The Darkness Consumes

Chapter 22 Not leaving you

Viv woke with a jolt the next morning, his hand instinctively reaching for the space beside him. All he felt were the cold, empty sheets.

"Ash?" he croaked, his voice dry and raspy with sleep.

His heart leapt into his throat when realising he was alone in here. He sat up. The room was quiet again. Too quiet. Was Ash gone? Did Viv freak him out last night and forced Ash to run away? Or worse...was Ash never real? Was he fake, just like Matteo was?

Then came the sound of running water.

Oh.

The shower.

He exhaled sharply, pressing his palm over his chest and forcing himself to calm down. Ash hadn't left him. They were just in the bathroom. Probably showering like a normal person. Probably okay. Probably.

Viv lay back for a few more seconds, trying to ignore the ache in his chest. Once his breathing evened out, he shoved the blanket away and swung his legs over the edge of the mattress.

His jeans were still bunched at the foot of the bed from the night before, and he tugged them on slowly, grimacing at the stiffness in his joints.

Motel mattresses weren't exactly five-star comfort.

He ran his fingers through his hair, made a half-hearted attempt at taming it, then pulled on his hoodie. By the time Ash stepped out of the bathroom with damp-haired, their hoodie zipped up tight, jeans clinging slightly from damp legs, Viv was already ready, arms folded and eyes on them.

"You okay?" Ash asked, voice soft.

Viv nodded. "Yeah. You?"

Ash gave a small shrug. "We should get moving if we want to get back to the hospital by this afternoon. There's a bus that goes into town every hour, and from there we can catch another."

Viv didn't answer right away. He just stood there, watching Ash, jaw working.

Ash blinked up at him. "What?"

Viv shifted, then rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not going back."

Ash froze. "What?"

"I said... I'm not going back. To the hospital."

A long silence followed. Ash's eyes searched his, confusion quickly giving way to something deeper. Almost like hurt. Or, maybe it was fear.

Viv couldn't hold their gaze. He looked down at the floor. "You should go, though. I mean it. Go. I can drop you off. I just... I can't go back. I don't want to. Not yet."

Viv could see it in Ash's face the moment his words sank in. Their expression shifted. Barely, but enough. Their jaw tightened, their brows twitched downward, and even though their mouth stayed still, their eyes burned with something furious and desperate.

Ash took a breath. Then another. But their voice still came out tight and shaking. "Why?"

Viv hesitated, then shrugged, staring at the carpet. "Because if I go back... if they put me on the meds again... I won't be able to see Matteo anymore." His voice cracked near the end. "And I just... I need to see him one more time. I don't care if he's not real."

Ash stared at him like he'd just confessed something unspeakable. "Are you listening to yourself right now?" they snapped.

Viv flinched. "I know it sounds—"

"No, it doesn't just sound anything," Ash cut in, stepping forward, shaking now, their voice rising. "You're saying you'd rather chase some hallucination? Chase your dead brother, than get actual help? Than get better?"

"I just want one more moment," Viv said, eyes stinging. "One more time where he feels real."

"You're being selfish."

That stung more than it should have. Viv's head jerked up. "You think I don't know that?" he snapped. "You think I don't know what I'm doing is fucked? You think I don't know how messed up this all is?"

Ash's voice trembled. "Then why won't you stop?"

"Because he's all I have left!" Viv shouted, fists clenched. "I need him, Ash. Even if he's not real, I need him."

Ash stood there for a second, lips parted like they wanted to say something.

..then shook their head. "I can't do this with you right now.

It doesn't matter what I say to you, does it?

You won't ever listen. You're just going to continue living in fantasy land.

" And with that, they turned and stormed out the motel door, slamming it shut behind them.

Viv just stood there in the silence.

For a moment, he didn't move. The air felt heavy, thick in his lungs. He dragged a hand through his hair, muttered a curse under his breath, then grabbed his shit and followed.

They didn't speak as they checked out of the motel. The woman behind the desk gave them a skeptical look, but Viv didn't even register it. He handed back the key with a muttered thanks, and Ash stood behind him, arms crossed, eyes on the floor.

The sun had barely risen. The street smelled like stale rain and car exhaust. Together, in a stiff, awkward silence, they walked down the road toward the bus stop.

Ash didn't look at him once.

Viv cleared his throat. "I've still got some cash left from last night," he said, trying to sound light and casual, like they hadn't just ripped each other open ten minutes ago. "We could, um, grab something to eat. If you want."

Ash didn't say anything. They didn't even look at him.

"You hungry?" Viv asked.

Silence.

Viv's throat tightened. He glanced sideways, heart racing as the silence stretched longer than he could stand. "Ash?" he said again, more uncertain this time.

Still nothing.

Panic started to swell in his chest, tight and suffocating. He blinked quickly, tried to keep his expression neutral, but his voice cracked when he spoke again. "Please don't ignore me. I... I hate it when you're mad at me. I—I can't do this if you're mad at me."

Still, Ash said nothing.

"Please, Ash. Look, I'm sorry okay? You know I hate it when we fight. Just don't ignore me. Please. You're the only real thing I have left," Viv pleaded.

That got Ash's attention.

They stopped walking, arms still crossed, and turned to face him, their expression unreadable.

Their eyes flicked over his face, and for a second, Viv thought maybe they were about to soften.

Maybe they'd forgive him, like they always seemed to do.

Eventually, anyway. But instead, Ash's voice came out steady. Quiet. Cold.

"You're right. I am real, Viv."

Viv's stomach dropped.

Ash's jaw clenched. "And if you want me to keep being on your side, if you want me to stay with you and talk to you, then you have to let go of what isn't real."

Viv stared at them, stunned. It hit him like a punch to the chest. He took a step back without meaning to, shaking his head a little.

Ash shook their head too, gaze flicking away.

"You can't keep choosing ghosts and memories and hallucinations over people who are actually here.

Not if you want me to stay. It's not fair.

You think you're the only person who this is impacting?

You're not. What about me, huh? You think this is easy for me?

To see the person I like spiral out of control?

I don't like it. I can't cope with that.

You're being selfish, Viv. So goddamn selfish. "

Viv opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

His lips just trembled silently. It felt like the world tilted a little under his feet.

Like the floor was suddenly too narrow. Like he couldn't breathe properly.

Matteo had always felt like a lifeline. Like the only thread tying him to something real, even if his brain kept telling him otherwise.

But Ash? Ash was real. Their voice. Their warmth. The weight of their body when they hugged. The way they looked at him like he mattered. And now he had to choose. Viv felt like a little kid again. Powerless. Stupid. Scared.

"What do you want me to do?" Viv asked pathetically.

"You know what I want you to do."

"I don't," he whispered.

Ash didn't move. Didn't comfort him. Didn't smile. They just said, "Figure it out."

The low groan of the approaching bus made Viv's stomach twist. His eyes locked on the front of it.

It was dusty blue with faded numbers, a dull glow in the early morning light.

The engine rumbled like a warning. The kind of sound that made things feel final.

That told you the time to decide had run out.

Ash stood stiff beside him, arms folded, face turned toward the bus but not looking at it. Their jaw was set tight. They weren't going to beg. Viv knew that.

The bus slowed, brakes hissing as it rolled to a stop in front of them. The doors squealed open.

His chest tightened, hands clammy.

He could hear his own pulse in his ears.

Could feel the weight of everything he was about to leave behind.

Matteo's voice in the back of his mind, the flickers of hallucinated comfort, the idea that maybe, just maybe, he hadn't lost his brother after all even though he knew he had.

All of it teetered in his throat, thick and choking.

The driver was already looking impatient. People were boarding. Ash stepped onto the bus without a word. Viv's heart stuttered. His fingers curled at his sides.

And then he moved.

Almost on instinct, he surged forward at the last second. He didn't think, didn't look back. He just took a quick shaky step. The door hissed shut behind him.

Viv barely had time to breathe before Ash turned toward him and cupped the side of his face gently, their thumb brushing his cheek. "You did it," Ash whispered. Their eyes shimmered with something soft and warm, something achingly real. "You chose the real world."

Viv's breath hitched. His throat felt tight.

He didn't know if it was guilt or relief or some impossible mix of both.

Ash leaned in and pressed a light, trembling kiss to his lips.

Not rushed. Not desperate. Just enough to remind Viv that they were there, that this was happening, that he hadn't imagined this moment.

When they pulled back, Ash rested their forehead against his and murmured, "We'll figure it out together. One step at a time."

Viv closed his eyes.

"Oi, lovebirds," the bus driver snapped, his voice gravelly and irritated. "This ain't a honeymoon cruise. You gonna pay or what?"

Viv and Ash jerked apart like they'd been shocked.

Both of them flushed bright red, fumbling for the crumpled notes Viv had stolen the day before.

Ash dug into their pocket for coins, avoiding eye contact with the driver, and Viv muttered a quick apology as he shoved the cash into the machine.

The driver rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath as they hurried to the back of the bus.

They sank into the last row in silence, cheeks still burning. For a moment, all Viv could hear was the hum of the engine and the soft buzz of other passengers chatting, typing, sleeping.

He stared out the window. The city blurred past, grey and slow and half-dead with morning traffic. The warmth from Ash's shoulder pressed quietly against his. Neither of them spoke, but Viv didn't need words to know they were both thinking the same thing:

We're really doing this. We're really going back.

The journey dragged. Stops came and went. People got on, got off. The sky grew brighter, then dull again, the day shifting from early blue to a soft, sunless grey. Viv's stomach grumbled somewhere around the eleventh stop, but he ignored it. He felt like if he ate, it'd come right back up anyway.

Ash eventually leaned their head on his shoulder. They looked tired and hungry too.

By the time the bus finally creaked to a stop near the outskirts of town, it was just past noon. Viv rubbed at his eyes as they stepped off the bus, blinking into the light.

There it was.

The hospital.

That same cold building with the long windows and glass entrance. White bricks. Dead hedges out front. Too clean. Too quiet. Ash stood beside him, staring at it like it was a haunted house.

Viv swallowed hard. "I forgot how big it looked."

Ash nodded, arms crossed tight over their chest. "Me too."

The front doors loomed ahead, motionless.

Heavy. Viv couldn't help but think of the last time they'd walked through them, how different everything had felt.

How broken he'd been. How broken he still was.

He looked at Ash. Ash looked at him. They weren't fixed.

Not even close. But they had each other, and that was something.

~

Viv should've known.

Of course he and Ash were going to be separated the moment they walked through the hospital doors.

He should've braced for it, should've known that the universe wouldn't let him have even one good thing for longer than a heartbeat.

But still, when one of the nurses gently told them they'd be placed in separate wards "for observation and safety protocol," it felt like a slap to the face.

Ash had squeezed his hand. Promised to see him during group therapy.

Promised they'd still find ways to sneak off and talk.

But it wasn't the same.

Now Viv was stuck in a shared room with a guy named Bobby who was loud, twitchy and always moving. Bobby who snored like a dying lawnmower and had a habit of narrating every single thought that entered his head. Loudly. Especially when Viv was trying to sleep.

Apparently, Bobby had ADHD and suicidal tendencies.

That was what the staff said, as if it somehow made everything more manageable.

As if it justified why Viv had to share his tiny space with someone who chewed with his mouth open and asked questions at a hundred miles per hour. Viv already wanted to scream.

He wasn't heartless, he knew Bobby was struggling just like everyone else in here. But that didn't stop the irritation from curling in his chest like a fist every time Bobby started humming at 3am. or tapping out drumbeats against the metal bedframe early in the mornings.

Viv knew that being here again meant swallowing his pride and doing what he had to do. But god, he missed Ash.

Francine, a new nurse with a tight blonde bun and shoes that squeaked every time she turned a corner, didn't let Viv walk anywhere alone.

Apparently bolting from a hospital in the middle of the day got you put on a little list. Now she followed him around like an overprotective aunt, arms crossed, lips pursed like she was always about two seconds away from saying "You've lost my trust, young man.

" And of course, Bobby was tagging along too, chattering nonstop as they made their way down the long corridor toward the cafeteria.

"So I had this dream last night where a dog was trying to sell me a cursed toaster—"

"Jesus Christ, Bobby," Viv muttered under his breath, dragging his feet.

Francine shot him a warning look.

When they reached the cafeteria, the room buzzed with the usual early-morning chaos. Trays clattering, patients murmuring, the faint squeal of someone refusing meds in the back.

Viv didn't hesitate. The second they all walked in, he locked eyes with Ash sitting at a table near the window, and speed-walked straight for them, barely registering Francine's voice calling after him to "slow down, young man!"

Ash stood up just in time, arms open. Viv crashed into them and melted into the hug, burying his face in their shoulder. Ash wrapped their arms tight around him and held him there like they'd been waiting all morning for this. Viv didn't even care that a few people were staring.

"You okay?" Ash murmured into his hair.

Viv didn't answer. Not right away. He just nodded, clinging to Ash like they were the only real thing in the entire building. It may have looked comical that Viv was clinging to somebody much shorter than him, but he didn't care. Here, in Ash's arms, he felt safe. He felt okay.

They sat down across from each other, the tension between them softening a little with the quiet familiarity of the moment. The metal tray clattered as the nurse set it on the table, and a moment later, Francine dropped Ash's tray down too. She stood there, arms crossed.

"Medication. Now," she said flatly, holding out the two paper cups—one with Viv's pills, the other with a lukewarm sip of water.

Viv rolled his eyes but took the pills obediently, tossing them back and swallowing in one go. Ash did the same. Viv watched the way their jaw clenched a little before they swallowed. He knew the taste of those pills, they always left a bitter residue, no matter how fast you took them.

Francine hovered for another few seconds, then gave a tight nod. "Good. I'll be back in thirty minutes."

As she walked away, Viv exhaled and muttered, "Always a pleasure."

Ash huffed out a laugh, poking half-heartedly at their eggs with a plastic fork.

Viv leaned forward slightly. "Hey. You okay?"

Ash nodded, but it wasn't very convincing. Their eyes were a little puffy. Maybe from sleep. Maybe from crying.

Viv's voice lowered. "Who's your new roommate?"

Ash wrinkled their nose. "Some kid named Jenna. She's... quiet. Really quiet. Like, freakishly quiet. But not in a mean way. Just... like she's scared of everyone."

"A girl?" Viv asked in surprised.

Ash gnawed on their bottom lip, nodding hesitantly.

"Right," Viv murmured.

Ash cleared their throat. "What about you?"

Viv heaved a sigh. "Bobby."

Ash snorted. "You got stuck with him?"

"I'd rather sleep in the hallway."

Ash smiled faintly, but it didn't quite reach their eyes.

Viv pushed his tray aside. "If she's weird or makes you uncomfortable, you can tell them you want someone else, right?"

Ash shrugged. "I don't want to make a fuss. She's not hurting anyone. Just..." They hesitated. "I miss you."

Viv's heart thumped a little harder in his chest. "Yeah," he said quietly. "I miss you too."

Ash stabbed a chunk of rubbery scrambled egg with their fork, chewing slowly. Viv barely touched his food, mostly just pushed a piece of toast around. "You were the perfect roommate for me," Ash said quietly after a pause.

Viv glanced up, caught off guard by the sincerity in their voice. "I was an asshole."

"Only at first. Then you were sweet."

Viv smirked. "Sounds like you're romanticising me, Ash. Careful, or you'll fall in love with your new roommate."

Ash wrinkled their nose. "Ugh. Please. Jenna barely speaks, and I'm ninety-nine percent sure she cried when I turned the light on this morning. Plus, I'm not into girls."

Viv chuckled under his breath, but it didn't last long.

A pair of footsteps approached their table, polished and clinical, and both of them immediately tensed.

Viv looked up just in time to see Dr. Jacobs adjusting the sleeves of his white lab-looking coat and clearing his throat.

Ash shrank slightly in their seat. Viv felt like a kid who'd been caught passing notes in class.

"Morning," Dr. Jacobs said, too politely. "Viviano, can I have a moment of your time?"

Viv's heart dropped a little. The use of his full name always meant trouble. He glanced at Ash, who looked equally guilty. "Sure," Viv muttered.

Dr. Jacobs gave a short nod, already turning to head back toward the hallway.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Viv murmured.

"Okay," Ash muttered back, already feeling depressed that the two of them couldn't just go back to their rooms together.

Viv pushed back his chair slowly and followed Dr Jacobs, stomach twisting.

He didn't even need to ask what it was about.

He had a feeling he was about to get a full lecture on medication compliance, impulsivity, "episodes," and probably a thinly veiled warning about Ash being a "distraction.

" Oh, and not to forget his damn prison break.

He exhaled through his nose, nerves beginning to fray.

Viv shuffled into Dr. Jacobs' office, hands shoved deep into the sleeves of his hoodie. The room was painfully sterile. He hovered awkwardly near the door, waiting for the lecture to begin. But instead, Dr. Jacobs offered a small, calm smile and gestured to the chair across from him. "Have a seat."

Viv sat down, eyes narrowing. He was already suspicious.

Dr. Jacobs leaned forward, folding his hands on the desk. "I want to start by saying... I'm proud of you."

Viv blinked. "Huh?"

"For coming back," Dr. Jacobs clarified. "You ran, yes, but you also returned. That tells me you still want help. That you want to get better. And that's something to be proud of."

Viv stared at him like he'd grown a second head. "You're not gonna yell at me?"

Dr. Jacobs chuckled lightly. "Would it help?"

"...No," Viv admitted with a scowl.

"Then no. I'm not going to yell." He paused, then added gently, "But I am going to be firm. You're here now, and that means committing to the treatment plan. That means staying on your medication and checking in with your team. You don't get better by disappearing."

Viv crossed his arms. "It was Ash. Ash is the reason I came back. If it weren't for them, I'd still be on that bus stop bench convincing myself my dead brother was alive."

Dr. Jacobs nodded thoughtfully. "Ash is important to you."

"I want to room with them again," Viv said immediately, sitting forward. "This new guy they've got me with—Bobby? He doesn't shut up. I'm not gonna sleep for a week."

"Room assignments aren't always up to me," Dr. Jacobs said cautiously. "Sometimes we have to consider broader dynamics. Safety, compatibility, the treatment needs of others—"

"I don't care," Viv cut in. "Ash and I work. They're the only reason I'm here. If you want me to actually stay, let me be around the person who makes me feel sane."

Dr. Jacobs regarded him in silence for a long moment, lips pressed together, weighing something.

"Please," Viv added, softer this time. "Just... think about it."

Dr. Jacobs studied Viv's face like he was trying to read between the lines of a story that had too many sharp turns. Viv didn't look away, he couldn't. His stomach was twisted with nerves, and he didn't know how else to say it: He needed Ash.

Finally, the doctor sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I'll talk to the staff. No promises, but... I'll see what I can do."

Viv deflated like someone had let the air out of him. "Okay. Thanks."

"You know," Dr. Jacobs said after a beat, "it's not a weakness, relying on someone else. The fact that you and Ash have built this kind of support system is powerful. But it can't be everything, Viv. You still need to do the work for yourself, not just for him."

"Them," Viv corrected.

"Them," Dr.Jacobs corrected.

"I know, okay? I know," Viv mumbled. "I just... I'm trying."

"I can see that." Dr. Jacobs reached for a folder and flipped it open. "So let's start from where we are. You've been back less than twenty-four hours. You've taken your medication, shown up for breakfast, and had no incidents. That's good. But we'll need to monitor you closely for the next week."

"Because you think I'll bolt again?"

"Because we're concerned about your stability. Especially with the hallucinations you reported... about your brother."

Viv's throat clenched. "I know he's not real. I just—"

"It's okay." Dr. Jacobs' voice was low, kind. "You don't have to explain. I just want to help you process it when you're ready. But let's take it slow."

Viv gave a short nod and stood up, legs a little stiff. "Can I go back now?"

Dr. Jacobs didn't stop him. "Yes. One last thing though. If you feel like you're slipping, like the urge to run is coming back, I want you to talk to someone. Anyone. Nurse Francine. Me. Ash. Even Bobby, if he's not talking your ear off."

Viv rolled his eyes at that but cracked the tiniest smile. "I'll try."

"That's all I ask."

As he stepped out of the office, the weight of everything felt just a little lighter—but only a little. He didn't know if he'd get to room with Ash again. He didn't know if his brain was going to betray him again. But for now, he had one job: stay. Stay here. Stay grounded. Stay real.