Šipan #2
It was almost an hour later when Ana strolled back to the village, the carrier bags in her hands chinking as wine and olive oil bottles rubbed together.
Yes, she’d spent a fair bit of money – Ra? was a consummate salesman – but she’d enjoyed his company too; listening to his tales of a year spent in California learning about wine-making, and about the eco-house he’d built for himself in the olive grove when he returned.
And, of course, trying to spot the differences between his merlot, cabernet and plavac mali wines.
It had been just what she needed and she couldn’t help but feel a little bereft now she was returning to the real world.
But Ra?’s company had certainly buoyed her up, and when she smiled at a passing tourist she knew it came from deep inside.
Perhaps it wouldn’t last, but maybe enough of it had seeped into her soul to enable her to cope just a tiny bit better with Natali and her bloody mother, with Ivana’s bitching, and her own sorry inability to defend Lloyd.
And if all else failed, they had plenty of excellent wine to drown their sorrows.
* * *
Ana heard the clink of glasses even before Lloyd appeared on the fly deck, where she was messaging Meri to ask what she was having for supper. Barely a breeze reached into Su?ura? Bay to ruffle her hair, the air sticky around them.
“Natali’s phoning her auntie so I thought I’d give her some space.” He waved a wine bottle in her direction. “And I didn’t think you’d bought this to look at.”
Ana took the glasses, while he pulled a corkscrew from his shorts pocket. “Natali’s mother … it’s such a bloody mess,” she said.
Lloyd nodded, easing himself onto the other end of the banquette. “I don’t think I’d realised quite how difficult her childhood must have been. To be bullied at school, and to have that kind of instability at home as well…”
“All the same, I’m afraid she’ll go home now. And what if she didn’t, and her mother really did end it all? She’d feel guilty for ever and a day.”
“Which is most likely why her mother said it. Natali’s beginning to get a new confidence, and her mum may have sensed that. We don’t know, but maybe Natali even told her she wouldn’t go back. So of course she used her trump card.”
“You think it was that deliberate?”
Lloyd shook his head. “Probably some and some – instinct taking over, to get what she wants.”
“I’m so out of my depth here. On the ferry back to Lopud I was terrified of saying the wrong thing, of making Natali jump to the wrong decision.”
“Whatever that decision might be. One thing’s for sure, we can’t make it for her, but we can certainly talk it through with her, help her to consider all the options. I’m not sure it’s something she’s used to doing. Not sure she’s had too many choices before now, to be fair.”
“She said if she went back she’d have somewhere to live until after Christmas. I’d never really thought, you know, whether she actually has a home. How terrible is that?”
Lloyd sighed. “Not to mention having to go from low-paid job to low-paid job, and I don’t expect rent is especially cheap around Dubrovnik. It’s such a shame that Obi means Natali can’t get work doing what she’s really good at.”
“And she is bloody good at it. She’s a lovely kid, too. I don’t want to lose her, Lloyd.” Tears pricked the back of Ana’s eyes and she took a swig of wine.
“Me neither, but it’s her life.” He laughed. “That’s what I’m always saying to Ruth: don’t worry about me, you have your own life.”
“Lloyd, however have you coped?”
“I don’t know. Except I had to. Much as I wanted to at times, I couldn’t die with Jenny.” He looked out across the rippling water. “It’s better now I’m here though. I hoped it might be, and in spite of everything, that part … it really is.”
Although that was good, in so many ways it was the last thing Ana wanted to hear. It underlined her abject failure to secure Lloyd’s job. The job that was helping him to heal. This was awful, awful.
“I’ve let you down too.” Her voice came out as little more than a whisper.
Lloyd slid along the banquette and put a hand on her shoulder. “No, you haven’t.”
“I have. I should have just told Ivana that without you there’s no library and been done with it.”
“That sounds like rather a high-risk strategy.”
“Oh god, so that would have been wrong too! See what I mean? And this project is so important to us all – you for your recovery after losing Jenny, Natali for a stable home, and for me … well, for me…”
“What does it mean to you, Ana?”
She clutched her glass tighter. “Financially, it underpins my whole future. But it’s more than that. I needed this summer as thinking time because I still don’t know what shape that future might take.”
“How do you mean?”
“Oh, in lots of ways.” Ana was cross and frustrated with herself for even mentioning it, but she felt she owed it to Lloyd to explain.
“I suppose … I suppose … at the heart of the matter is whether or not I want children. I’m thirty-five, Lloyd.
I need to make up my mind and all I do is dither this way and that. ”
“Listen, Ana, kids are a really big deal. The biggest, and not a decision to be taken lightly. That said, Jenny and I aren’t a great example because she fell pregnant within months of us marrying and that was certainly sooner than we’d planned.
Turned out it was the best thing that happened to us, but it’s not for everyone.
Just think of Natali’s mum. From where I’m sitting, parenthood doesn’t seem to be her thing at all, and from what I’ve seen, the world would be a better place if every child was really wanted. ”
Ana was relieved he’d given her a reason to turn the conversation away from her own troubles. She already felt like she’d overshared. “And right now, Natali should be our priority,” she said firmly.
He nodded. “Of course. But beyond that, going forwards – and assuming Natali stays – we all need to pull together even harder. Talking to you has made me realise that each of our futures is uncertain after the first of September. You have your big decisions to make, I have no job to go home to, and nothing I want to do except teach, which for obvious reasons is closed to me. But at least we have homes, unlike Natali. Suicide threats aside, no wonder it’s tempting to go back to her mother. ”
Ana tried to smile. “So we’re all in the same boat. Metaphorically as well as literally.”
She was rewarded when Lloyd laughed. “So we need to keep afloat as long as possible, while we work out what to do for the best.” He counted on his fingers.
“Let’s get the Natali situation sorted first, then we can analyse how to improve the library’s performance in each location, because my personal situation aside, that’s what should persuade Ivana to keep things going. ”
“I wish I had your clarity, Lloyd.”
“It’s not clarity, it’s … experience.”
He hesitated for a moment, as though he was about to say more, but they heard a scramble of paws and claws on the steps, and Obi appeared, Natali close behind her.
“How did you get on?” Lloyd asked.
Natali sat down on the other banquette, Obi leaping up to curl next to her.
“Auntie Stela’s going to see Mama.” She screwed up her face.
“She remembers how upset I used to get when she, you know, said that thing when I was younger. Auntie Stela said she would t-try to work out if she really means it.”
“That sounds like a start,” said Lloyd.
“Yes.” Natali looked down, stroking Obi’s head.
“You know how much we value you, Natali.” Ana hoped she’d already made that clear, but it didn’t hurt to actually say it.
“You are very kind.”
“No, it’s the truth. We make a good team.”
Natali nodded, again without looking up. “I know that, really I do, and I want us to stay together more than anything. B-but … what you said yesterday… Ivana n-not being happy about … things.” There was a silence.
“Go on,” Lloyd prompted her.
“I don’t want to leave. I really, really don’t. But if I tell Mama that and she’s angry, or if she can’t pay the rent on her f-flat like she says and she loses it, then if this week or next the library has to stop, Obi and I will have nowhere to go.”
“Natali,” said Lloyd, “do you mind me asking what you plan to do in September?”
Natali shrugged. “I don’t have any p-plans. I know now perhaps that was a b-bit stupid, but I was so pleased to get a live-aboard job that I couldn’t bring myself to think beyond it. But I’ll have money left over at the end so—” She ground to a halt.
“Oh, Natali, this must be so hard for you,” said Ana.
“So you thought that by the end of the summer you’d have enough money to find somewhere to rent?” Lloyd asked.
Natali looked up at him. “Maybe not that much, but something. And being b-back on a boat, I thought it might be easier to get another job on a boat, but then there’s Obi and I can’t leave Obi.” She was fighting tears, and Lloyd moved over to wrap an arm around her shoulder.
“There are day boats…” Ana mused. It was a shame her parents didn’t need anyone, but all their employees were long-standing, friends almost. On the other hand, if she did put Dida Krila into their business, she would need crew. Oh god, another complication she didn’t know how to deal with.
“The way I see it,” said Lloyd, “there are a few factors affecting your decision, Natali. The first is your mother’s mental health, and then there’s whether the library will continue or not.
Now, we can’t do anything about the first, but we can the second.
Ana and I were talking about that before you came up. We need a plan for each island.”
Lloyd was so damn good at this. Ana wouldn’t mind betting he already knew exactly what they should do, but it suddenly came to her how crucial it was that each of them make a contribution.
If only to underline to Natali how important she was.
“OK,” she said, “we’ll have a brainstorm.
I’ll jot down each and every idea on my phone, then we can pick out the good ones. ”
“What, me too?” Natali asked.
“Of course you too,” said Ana. “We’ll need to pull together to make this work so let’s start as we mean to go on.”
“Right,” said Lloyd, “let’s go.”
They all looked at each other, and Ana could see something close to panic in Natali’s eyes. It was up to her to take the lead, just like she’d done with Meri yesterday.
“Mljet. My gut feel is we’re in the wrong village. Apart from the people who work in the cafés and bars, the only ones who even walk past the library are tourists. So I’m going to ask around and see if I can find out how to contact the head of the school.”
“Now we’re at the community centre in Lopud,” said Lloyd, “I’ll ask Filip what their other activities are, on the days we aren’t there, then write a note to each of the leaders about the library.”
Natali was petting Obi, studying the dog’s back as though she’d never seen it before.
“OK,” said Ana. “I’ll phone the transport company and ask if we can put some leaflets on the buses on ?ipan.”
Natali looked up. “M-maybe on Kor?ula too?”
“Good idea,” said Lloyd. “There’s a bookshop in Kor?ula town as well, so perhaps…”
“Why would they help?” asked Ana, then bit her tongue. “Sorry. We’re not meant to discuss the ideas, are we?”
“No, we’re not. Or really decide who’s going to do what, but let’s keep going. Maybe we can hang a sign around Obi’s neck.”
“That’s silly,” said Natali.
“But silly’s OK.”
“Really?” her eyes were wide.
“Silly as you like.”
“We could hang a sign around your neck, Lloyd.” Natali giggled.
“And I could walk up and down, ringing a bell, before the library opens.”
Out of nowhere, they were all laughing. Obi jumped onto the floor, bounding between them and barking madly.
If nothing else, their cares had been forgotten for the briefest of moments and Ana basked in the glow of it all.
They were working together. Properly together. She had to believe they could win.