CHAPTER FIVE
I t’s Friday, and I feel nerves enter my body before I’ve even opened my eyes.
Bob stirs at my feet as I roll over to shake the blankets off my legs. I’m meeting with Miriam this morning since it’s my day off, and I’m working weekends at the bookstore this week. I pick up my phone and see that my daily horoscope for Pisces has been emailed to me.
Today, you will be focused on professional endeavors. The day looks remarkably good for you in all aspects of your life. You may find yourself wanting time alone or daydreaming throughout the day.
My horoscope is usually pretty dead-on. I stretch my arms over my head and point my toes, annoying Bob. He sits up and stares at me. I’ve clearly woken him before he is ready to get up. He crawls on top of my legs and settles on my stomach. I pick him up to cuddle, and he takes off running out of my room.
Blah, Bob obviously wears the pants in this relationship. Everything is on his terms.
I swing the rest of the blankets off me, and they fall onto the floor. I make myself an almond milk smoothie with spinach and bananas and toast with cheese whiz. I finish up, feed Bob his soft food, and hop in the shower.
I spend a little extra time on my makeup, getting my eyebrows exactly right with my pomade. If someone had told me five years ago that my eyebrows would be this important to me at some point in time, I would have laughed in their face.
I had a chiro appointment last week, and I felt my face sweating into the paper that lined the face hole, and when I got up, my eyebrows were left behind. Let’s just say I wasted no time buying a new waterproof pomade after that.
I wing my eyeliner, plop on some gloss, and grab my bag.
When I arrive to meet Miriam, I park underground and make my way to the fifth floor of Lace & Dots magazine. I look around and notice the modern decor with glass side tables filled with magazines to browse. I choose to sit on the black leather couch facing the reception desk. As I sit, my skirt slides up, and the backs of my thighs instantly prickle at the cold fabric beneath them. I pick up the latest magazine to flip through when I’m offered something to drink.
I’m about to take a sip of my mocha bubble tea when I’m told that Miriam is ready to meet with me. This is crazy. I still can’t believe I’m about to do this. I emailed Miriam right away after making my decision, so I couldn’t change my mind. This probably won’t be the worst thing I’ll ever do in my life.
I place my bag over my shoulder and straighten my skirt as I walk towards her office. I smile. It’s a nervous smile, but still a smile. Fake it till you make it, right?
I find myself actually a little excited about this. To be honest, I think I’m more excited about writing articles. These articles should generate more readers than the grass clippings blogs.
Speaking of… I also made an appointment for a Brazilian wax this afternoon. Lucy says I need a wax and some new undies to spice up my life.
One thing at a time.
Miriam waves me into her office from her desk. I can see she’s on a call. Sitting down in the dark gray bucket chair in front of her desk, I glance around. I met Miriam at an event last year that Lucy and Briar dragged Jake and me to, and we hit it off right away. I’ve done quite a few reviews for Lace & Dots . I’ve reviewed little shops, cafes, and even a yoga studio. I enjoy writing about new things and going out of my comfort zone because it isn’t something I normally would do without a push.
I’m a predictable girl. I stick to the tried and true. Why eat spiral Kraft dinner when the original is already good enough?
“Sofia, I’m so happy you decided to come on board,” Miriam says as she puts her phone down.
I look from her to the photograph of her husband and two children facing me from her desk. She smiles widely, showing me her dazzling white teeth, and I notice her lips painted in this incredible red shade. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her without it on, to be honest. I watch her tap her long nails, which are all glam in their stiletto shape with black tips.
“Thank you for thinking of me, Miriam. I’m excited about this opportunity,” I say, trying not to fidget and holding my nervous smile.
She smiles at me and starts clicking on her laptop.
“So, have you ever dated online before, Sofia?” Miriam asks, looking up at me.
“Actually, no, I haven’t, Miriam,” I say a little shyly, pressing the palms of my hands on my thighs so I don’t start pulling at random threads or biting my nails.
“That’s fine, it’s great, actually. You can write about your quest to find your other half from scratch. Have you downloaded an App yet? It really doesn’t matter which one you join.” She continues clicking.
“No, I haven’t. I plan to create my profile later today with the help of some friends who have a bit more knowledge about the whole online dating thing.” I reply. Lucy, a regular App user, is coming over tonight. She says I need some new selfies for my profile.
“Sounds good,” Miriam says.
We spend the rest of the meeting going over all the details. Miriam explains her expectations, and we reach a mutual agreement on the deadlines for each article. We talk about date ideas and the number of dates - it is all up to me as long as I keep an open mind and write all the raw nitty-gritty. She wants readers to feel they are living through me and that they can relate to me on some level.
This will be for all of those who have already gone through this, the ones who want to date but don’t know where to begin, and the ones who have sworn off dating but still enjoy hearing about love all the same.
Miriam is leaving it up to me whether I tell the guys, but she strongly suggests I don’t tell them unless it goes beyond a date or two. I agree. The last thing I want to happen is a whole How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days sort of thing. I mean, I doubt that the guys I choose will be working on their own agenda or pushed to do some kind of bet, but hey, you just never know! If it happened to Andie Anderson , it could happen to anyone!
* * *
I make my way to the spa on 43rd Street.
I’m greeted by a middle-aged woman dressed in all black with a high bleached-blonde ponytail and equally high heels as I push open the heavy barn-style door. She smiles at me as she says my name. I look around and notice the waiting room is empty. I’m five minutes early. I did not want to start this appointment by pissing off the woman who would play with hot wax and my nether regions.
I notice the calming music playing from the speakers overhead. I feel my underarms sweat and the wetness pooling, mentally thanking myself for choosing a dark sweater today. So much for that $15.00 all-natural deodorant I picked up at the market last week. It clearly wasn’t made for the stress of a Brazilian wax appointment.
I remove my boots where she shows me to, and I hang up my coat on the rack next to the door, sliding on a pair of baby-pink slippers. I follow her down a long hallway to the room on the left. She lets me enter in front of her as she moves to the side, gliding effortlessly in those high heels of hers. I look towards what appears to be a massage bed with that noisy white doctor’s paper on it. This now feels more like a gyno appointment than being at the spa. Maybe they will have room for a manicure after this. Seeing Miriam’s nails got me a bit jelly.
“Now, Sofia, my name is Lexi.” She closes the door behind her. “Have you ever had this wax service before?” she asks.
I tell her no and why I’m here. She raises her eyebrows at me as she hears me tell her that I have never met anyone online before. She goes on to tell me that I should refrain from doing the dirty for 24 hours to let my will-be sensitive skin calm down.
I remove everything from the waist down after she leaves me standing there in a bundle of nerves. I crawl onto the papered bed.
“You all set in there?” I hear Lexi’s voice through the door.
“Yup,” I reply, my voice crackling slightly.
I’m nervous as hell. I think about aborting this mission, but she is opening up the door before I can hop off the bed and get dressed.
I lay there, staring at the ceiling tiles, noticing the tiny little patterns above me as she moved around the room, pulling a tray towards the bed. I see the wax sitting in the small pot, a soft purple color. Lexi explains that she will be applying the wax, and it will feel rather warm. She then goes on to warn me that I will feel a slight pinch.
I can feel my butt sweating underneath me, causing the paper to stick to my ass. Just awesome, I think sarcastically.
Knowing this won’t be the most embarrassing part of this appointment. I see her putting gloves on, snapping them as if she were a surgeon about to prep me for surgery.
The waxing starts off not too badly. I’m lying here, and I’m suddenly wondering why Andy made such a big deal in the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin. It’s only been about five minutes when Lexi tells me I need to hold my leg up. I grab at the back of my thigh and pull my leg towards me, realizing I could use a good yoga class.
I was not aware that I needed to stretch prior to being waxed. I’m shockingly not flexible in any sort of way. I haven’t been able to touch my toes since middle school. People think it should be easy for me since I am already so close to the ground. Ha-ha, yes, people actually think that’s funny, but I’ve got long legs and a short torso.
“Oh, Kelly Clarkson!”
I secretly scream in my head, quoting Steve Carell who played Andy in the movie, and I suddenly feel bad for ever judging his wax sesh.
I hear ya, karma. Well played, well played.
I try to count the little patterns on the ceiling, which are now blurring.
Lexi tells me I can switch legs and that she’s almost done. I can feel the so-called pinch she said I would feel and silently call her a liar. This is a full-on burn. I mentally make a note to stop for some Epsom salts on my way home. I clearly will need a bath after this torture.
Within five minutes, Lexi left me to get dressed. I spend a few minutes at the table rehashing what I’m about to do and meet a bunch of strangers online. Yikes!
I get off the table and spend another few minutes’ eyeing this fresh new look in front of the full-length mirror from all angles. Huh, this has me feeling kind of sexy. I’m also wildly aware that perhaps I was being a bit of a dramatic. The pain has now died down, and I’m left with a slight sensitivity. I slip on my skirt and stuff my undies in my bag, not wanting to feel the friction of the material against my fresh, raw skin.
* * *
I spend the rest of my day getting a manicure and doing some shopping. The nail tech had an opening just as I was paying for my wax. I look down at my newly shaped nails, colored in a soft pink. I’m feeling slightly sensitive, but overall, I’m very happy Lucy talked me into this appointment.
When I leave the spa, I visit the outlets and the brand-new lingerie store. Out with the old, in with the new! I try on about a dozen bras, and I find a few I like and decide to buy the matching panties to go with them. As I make my way to the cashier, I spot some cute little PJs and think it’s time I get rid of the ratty old t-shirts I wear to bed. I buy some little shorts with matching tanks and a few lacy cropped pieces. Not really sure if they’re supposed to be worn as a bra or to bed, but they’re cute and girly, and I wanted them. Plus, they match my new nails.
I step into the parking lot with the bags in my hands, not quite ready to end my day of spending. I don’t really have the money to be doing this, but whatever, a girl has to treat herself once in a while, and I never did anything like this when I was with Jake. My credit card will understand.
I decide I need a few go-to date clothes and make my way to a couple of other shops before heading home.
I pull up to my apartment and see Lucy sitting in her car. She’s early. I can hear the bass from her music as I park in my designated spot. Sounds like angry teen music. Lucy looks up and waves at me.
Alright, time to get myself on an App so I can start swiping.
We spend the next thirty minutes catching up, and I show Lucy all my new purchases. She wholeheartedly agrees with every purchase. Lucy helps herself to my closet to choose a few other random items.
The next hour is spent laughing and trying on potential date outfits. If we were in a movie right now, this is the part where some cool music would come on, and we’d be in a movie montage. We laugh and collapse on my bed.
Lucy turns to her side and faces me, seriousness glazing over her glassy green eyes.
I look at her. “What’s up?” Lucy is pretty carefree and doesn’t take things too seriously, so when this look appears, it’s time to listen.
I roll onto my side to face her.
“I’m so proud of you, Sof,” she starts. “You’ve come a long way from the girl I met in college.”
“Awe, thanks, Luce. I don’t really feel like I’ve changed much.” I reply to her statement and roll onto my back, staring at my ceiling.
“Sure you have. You were so shy and sort of a pushover. You let people take advantage of your kindness, and now, since that proposal, I see you standing up for yourself, owning your truth, and not afraid to just be you.”
I laugh. “Oh, I am definitely afraid.”
“You know what I mean,” she continues. “I’m proud of you for getting out there and taking this job. I think it will be so good for you.”
I smile. Lucy is so supportive. I’ve got the best friends a girl could ask for.
“Okay, well, let’s get on with it then,” I say as I pull out my phone.
Lucy recommended I download Swipe & Meet . As we wait for it to download, we take a few pictures and go through my photo gallery to choose which are the best and most wholesome and natural for my profile.
We start googling usernames and try to come up with one close to who I am. We settled on Booklover. Simple and to the point. We click off the basics.
Booklover (Sofia) 25 years old, writer & retail worker, Pisces, doesn’t smoke, drinks socially, wants kids. 5’2”, brown hair, brown eyes, medium build. Hobbies include reading, writing, game nights, spending time with friends, and watching movies.
Now for the hard part. Writing about yourself and your achievements, goals, or wants in life, knowing they will be judged, is a bit tough. We come up with a few different versions but ultimately settle on one.
Just your girl next door who loves cats & books. I love to laugh and spend time with friends. I am a writer who aspires to be a novelist. Looking for someone down-to-earth with a kind heart. I’ve yet to travel the world, but I hope to one day. I am looking to date and see if I can find my special someone.
I click the Publish Now button and see my profile come to life as hearts flutter across my screen. Lucy says we should start swiping, but I turn off my phone and tell her I’ll start tomorrow. It’s been quite the day.
We order a chicken pesto pizza, which Briar picks up on her way over. We pick out an old rom-com and settle into our usual spots.
When I finish my third slice, I lay back and glance at Lucy and Briar.
I feel grateful at this moment.