22 - Shep
I see it happening —Olive, so confused. Collin, reaching for her to see if she’s OK. And then a blur of motion as she grabs his sidearm, points it at his face, and pulls the trigger.
There is a click.
A misfire.
Then silence.
Then chaos.
Collin reacts the way I’d expect him to. One moment the gun is aimed between his eyes, the next Olive is face down on the ground and he’s handing the weapon to Amon. Collin’s knee is pressed into Olive’s back and he’s yelling, “Get her hands! Get her fuckin’ hands!”
Amon is stuffing the gun into his pants, so I grab her hands while Collin takes his knee off her back and hauls her to her feet.
She’s not yelling or being crazy, she’s just whispering something, over and over again. “You think for me, I act for you. You think for me, I act for you.”
Collin points to a small chest of drawers near the front door. “Get me a zip, Amon. Quick.”
The fact Collin Creed has zip ties in a drawer near his front door says a lot about him that I will think more about later on, but for now, I hold Olive while Amon and Collin secure her. And the whole time, she just keeps whispering. Like she’s not even here. Like she’s not even aware of what’s goin’ on.
They haul her outside—Amon has one arm, Collin has the other, and he is not being gentle as they go down the porch steps, leaving me behind.
For a moment, I don’t know what to do. I just watch them.
And then there’s the telltale squeaking of brakes and when I look all the way down the driveway, I see a yellow school bus stoppin’ at the guard house.
My head is pounding and my heart is racing as I watch the bus get checked through security and make its way down the driveway. Then I just stand there stupidly on the porch of Collin’s house as Cross jumps down the bus steps, smiling.
It’s so surreal to see his happy face, I have trouble processing it for a moment. Because how could it be that this morning when he left there was no Olive at Edge Security and by the time he got home, she had almost killed Collin Creed and is now a prisoner?
“Shep?” Cross asks. “Are you OK?” When I don’t answer, he looks over his shoulder. “Who’s that lady my dad and Collin are haulin’ off?”
I let out a long breath, force a smile, and say, “I didn’t get a chance to get through your list today.”
“What?” Now he’s annoyed. “But why?”
“It’s a long story. Maybe your dad’ll tell you about it tonight. But for now, I’d really like to go train a puppy for a little bit, if you don’t mind.”
Most kids his age would start asking questions. But I have a feeling that Cross isn’t anything like most kids his age. Because all he does is look over his shoulder one more time as Amon and Collin take Olive into the church.
When Cross looks back at me, he’s not a little kid anymore. He presses his lips together and nods. “I see. Well, let me put my pack in the house and we can go do that.”
Jagger is too young to do any serious training, so Cross and I take him to the big grassy area in the middle of the compound where there are still a few guys working with dogs and just play tug and fetch with him. Cross talks the whole time, telling me about his day. How some teacher assigned stupid homework. How some girl he likes shot him a smile during lunch. Then he goes into a whole monologue about how she’s from Bishop and it’s never gonna work out, but he still likes her, and anyway, he’s too young to date.
And eventually, as I listen to his free therapy session without comment, not even understanding this whole issue with liking a girl from Bishop, I calm down. The pounding in my head becomes more of a dull whooshing and my heart is only trottin’ instead of galloping.
What. The fuck. Just happened?
Olive Creed just shot her brother in the head, that’s what happened.
I mean, obviously, she didn’t. The gun jammed.
But she did. She did .
And it’s blowing my mind.
She almost killed him. She almost blew his fuckin’ brains out right in front of me.
And then all sorts of things start running through my head. How this is pretty much exactly what Collin did to her father when they were kids.
Does that mean anything?
I don’t know.
But then I remember what she was saying afterward— You think for me, I act for you . And it makes sense. She was triggered and she was being handled.
I let out a breath and look at Cross, suddenly realizing that he’s been quiet for a minute.
He squints his eyes at me. “You OK, Shep?”
I nod. But I’m not sure I am. Because they triggered her. How? How did they do it? I tell Cross, “Would you be mad if I cut out so I could go and talk to Collin for a bit?”
Cross doesn’t smile immediately. He’s a kid, after all. So he’s gotta think about these words and what they actually mean for a moment before he catches on. But he does catch on. “Nah. You’re boring, Shep. I’m gonna take Jagger home now and do my homework. See ya tomorrow.”
Then he picks up the puppy and walks away.
“Yep,” I say. “Tomorrow.” But I’m already heading across the driveway to the church.
Inside it’s dark and quiet and I have no idea where they took Olive. I walk over to the door Collin and I went through earlier that leads to the basement, but there’s a serious lock on it, so I don’t even try the handle. I can’t leave until I talk to one of them, so I just take myself over to a table and have a seat to wait it out.
You think for me, I act for you . These words run through my head on repeat as I wait. Obviously, it’s part of her programming. And the person she’s referring to is her handler. When Collin asked what Penny knew about Olive, she was as forthcoming as she could be. She gave us a name, at least. Ambrose Sinclair. Some guy about my age who comes from a CORE legacy family overseas. But that’s about all Penny knew. Or, at the very least, all she was willing to tell us.
Collin had heard enough for one day, apparently, because he promised to burn the phone and ended the call with, “Thank you and talk soon.”
Then we came inside to check on Olive.
A door to my right, on the opposite side of the one that leads to the SCIF in the basement, opens and Amon appears, pulling me out of my reverie. “Hey,” he barks. “Collin wants to talk to you.” He nods his head at the door he’s holding open.
I get up and follow him into a dark hallway that leads to another door. It looks similar to the one they have on the SCIF, but it doesn’t lead to a room specially shielded from electromagnetic frequencies, it leads to a jail.
A very sterile-looking high-tech modern jail. And for the first time, I start to really wonder what the actual fuck these boys are up to. Why the hell do they need a jail?
Not that I’m complaining, because in these circumstances, it’s handy. But it’s not normal.
There are four cells, two on each side. And it’s not some old-timey jail with bars or anything like that. It’s polycarbonate glass and from the visibly bluish tint, it’s got some very serious bulletproofing. While I don’t know for certain, I’m guessing that it’s been modified on the inside so that the prisoner can’t see out. There are cameras set up inside the cells, but not anything an occupant might be able to tamper with because they’re very small and set up into the ceiling.
The floor is some kind of non-slip metal composite, and if I were to take another guess, I’d predict there are a lot of sensors in that floor. Probably measuring vitals and tracking movement.
Each room has a stainless-steel bed bolted to the wall and a toilet-sink combo unit, but that’s it.
Olive is on the floor facing into a corner. Her knees are pulled up to her chest and she’s rockin’ herself back and forth.
Collin looks at me and nods his head to his sister. “What the hell is this?”
“She won’t talk,” Amon says. “It’s like she shut down.”
“Did you hear what she was saying afterward?”
Collin shakes his head. “No. I wasn’t even capable of hearing.”
“I didn’t hear shit, either,” Amon adds.
Which isn’t surprising. It was a shock and they were both living inside that shock in the immediate aftermath.
“She was whispering these words. ‘You think for me, I act for you.’ I don’t know how it works—I really don’t. But she was not… here.” I point to the floor. “She was not in the moment with us. She was somewhere else. And these words—‘You think for me, I act for you’—it’s part of her programming.”
“What kind of programming?” Collin asks.
I can only shrug. “I don’t know.”
“But you were one of them. You’re like her .” Amon is angry now.
“I’m not like her, Amon. I mean, maybe the training was similar, but I don’t even remember much about what they did. I have lost a lot of years of memory. I don’t even remember my handler’s name, you guys. I don’t even know her name anymore. I can’t see her face. She’s nothing but a blur when I try and think about it.”
Amon doesn’t believe me, but Collin lets out a breath, fully understanding that I’m a dead end. He looks at his friend. “Can you call Penny back and tell her we need that MRI machine again? ASAP. Don’t tell her anything about what happened, she won’t want to know anyway. Just tell her we need it.” Then he looks at me. “We need to compare your brains. Go back to your bunk and have chow, or whatever. I’ll let you know when we get it set up.”
“But—” I hesitate.
Collin narrows his eyes at me. “But what?”
“Maybe I could stay with her. Talk to her. See if I can get her to snap out of it.”
“No,” Amon says immediately. “That’s a bad idea.”
But it’s Collin’s decision, not Amon’s. And he doesn’t answer. Just kinda gazes off into the distance for a few moments, like he’s thinking.
“It’s a bad idea, Collin,” Amon insists. “There’s something wrong with his brain.”
But when Collin turns back to us, it’s clear that he’s come to a different conclusion. “If I let you stay, you’ll be in there with her.”
“OK.”
“Why would you agree to that?” Amon asks, clearly not OK with this.
“Because, Amon, I like her. We were gettin’ to know each other. And I don’t like this.” I point to her, all hunched up and rocking in the corner. “She needs support, not abandonment. I don’t know what she’s been through, not the details, but it doesn’t take much imagination to fill them in.” Now I look at Collin. “This is a desperate hour. Maybe her most desperate. She needs someone who gives a fuck.”
“I give a fuck,” Collin growls at me. “But you were there. You saw what she did. The only reason I’m alive right now is because my gun misfired. Which is some kind of fuckin’ miracle because I clean that gun twice a week. It doesn’t misfire. So yeah, I give a fuck. That’s why she was in my house to begin with. What if Lowyn had stayed home with her today? What if something happened to Lowyn?”
Lowyn is his woman, I guess. I don’t know her, so I just don’t have the same feelings about it as he does. I would not say I know Olive, either, but I think I understand her. “I get it,” I tell Collin. “I’m not saying you don’t give a fuck, I’m simply saying that I might give a little more.”
“Why?” Amon asks. And he’s snarlin’ at me now. “You said you just met her.”
“I did. But…” I let out a breath and look right at Collin. “Look, we’ve been intimate. It’s been building up to it from the beginning. It hasn’t been a casual thing, OK? There’s a connection here.”
“Yeah, it’s some brainwashing thing,” Amon shoots back.
But again, this isn’t up to Amon. So I only look at Collin. “That’s sad,” I say, pointing to his baby sister. “That’s all I’ve got to say. It’s sad. And why leave her alone if someone is willing to stay with her?”
“Fine,” Collin says.
“It’s a mistake,” Amon objects.
Collin points to me. “You can go in.” His eyes narrow down into little slits. “But I’ve got eyes and ears on you, Shep. And these are the most advanced eyes and ears you could ever imagine. So let’s just be clear here, you will not be alone with my sister.”
“Agreed.”
Collin turns to Amon. “Open the door.”
Amon turns, walking down the aisle of cells towards what I imagine to be a guard room, but the whole time he’s muttering, “It’s a mistake. It’s a big fucking mistake.”
Collin doesn’t respond, instead he turns to me. “Don’t fuck me over, Shep.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Charlie Beaufort is pretty fuckin’ mad at me right now.”
“I told you, I don’t work for him.”
“Right. But I’m pretty sure Olive didn’t consciously try and kill me. Like you said, she was programmed. And to be honest, you being in that cell with her makes me feel a whole lot better. At least I can stop watching my back for a minute.”
Which isn’t a vote of confidence from him, but I can’t blame the guy for being suspicious.
“But if you try anything,” Collin threatens, “I will take you out and I will not blink.”
I let out a long exhale. “Noted.”
Amon’s voice booms out from hidden speakers. “Opening cell three.”
The glass in front of me shimmers for a moment, then it lights up. Lines of blue outline a door, and the next thing I know, a digital control panel appears, built into the glass.
It’s probably the most sci-fi thing I’ve ever seen with my own eyes in my life. I side-eye Collin, but he’s grinnin’ now.
“Pretty cool, huh?”
“I guess,” I say, which makes him laugh. “But why the hell do you guys need some futuristic spaceship jail?”
Collin shrugs. “I’ve learned, after many lessons, to embrace the future, Shep. And while I am not claiming to be prophetic in any way, I see the war that’s coming and I am ready for it.”
Which, I suppose, means he plans to take prisoners.
For the first time since I got here, I stop feeling grateful for the second chance and start to seriously wonder just what the hell I’ve signed up for.
But it’s too late to back out now, because Collin starts pressin’ those digital buttons on the glass, and the next thing I know, the glass pops open, creating a door where just seconds before there were just lines of light.
“Welcome home, Shep. You take care now.”
And then he waves me in.
Olive is still hunched in the corner on the floor, rocking back and forth. I look up at the ceiling, knowing that Collin and Amon are both watching and listening, and have a sudden wave of doubt that this is the right way forward.
It’s been a while since I had anything to lose, let alone a something as promising as a stable position with a company as good as Edge Security, and this is where the doubt comes from.
When you’ve got nothing to lose, it’s easy to risk it all. For the most part, the only way left is up.
Where I am right now—in a state of transition where a new opportunity is so close, I can almost reach out and grab it—this is where mistakes are made. Mistakes that can trash that new opportunity so fast, it becomes nothing but a fleeting moment of unrealized gains.
But this same transitory state is also where better times and bright futures are born.
I want to stay here at Edge. I want the compound, I want the PT, I want the structure, I want the paycheck, I want the dog, I want these men to have my back while I have theirs—I want all of it.
But I also want to help this girl. I want her to come through the other side of the darkness and look at the world around her as a second chance instead of just a death sentence.
And the reason I want this for her is because I want this for me .
I’m just not convinced it can be done.
But I’m gonna give it a try. So I walk over to the corner of the room, press my back up against the glass wall, and slide down it until I’m sitting next to her. She doesn’t look at me, but that’s fine. I’m gonna do all the talking.
“Did I ever tell you about the time I was a secret double agent for the Underhaven? Have you ever heard of that place?”
She doesn’t look at me. Doesn’t respond at all.
“I was a Deep Recon Specialist. DRS.”
“I already know this,” she says, softly. But it’s more of an angry hiss than a gentle whisper. “I know more than you do.”
I smile. At least she’s talking. And now I know she can hear me. “Of course you do. You’re still active and I was discarded years ago.”
She turns her head now, her long blonde hair hanging in her face, her eyes dark, a sharp contrast to her almost pale white face under this too-bright light.
She doesn’t say anything else, so I just continue. “I had this partner. We were paired up when we were kids.” Olive blinks here, perhaps thinking about how old she was when she was paired up with this Ambrose Sinclair guy. “Because we only work in pairs, right? Deep Recon needs an agent and a handler.”
“You were her handler?” Her question is sincere and less angry than her last statement.
“No. She was mine. I was the agent.”
Olive turns a little in my direction, still folded up with her knees pulled up to her chest, but leaning against the wall now. “What was her name?”
I don’t remember her name, but I make one up for Olive. It’s hard to relate to nameless people. “Waters.”
Olive makes a face. “Waters? What kind of name is that?”
“It was her last name. Actually, her last name was Waterson. She called me Shep, for Shephard, and I called her Waters.”
“Oh.” She says this with the smallest of smiles.
“Yeah, so anyway she was my handler and I was sent into deep cover in the underground free zone called the Underhaven. Have you heard of it?”
She shakes her head no.
“It’s a shithole, mostly. Lots of crime, lots of drugs, lots of dissidents.”
“What was your mission?”
I don’t remember this either, but this time I don’t make it up because I know that Amon and Collin are listening and lies are not the way forward with them. The more lies I tell Olive, the more I’ll have to explain to Amon and Collin later. It’s not gonna help me, so I tell her the truth. “I can’t remember.”
Olive doesn’t like this answer. “Why are you telling me this? I mean, who cares? Especially if you can’t even remember your mission.”
“I’m telling you this because I know what it feels like to be connected to your partner.”
She scoffs. “You haven’t got a fucking clue what that feels like. And you know what? I don’t wanna hear your stupid story. Remember what you told me outside the diner? You said I’ll never know your truth because if I knew, they’d kill one of us.” She points to herself, then to me. “That’s what you said. So your story is bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit.” I say this with contempt, but inside I’m pretty happy with her recollection of that conversation. It’s a good sign. “Look around, Olive. Where are you ?”
“What do you mean? I’m not fucking crazy. I’m in the Edge Security prison.”
I force myself not to laugh. She’s not crazy ? She literally just stole Collin Creed’s sidearm off his person, pointed it at his face, and pulled the trigger. But the fact that she’s participating in this conversation is a step forward, so I make sure that laugh doesn’t come out.
“Well,” I say, my voice even, “they can’t get us here, can they? I mean, if CORE wasn’t afraid of your brother and what he’s doing out here in the woods of West Virginia, they’d just set the place on fire, or something. And they haven’t done that. In this room,” I point to the floor, “we can say anything we want and CORE can’t hear it.”
“You’re wrong.”
“How am I wrong?”
“See,” she says, smiling at me, “you don’t know anything about Brose and me.”
But she’s the one who’s wrong. Because that right there was the missing link I was looking for.
I consider my options here. I could signal to Collin that he needs to get me out of here so we can talk or I could keep going and finish what I started with Olive.
And I guess that’s all it comes down to.
Which of the Creed siblings do I want on my side more?
Obviously, Collin is the better option. My future with him and Edge is bright.
Olive is darkness. A sad, lost emptiness that is going absolutely nowhere but crazy.
And that’s the thing—I understand that crazy. I still feel it. I still… miss her.
“That’s not her name,” I say.
Olive squints her eyes at me. “What?”
“Waters. I lied.” This makes her scoff. Me as well, because I guess I made my choice. “I don’t remember her name, Olive. I don’t know why, not for sure. All I know is that years and years of my life are missing. They cut me loose, they let me flail around like a baby who had no clue how to survive in the world around me, and they walked away. I was detained twice on mental health holds and then I just broke. Robbed a store. Went to prison. And we both know you can’t walk away from CORE. So why didn’t they tie up their loose end?”
Olive’s eyes flit up to the ceiling, then back to me. “You’d better be careful here, Shep.”
“I know Amon and Collin are listening. They told me they would be. But I’m not talking to them, I’m talking to you. Why would they cut me loose?”
She lets out a long sigh. “To watch. To see what you do? To let the experiment run.”
I smile, then chuckle a little. “Yeah, that’s what I think too. I think they cut us, Olive. Me and no-name. And they filled me up with a memory of killing her just to make it final. And I think they did this on purpose to see what would happen.”
“You went crazy.”
I nod.
“They cut me too. They cut us . They took him away.” She pauses here, her eyes flitting back and forth like they’re searching mine. “Will I go crazy?”
I nod again. But then I take her hand and give it a squeeze. This makes her startle, and try to pull it back, but I don’t let go. I wait for her to look me in the eye. “But you know what?”
“What?” This word is barely a whisper.
“At least you won’t be alone when it happens. Because I’ll be right here with you.”