Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Joey
I barely stopped by my apartment for a pair of flipflops and a hoodie before racing back out and heading straight for my car. I’m halfway to Callie’s place when I realize I’d set my phone down on my bed to tug on the hoodie and forgot it there. Callie doesn’t know I’m on my way over––I didn’t decide where I was going until I was pulling out of the lot––so I hope she’s home and not busy.
I need my sister.
I’m panicking, my anxiety levels off the charts, and she’s the only one who can bring me back from the edge when I’m like this. Well…her and Dallas , but he’s not really an option right now since he’s the cause of my panic to begin with.
Somehow, I make it to her apartment complex without crashing into anyone or anything. As soon as I’m parked, I jump out of the car and race for her apartment. My vision blurs with tears that started flowing at some point during my drive, and I swipe at them before pounding the side of my fist against Callie’s door.
She pulls the door open, smiling when she sees me, but her smile drops as quickly as it formed when she gets a good look at me.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, then grips my wrist to pull me inside while adding, “Get in here.”
She pulls me right into a hug and kicks the door closed, holding me tightly as I start to cry in earnest. I don’t even know why I’m crying right now. I’m not sad, exactly. My emotions are just overwhelming me, and I guess this is how they decided to manifest.
“I should go.”
The deep voice has me pulling out of Callie’s embrace, and when I turn to face Royal, my tears stop, and I’m suddenly, irrationally, angry.
“You knew .”
His Adam’s apple bobs once as he swallows and nods.
“Knew what?” Callie asks, her gaze skipping between us. “What’s going on?”
I can’t summon the ability to say more just yet, so I simply huff out an irritated breath and march past Royal and into the living room where I throw myself down on Callie’s couch.
“Joey, I’m sorry,” Royal says, following me. “He asked us to keep it quiet until the both of you figured this out. Together.”
“Figured what out?” Callie asks, her own frustration clear. “What in the hell is going on?”
Royal looks between me and Callie, his eyes wide and searching. I wave my hand, giving him permission to tell his girlfriend his side of the story. I’m not mad at him. Not really. I’m just overwhelmed and having him explain will give me a couple of minutes to calm myself.
Royal looks at Callie with an almost sheepish expression and says, “Dallas knows.”
“Knows what?” she asks, her eyebrows drawing low.
He blows out a long breath. “Dallas knows that she’s JoeyB, and he knows that she knows he’s Bodacious Buckaroo.”
“Wait. What?” Callie asks.
“The day after I figured it out and came over here,” I cut in, drawing her attention, “Dallas ran into Linc and Royal at O’Malley’s. I guess he told them about my weird behavior the day before, and Royal put the pieces together for him.”
Callie stares at me, and I can practically see the wheels turning in her head. Then she turns to Royal, saying, “And he asked you not to tell me because he knew I’d tell Joey.”
Royal nods. “I’m sorry, babe. But I decided Dallas deserved a little time to figure out how to fix this without anyone’s interference.”
She shakes her head. “No. I get it. I’m not mad at you. Hell, I didn’t tell you when Joey figured it out for herself. Some secrets are not ours to share.”
“Okay, good,” he says on a relieved sigh. “So, I’m going to go so you two can talk. Call me later?”
He hugs her as she nods. She hugs him back, and they share a simple, sweet kiss before pulling away from each other. Then Royal looks back at me.
“He was freaking out, not because you’re his online nemesis, but because he’s yours . He didn’t want anything to ruin what you two were building because he cares about you. A lot. I just thought you should know that.”
All I can do is nod, and he returns the gesture before heading out, closing the door softly behind him. Callie plops down next to me and pulls me into her arms.
“You okay?” she whispers into my hair, and I shrug as my eyes start to burn again.
“I don’t know,” I murmur.
Releasing me, she twists to face me and pulls her legs onto the couch, crisscrossing them in front of her. She waits for me to copy her position, and I comply, drying my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie.
“Okay, let’s talk this through and figure it out.”
I nod and sniff, and she leans backward and reaches over her shoulder to grab a small box of tissues from the end table before tossing it to me. I thank her and pluck a tissue from the box to blow my nose.
“So, Dallas has known you’re JoeyB for as long as you’ve known he’s Buckaroo, right?”
“Yeah,” I say softly.
“And not only that, he knew that you knew, and he didn’t say anything.”
“He said he was giving me time to figure out what I wanted to do about it. That he didn’t want me to feel pressured or cornered.”
She cocks her head slightly. “It sounds like Royal was right, and Dallas cares about you, a lot.”
“I guess,” I say, finally feeling some of my anxiety slip away.
“And you can’t really be mad at him for not saying anything, because you were doing the same thing to him,” she says, and I shake my head.
“I’m not mad at him. Not at all. I’m just…I don’t know. Confused? Embarrassed? Humiliated. That’s how I feel. I feel humiliated.”
“Why?” she asks.
“I don’t…know. Because I was freaking out, and Dallas knew I was freaking out, and we both pretended like everything was fine? He never let on that he knew anything was off, and I thought I was doing such a good job of hiding my emotions.” Callie shoots me a pointed look, and I sigh. “I know it’s ridiculous.”
“It’s not ridiculous,” she says. “Your feelings are valid. I just think you should look at this from a different perspective.”
“And what’s that?”
“You love him.”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to, Joey. It’s been all over your face every time you talk about him. You love him. And I might not be able to read him as clearly as I can read you, but it seems like he might love you, too.”
“I don’t think so,” I mumble .
“Josette Ophelia Barnes,” she says, her voice stern, “look at me. Dallas found out you were keeping a secret from him, and he didn’t call you out. He didn’t force a conversation you weren’t ready for even though it would clear the air and make things easier for him . He put you first, knowing you needed time to work this out for yourself before you’d be ready to talk about it. He. Put. You. First. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.”
Dallas always puts me first. He always has. Even from the beginning.
“That’s just his way,” I argue, and she throws her hands up with a groan.
“Okay. Fine. I won’t try to convince you. It’s not my place to do that, anyway. But you do love him. You won’t be able to convince me otherwise, so don’t even try. You can’t let a little embarrassment for being caught keeping a secret prevent you from being happy. And Dallas makes you happy.”
“I know he makes me happy,” I say. “I just don’t think I could possibly make him happy, especially now that he knows…”
My words trail off as what I’m saying hits me. That’s what I’ve been afraid of this whole time, isn’t it? That Dallas wouldn’t want to be with me once he knows I’m JoeyB? Because JoeyB has always been an asshole to him?
But he’s known for days. He’s known, and he still wants me.
“He still wants me,” I whisper.
“What?”
I shake my head and hop up off the couch. Callie stands, too, and I grab both of her hands in mine. A smile stretches across my face as I squeeze her hands and repeat the statement.
“He still wants me!”
“Of course, he does,” she says in the same excited tone I’d used. “You’re awesome, and he knows how lucky he is to have you.”
“I have to go,” I say, tightening my grip on her hands for a moment before releasing her.
Spinning around, I head for the door. Callie’s rambling behind me, no doubt giving me words of encouragement, but I can’t make out what she’s saying because my heart is pounding in my ears. I yank open the door, then freeze because there’s a man blocking my exit.
Dallas.
“Hello.”