Chapter 12
RAFE
Ipaced Alex’s small kitchen and glared at my cell for the hundredth time.
No lie. Since she’d hung up on me, my eyes could have burned a hole through that frustratingly silent phone.
I’d called her back too many times to keep track of, and each time I heard her voicemail, I wanted to put my fist through a wall.
She was fucking lucky I hadn’t turned her house upside down. Too much energy flushed my system, so I paced. I waited. I raided her damn fridge, downing two stray beers I suspected Jax had left during one of his check-in visits.
And I imagined all kinds of crazy shit.
Was she with someone else? Some other guy I’d have to kill because the thought of Alex with anyone else made me see red.
Or maybe she’d hopped on a bus or train, headed for parts unknown.
What was she thinking? I thought she’d make her way back since she lived here…
except that wasn’t quite right either. Her home was with me, and mine was with her, wherever we ended up.
But her fucking car was still parked in the driveway. If she were on the run, surely she’d need her damn car.
Tick tock, tick tock, but no Alex. Where was she? When I did get my hands on her…
She had no idea how much this was tearing me up, not knowing where she was, not knowing if she was safe or on the verge of a breakdown.
My imagination galloped ahead, and I envisioned her in a bathtub full of blood with deep gashes in her wrists.
I didn’t think she was suicidal, but I couldn’t wipe history from my overactive mind.
I should have never left her six months ago.
The knob on the front door turned, and I tried to calm the sudden flow of adrenaline rushing my veins. I shut off the light over the stove. It was the only light I’d switched on after gaining entrance to her house with the key Jax had supplied me with months ago. The one she’d never known about.
I heard the door open and close, then the latch of a deadbolt. Moving into the foyer with light steps, I aimed to take her by surprise, but her words stopped me cold.
“I know you’re here, so there’s no need to sneak up on me.” She flipped on the light by the door, and her eyes met mine. She’d known I was waiting, yet she’d come inside anyway.
I let out a breath. “You’re not fucking running from me,” I said, keeping my voice even. But I must have hit a nerve.
“You’re the one good at running,” she snapped. “Zach is the only reason you came back, isn’t he?” Tears welled in her eyes, and for once, I didn’t want to pounce on them.
I was guilty. Zach’s escape had been the precipitous event that sent me careening toward her, but it wasn’t the only reason, and the fact that she didn’t know that pissed me off.
It also made me kick myself.
She wiped under her jade eyes, and her burning gaze flagellated me with hurt and indignant anger.
“I want you to go,” she whispered. “Do what you need to do in that stupid barn.”
“I’m not leaving you here—”
“Just go away!” she screamed, hurtling her purse at me. I ducked, and the thing hit the wall behind my head. A bang went off, and we both jumped. I let the expletives fly then gaped at the remains of her purse.
“The fuck, Alex?”
“Oh my God…the gun…” she sobbed, covering her face with shaking hands. She whirled and reached for the doorknob as if she couldn’t believe what she’d nearly done and needed to run from it.
I sprang forward and pulled her against me, shackling her in the cage of my arms. She shook with unrestrained sobs.
“I’m s-sorry,” she said with a hiccup. “I didn’t mean it.”
“I know you didn’t. Stop fighting me.”
“Just let me go.”
I dropped my arms and slid around her, inserting myself between her and escape. She tried to maneuver past me, but I blocked her, stepping to the right when she did, then to the left. She came to a halt, her shoulders slumping in defeat.
“This is all…you and me…” She waved a hand between us, her words broken by the pain constricting her voice. “This is all just to keep me safe, right? I’m nothing but an obligation.”
Taking her by the shoulders, I turned around and backed her against the door. Fuck. Now I wanted the tears. Even her anger because it didn’t sear me the way her desolation did. “Baby, your douchebag brother only gave me an excuse to do the wrong thing here.”
Tears slid down her face, and her breaths came fast and shallow. “You left a hole in my heart. It took me six months, but…” Avoiding my eyes, she gulped. “I don’t need you anymore.”
“Well I need you!” I shook her shoulders, trying to banish the apathy from her bones. She was a fucking liar, cold, shut down with insurmountable walls in place. But why? Had the sight of Zach sent her into this state, or was it my fault? “I need you so fucking much. Don’t make me beg.”
The current between us sizzled, shifted, and she pulled my mouth down on hers, teeth tugging on my lip. She was a demanding little vixen in that kiss, and I was a goner. Her fingers sifted through my hair, clutched and pulled.
“Trust me,” I murmured against her lips. “I took you because I wanted to.” Another slow slide of our tongues stole my sanity. “Making you bend is all I think about,” I rasped between more kisses. “The thought of never sinking inside you again drives me insane.”
She drew back and peered at me with a splotchy face, studying me like I was a fucking enigma. “How much trouble am I in?” A hint of fear laced those words. She was too smart not to realize how screwed she was.
“A lot.”
“What do you want from me?” she nearly shrieked. She’d given so much of herself already, but it would never be enough. I’d always want more. I sensed she was beginning to understand the consequences of being with someone like me, and it scared her.
My memory loss had shown her a gentler side, and even though that guy wasn’t completely dead and gone, he wasn’t in the driver seat now. But she wanted him. She’d pleaded for the harsh reality of the guy who’d taken what he wanted from her, but underneath it all, she yearned for normalcy.
Kindness.
Gentleness with a little kink.
She didn’t want to give up control, or if she did, she struggled with it.
“I want you safe,” I bit out, gripping her chin. “I want you fucking crying.” To emphasize my words, I tightened my grip on her jaw. “Most of all, I want you naked and tied down on my boat, helpless.” I angled my head, waiting for some sort of reaction. “I want you begging for the pain to stop.”
“No,” she said in a breathless whisper though that single word packed a punch. She nibbled on her lip, her gaze pensive…aroused. Fuck, my dick wanted out to play. How did she do this to me?
“Are you really telling me no?”
“Yes.” The tip of her tongue darted along the seam of her stubborn mouth. “I have a condition.”
“What would that be?”
“Tell me the truth. If Zach hadn’t gotten away, would you have come for me?” Her expression screamed what she didn’t say. She wanted to know if I could be so heartless as to leave her forever thinking I was dead. I was that heartless, but only because I did want to protect her.
From me.
This fucker right here who was close to shoving her over the arm of her couch and ramming his cock in her ass, simply because taking her that way pushed her beyond her limits.
And he wouldn’t ask for permission.
This guy was a doer, the type of man that didn’t rehash every moment of his history with her and let it dictate his next move. This guy was me.
The new and improved me with nasty blood-filled memories and all.
“Yes,” I said. “I would have, eventually, because nothing on this fucking Earth can save you from me.”