CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
O ur legs are intertwined, and we’re spread across the length of my couch. My toes curl into the plush material beneath me. We’re watching a thriller, Cole’s pick, and the last hour has been spent in a mix of kisses and of me covering my eyes like I’m twelve and watching The Conjuring .
Cole teases me slightly at the scary parts when I cover my eyes, but he insists I’m being cute and not pathetic.
Bob is on the carpet, all curled up, watching me with judgment.
My lips pull away from Cole’s, and I turn my attention back to the movie, resting my head on his arm.
“I think I missed something,” I admit. “I don’t really get what’s going on.”
“I wonder why,” Cole replies, laughing and tilting my head towards his again, kissing me deeply.
We part ways, and I lean towards the coffee table, grabbing a few chips.
“Pass me some?” Cole asks, and I lean over again, this time grabbing the bowl. I squirm out of his grasp and manage to sit up, at least a little.
We watch the TV as the suspenseful music begins to rise, and I prepare my palm over my eyes, my fingers opening slightly to reveal a fraction of the screen.
Someone jumps out, and I shriek loudly, sending Cole into a fit of laughter.
“Hey! It’s not funny,” I squeal as he grabs my waist, pinching me slightly with the roughness of his large hands, tickling me slightly with the grasp.
I manage to wiggle out of his hold, but he catches me with his lips once again.
We finish the movie, and Cole stands. “Well, I better get going.”
“What’s the rush?” I ask, sending him my cutest puppy dog eyes.
“I have to get home. I have an early morning tomorrow.” He starts putting on his shoes. I grab the bowl of chips and head into the kitchen.
“That sucks,” I say honestly. “I mean, you could always stay here, and you could still wake up early,” I reply suggestively as I walk up to him and press my chest into his abdomen as I look up into his eyes.
He leans down and kisses me. A single peck on the lips. “Maybe another time.”
“Okay,” I say, and he turns to leave. “Bye.”
I watch him walk down the steps and turn to put the rest of the snacks away. I pick up my phone and notice I have a couple of messages from Lucy, so I sit to reply.
Lucy: How are things with Mystery Man?
Me: They’re ok.
Lucy: Just ok?
Me: We hang out, we laugh and have fun, and I like him…
Lucy: But??
Me: I think I let Ben get in my head.
Lucy: What did Ben say?
Me: He told me to be careful, he gave the impression he didn’t like Cole.
Lucy: Ahh, I see.
Me: What? Tell me.
Lucy: I don’t know. There’s something about him.
Me: Oh, not you too!!
Lucy: Well, what are your worries, what’s going on with him that has you hesitant?
Me: It just feels like we’re not really going anywhere. He never wants to stay over.
Lucy: Maybe he just likes to take things slow, it’s not a bad thing.
Me: No, you’re right. I should just enjoy things as they are and go with the flow.
Lucy: I know, you’re not exactly a go-with-the-flow girl, but you got this. Things will work out. So what’s with Ben?
Me: He and Mel aren’t together anymore.
Lucy: Oh?
Me: It’s not happening Luce.
Lucy: Okay, okay, I believe you ;)
Me: I better clean up and wash my face for bed. You good?
Lucy: I’m fantastic, let’s catch up for yoga on Friday.
Me: Let me check my schedule tomorrow, and I’ll let you know.
Lucy: G’night.
Me: Night.
* * *
I walk into the bookstore and see a familiar, yellow-colored box sitting on the counter. There’s a sticky note attached. “Friends?” It says.
I open the box and see two of my favorite donuts and smile. My mouth waters at the sight.
I close the box and go in search of Ben. I see him at the cash register, helping an elderly lady put a few succulents into a box so she can carry them out. I lean against the door frame and watch him.
I look at the large clock on the wall as I approach him when the customer leaves. I have twenty minutes before the bookstore opens.
“Thanks, " I say, lifting up the yellow box. “Want one?” I ask, making my way to the two bucket chairs facing the sidewalk of Main Street.
“I guess that means we’re still friends?” Ben asks, eyeing me questionably.
“Definitely friends,” I respond and take out a donut, passing him the box with the second one in it.
We stare at the cars passing on the street and the crowds walking the sidewalks.
We used to people-watch all the time before the bookstore got busy, and I couldn’t escape quite as easily.
I lick some of the cinnamon off my bottom lip before taking another bite.
I feel my cheeks flush in embarrassment. “I’m sorry for how I acted the other day.”
“I’m the one that’s sorry.”
I see someone familiar, and I squint my eyes as if trying to make them focus. Ben sees this and follows my gaze. “Is that Cole…” Ben starts.
“Yup,” I reply. “I mean, he told me he had an early morning. He must be helping his friend out again.” Cole is pushing a blue stroller with a small toddler inside. I can see the tiny legs dangling, confirming there’s a small body in there. “I didn’t ask if he was working or anything.”
Ben shoots me a look I can’t quite describe.
“What?” I ask.
“He’s been helping a friend with his toddler?”
“Yeah, I think so. He had a car seat in his car a few nights ago.”
Ben turns back to Cole and the stroller.
“What’s he waiting for?” I ask. “I feel like such a creeper right now.”
“You don’t feel like a creeper when we people-watch, same thing.”
“Yeah, I guess, but…” Before I can say anything else, a tall blond woman emerges from a shop and settles her bags underneath the stroller before smiling widely at Cole. “Maybe that’s his friend?”
My ears buzz. There’s no way that’s just a friend.
They talk for what feels like forever. All the while, his hand glides up and down her arm, over and over again. She throws her head back, laughing, and I suddenly wonder what could be so funny.
We watch them for a few more minutes in silence, I hear Ben finish his donut as he places a friendly hand on my knee, as if in comfort.
“I mean, we don’t know that they’re not just friends yet,” I say to myself more than to Ben.
Ben’s quiet. I know that things are over with Cole. I can feel it. I’m about to witness something I don’t want to see, but I force my eyes to stay on them. I need to see it. I grab Ben’s hand from my knee, and I hold it. He lets me and doesn’t say anything.
I watch as Cole gently gathers the woman in his arms and kisses her. Not a quick peck on the mouth, but a good kiss. One you share with someone who matters to you.
I watch for a second before turning away, letting myself sink into the bucket chair and feeling the weight of what I just saw. It feels like I’ve just gotten off a roller coaster and I feel disoriented. As a headache forms, I pinch the skin between my eyebrows.
“He’s married, Sof,” Ben says out of nowhere, focusing on the couple. “They’re both wearing wedding rings.”
The woman is fussing with the toddler in the stroller, leaning over, Cole watching her every move. When she’s done, they walk hand in hand while Cole pushes the stroller.
I watch them walk away.
I watch Cole walk out of my life. Wincing, I try to remember the day we met, if he was wearing a ring.
Ben turns to me. “Are you okay?”
“You were right,” I say, staring straight ahead, too uneasy to look him in the eye. He places his hand on my shoulder, and I flinch. He pulls back, but I remain still.
He takes a deep breath and speaks softly. “You couldn’t have known Sofia. I didn’t know. And that’s not the point. You put your heart out there and took a chance.”
I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I guess I didn’t expect this to happen. I look up at the clock again. Ben follows my gaze as I stand.
“I’ve got to open the shop,” I say numbly.
I make my way slowly around the tables filled with plants and feel Ben take my hand from behind, turning me towards him into a hug. My body melts against his, and I allow a few more tears to escape.
I let myself feel safe in his arms for a few seconds before pulling away.
“I’m sorry, Sof,” he says as I nod and walk out of the plant shop.
I turn the corner towards the bookstore and prop open the door between the two shops to allow customers to come back here. I take a sip of the water bottle I left at the cash last night and wipe the small tear stain from my cheek as I look into the mirror to my left.
I plunk down on the stool and pull out my phone. I see that I have an unread message from Cole. Was he messaging me while he was with his wife? I feel sick to my stomach at the thought. I would never allow myself to be the other woman. I hate that I unknowingly did this to his wife. I take back the words as soon as I hear myself say them. No, I won’t put the blame on me. I had no idea he was married. This is all on Cole. I feel awful for his wife, but I can’t take the burden of responsibility when I had zero clue.
I deleted the message and then opened my contacts to block Cole’s number. I don’t even think twice about it.