what?”
“I’m late, but I’ve just had the most frigging awful morning. The worst ever. Honestly.” Her eyes looked bloodshot and watery, her purple mascara smudged. She hadn’t been crying, had she? In all the years she’d known her, Ana had never seen Meri cry.