Korčula
Lloyd shook the water from his hair as he breached the surface, then inhaled deeply, sending the fresh saltiness into his lungs as the morning sun skimmed the red-orange roofs of the former monastery on Badija island, making them glow.
He trod water, fiddling with Jenny’s engagement ring on its chain around his neck, his movement sending ripples sparkling across the smooth surface of the sea.
It brought to mind those first few mornings when he’d camped on the beach in Lumbarda all those years ago; the peacefulness of the sun rising above the majestic slopes of the Pelje?ac, the freshness of the water against his skin.
And there, one day, waiting for him on the beach, had been Mirjana.
The cause of so much joy then, and so many problems now.
Today Ana was meeting Kristina. It was all very well him being positive in front of the others, but he knew the score: if Mirjana’s damaging rumours couldn’t be scotched, then the most important part of the library couldn’t carry on if he was involved.
Quite simply, to salvage the summer for the others, he’d have to go home.
It would be a bitter pill to swallow, especially now they had so many ideas to improve the library’s performance.
The hour or so they’d spent on Wednesday night had been inspirational as well as hilarious, and even drawing an absolute blank on Mljet yet again had only dampened their mood a little.
Because now they had a plan to deal with it.
Ana had spent most of yesterday talking to local people, and then on her phone, and had finally tracked down both the head of the elementary school and the manager of the cultural centre on Mljet, both of which were in the largest village, a good half-hour’s drive from Pomena where they moored.
The upshot was that she was going to meet them next week to see if there was a better place to site the library.
So that was all hopeful. Now he had to face bloody Kor?ula again.
Lloyd ducked his head underwater in a futile attempt to give himself some clarity.
But perhaps clarity wasn’t the issue here.
Perhaps it was guilt. Guilt about the girl he’d left in a war zone more than thirty years before.
If he’d been wondering how differently her life would have turned out if he’d been a little more perceptive and a whole lot braver, then the chances were she would have done too.
So it was something of a no-brainer that she’d never forgiven him.
That he understood. But to lie about him? That was something else.
If only they had not ignored the gathering clouds of war so completely, then everything might have turned out differently. But was he fooling himself about even that?
* * *
“There’ll be a war, nothing’s more certain,” Kesten said as he and Mirjana wiped down the tables after a busy night’s service. Lloyd himself was in the kitchen washing up, but he could still hear most of what they were saying.
“You’re exaggerating. Bigging it up because you want to impress us all with your talk of joining the army. It’s nothing but a few skirmishes,” Mirjana replied crossly.
“This business at Kijevo is more than a skirmish, as you call it. The bloody Yugoslav army’s siding with the Serbs, and far more openly this time.
They’re meant to be keeping the peace, but they made everyone leave the village just because they’re Croats.
And the village is in Croatia – on our side of the border, not theirs. ”
“But that’s the point, everything that’s happening is on the borders. Tata said there’s bound to be friction until things settle.”
Lloyd heard the familiar scrape and tap as she tipped a chair against a table.
“With respect to your father, he hasn’t spoken to the guys manning the artillery base at Raznjic. They drink in the village most nights, so of course I’ve been talking to them, and they told me they’ve been put on high alert.”
Mirjana sighed. “To do what, exactly, if they have so much time to drink?”
“Well, they can’t go into details, can they? I’m just a civilian. But not for much longer. The Croatian army needs every man it can get, and by next week, I’ll be one of them.”
Kesten was always full of bluster and puff, but this time it sounded to Lloyd as if he meant it.
To be fair, the army was probably a more exciting prospect than waiting tables all his life, and there couldn’t possibly be a war in modern-day Europe.
The UN or someone would bang a few heads together and that would be that.
There was the scrape of another chair, then Mirjana asked, “So you would fight these men you drink with?”
“No, because they are planning to do the same. Their sergeant’s a Serb, but they’ll get rid of him and become a Croatian unit. Weapons and all. Most of them are from Dalmatia anyway, and they’re loyal to our new country.”
“But that’s ridiculous. It sounds as though the army’s going to be fighting itself. Why would you want to get involved?”
“Pah! Don’t tell me you’ll miss me, not now you’ve got your fancy English boyfriend. But he’ll go too – sooner than I will, probably. Foreigners always run at the first sign of trouble.”
Lloyd was about to call out from the kitchen to defend himself, but Mirjana jumped in.
“Lloyd won’t run. He’s going home soon anyway, as you well know. But he’s coming back. He promised me. At Christmas.”
“Don’t be a bloody na?ve little fool,” Kesten hissed furiously. “We’ll be at war well before Christmas. When he leaves, you’ll never see him again, so you’d better damn well get used to the idea. If he really wanted you, he’d have asked you to go with him.”
“And how do you know he hasn’t?”
“Because you’d be shouting it from the rooftops if he had, and packing your bags. And you won’t even have me to run to once he’s gone, because I’ll be away fighting. For your freedom.”
Within moments Mirjana appeared behind Lloyd, clasping her hands around his waist and resting her head on his back. “Don’t listen to him. I’m not. He’s an idiot, and we have our plans.”
Later, they lay together after making love on the gallery of the old olive press – their secret place at the edge of the village. The warm smoothness of her cheek rested on his chest and his arms wrapped around her shoulders, suddenly she asked him if he was going to tell her what was wrong.
Half smiling at her perception, he sighed. “It is obvious?”
“Only to me, and only here.”
“I get that. It’s like … it’s like … when we’re alone like this we truly feel the pulse of each other.”
“And normally we beat in time. But tonight, I don’t know, you’re a little out of sync. Is it because of what Kesten said? Or President Tu?man’s ultimatum to the Serbs? I’ll understand if you think you should go home before the week runs out.”
“I don’t.” He tried to keep the uncertainty out of his voice. “But your mother does. And she thinks I should take you with me.”
Mirjana shot into a sitting position. “She thinks what?”
He levered himself up too. “Please don’t tell her you know. She asked me not to say anything, to make it seem like the idea came from me. I feel so much better now I’ve told you though. I’d hate there to be any secrets between us.”
She paused for a moment before asking, “What did you say to her?”
“That I’d think about it.” He was so ashamed that he could barely look at Mirjana.
“I got the impression that really disappointed her. I told her it would be hard to find somewhere for you to stay, but she said that they had found me somewhere, and that if I really loved you I’d find a way. Is that what you think too?”
“No. I can’t go with you, Lloyd, because of something Mama doesn’t know I know.
” It was her turn to look away. “I should have told you, but Tata swore me to secrecy. Mama’s ill.
She needs heart surgery, and there’s no way I can leave before she has it.
It’s why our original plan of you coming back at Christmas suited me so well. ”
“Mirjana, I’m so sorry. And you’ve carried the weight of this all along.” He hugged her to him. “If there’s anything, anything, I can do to help … and I swear, I won’t leave until the last possible minute.”
“I love you, Lloyd Richards. You are one amazing man and I wouldn’t change a thing between us.” She wriggled just free enough to kiss him. “Every day we have is precious, so we need to make the most of them, not worry about the future. That will take care of itself.”
“God, Mirjana, you’re so wonderful, so wise.
” And he pulled her back onto the blanket, and began to trace a slow, sensuous curve around her breast with his index finger, all the while dropping butterfly kisses across her face.
She was right. Now was what was important.
Now they were making the memories that would see them through the months of separation.
* * *
He’d never shared with anyone what had happened during those last days.
Not even his mother when he’d first got home from Croatia – he’d lied and told her their relationship had just fizzled out.
The agony he’d carried inside him had been bad enough without opening the wound to her concerned questioning.
And of course, by the time he met Jenny some years later, well, he’d wanted to forget, been ready to forget, and he’d wanted to believe he could be a better man when he loved again.
But now he knew he had to talk about what had happened.
He had to admit what an insensitive coward he’d been, because it was unfair to expect Ana to defend his corner with Kristina unless she knew the whole truth.
Mirjana had clearly spoken to the woman, so it would be more than easy for Ana to be wrong-footed, and he didn’t want that to happen, especially with her confidence at such a low ebb.
Anyway, now he was confronted by lies, wasn’t the truth the only option?