The Darkness Consumes

Chapter 21 On the run

Viv's "plan," as it turned out, wasn't much of a plan at all.

They ended up in the nearest McDonald's, the one that smelled like stale fryer oil and sadness.

Viv walked straight to a table near the back where some guy had left his wallet sitting by his tray while he went to refill his drink.

Ash hung back by the condiments station, arms folded tight across their chest, eyes wide with something between horror and exasperation.

Viv threw them a look that said be cool, and when the coast was clear, he casually slid the wallet off the table and into his hoodie pocket. His heart was hammering, but he kept his face blank as he turned and walked right out the door.

Ash followed a minute later, practically vibrating with disapproval.

"You know," Ash hissed the second they were out of earshot, "aside from stealing clothes, this is probably the stupidest thing you've ever done, and that's really saying something considering you literally escaped a psych ward a few days ago."

Viv rolled his eyes and picked up the pace. "Relax. We're not using the card. I'm not an idiot."

"That's debatable!" Ash spluttered, jogging to keep up. "We could've just asked Brad for help. Or literally anyone else."

"I can handle it," Viv snapped, maybe a little too sharply. "And I'm not asking anyone for help."

Ash fell silent, but they didn't stop glaring.

By the time they were a few blocks away from the McDonald's, Viv ducked into an alley and flipped the wallet open, ignoring the cards and pulling out the stack of bills tucked behind them. Not a fortune, but enough for a cheap motel and maybe some food.

He tried to hand Ash a share, but they just shook their head, looking queasy. "I hate this," they mumbled, voice thin. "I hate all of this."

Viv sighed. "I know."

They kept walking side by side, Ash muttering complaints the entire way about how this was a terrible idea and how they were going to get arrested or stabbed or both... But they didn't let go of his hand.

The motel they ended up at was the kind of place you'd only pick if you were desperate, or on the run.

..or both. It had a faded neon sign buzzing over the cracked parking lot, and the lobby smelled like burnt coffee and mildew.

The woman behind the desk looked them up and down with a thinly veiled suspicion that said she was fully prepared to call the cops if they so much as sneezed wrong.

Viv set the cash down and tried to look normal, whatever normal meant. "Just one night," he muttered.

Her gaze lingered on Ash's anxious expression. "You kids in some kind of trouble?"

"No," Viv said too fast.

Ash shifted uncomfortably beside him. "We're fine," they mumbled.

The woman made a skeptical noise but counted the money and slid them a key. "End of the hall. No smoking. And if you break anything, I'm charging you extra."

"Thanks," Viv said. He didn't mean it.

They trudged down the stained carpet hallway without speaking. Ash's sneakers made little squeaks against the floor, and Viv's stomach twisted itself in knots.

When they reached the room, Viv unlocked the door, and they stepped into air that smelled like old carpet cleaner and cheap air freshener. The walls were yellowed, the lamp on the dresser flickered, and the bed—god, the bed—was just one double.

Neither of them said anything at first.

Ash lingered by the door, hugging their arms to their chest like they might bolt. Viv stared at the bed, painfully aware of how small it looked.

"This is..." Ash finally cleared their throat, their voice thin. "Well. Cozy."

Viv rubbed a hand over his face. "I'll sleep on the floor if you want."

Ash didn't answer right away. Their gaze darted to the rumpled blankets and then to Viv, and their cheeks went pink. "I... I'm just gonna go shower."

Viv simply nodded.

Ash escaped into the en suit bathroom without a word.

It was quiet in the little room, the only sound the wheezing hum of the wall heater. Viv was just trying not to acknowledge the fact that, after everything, he and Ash were here alone with nothing between them but a sagging mattress.

Viv sat down on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, hands clasped so tight his knuckles went white. The heater rattled on and on, filling the silence.

He stared at the floor and tried to slow the ugly tangle in his chest. This wasn't fair on Ash.

None of it was. They hadn't asked for this—hadn't asked to get dragged out of the ward, or to play lookout while he stole clothes and wallets, or to stand beside him in a graveyard while he fell apart. Ash deserved better than this.

Viv swallowed. Tomorrow morning, he'd tell them.

He'd say Ash should go back to the hospital, that it was the safest place for them.

They needed help, real help, not this chaos.

But he wouldn't mention that he wasn't coming along.

That he had no intention of ever going back.

Because he knew, with a numb certainty that scared him, that he didn't want to get "better.

" He didn't want to keep waking up in a world without Matteo.

He didn't want to keep breathing if it meant never seeing his brother again.

He rubbed his palms over his jeans, trying to gather the nerve to look in the mirror. His reflection felt like a stranger.

A click and a soft creak pulled him out of it. Ash stepped back into the room, hair damp, their too-big hoodie hanging loose over their skinny frame. They looked exhausted and annoyed, like they might burst into tears or start yelling again.

"God," Ash mumbled, pushing wet hair out of their eyes. "I'm so pissed we didn't think to grab any clothes or pajamas. I feel gross already."

Viv lifted his gaze to them, heart aching in a way he couldn't even begin to explain. Ash looked so small, standing there barefoot on the motel carpet. "Sorry," Viv said quietly. "I didn't really plan any of this."

Ash sighed, shoulders drooping. "Yeah. I know."

They didn't sound angry anymore. Just tired. So, so tired.

Ash sniffed the air, then wrinkled their nose. "Does it smell like...old cheese in here? Or is that just me?"

Viv let out a short laugh. "No, I smell it too. I think it's coming from the carpet."

"That's disgusting." Ash stepped carefully around a suspicious stain before sinking down beside him on the bed, the mattress groaning under their combined weight. "At least we'll both be gross together."

Viv cracked a small smile despite everything. "Lucky me."

Ash nudged his shoulder with theirs. "Don't look so tragic about it. We survived the world's sketchiest McDonald's heist. I feel like that earns us some bragging rights."

Viv looked over at them, the corner of his mouth twitching. "Oh yeah? You gonna put that on your resume?"

"Hell yeah. 'Professional wallet snatcher's lookout.' Special skills: hiding behind a trash can."

The image made a laugh sputter out of him, and Ash's face lit up like they'd just won a prize.

"There it is," Ash said, tapping his knee lightly. "The tiniest smile. I'm gonna count that as a victory."

Viv shook his head and let out a sigh. "You're so weird."

"Thanks. I try."

They both fell quiet for a second. The heater rattled again.

"I wish there was a TV in here," Ash said softly. "Or literally anything to do. We could've watched a film. Distracted ourselves for a while."

Viv followed their gaze to the blank wall where an old TV mount hung, the wires dangling uselessly. "Yeah. That would've been nice."

"Something stupid," Ash added, curling their legs up criss-cross. "Like a really bad horror movie."

"Or a rom-com," Viv said, voice low. "The ones that pretend love fixes everything."

Ash gave him a tired smile. "Maybe it doesn't fix everything...but it helps."

Viv looked away, afraid they'd see too much in his eyes.

Though his whole body felt heavy with exhaustion and his brain felt like it was smothered under wet wool, he couldn't stop noticing how close Ash was sitting.

Their sides brushed, and each accidental touch made Viv's heart twitch like it was trying to jump out of his chest. It was stupid, really.

he was so tired and so angry at everything, and yet here he was, getting nervous over someone just sitting next to him.

Viv didn't even know if he believed in all that corny stuff about first loves or soulmates, but sometimes when Ash looked at him, it felt like he was seeing parts of himself he'd never known were there. That made it worse somehow. Scarier.

He tried to cover it up by being snappy, by rolling his eyes or acting bored.

But under all the sarcasm and the tired irritation, there was this warm, jittery thing he couldn't shake.

The knowledge that Ash actually liked him back, actuallywanted him despite everything, made him feel even more unsure of himself.

Every time Ash smiled at him or touched his arm, Viv's brain short-circuited.

He wasn't used to this. He wasn't used to caring this much.

Ash let out a huge yawn, scrubbing at their eyes with the heel of their hand. They looked so small all of a sudden, shoulders rounded in that baggy hoodie.

Viv watched them quietly, trying not to let his chest twist with how much he liked the look of a sleep Ash. "You look like you're about to pass out," he said, his voice softer than he meant it to be. "Maybe you should... I dunno. Take a nap or something."

Ash hesitated, their teeth catching on their lower lip. "Will you..." They trailed off, gaze dropping to their hands.

Viv tilted his head a little. "Will I what?"

Ash shifted, looking almost embarrassed. "Will you... stay close? Just until I fall asleep?"

Viv's heart jumped so hard it almost hurt. "Yeah," he said, the word tumbling out faster than he could stop it. "Yeah, of course."

Ash looked up then, cheeks warm pink, and gave a small relieved nod. "Okay. Thanks."

Viv stood first and pulled back the thin covers, trying not to think too much about what this meant or how close they'd be. He slid into the bed and held his breath as Ash followed, curling onto their side and inching close.

"Come here," Viv mumbled, voice a little rough. He lifted his arm in invitation.

Ash didn't need to be asked twice. They tucked themselves against Viv's chest, face pressed into his t-shirt.

Viv wrapped his arm around them, trying not to freak out about how natural it felt.

It was quiet, just the sound of Ash's breathing and the hum of the heater.

For the first time all day, Viv felt like maybe, just maybe, he could close his eyes and pretend everything was okay.

Ash suddenly let out a long, disgruntled sigh against Viv's chest.

"What?" Viv mumbled, tensing a little. "What's wrong?"

Ash shifted, burying their face deeper into his shirt. "Sleeping in jeans is the worst. It's so uncomfortable."

"Oh." Viv went quiet, his brain going blank except for one very stupid idea. He cleared his throat. "Uh... you can... you can take them off if you want."

Ash's head snapped up, their eyes wide and uncertain. "What?"

Viv felt his face heat up instantly. "I mean—like—it's not a big deal. I promise I won't look. You'd be under the blanket anyway."

Ash hesitated, chewing their lip. "I don't know..."

"I swear I won't be a creep about it," Viv said, voice too earnest. "I'll keep my eyes right here." He pointed at the yellowing water stain on the ceiling.

Ash studied him for a long moment. Finally, they let out another sigh. "Fine. But don't look."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Viv lifted his arm so they could wriggle around. Under the covers, there was some muffled shuffling and the faint sound of denim sliding down legs. Viv stared intently at the ceiling, like it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen.

Ash eventually stilled again, huffing out an embarrassed breath. "Happy?"

"Yeah. Comfier?"

"...A little."

Ash sounded so mortified that Viv almost laughed. But before he could say anything else, Ash poked him in the ribs. "Now you have to take yours off, too."

"What?"

"You heard me," Ash grumbled, still not looking at him. "I'm not gonna be the only one half naked here. That's even weirder."

Viv swallowed hard, his face on fire. "You're serious?"

"Yeah."

He hesitated, then groaned softly. "Fine. But you better not look either."

"I won't."

They both stared at the ceiling in complete silence as Viv reluctantly shimmied out of his jeans under the blanket. When he was finally still again, he felt like he might actually die from how stupidly aware he was of the warm length of Ash pressed against him.

"...Better?" Ash finally asked.

Viv let out a shaky breath. "Yeah," he whispered. "Better."

He settled back against the pillow, trying to calm his breathing as Ash tucked themselves in close again.

Their thigh slid over his, warm skin brushing against his bare leg under the thin blanket.

He froze, feeling how smooth their skin was.

No stubble, no rough patches—just soft warmth pressed flush against him.

His brain, unhelpfully, decided to fixate on it.

Did Ash shave all his leg hair to seem more feminine? Or is he just naturally...like that?

Jesus Christ, Viv. Get a grip.

He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling mortified that even now, after everything,this was where his mind was going.

And worse, that his body was reacting like it was some teenage fantasy instead of.

..whatever the hell this was. Guilt prickled in his chest. And then, like another mental slap, he reminded himself: They!

! Not he. Fuck.They're not a boy. Or a girl. They're just...Ash.

He swallowed hard, trying to force himself to focus on the ceiling again, but it was impossible when he could feel their breath tickling his collarbone, their smooth leg sliding against his, their hand resting carefully on his stomach.

Don't be an asshole. Don't be a creep, he scolded himself.

But despite the voice in his head, despite every ounce of shame and anxiety twisting in his chest, he could feel it—the dull, undeniable ache low in his belly, the way his heart thumped like he'd just sprinted a mile.

He clenched his jaw and prayed Ash couldn't feel his erection that was slowly but surely rising.

He hoped Ash didn't notice the way he shifted ever so slightly, trying desperately to keep some distance.

But there was nowhere to go in that tiny bed.

Just Ash. Just warmth. Just this impossible, terrifying closeness that he wanted and didn't know how to handle.

"You okay?" Ash suddenly whispered.

Viv choked out a small, "mhm."

Ash just nodded against the crook of his neck.

Fuck, his breath on my skin. I'm acting like a complete virgin over here.

Ash shifted a little, trying to get comfortable, and Viv tensed up even more when their knee brushed against him. He tried to angle himself away, but there wasn't much room. Then Ash stilled. He could feel them go tense against his chest.

"...Viv?"

His throat went bone-dry. "Yeah?"

There was a beat of silence. Then, in the softest voice he'd ever heard Ash use: "Is that...are you...?"

Viv shut his eyes, feeling his face go hot enough to combust. "I—shit—I'm sorry. I swear I'm not trying to be—"

Ash pulled back just enough to look up at him, their cheeks bright pink. "You've got a—um—situation," they whispered, pressing their lips together to keep from laughing.

"I know," Viv groaned, covering his face with one hand. "Fuck. I'm sorry. It's not—it's not on purpose. You're just—here. And you're...you."

Ash's mouth twitched, and they let out a tiny, incredulous laugh.

"Sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm not exactly thinking with my brain right now," he muttered miserably, trying to shift onto his side to hide it.

Ash ducked their head, still blushing fiercely. "It's...fine. Really."

"It's not fine," Viv hissed. "I look like a total creep."

"You don't," Ash promised, their voice gentle. They reached out and tugged at the blanket, covering his hips more fully.

Viv groaned again, scrubbing both hands over his face. "Can we please never talk about this again?"

Ash's laugh was breathy and embarrassed, but somehow it made him feel a little better. "Why?" he murmured. "I feel kinda honoured."

"You what?" Viv asked dumbly.

Ash peeked up again and their eyes sparkled. "I've never had a guy get turned on by me before," he admitted sheepishly. "I mean, I...Like, I..."

"I can't believe people look past you," Viv found himself saying. "You're fucking amazing."

Ash blinked at him, slightly wide eyes.

Viv's cheeks were on fire. "I'm still sorry."

Ash was quiet. Too quiet. They were pressed against him, and Viv was trying to pretend that nothing humiliating had just happened when he felt Ash go stiff all over. "...Viv," Ash whispered, their voice suddenly tight.

"What?" he asked warily.

"I—" Ash sounded like they were struggling to swallow. "Fuck. I'm—um." Their breath hitched. "I think—I'm...hard, too."

Viv's eyes went wide. "Oh."

Ash pulled back a fraction, their face a mask of mortification.

Their voice cracked when they said, "I'm sorry.

I hate it. I hate that it—God, I don't even want to have a—" Their voice broke off, and they pressed a trembling hand to their mouth.

Ash shook their head again, like if they denied it hard enough, it would go away.

"I don't—I don't want to feel like this.

I don't want to have that. I can't even look at it. It's disgusting. It's—"

"Stop," Viv said firmly, leaning in closer. "It's not disgusting. You're not disgusting."

"But—"

"You're not," he insisted, brushing their hair back. "It's just your body doing something. That's all. It doesn't mean anything about you. Okay?"

Ash bit their lip hard, their breathing ragged. "But I don't want it."

Fuck, Viv's heart broke. Ash was talking about their genitals.

They didn't want to have male genitals, and Viv knew that.

Ash hated being reminded of his gender. Or, the fact that he didn't have a choice in it.

"I know," Viv murmured eventually. "I know you don't. You don't have to like it. But please don't hate yourself for it."

Ash didn't answer, but their chin wobbled.

Viv took a careful breath and rested his forehead against theirs. "You're okay," he whispered. "You're safe. Nothing bad is happening."

Ash's lashes fluttered, a tear slipping free down their cheek. Viv caught it with his thumb.

"I promise," he said, voice low and sure. "It's okay. I'm not going to do anything."

Ash's voice was barely a whisper, raw and trembling. "If I could... I'd have surgery. Remove it all. I hate being reminded I was born in this body."

Viv's heart clenched at the pain behind those words.

Ash swallowed hard, eyes downcast. "But... I don't want to be a girl either. I don't know what I want. I just know I want out of this... this body." They paused, voice breaking. "Sometimes, I think maybe I don't even know who I am."

Viv tightened his hold, careful not to squeeze too hard. "Hey, it's okay not to have all the answers. You don't have to figure it out right now."

"I feel broken."

"Well, you're not. Not in that way, anyway."

Ash looked up, eyes shining with a mix of fear and relief.

Viv looked down at them. "You're just figuring things out like everyone does, just in your own way."

Ash exhaled shakily, a small, tired smile flickering. "Thanks. For not being scared off."

"Why would I be?"

Ash's eyes flickered with vulnerability as he looked down at their intertwined hands. "Honestly... I thought you'd run for the hills the moment things got... sexual between us."

Viv blinked, surprised. "Why would you think that?"

Ash shrugged, cheeks pinking faintly. "I dunno. Maybe because I'm messed up, or because I'm not exactly what people expect. I figured someone like you, you know...someone normal and straight, would just bail."

Viv shook his head slowly, heart aching a little. "I'm not normal. And I don't care about labels. I like you, Ash. That's all that matters."

Ash's lips twitched into a small, genuine smile. "Guess I was wrong, huh?"

Viv grinned softly. "Yeah. You were."

Ash's smile faded into something softer, more uncertain. They looked up at Viv with wide, earnest eyes. "Hey... if we never do any of that sexual stuff—like, ever—will you still like me?"

Viv's heart clenched at the vulnerability in Ash's voice. "Yeah. Of course I will. I like you for you. Not for any of that other stuff."

Ash let out a breath they hadn't realised they were holding, relief washing over their face. "Good. Because sometimes... I don't know if I'm ready for that. Maybe I never will be."

Viv nodded slowly, understanding more than words could say. "Whenever you're ready, if ever, I'll be here."

"Sometimes I think maybe I dreamt you up," Ash murmured, "you're way too perfect."

"I'm not perfect. Trust me."

"But you're still too good to be true."

"Hey," Viv said playfully, "I'm the one with schizophrenia. Not you."

Ash burst out laughing at that. Their laugh echoed in the quiet room, breaking the tension that had been lingering between them. Viv couldn't help but smile, feeling the warmth of the moment wrap around him like a shield.

"Yeah, well," Ash wiped a tear from their eye, still chuckling, "if you're the one with schizophrenia, then I'm just the lucky one to have you."

Viv's heart thumped a little faster, but this time it wasn't nerves—it was something else. Something like hope.