47. Chapter 47
forty-seven
Ares
M y blood runs hot, and my skin feels cold and clammy as Rodi and Ethan peer at me, waiting for me to bare my soul. To reveal the truth.
I knew this day would come. All of the memories linger in the back of my mind, and now, I have to bring them forth.
“We couldn’t help but fall in love with each other, Rodi. You were with Hephaestus, but we were drawn to each other,” I say, remembering our stolen glances and small smiles.
In the span of just a few days, Rodi and I became hooked on each other. I saw the way she shied away from Hephaestus. How she glanced at him with fear whenever he got irritated with someone.
She wasn’t happy with him. She smiled so much more when she was near me.
“As you know, when Hephaestus found out about us, he cursed us. We were split apart, cursed to these lands. I remember being so… angry,” I murmur, my voice dropping low as I remember the rage I felt.
Rodi breathes in deeply, her breaths shuddering. “What did you do?”
I peer back into the fire, feeling its heat on my skin. A heat that is so familiar to the burning rage and determination I felt back then to find her. “I searched for you. I looked all over this place, and I tore through anything and everything that got in my way… but I couldn’t find you.”
I hadn’t ever felt so lost before.
“I decided that if I couldn’t find you, I had to become better and stronger, where no one could defeat me. Hide from me. Trick me,” I state as my mind trails back to the time I came across the Vermyllion Drakes for the first time. “I joined the ranks of the Vermyllion and did my best to climb as high as I could. It was the closest I could get to being the God of War again, a being of pure power and authority.”
Ethan’s eyes grow wide. “You were part of them?”
I nod, remembering the struggle and muddled politics of it all since I didn’t have a bloodline. Due to my pushiness and ambition, they soon came to hate me, but they just didn’t understand what I truly wanted. “For a time, I challenged their leader, lost, and died. But I came back with a vengeance.”
“But why? Why challenge him? Why take your anger out on them?” Rodi asks as she shakes her head in confusion, her eyes starting to glimmer. She knows where this is going.
I lower my eyes, guilt striking me in the stomach and nearly knocking the air out of my lungs. “I don’t know. When I lost you… I felt powerless, a shell of my old self. Getting stronger and taking over those who looked down on me gave me… control. I needed that control because I was no longer a god with the woman I loved by my side. I was just… a shifter. And the way the Vermyllion killed me and tried to get rid of me pissed me off to no end. I had nothing to lose.”
“What did you do, Ares?” Rodi breathes out, her body tensing as she prepares herself.
Memories crackle through my mind like lightning. Anger. Fear. Blood. Death. Revenge.
“I rallied the wyverns against them and built an army that no one had ever seen before. The wyverns got me close and did a lot of damage, but… we were still losing. I couldn’t stomach another loss,” I grit out as my face grows hot. “I conjured up all the power I had and took out the rest. Well, I thought I did.”
“You didn’t kill all of them,” Ethan says, nearly looking pale. “But you tried to.”
I take a deep breath and nod. “I did. I was… lost. Heartbroken. Lonely.”
“But you had a mate. They said you had a child,” Rodi states, her voice sounding slightly sharp.
I still as I blink at her. I never thought that part of my past would come back up, but many parts of my past have been popping back up. “I never marked anyone. You were always in my heart, but after I… eradicated most of the Vermyllions, I tried to live again. I let people get close to me. But I never knew Eleanor got pregnant. She left before I found out. Until I saw Isadora.”
Rodi swallows hard and nods.
“At the time, I truly thought I would never find you, but I never stopped thinking about you,” I promise her. “The only other time I felt a stir in my heart was… when I met Ethan. ”
Rodi’s face immediately softens as she looks over at Ethan, who smiles just a hint.
I’ve been led by my heart for as long as I can remember, and it has led me to beautiful things and to death.
“I regret the death and destruction I caused. The Vermyllion… they were just trying to exist, to uphold their system and rules and laws. When I came in looking for power, I ruined it all,” I say, fighting the tightness in my throat.
I started a war. I caused mass casualties. I spilled gallons of blood.
Now, I’m having to face the damage I have done. Maybe that’s why Ripley was with Rodi. Maybe that’s a sign that I need to own up to my mistakes and past actions.
The Vermyllion are alive. They will want revenge. All I can hope is that they won’t kill me on the spot and will hear me out.
“You were broken,” Ethan says, moving closer to me. “You weren’t yourself.”
“Nothing can excuse my behavior. I won’t try to make excuses,” I reply as I shake my head, shame burning my face. I lost control. Instead of fighting the ones around me and trying to steal their power, I should’ve gotten close to them. Maybe they could’ve helped me.
But that ship has sailed. I burned that bridge. I may have also burned the one between me and the two people I care about the most.
“I… I’m sorry,” I tell them. “I’m prepared to own up to my mistakes.”
“In front of the Vermyllion? What if they try to kill you?” Rodi asks.
I sigh and shake my head. “I don’t want it to come to that. Truly, all I want is for the two of you to be safe.”
“I’m not going to let them kill you,” Ethan says as his eyes narrow. “You’re not that same person.”
Perhaps, that’s true in a way. I’m not the same empty, lost soul I used to be. I have the ones I love right by my side, and I feel stronger with them. But the Vermyllion won’t care.
Why would they? I destroyed them with my army and my powers. I’m a monster to them, and it doesn’t matter to them who loves me.
“I don’t want either of you stepping in their way. They may try to kill you too,” I say as I shake my head. I refuse to lose them now after all we’ve been through.
“I don’t think Ripley will let that happen. He’s angry with you, but I don’t think he’ll go as far as to kill you,” Rodi replies.
“You don’t know that. Just seeing me may incite enough rage for them to kill me on the spot,” I point out before taking her hand, our eyes meeting. “You can’t protect me from this. I did all of this.”
She looks down, slightly nibbling her bottom lip before she speaks up. “I don’t believe this is all on you.”
“It is, Rodi. There’s nothing you can change about that.”
She shakes her head. “I could’ve… but I didn’t.”
My brows pinch together. “What do you mean?”
Her eyes snap up, her voice clear. “I remember what my part is in all of this.”