45. Chapter 45
forty-five
Ethan
S unlight beams down on Ares and me as we venture into the forest, passing by towering trees on either side of us. My eyes rest on his back as he trudges ahead of me, quick and determined.
“Don’t go so fast. You’ll tire yourself out faster,” I say.
Ares grunts, which means he won’t listen to my warning. He tends to want to do things his way, which hasn’t been working out all that well lately. It’s frustrating for him all around, and his aggravation radiates off him in waves.
I wish I could calm him.
A frown crosses my face as I speed up my pace to try and catch up with him. I’m determined to get to Nythralia quickly too, but our strength and endurance are not as dependable as usual.
Unfortunately, that means we must pace ourselves until we’re strong enough to shift. For now, it’s only possible to move on foot, which is notoriously slow for dragon shifters. I already miss feeling the wind on my wings, watching towns become what seems like the size of toys. People become just tiny dots.
There’s power in being so high up in the vast range of the open sky, and it’s damning being stuck on the ground. There’s so much vulnerability down here, an exposure that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
It’s harder to be ambushed in the sky than on the ground. We’re so focused on the possible danger waiting for us in Nythralia, but what about the peril that may be waiting for us on the journey there? We’re far from our strongest, so how will we handle that?
“What if Rodi isn’t in Nythralia?” I ask once I catch up to his side. I don’t want to think of such a scenario when we’re lost all over again, but it’s something that we have to consider. What do we do then?
Ares doesn’t answer at first. His stern gaze focuses ahead as small twigs snap under our boots. “I don’t know.”
“If we can find the Vermyllion who took her, we can question him,” I say.
Ares lets out a scoff. “Question a Vermyllion? We’ll be lucky if we’re not killed on sight.”
“Do you believe they’ll be that aggressive toward us? There may only be a handful of them,” I point out. Then again, there may also be a whole army awaiting us. We just don’t know .
Ares keeps his eyes away from mine. “They managed to defy extinction,” he grumbles.
“But you know more about that than you’re letting on,” I state as my eyes burn into him.
Ares’ jaw tightens, and I can tell that he’s irritated by my question. I’m just as aggravated that he’s shutting me out when we need to lean on each other the most.
“We’re not doing this right now,” he grits out.
“Because you’re scared!” I bite back as I stumble in front of him, cutting him off so abruptly that our chests crash together. I grab the sleeves of his shirt to not only steady myself but to keep him from going anywhere.
“Stop.”
“No, you stop,” Ares mutters as he grabs my sides, trying to pry me away.
We’re both weak, so we grunt and push as we stay in the same spot.
“Stop hiding from me,” I breathe out as I look into his eyes, pleading with my own.
Ares holds my gaze, maintaining his grip on my sides as we stare at each other. He then clenches his teeth and rips away from me, spinning around and storming through the trees.
“Enough. I’m shifting and getting to Nythralia now.”
“What? Are you crazy?” I call out as I stumble after him, my chest tightening with every breath. My blood chills as I try to stop him, but he enters a clearing and tenses his body.
Ares grits his teeth as his eyes darken and slit. He grunts as he tries to shift. There’s a faint flicker of scales up the back of his neck, and his nails protrude an extra inch.
I stare at him, wondering if he’s actually going to shift.
Ares crouches, his body curling into itself. I prepare for him to shed his clothes and enlarge his body into the powerful dragon he can become, but he cries out in pain again and collapses. Those few scales fade away, and his nails retract.
I shake my head with a scoff. He’s such a stubborn man, always trying to fix things on his own.
“I’m sure we can in a few days,” I say as Ares grimaces, crouching on his hands and knees, letting his head hang as sweat drips off his face.
“I had it… I could feel it.”
I step closer, kneeling beside him. “A few more days, I’m sure,” I tell him as I gently run my hand along his back.
Ares tenses at first, but he’s too tired to fight me. He remains in that stance, letting me graze my fingers over his body as he gathers his breath and what strength he has left. He eventually shakes his head in disappointment. “What good am I if I can’t protect the ones I love?”
I frown as I hear the sheer agony in his voice. Most of what Ares knows is fighting for the ones he loves. It must feel like torture not being able to do what feels natural to him.
“You’re more than a protector, Ares,” I sigh as my hand courses down his back. It’s almost odd to touch him like this because he never lets me, and I don’t blame him. Our… relationship… is different. We care for each other, and there’s love, but it’s easier to fall back into our friendship.
“Stop thinking you’re only good for that.”
Ares shakes his head again. “It’s all I know.”
I move in front of him and cup his face, tilting his head until his sad eyes meet mine. “That’s a lie. You know love and power and loyalty. You’re one of the best people I know.”
My words make his frown deepen. “I’m not. I’ve done terrible things.”
My thumbs brush over his cheeks, and I’m almost afraid to move any more than that because I don’t want him to pull away after he has let me get so close.
“We all have done things we’re not proud of. As long as we wouldn’t do them again, it shows we’ve grown.”
Ares swallows hard. “I just want Rodi back. I want all of us to be together and be safe. I’m willing to do anything for that.”
“Then you can’t push yourself too hard right now. Save your strength for when we arrive in Nythralia,” I say.
“I don’t think I deserve you or Rodi.”
His words catch me off guard, my eyes blinking in surprise. “Don’t say that. We all deserve each other. There’s nothing you could do to push me away.”
Ares gazes at me, so much conflict lingering behind his eyes. “But what if I’ve already done it?”
“Tell me,” I whisper, wishing he would tell me everything.
His jaw tightens, and the words he says aren’t the ones I wanted to hear. “We should walk some more before nightfall.”
I sigh, my hands dropping as I rise.
If we’re going on foot, we have to keep a consistent pace or it will take forever to get to Nythralia. I grab his hands and help him up to his feet.
Ares takes a deep breath, swaying a little at first. However, he steadies himself and nods, leading the way through the trees once again like nothing ever happened.
Silently, I follow him, getting farther and farther away from where we began.
There’s no telling what the outcome of all this will be.
I know what we’re hoping for, but what will truly happen in the end?
When sunset is upon us, painting the sky with streaks of orange, yellow, and light pink, we stop to make camp. The ground will be uncomfortable to sleep on regardless of what we do, but at least we have a fire going to keep us warm throughout the night as the temperature drops .
Ares sits on the other side of the fire from me, staring into the flames.
I sigh and get up, moving to sit next to him. He can’t keep distancing himself from me.
“Remember when we first saw Rodi at the orphanage?” I ask.
Ares pitches me a confused look. “Yes, why?”
I shrug with a small smile on my face. “I remember thinking she was so beautiful. She stood out from all the rest.”
Ares’ confused expression gradually fades away, replaced by a small smile of his own. His eyes grow distant as he slips back into those memories that seem so long ago. So much has changed since then. “She was drawn to us immediately.”
“It was meant to be,” I remind him. What else explains the connection?
“I think she knew that very early on. That’s why she fought for both of us so hard,” Ares comments as realization glints in his eyes. “It always bothered me so much. I didn’t feel… special enough in her eyes.”
I frown and briefly brush my hand down his arm. “You know that isn’t true. You know how much you mean to her. What she feels for me doesn’t take anything away from what she feels for you.”
“I was so blinded by my desperation for her to love me. If I couldn’t have her, it was like I couldn’t breathe. I’d cease to exist,” he admits, showing more vulnerability than I expect.
“She’ll always love you, no matter what. And I’ll always be by your side, no matter what,” I remind him. We’re all in this together, even if we’re fragmented right now. We’ll all be together soon.
I truly believe that.
“I shouldn’t have fought you over her,” Ares states as he bends his knees, pulling them closer to his body as the fire crackles. Sparks float up toward the early night sky as the sounds of insects surround us .
I breathe in deeply and shrug. “I understood why you did. I didn’t like it, but I understood it.”
Ares loves harder than anyone else I know. Maybe people don’t see that from the outside, but that’s because they don’t truly know him like Rodi and I do. We see past the tough, stony exterior into the heart of gold that he truly has.
Ares tears his eyes away from the fire to glance over at me. “Still. I treated you like an enemy. You were never that to me.”
My heart rate picks up as we gaze at each other, the air growing tense. What am I to him, then? We’re chosen mates, but would he ever have marked me without Rodi?
We barely even talk about our own connection with each other because we’re so focused on Rodi.
“I never thought you hated me or anything,” I mumble.
Ares’ face softens, his shoulders relaxing a little. “Good.”
I smile at him before shifting closer. Slight wariness flickers in his eyes, but he doesn’t move away. Our relationship is complicated, but I believe things will smooth out over time, especially when we’re not so stressed about everything going on in our lives.
For now, I rest my head against his shoulder, turning my attention to the fire as comfortable silence settles around us. We’ve still got a long journey ahead, but we’re not alone.
We’ll have each other’s back, and we’ll soon need each other more than ever before.