The Darkness Consumes

Chapter 25 Partners in crime

The rec room was quieter than usual. The usual hum of background chatter had dulled to a murmur, like everyone was walking around trying not to wake something up. Maybe it was grief. Maybe it was just awkwardness. Either way, Viv tried not to think about it too hard.

He sat cross-legged on the floor across from Ash, eyes narrowed in concentration as he slowly slid a block from the middle of the Jenga tower. His hand was a little shaky. Side effect number four, probably. Maybe five. There were so many now he'd lost count.

"Your turn," he muttered, sitting back with a quiet breath of relief when the tower stayed standing.

Ash leaned forward, resting their chin on their knee for a second before reaching out for their own block. "You look tired," they said gently.

Viv shrugged. "I feel tired. These meds... they're weird. It's like my brain's underwater. Or like someone stuffed it with cotton wool." He tapped the side of his head. "Everything feels slower. Like my reactions. My thoughts. Even my dreams. It's like nothing's sharp anymore."

Ash frowned as they pulled out a block without making the tower wobble. "That sounds horrible."

"I mean... it's better than screaming at the ceiling or seeing my dead brother eating Frosties in the corner," Viv said, trying to keep it light. He cracked a small smile. "But yeah. It sucks."

Ash tilted their head. "Do you think they'll ease up?"

Viv sighed. "Maybe. Or maybe I'll just get used to it and forget what normal used to feel like. That's the scary part, y'know? I'm not even sure what 'me' feels like anymore. Just this blurry, medicated version."

They were both quiet for a bit, watching the Jenga tower sway slightly in the still air.

Across the room, a group of patients sat watching some dull sitcom on the wall-mounted TV, the laugh track sounding painfully fake.

A nurse read a paperback behind the desk, occasionally looking up like she didn't really want to.

Viv stole a glance at the armchairs near the window.

Bobby used to sit there, headphones in, legs swinging like a bored kid.

He hadn't even known the guy that well. Just a few offhand conversations and muttered 'good nights'.

But the image of him slouched in bed snoring or trailing behind Nurse Francine with crumbs on his jumper stuck like gum in Viv's head.

Ash nudged him with their foot. "You're thinking about him again, aren't you?"

Viv blinked, caught off guard. "Yeah. I mean no. I don't know. I keep telling myself not to. I barely knew him. A week. That's it. And yet..."

"And yet it still sucks," Ash said. "Because you shared a space with him. He was a person. A loud, messy person who you probably would've grown to like. Or hate. Or both."

Viv gave a quiet laugh. "Definitely both."

"Me too," Ash said with a small grin. "He chewed so loud and talked wayyyy too much."

They both laughed, the kind of laugh that didn't feel real but helped loosen the tightness in their chests anyway.

Viv stared at the half-dismantled tower. "Sometimes I think maybe it's better not to get close to people in here. Because everything feels temporary. You never know who's gonna vanish next."

Ash frowned. "Yeah. But if we don't get close to anyone, then what's the point of getting better?"

Viv didn't answer. He just carefully reached for another block. His fingers were still a little shaky.

Ash's voice was soft, barely above the hum of the air vent behind them. "Do you ever regret it?"

Viv didn't look up. His fingers paused over the Jenga tower, hovering. "Regret what?"

"Getting close to me."

That made Viv lift his head. Ash wasn't smiling. Their eyes were a little tired, a little careful, the way people look when they're bracing for impact. Like they'd already convinced themselves of the answer but had to ask anyway, just in case.

Viv sat back sharply. "No. Don't be stupid."

Ash gave a crooked smile, but it didn't quite reach their eyes. "I'm not. I just... I know I'm a lot sometimes. And I'm not exactly an easy person to be around. I don't even know who I am half the time."

Viv frowned. "Welcome to the club."

Ash let out a soft laugh at that.

A pause settled again, not heavy, just a little nervous. Like both of them were tiptoeing around something they hadn't dared say out loud yet. Ash nudged one of the wooden blocks absently with their thumb.

"Do you think you'd ever want this... like, something real?" they asked. "Outside of here?"

Viv didn't answer right away. He stared at the tower again, wondering how the hell one question could make his chest feel like it was caving in.

He thought about the hospital walls. About meds that dulled the edges of everything.

About group sessions and meal trays and sleeping in beds that weren't his.

But he also thought about Ash. About the way their hand felt when it brushed his under the table.

About the way they always smelled like some kind of cheap laundry powder and safety.

About how fucking pretty they were all the time without even trying.

"I don't know what real even means anymore," Viv muttered.

Ash tilted their head. "Well... I mean, like, being together. Not in a hospital. Not because we're both here by default but because we choose to be."

Viv looked at them properly then. Ash looked nervous, sure, but they also looked hopeful. Like they were daring Viv to believe in something better. And that kind of hope? That scared the hell out of him.

"I think," Viv said slowly, "if I ever got out of here and could keep my head on straight... yeah. I'd want something real."

Ash blinked. "With me?"

Viv rolled his eyes, face pink. "Obviously with you, dumbass."

Ash laughed quietly and leaned in. "Okay. Good. Because that's what I want too."

Viv grinned.

The buzzer suddenly rang, sharp and too loud, signalling the end of rec time. A few groans echoed across the room as chairs scraped back and cards and puzzles were shoved half-heartedly into their boxes. Viv and Ash glanced at each other, both reluctant to move.

"I guess that's us," Ash said, voice soft.

Viv nodded, pushing himself up to a standing position and stretching.

His body still felt sluggish, like his limbs weren't fully convinced they were part of him yet.

Ash didn't look any more energised. They were quiet as they walked the familiar halls side by side, fingers brushing now and then but never quite linking.

Back in their room, the air felt heavier. Maybe it was just the quiet, or maybe it was the ghost of everything unsaid. Neither of them spoke as they grabbed their pyjamas and turned their backs to change, the silence between them comfortable in that moment.

Viv tugged his hoodie off and exchanged it for a clean shirt, trying not to overthink the fact that Ash was doing the same just behind him. He still wasn't used to being so close to someone.

When he finally turned around, Ash was already padding across the room, eyes half-lidded, clearly on auto-pilot as they made their way toward Viv's bed. Viv reached out a hand, gently stopping them with a hand on their arm.

"Ash... wait."

Ash blinked up at him, confused. "What?"

Viv scratched the back of his neck. "Dr Jacobs said we're not allowed to sleep in the same bed anymore. Hospital policy."

Ash's expression fell. Not in a dramatic way, just something small and tired and quietly disappointed. "Oh."

"Yeah."

Ash nodded slowly, stepping back. "Right. Makes sense, I guess."

Viv hated the space that immediately grew between them.

It felt colder. Too wide. But he also remembered the way Carla had looked at them that morning, the way Dr Jacobs had phrased it so carefully in his office.

No one had shouted. No one had punished them.

But the message had still landed like a slap.

"I mean," Viv said, "it's not forever. Just... for now."

Ash gave a small, tight smile. "Yeah. For now."

They each climbed into their own beds. The light overhead hummed, harsh and artificial. Viv turned to face Ash, and a beat later he heard Ash do the same. Even with only six feet of space between them, Viv had never felt farther away.

Viv lay still for a moment, staring across the narrow gap between the beds. Ash's face was half in shadow, but Viv could just about make out the way their cheek was pressed into the pillow, how their eyes were wide open, not even pretending to be asleep.

The space between them might as well have been a canyon.

Viv let out a frustrated huff and threw his blanket off. "Screw this," he muttered.

Ash blinked. "What?"

"If we can't share a bed," Viv said, already standing up and grabbing the side of his bed, "then we're at least moving them closer."

Ash sat up slightly, watching with a mixture of amusement and curiosity as Viv pulled his bed noisily a few inches toward the middle of the room. The legs scraped against the linoleum with an awful sound, and Ash winced.

"Subtle," they whispered, lips twitching.

"Don't care." Viv stepped back and assessed the new gap. Still a bit too wide. He grunted and pulled the bed again until the corners were nearly touching.

Ash got the message. They scooted to the edge of their own bed and gave theirs a push too, closing the space until there was only a small sliver between them. It was thin enough to reach across with their hands.

"There," Viv said, a little out of breath, brushing his hands together, "hospital policy still intact."

Ash gave him a sleepy grin. "You're such a rebel."

Viv rolled his eyes and got back into his bed. But then he hesitated. "Can I..." he nodded toward the middle space, already feeling awkward, "you know. Hold your hand or something?"

Ash didn't answer with words. They just reached out, their fingers finding Viv's across the small gap, their touch warm and steady. Viv let out a quiet breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

They lay there like that in the dark, hands clasped between the beds, and though they weren't tangled under the same blanket anymore, Viv felt the distance shrink just enough for him to smile sleepily.

Ash's fingers gently traced the back of Viv's hand, their voice low. "You know... when I first met you, I was so nervous."

Viv turned his head on the pillow, watching them through the half-light. "Nervous? Of me?"

Ash nodded, a soft smile playing on their lips. "Yeah. You were all... guarded and moody and kind of a dick, honestly. But also really attractive, which made it worse."

Viv let out a quiet laugh. "Wow. Flattered, I think."

Ash squeezed his hand. "I just really wanted you to like me. Which was dumb, 'cause I didn't even like myself back then. I was a mess."

"You're still a mess," Viv mumbled, a smirk tugging at his mouth.

Ash snorted. "Takes one to know one."

They fell into a quiet pause, the air between them full of something soft and unspoken.

Viv sighed. "I'm sorry if I was a dick. I just didn't know how to...do this. Talk. Be normal. Especially around someone like you."

Ash tilted their head. "Someone like me?"

Viv looked away, embarrassed. "Someone I liked. It freaked me out."

Ash was quiet for a second. Then they smiled, just a little. "Well. You're still kind of a dick, but I like you too."

Viv chuckled under his breath. "Cool. We're both disasters who like each other. Sounds like a solid foundation."

Ash nodded seriously. "Totally healthy and functional."

They lapsed into silence again, fingers still interlocked, the glow of the hallway light just barely bleeding under the door.

A few days passed, and for a little while, things almost felt manageable. Viv and Ash had settled into a quiet rhythm again with group therapy, meals, rec time, long conversations in the dark with their beds pushed just close enough to touch.

But the calm never lasted long. Not here.

Viv woke up one morning with a heaviness in his chest and an ache in his head, like the world had started pressing in before he even opened his eyes.

His mouth was dry, tongue thick, and the bedsheets felt like they were made of sandpaper.

He didn't know what had triggered it, maybe it was nothing, or maybe it was everything.

But something was off. Wrong. He didn't want to get up.

Didn't want to talk. Didn't want to be perceived.

Ash was already sitting up on their own bed, tugging on a hoodie and yawning. They looked over at him and smiled gently. "Morning sleepyhead."

Viv grunted in response and threw the blanket back over his head.

Ash blinked. "You okay?"

Viv didn't answer. He didn't feel like pretending today.

He didn't feel like being anyone at all.

He could feel the irritation crawling under his skin already, all hot twitchy and mean.

He couldn't explain it, not even to himself.

It just felt like something bad was going to happen.

Like the day had already decided to be shit and he was just along for the ride.

Nurse Carla knocked once on the door, then stepped inside with her usual clipboard tucked under her arm. "Alright, you two. Breakfast time," she said with forced cheerfulness, eyes flicking from Ash to Viv. "Let's go."

Ash slipped off the bed, already pulling on their slippers. "Viv. You hungry?" they asked softly.

Viv didn't move. The blanket stayed over his face.

Nurse Carla's voice dropped in pitch, a little more serious now. "Viviano? You feeling okay this morning?"

Still nothing.

Ash's shoulders tensed. They crossed the room and sat at the edge of Viv's bed, careful not to touch him. "Viv," they tried again, voice thinner this time. "You awake?"

Still no response.

"Say something, please," Ash said.

Nothing came but the faint sound of Viv's breathing under the blanket. Ash glanced helplessly at Nurse Carla, who sighed and scribbled something on her clipboard.

"This kind of behaviour," she said coolly, "will go down on your chart. Non-compliant. If you're refusing to engage, we'll have to take that into account at your next review. That just means a longer hospital stay."

Ash flinched at her words like she'd slapped them and quickly turned back to Viv. "Please," they whispered to Viv. "Don't do this again. Come on, let's go for some breakfast."

The blanket twitched slightly, just barely, but Viv still didn't speak.

Nurse Carla pressed her lips into a tight line. "Come on, Ash. Let's give him a moment."

Ash looked like they wanted to argue, but in the end, they stood, casting one last pleading glance at the lump of blanket that was Viv. Then they followed Carla out, the door clicking shut behind them.

Viv didn't move. He just sank deeper into the mattress and let the quiet swallow him. His chest felt tight, his limbs heavy, like something unseen was pressing down on him. He didn't care if it went on his record. He didn't care about breakfast. He didn't care about anything.

Eventually, sleep pulled him under again, thick and numb.

The next time he stirred, it was to the sensation of the bed dipping behind him. Warmth. A careful arm sneaking around his waist.

He tensed instinctively, blinking blearily at the wall in front of him. "Ash?"

"Yeah. It's me."

Viv didn't turn around. He felt Ash curl up gently behind him, socked feet brushing against his calves.

"They let me come back after group," Ash whispered. "Said you were still in bed. I figured you'd need someone."

Viv didn't speak, but the way he let his body soften into the touch said enough.

Ash didn't say anything either. Their hand stayed resting lightly against Viv's stomach, not pushing, just there. It was solid and warm.

"I don't get it," Viv murmured finally, voice rough from sleep.

"Nothing's even wrong. Like... right now, my life's probably the most stable it's been in years.

I'm not homeless, I'm not starving, I'm not stressed out, my mom's not getting on my nerves, I'm not running away from anything.

And still..." He paused. Swallowed hard.

"I woke up and everything already felt.. .grey."

Ash shifted closer, their forehead gently pressing between Viv's shoulder blades.

"That doesn't mean you're not allowed to have bad days," they said softly.

"Your brain is probably tired. Or it's just trying to protect you and give you some time to think about things.

Or... maybe it's just being an asshole."

Viv let out a half-breath, somewhere between a scoff and a sigh. "It's like I'm waiting for something to go wrong. Like if I feel okay for too long, something's gonna crash down. So my brain just... jumps the gun and crashes anyway."

"That makes sense," Ash whispered. "Your brain's used to surviving. Not being safe."

They lay there in silence for a moment. Viv stared at the wall, eyes unfocused. "I wish I had a reason," he muttered. "Some big, dramatic thing to point at and say, 'that's why I feel like shit today.' But there's nothing. It's just... me."

"It's not just you," Ash said firmly. "It's the illness. It's how trauma messes with your wiring. Doesn't matter if everything's fine on paper. You're still healing. That's not a straight line."

Viv nodded, though he wasn't sure Ash could see it. "I hate it."

"I know," Ash said gently.

Viv felt his throat tighten, and this time he didn't stop his hand from reaching down and finding Ash's, threading their fingers together. "Have you ever thought about a career in therapy?"

"No," Ash laughed a little.

"I think you'd be great at it," Viv murmured. "I think i'd like to have a boyfriend who was a therapist. At least I wouldn't have to pay money to rant at somebody."

Ash went quiet. Not the comfortable kind of quiet they often shared, but a sudden stillness that made Viv's stomach drop.

And he knew why.

The second the word left his mouth, Viv knew.

He'd said boyfriend.

He hadn't meant anything by it, not really.

It just came out, like the way you say you're grabbing a Kleenex even if it's not actually a Kleenex.

Like how calling Ash beautiful didn't feel like putting them in a box.

But boyfriend was different. It came with its own heavy shape.

Viv stared at the wall again, cursing himself.

"Shit," he muttered. "Fuck. I did it again, didn't I? Jesus christ. I can't win. Ash, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

Ash didn't move away. They didn't pull their hand back, but they also didn't say anything.

"I wasn't thinking," Viv went on. "I just said it because it's what people say. I know you're not a boy, I swear I know that. You're just... you. And I'm a fucking asshole who should've said partner or something neutral instead of—"

"It's okay," Ash cut in softly.

"No, it's not," Viv cut in. "That was shitty of me. Especially after everything you told me. About how you don't feel like either, and how language messes with your head, and I still—"

Ash squeezed him. "Viv. I said it's okay."

Viv blinked, throat dry.

Ash shifted a little behind him, pressing their forehead to his shoulder again. "You're not an asshole. You're someone who's still learning. And it only hurt for a second because I know you didn't mean it like that."

Viv closed his eyes, letting out a breath. "Still. I'll do better. I know I always say that, but it's true. I mean it. I want to do better for you. Fucking hell, why do I always ruin things? You matter too much to me to get lazy with words. I need to try harder."

Ash didn't reply right away. But then he felt them nod against his back. "Thanks," they whispered. "I really appreciate that."

Viv swallowed, guilt still coiled in his chest, but their fingers stayed laced together, and Ash didn't let go.

For a long, quiet moment, neither of them spoke. The room was dim, the kind of soft hospital dark where the hallway lights still bled under the door, casting slivers of gold across the floor. Viv's heart was thudding somewhere near his throat.

Then, so quietly he almost missed it, Ash said, "I'd... I'd love to be your partner."

Viv's breath caught.

Ash's voice was small but steady, like they were testing the words out loud for the first time. "If you still want that, I mean. Even after I got quiet and weird about it."

Viv rolled over slowly, careful not to let go of their hand. They were lying on their side now, facing each other in the semi-dark, and even though it was hard to see, Viv could feel the heat in Ash's cheeks.

"I still want that," Viv said, voice low and honest. "I want that more than anything."

Ash's mouth twitched in a shy smile. "Cool."

"Cool," Viv echoed, a little breathlessly.

Then Ash squeezed his hand again and tucked in closer, forehead resting gently against Viv's. Viv didn't say anything else. He didn't need to, because for the first time in what felt like forever, even with everything swirling in the background, this one small thing felt real and right and enough.

He leaned in and pressed his lips against Ash's.

They kissed briefly and Viv went to pull away out of respect, but Ash surged forward again, his nose bumping against Viv's awkwardly.

They both let out a breath of a laugh and Ash murmured a quick apology before he leaned forward, more slowly this time, and kissed Ash again.

They kissed slower this time. Viv's hand found the side of Ash's face, warm and soft beneath his palm. Ash leaned into it, their eyelashes brushing his cheek as they moved closer, careful, like they were both still learning the shape of this.

It wasn't perfect. Their noses bumped again. Viv tilted his head and nearly laughed, but Ash was already smiling against his lips.

"This is so awkward," Ash whispered, their breath fanning across Viv's mouth.

"Yeah," Viv said, just as quietly. "But kind of nice."

Ash nodded, forehead resting against Viv's for a second, eyes fluttering shut like they were gathering themselves. Viv could feel his own heart hammering away, loud and stupid in his chest.

"I have a boyfriend," Ash giggled shyly, almost like he couldn't believe it.

"And I have the prettiest partner in the world," Viv murmured back, kissing him again.

Ash's hand settled over Viv's ribs, light and steady, and Viv let his arm curl around their waist in return.

But for that moment, with the overhead light dimmed and the rest of the ward quiet, it was enough to just be close.

Just two messed up kids clinging to something good in a place that had stolen so much.