Chapter 16
How had I ended up on the floor? I couldn’t remember anything after he’d stormed out.
Except for pain. It began in my heart, squeezing so tightly I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.
I doubled over as his words took over my thoughts, torturing me with the echo of his contempt, and somehow I slid to the floor.
Seemed like hours ago, though it was probably only minutes.
“Mommy?”
I glanced up from the ball I’d created. Eve stood in the doorway, her eyes bright with unshed tears and her lips quivering. I was trembling too. I pushed myself up, wiped my eyes, and reached for her.
“Where’s Gage, baby?”
“He left. Why did he slam the door?” She pulled away, and her innocent eyes found mine. “I don’t like him anymore. He yelled at you.”
“He was mad. He’ll get over it and say he’s sorry.” At least, I hoped he would. The idea of raising another kid on my own made my stomach clench, but maybe that was exactly what I should do. He was too volatile to be reliable. I swallowed a sob. How could he think I’d lie to him?
How could I have let myself fall for him?
I replayed what had just happened; searched for a clue as to what the hell he’d been thinking. His rage had taken over, but I’d never seen him so…unglued. He’d looked at me as if I’d torn him in two. I was pregnant, and he was the father, but he didn’t believe me.
Why?
I hadn’t been with anyone else, so unless this was a miraculous conception, his little swimmers worked just fine.
Eve’s voice pierced the chaos in my head, trying to get my attention. I pulled her tighter against me and buried my nose in the hollow of her shoulder, inhaling the sweet and familiar scent of my daughter. I was supposed to comfort her, but she did the comforting.
“Everything’s okay,” I mumbled. “Sometimes people get mad and they need to leave for a while so they can calm down enough to talk.”
“Like when you send me to my room for time-outs?” Eve asked.
“Yeah, like that.” For a four-year-old, her wisdom astounded me. And she was much too observant. I couldn’t fall apart with her here, and Gage and I couldn’t go to bat here either, even though I feared we were about to.
Whatever he thought I’d done…I had to make him see he was wrong.
I picked myself off the floor, literally, and pulled myself together. Hours passed, but Gage still didn’t return. I completed chores, cooked dinner, and played with Eve before tucking her in with a bedtime story. Another hour crept by, but still…no Gage.
He didn’t allow me a cell phone. I only had access to one when he allowed it or I left the house. The phone, along with my purse and keys were locked in the closet by the door. I couldn’t call him, and I couldn’t leave unless I took Eve out of there on foot.
As I paced the living room, growing angrier by the second, I seriously considered it.
I could wake her, pack a small bag of essentials, and just disappear.
Never look back. But I’d tried that last year and look where it had gotten me.
He would always find me…as long as he wanted me, and I wasn’t so sure he did anymore.
A key turned in the lock, and I froze, eyes on the front door as it swung open. He stumbled in, swayed, and leaned against the wall as he kicked the door shut. He lifted his head and stared at me.
Stared through me.
“Gage, I—”
“Don’t say a fucking word.” He kept his tone quiet, though his words still produced a nocuous edge. He pushed away from the wall and came at me, his tall body stumbling closer. I backed away, alarmed by the hatred in his eyes and his obvious drunken state.
The back of my thighs hit the arm of the couch and I toppled over. He followed, trapping me with his body and his seething gaze. The scent of rum wafted between us. I clamped my lips shut and waited.
“You swore up and down you didn’t fuck him.”
Realization enclosed my heart with an icy grip. He was talking about Ian. “I haven’t been with anyone but you. No one,” I said slowly, enunciating each word in hope the truth would penetrate.
His hands shot out fast, fingers curling around my wrists, tightening to the point of pain. He held them prisoner above my head as his face lowered, his sneering lips an inch from mine. “Do not lie to me again.”
“I’m not lying.” My mouth trembled, and the words barely formed between us, despite the narrow space.
He yanked me to my feet, rough enough to make my head swing back, and I was already pleading as he dragged me toward the basement. “Stop! You’re drunk. Don’t do this now—”
He clamped a hand over my mouth and nose, muffling not only my words, but my air. Panic rushed up, bringing with it nausea and a flood of memories. I was suffocating…
I blinked and hot tears rolled down my face to pool on his hand.
I couldn’t breathe! I struggled as he unlocked the door; struggled for air, for escape.
He switched on the light as I broke free, and I teetered on the top step as the bottom swayed closer, rushing to meet me though my feet still hadn’t left solid ground.
My hands flailed but found nothing to save me.
With a cry, I envisioned my body twisted and ruined on the floor—the baby and me dead—as gravity pulled at me with her powerful claws.
Gage grabbed me from behind. Not even gravity could match his strength. He fisted the back of my shirt and propelled me down the stairs before pushing me face first onto the bed.
“Don’t fight me, Kayla. Cooperate, and it won’t hurt as much.”
A sob bubbled up. “What are you gonna do?”
“Punish you,” he said as he yanked my shirt over my head. He unclasped my bra and pulled it from underneath me, followed by the rest of my clothing.
“For what? I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“You fucking lied to me!”
“Don’t hurt us,” I whimpered.
“Us?” He spat the word. “You think I care about you or that…that…fucking mistake?” His voice fractured, and so did my composure.
I bawled as he stretched out my arms and legs.
He tied me to the bed with forceful efficiency, pulling the bindings so tightly they gouged my skin.
I didn’t even fight him—I didn’t have it in me.
His words had delivered the final, fatal blow.
I was dead on the inside. I was nothing. He could beat me until I gushed blood and it couldn’t possibly hurt this much.
“I loved you!” he roared. “I told you shit I’ve never told…” His steps faded away. I twisted my head and watched through my tangled hair as he approach his collection of whips and paddles. He pulled that terrifying coil from the wall and unwound it.
“You promised,” I whispered.
“If you can lie, so can I.”
“I didn’t lie to you! I never slept with your brother.”
“Don’t call him that.” He stormed to the bed and made a cracking sound with his weapon of choice.
My muscles tensed. “Please,” I begged. “Don’t do it. You said you wouldn’t. I trusted you!”
“And I trusted you!”
“The baby’s yours, Gage. That’s the truth. If you do this—”
Fire streaked across my ass, stealing the breath from me. I fisted my hands and tried to crawl out of reach, but he’d made sure I couldn’t. Another strike landed, this time on the back of my thighs, eliciting a grunt. I sobbed his name. “I love you!”
That only seemed to anger him more. He swung that whip across my body again, and I screamed. My fingernails bit into my palms, and I concentrated on that pain, focused on the fire dancing up and down my skin—anything to drown out the unbearable ache within me.
I’d given him all of me, but it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t see beyond his past, couldn’t see beyond his own pain.
“The baby’s yours,” I whispered with each strike, no longer screaming. No longer able. My voice faded as the count rose, but I grasped one tiny word and let it bleed from my lips. “Red.”
His fist loosened and the whip slid to the floor.
He followed soundlessly, his knees buckling, and burrowed his head into his hands.
His body shook as he mumbled words I couldn’t decipher.
I swam in and out of consciousness for a while, but he didn’t move, didn’t stop shaking.
Eventually, he got to his feet and headed for the stairs.
“You did it,” I said. “You destroyed me. But I’m not his anymore, so I guess that means you destroyed what was yours instead.”
His steps faltered, and I thought he was going to say something, but moments later the light went out and the door slammed.