Chapter 6
Nick
H e was trying so hard to help, it was endearing. He’d left his backpack and hoodie in Caden’s office, and he was wearing a white tank top and a pair of jeans that were a little too big and hung on his hips. His skin was covered in art so strategic I was sure it told a story I couldn’t understand. His arms themselves were their own separate works of art, even without the permanent ink.
I finally caught up with my runaway thoughts and quickly looked away. He was going through a lot, and he was in no state to have the person who’d just offered him a place to crash gawking at him and drooling all over the place. He’d probably never give me the time of day in that regard, anyway. But damn. He was fine.
I’d started dinner, the other cooks coming in at their usual times and getting to work on the recipes I’d put out for the day. I had Gavin mixing the cookies, even though when I handed him the recipe and asked if he wanted to start them, he looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Don’t bake much?” I chuckled.
“Um…I had a microwave,” was all he offered. I just laughed and told him I had faith he could do it. He slowly found each ingredient, carefully looking at each one and double checking the recipe at least three times before adding it. It was the slowest cookie making I’d ever seen, but it was, quite frankly, adorable.
I went back to work, trying to hide my smile. One of the many reasons I loved working at the youth center was that I could put my talent and my culinary degree to use. I wasn’t following the orders of a restaurant owner, or the recipes of a corporation. I got to make up my own menus every week. I tried not to get so fancy with it that the kids wouldn’t eat it, but I hadn’t had any complaints so far. I’d also been known to splurge on extras for them, like the cookies.
Once the cookie dough was mixed, Gavin looked at me helplessly. Jenn, one of the regular cooks, laughed and rescued him, helping him put the dough on the tray, and by the time they had the cookies in the oven, Gavin was actually smiling. She’d even talked him into tasting the cookie dough.
When the cookies were baking, he went around collecting dishes as we finished with them, washing them in the big sink and wiping the counters after he was done. He was confident in the cleaning up, even if not the cooking.
I couldn’t help sneaking glances at him as he moved around the kitchen. His eyes were so pretty. A greenish-blue color, sleepy and unique. I was pretty sure I’d found the definition of bedroom eyes without even trying. There was something sad about them, too, but he was trying to hide it. His jawline could have cut the tomatoes I was trying to slice. And those full lips. I wondered what they would feel like on mine. I tried to rein it back in, I really did. But he had dimples when he smiled. I’d forgotten that Gabe and all my problems existed for the first time in months.
I’d been staring at his arms again as he washed a heavy mixing bowl when I glanced up at the door to find Caden and Jamie standing there, watching me. I felt the blush creep over my cheeks as I noticed their smirks. I looked away from them and went back to what I was supposed to be doing. I guessed they probably thought I was a fool, looking at someone who looked like that when I was, well, me.
Caden slid up next to me and held out an envelope. “You’ve done so much to help out around here, and you also helped Jamie with his bike the other day. We both thought you deserved something for all you do. We agreed you needed an unofficial bonus. From us, not the center. Don’t you dare say no. Happy early birthday or Christmas or whatever.” Caden glanced at Gavin for a split second, and I knew he was the reason they were giving me money, to make sure any extra expenses were covered. My birthday was four months away, and it was summer.
“Caden, you don’t have to do that. I really can’t take your money.”
“You can and you will. Jamie and I are doing good. You go above and beyond in everything you do. You’ve helped us out numerous times personally, and you always go well beyond your job duties here. You deserve a bonus, but I knew you wouldn’t take a true bonus from the youth center. I’m working on a raise. I know you took a pay cut when you came here. But for now, please, we want you to have this. We want you to know you’re appreciated. You have a great heart.” He glanced at Gavin again.
He was insistent and obviously trying to get me to take the envelope before Gavin looked over at us. I reluctantly took it. “Thank you,” I said, “Both of you. And don’t worry about a raise. I love it here. I want it all to go to them.”
He just smiled. “I hear you. But you know that’s not how jobs work. And you’re doing a great job.” The smirk came back. “Jamie and I are heading out. But you two have fun tonight, yeah?”
I stuttered around, turning red again. He laughed and smacked me on the back. “Relax. I’m messing with you. But I mean, have fun if you want to.” He smirked again and walked away before I could even reply.
Jamie walked over, grinning, as Caden left. “Thank you,” I said to him, “but I wish you guys wouldn’t do this. I’ll be ok, really.” The money thing was actually debatable, but I’d always found a way.
“Nick, you’re the best. You’re always there for everyone, let someone be there for you for once. Especially when you’re being there for someone else in the process.” I was the one to glance at Gavin that time, but I looked away quickly when he looked over at me.
Jamie smiled and kept smiling until Gavin apparently looked away again. He gave a little laugh and leaned toward me as he whispered, “You don’t have to pretend like he isn’t hot. We all have eyes. Don’t get embarrassed for looking. I mean, he’s noticed you, too.”
I snorted because I knew Jamie was way off, even though he was trying to be helpful. I had to hand it to him, though. I couldn’t imagine ever reacting to one of Gabriel’s exes like he was to Gavin. Offering to let them crash with us, and admitting they were hot without acting even a tiny bit jealous? Never would have happened. But then, Gabe had given me good reasons not to trust him, and I knew Caden and Jamie had that magic ingredient in their relationship. I wondered what true trust even felt like.
I just shook my head, still embarrassed, refusing to acknowledge that he’d said Gavin had noticed me. He probably just thought I was crazy for stopping him on the bridge then telling him he could stay with me. I was sure Jamie was reading it wrong. Jamie just shrugged, but he was still grinning at me. He fist-bumped me goodbye and headed over to Caden.
They stopped to talk to Gavin for a second before they left. I wasn’t sure what Caden was saying, but he gave Gavin a pat on the back and Gavin nodded as he replied. Jamie shook his hand, and I was pretty sure told him he was glad to finally meet him, which reiterated that Jamie already knew about him and knew who he was when he’d brought him to Caden, which blew my mind a little bit. The odds were astronomically against it happening the way it had, and I never would have brought Gabriel’s ex right to him. But again, that magic ingredient.
We finished cleaning the kitchen after the kids were served, and I was a little surprised at how efficient he was at cleaning. He’d kept up with it so well while we were cooking and cleaned so quickly after that it cut my cleaning time in half. “Damn, you’re hired,” I said with a little laugh as I looked around the kitchen in awe. He just grinned. Those dimples . I was fucked.
I decided we’d eat before we left, mainly because he hadn’t stopped talking about how good the food smelled. I couldn’t be sure when he’d last eaten. His story was a little disjointed, but I knew he’d left in a hurry and rode a bus down. I had no way to know if he’d eaten on the way, but I did hear his stomach growling a few times. I also wanted him to try one of the cookies he’d made so he’d know he could bake if he tried.
He moaned, actually fucking moaned when he tried the food I’d made. Talk about going to my head. “This is the best fucking food I’ve ever had,” he said, taking another bite. He practically inhaled his meal, and I had to wonder again when he’d properly eaten last. He glanced at my plate. “You didn’t get much,” he commented, then looked at me with a little worry line between his brows. “Did I take too much?”
“Not at all,” I said quickly, “In fact, there’s more if you want it. I’ve just been trying to…um…portion my meals.”
“Oh. Why?”
I felt the blush creep back in. I cleared my throat. “I’ve just put on some weight and I’m trying to get rid of it.” I blushed even harder as his eyes suddenly scanned me up and down where I sat in the chair next to him. I wanted to hide. I wanted to suck in my stomach, but it was too late. I wished I could sink into the floor. Why the fuck had I brought his attention to my body?
He frowned. He looked back at my face, and I braced myself for something Gabriel would say. But Gavin said, “Well for what it’s worth, I don’t think you need to.” He was nice enough to humor me, at least. I just shrugged and looked back at my plate. He hesitated, but added, “I’m serious. I can tell you think I’m just saying it, but I don’t just say shit I don’t mean. I don’t see anything wrong with the way you look. So I’m not sure why you’d deprive yourself of a meal like this . Because damn. It’s amazing.” Was I floating off my chair? Sure felt like it.
I tried to get my mind back under control, and I laughed it off. “Thanks. And I’m glad you like the food. But wait until you try these cookies.” I attempted to hand him one of the cookies he’d made.
Gavin eyed it hesitantly, not reaching for it. I bit into my own, humming out my approval as I pushed the other cookie toward him. He finally took it and took a bite. The surprised look on his face was comical. “That’s actually really good,” he said, through a mouthful.
“Told you,” I replied, finishing my cookie without feeling any guilt after his words.
We cleaned up our plates and Gavin headed into Caden’s office to get his stuff. He put his hoodie back on and pulled on his backpack. I put the few things I needed into his and left mine there to take next time. As we headed out to my bike, I suddenly became hyper aware that I was taking a stranger into my home. A very hot stranger. Into the only home I’d ever shared with Gabe. For the first time since Gabe left, I wouldn’t be alone in that dreadful place, but I also wasn’t sure how awkward it would be.
I climbed onto my bike and pulled my helmet on. He got on behind me, but then instantly became unsure of what to do with his hands. I started the bike, flipping up the kickstand. His hands were hovering lightly over my ribs. I turned my head toward him. “You have to hold on tighter than that,” I said with a laugh, “I don’t want you falling off my bike.”
He didn’t say anything, but his arms wrapped around my middle, and it suddenly felt like something I’d been missing the whole time. For as long as Gabriel had refused to ride with me because he was scared, even if he wouldn’t admit it, it had always been somewhat lonely. But then Gavin had hopped onto the back of two different strangers’ bikes, no questions asked, in one day. The vast difference between him and Gabriel was drawing me to him even more. I pushed it all away, because I could not go there. I was going to make the whole thing ridiculously awkward, and I was going to end up disappointed and sad.
He finally spoke. “Ok, I’m good,” he said softly, his voice so close to me I could feel his breath on my neck. It took everything I had not to shiver. He was holding on tightly to my belly, but he didn’t seem disgusted. Gabriel had always moved his hands away from anywhere on my body he felt was too soft and to a spot he felt had more definition, if he didn’t just let go of me completely. I knew Gavin had to hold on, but his arms weren’t moving, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think he was purposely hugging me.
I found my voice and managed to redirect my thoughts. “Sorry I don’t have another helmet,” I said, as though I’d ever had a reason to.
He chuckled. “You just found me half hanging over a bridge railing. You think I’m worried about a helmet?”
Valid point. But I still didn’t want him to get hurt. I revved the engine a couple of times and took off out of the parking lot. I lived across town, but still closer than Caden and Jamie, who lived at the edge of the next town over, near the college where Jamie was still a student. I decided to take the long way home, though, because it felt so nice to have someone on the bike with me. He didn’t complain about the scenic route.
I pulled into my apartment complex, and I could almost feel him relax when he realized it was gated, and that there was a guard on duty outside. The feeling was even stronger when I had to use a code to get into the garage. I parked and walked to the elevator that required another code. It was obvious he was feeling better about staying with me by the time we were headed up in the elevator. “It’s pretty secure here,” I commented, “which is another reason I thought it might be better for you to stay here. I didn’t catch your entire conversation with Caden, but I know you were worried. There’s a security guard on the main floor, too, besides the one outside.”
I wasn’t one hundred percent certain what he was bringing, but I wasn’t worried for myself. Caden and Jamie were willing to take him in. We were safe in my building.
He started stuttering around, trying to explain himself. “I…uh…my dad…he…”
I stopped him. “Hey, I didn’t mean you had to talk about it. Only if you want to, ok? I’m just telling you, this building is safe.” We got off the elevator and walked down the hall. “This is me,” I said, unlocking my door. We stepped into the apartment and I flicked on the light.
Gavin looked around the room, his expression one I couldn’t decipher. “Damn,” he finally said, “Nice place.”
One thing Gabriel had plenty of was expensive taste. He’d been the one to decorate the apartment. He’d created more of a museum than a home, in my opinion, but I wasn’t sure how to change it. I didn’t have that interior design vision. He’d taken the stuff he wanted and left the rest, and I was left with art I didn’t quite understand and a sterile environment. The place did still look like it belonged in a modern design magazine, though.
As I showed Gavin to the guest room, I cringed when I turned on the light and suddenly remembered the records Gabriel had texted me about that morning. Gavin had stepped into the doorway behind me, and he was staring at the pile of broken records and ripped cardboard on the floor by the stand they used to live on. He raised an eyebrow and looked over at me. “Oh, yeah,” I said, defeated, “That. I…I forgot to clean that up.” He didn’t question me any more than I’d questioned him. The situation we were in was probably the weirdest I’d ever been in. I didn’t know him at all, but there was still something about him that I trusted, and simultaneously made me want to help him. I knew he wasn’t looking for a knight in shining armor, but I kind of wanted to be one.
In the same vein, he didn’t know me, either. He knew Caden and Jamie trusted me, but he hadn’t spoken to Caden in years, and he didn’t even know Jamie. Then he walked into my apartment where I’d apparently thrown a tantrum and left the debris of it in my wake. He was probably wondering what he’d gotten himself into.
I left the room and came back with a broom and dustpan, sweeping up the broken records and putting them into a grocery bag. I was going to make sure Gabe got it, whether that made me crazy or not. I decided to go with honesty. I glanced up at Gavin, then looked away. “My ex asked for his records right before I left for work this morning,” I said quietly, “He’s left them here for months . But he’s going to get them.”
Gavin’s lip quirked up in amusement, making the dimple on the right side pop out. “Ah,” he said, “I see.” He didn’t question it any further.
I stood, holding the bag. “Well, this is your room. Sorry about all that. I wasn’t expecting anyone. There’s an extra blanket in the closet if you need it. You can unpack your stuff if you want. Feel free to use anything you need.” I glanced at his backpack and wondered what he’d actually brought. It couldn’t hold much. He handed me the wallet and phone I’d put in there for the ride and sat the backpack down, looking around. “Do you want anything to eat or drink?” I asked him.
Since we’d eaten, I was only a little hungry. He’d eaten more than I had, though. I should have just grabbed another plate. “Nah, I’m good,” he said, glancing around again as though unsure what to do.
“Ok, I’m going to go watch some TV then,” I said, “You can join me if you want to. Or you can hang out in here. There are some good books on the shelf over there. The computer is off, but feel free to turn it on and use it. Or just get some sleep if you need to. I know you came down on a bus. Whatever you want, just make yourself at home. And please let me know if you need anything at all. Don’t hesitate to ask.” I smiled and headed out to the living room.
Was I silently praying he’d end up out there with me? Maybe. I was tired of being alone every night, but just having him in the apartment made me feel better, even if he decided to shut the door and go to sleep. The place didn’t feel like home to me, and another person being there was making all the difference in the world.
I sat down and had started scrolling through the channels when I heard him coming down the hall. I tried not to let my heart leap. I kept my eyes on the TV until he actually sat down on the other side of the couch. I finally looked over and gave him a smile that I hoped was more friendly than nervous, and not as awkward as it probably was. “Do you want to pick something?” I offered, holding out the remote.
He'd changed into a pair of black shorts but still had the tank top on. I tried not to admire those arms or look at all the tattoos I could now see on his legs, and make it even more awkward. He shifted uncomfortably and said, “No, whatever you want to watch is fine. I’m not picky.”
I finally settled on a movie, and in an attempt to break the tension, stood up. “I’m going to grab a beer. You want one?”
He looked a little relieved. “Sure. Thanks.” I headed for the kitchen, glad Gabriel wasn’t there to remind me how many calories were in a beer, or that I was annoying when I got a buzz.
When we were both three beers in, he finally looked over at me and said, “Thanks for letting me stay here. I…it means a lot. I really appreciate it.”
I smiled at him, that time a relaxed one. “Hey, no worries. I was happy to. I know how it is to feel like you’re at the bottom with nowhere to go. And seriously. This place feels cold and empty to me, and I’ve been hating it more and more. It’s nice not being the only living thing here for once.”
He cracked a little smile. “Maybe you should get a dog, man.”
“A pet is definitely on the table,” I replied, grinning back.
We finished the movie and started another. We finished off the twelve pack. I made some popcorn, and he slid a little closer to share it with me. We laughed at the movie. We talked a little bit, about movies we’d seen and shows we liked, nothing too deep. I had the distinct feeling that he wasn’t planning on staying long, that he felt like a burden no matter what anyone said about it. I hoped he’d change his mind. It was nice having someone to talk to again.
We headed to bed at almost midnight, my heart lighter than it had been in months. Or longer.